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Happy Hour: Gratitude as Loving Contentment

A formal hello and warm welcome to all of you, dear friends. For today's practice theme, this past week we've been exploring gratitude and mettā^[1]. To wrap up this week and continuing with this theme, a couple of insights came up on Wednesday from your practice that I wanted to follow up on, dedicating this hour to exploring them further formally.

That insight is how mettā and gratitude can support each other, and perhaps a unified way of seeing the two practices. For some, mettā might be an easier way to get into gratitude. For some, gratitude actually greases the wheels for getting into mettā. Both are good. What we'll explore is setting the frame by starting with some practice of gratitude to grease the wheels as a precursor to mettā. We will see what it feels like if we enter that way—if we enter into mettā from priming the heart with gratitude. We'll experiment that way and see how it works. That's one thing to keep in mind for tonight.

There is another frame also that I like to bring in, and that is gratitude as love. What does that even mean, gratitude as love? Maybe we can think about it as the unified theory. You know how in physics the holy grail is to come up with the unified theory of everything? Here, the unified theory of everything is the unified theory of love. What if we consider gratitude as loving? Loving everything. Loving whatever is arising. The sense of love as appreciation, loving everything. Loving even dukkha^[2], loving even difficulty, loving it all. Gratitude as love. That's something that I'll bring in for us to explore a little bit and experiment with.

I think that's enough for setting the frame. Let's explore. As always, we'll start with settling the mind, the body, and the breath. Let's begin our formal practice together.

Guided Meditation

Landing in our bodies. Landing in this moment in time, with this breath. Can we let go? Can we let go of everything else? Can we let go of expectations? Can we let go of needs and wants? Is it possible to just put down everything that is not necessary in this moment?

Turn inward. Turn to the sacred space within. There is a universe within, as complex, as amazing, a reflection of the universe outside. Turn to this holy universe within where the breath moves, where there are sensations in this miraculous body. Where there are feeling tones of pleasant floating around, unpleasant floating around just the same, neutral floating around. Open up to it all.

Coming home. Coming home to this universe. Connecting with the breath. The entirety of the in-breath. The entirety of the out-breath. Giving our heart completely to just this. To just this breath, in this body, in this moment.

Putting down whatever is unnecessary: thoughts, plans, memories, not needed right now. Thank you, thoughts, please come back later. Just this in-breath, just this out-breath. While we are alive in this moment, can there be gratitude, appreciation for just this breath? In this moment of being breathed, in this life, in this form, this body.

Can there be a sense of appreciation for this body sitting, breathing, the heart pumping? All these complex chemical reactions happening every millisecond in this body, this universe within. The blood, the brain synapses, the complex chemistry, physiology, which leads to hearing, sensing, feeling, cognizing, being aware. We don't quite understand, but it's always on. It's the miracle of this moment.

Can we love, be in awe of what is? Even if there is discomfort in the body, when we label pain or challenges, can there be appreciation? A love for the process of this body, even as it is challenged. Whether physical sensations or emotions, opening up to all of it. Expansively loving it all. As much as possible, or as little as possible.

Opening up this sphere of awareness, of gratitude, for whatever else is arising. Not just in this moment, but in your life in general if you wish. Bowing in your heart and your mind for the blessings, for the goodness. Loving these blessings. Thank you. It's not a greedy love that wants more, but a contented love that appreciates what is, and is content.

This being that is you, blessed with goodness in their life, relishing and appreciating this goodness. It is wholesome to relish, to appreciate, letting your heart sing in the abundance that we often take for granted. A roof over your head, enough food, health to be cognizant right now. Taking your time with each blessing for a minute or two each.

The blessings can include the people in your life, present and past. Teachers, people who have inspired you, mentors. All these blessings in your life now. So we appreciate and feel grateful. Can we feel as if we are loved by these blessings? As if these blessings, even if they're inanimate objects or concepts like health, are loving us, giving us love, giving us mettā, giving us goodness. Wrapped in the blessings, wrapped in the love, in the mettā of all that we are grateful for. Just receiving. Just receiving.

Receiving the goodness, the love from our dwelling, the roof over our head, as if it's wrapping us in mettā, in goodwill. Safety from the elements. The food we eat, that we have eaten, that we're grateful for, loving us, serving us lovingly, giving us energy. Feeling the love in our bodies.

As much health as we have, feeling the love, the goodness of it. If we are engaged in the world in our work or volunteering, if we're grateful for that, feeling that it loves us too. A bi-directional relationship. The people we're grateful for, their blessings, feeling that they give us love, mettā, goodwill. Letting ourselves receive like a sponge the goodness, the blessings, the love from everything we're grateful for. Held up lovingly, as if a blanket.

Now as we receive this love, this care, this blanket we're wrapped in, receiving the goodness, nourished by this love, now shining it outward. Or letting it be shown outward, not so much a doing but witnessing, appreciating, loving, having goodwill, friendliness, however it shows up for you. For people, all life, and even inanimate objects in our world. Everything is stardust, including ourselves.

Receiving love from the stardust, held in goodness, blessings, and loving all the stardust. All beings, everything. With each breath.

In your own time, either receiving more, or giving more, or receiving and giving. Unclear who's giving, what's receiving. Sitting in gratitude and appreciation and love for the expression of the universe within, the universe without. This brief miracle of being alive in this form with all its ups and downs, all its lessons, all its joys, all its sorrows. Thank you, I love you. Receiving, giving.

For the last moment of this practice, trusting that you're doing the best you can, you've done the best you can. Given all the causes and conditions, if it could have been different, it would have been. Trust you're doing the best you can. Appreciating this being with you, hanging in here with practice, with everything, doing the best they can. With mettā and appreciation for this being with you.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be free. Including this being who is myself.

Reflections and Q&A

Thank you, Sangha^[3], Zoom, YouTube, and Audiodharma, for your practice.

Gratitude as a support for mettā, and gratitude as a form of love. Loving what is, receiving love, giving love, sitting in love. We traveled to many different places, different stops in this practice tonight, and I would love to hear your reflections. You can share them in the chat to me privately and I won't say your name, and if public, I will say your name and the reflection. You can also raise your hand.

A question comes in chat: "Is the universe grateful for us even when we cause harm?" That's a very good question. It's an interesting perspective. There are many different ways to see this. Do we cause harm intentionally or unintentionally? The chances are we do not cause harm intentionally. I don't think even people who commit crimes, if we know their background, the way they see themselves, and everything they see, they don't feel as if they're causing harm. I want to make a distinction there. If we are not knowingly, intentionally causing harm, is the universe still loving us? That's the way I like to frame that question, and I like to make it a little larger. If I unintentionally harm you—I've caused harm—is the universe still loving me? I think so. In this view, with trust in the goodness in each of us, in the goodness in me that I do want to wake up, I do want to do the best I can. Causing harm is on the path of learning and growing. I think this can be a much longer conversation, but I hope this gives a little bit of a taste of the way to frame the question. Nature, if you want to call it the universe, or God, or the divine, there is a sense of goodness and love, and a trust in the goodness that we are trying to contribute, even if in the short term what we do causes harm without us intending to.

Other reflections, other questions, feel free to raise your hand.

Sarah says, "I like the idea of embracing everything with love and gratitude, even the so-called negative states like anger. It opens up more space, acceptance, and compassion than pushing them away does." Thank you, Sarah, that's a great observation, wonderful insight.

On YouTube, a reflection: "I was moved by the invitation to trust in doing the best we can at the tail end of the meditation. It was something I could hold with kindness, to trust that we're doing the best we can. Beautiful invitation." Thank you for that reflection. Yes, trusting that we are doing the best we can. We all screw up, every single one of us. We are not perfect, of course we make mistakes, of course we cause harm. Let's trust that we're still loved, we're still love-worthy as we navigate this difficult life of being human, filled with dukkha, joys, and sorrows. We're still doing our best, we're still loved. The universe doesn't turn away just because we screw up and cause harm. Thank you for those reflections and for the anonymous question.

Claire, please.

Claire: I just wanted to add a note with something you touched on, but I wanted to expand on it. I've had a gratitude practice for a number of years and it's really enriched my life. I was able to finally work with it when somebody taught me that gratitude is wanting what you have. It turned my whole perception of my life around.

Nikki: Beautiful. It's very important. Exactly, gratitude is wanting what you have. It's a contented love. As I was bringing into the meditation, when you love what is without wanting more of it, it's a contented love. Gratitude is loving what you have. Thanks for highlighting that, Claire.

Other reflections please.

Jerry says, "I love life with all its sorrows and happiness." Yes, life with all its sorrows and happiness, to be human.

Ko, please. Report from the field.

Ko: I tuned in late, but I just loved that same thing where you mentioned this concept of a contented love. I've recently been attracted to someone for the first time in a while. The English language has all these idioms that are dangerous, like "falling in love with." Anyway, what you're saying rings so true and helpfully. I also had a teacher say, "If you fall in love, make sure it's mutual and you go slow." I can just contrast how I'm dealing with this sensitive situation much differently than I used to. I knew that giving space was very important to the other person, but I really didn't know how to do it. I think now I know how to do it.

Nikki: Beautiful. May you enjoy and relish this unique and sensitive situation with sensitivity and a lot of space as you're continuing that. Thank you, Ko.

Mark says, "Thích Nhất Hạnh^[4] said you need to smile to your sorrow because you are more than your sorrow." Yes, beautiful, thanks for bringing that in, Mark. You need to smile to your sorrow because you are more than your sorrow. Exactly.

I'm so appreciating tonight. We're touching in some very deep spaces, we're traveling far and wide, everyone. Let's turn to each other in small groups and share our practice. I'll open the rooms in a moment. Let's start with 15 seconds of mettā and gratitude for yourself and each other, and then open up and share as little or as much as you like. Support each other and take care of yourselves.

[Small group sessions occur]

Welcome back everyone. We have a couple of minutes left for insights, reflections, or what you've learned, especially after having listened to each other and shared out loud. Especially if you haven't shared for a while, I would love to hear from you. Your voice is important. The universe loves your voice and so does the Sangha. Did you notice if entering into mettā this way from gratitude was different, was supportive?

Susan, please.

Susan: I was saying in my small group how this really shifted a lot of things for me. I haven't been in a very good place lately and I've been feeling a lot of pain around a lot of things. This meditation shifted so many things. I felt so much gratitude just for all that I had in my life and the people in my life. But not only that, like nature, and feeling how much nature loved me. That was so beautiful. I felt like the universe was really holding me with love. Experiencing so much of that was a wonderful experience that I don't always have, where I feel so strongly, so deeply from so many different places. And then being able to give back that love as well, and with my body as well. It was a lot of love going back and forth with different parts—me, others, the universe, nature. So it was beautiful. It really shifted things for me and I'm hoping I'm going to continue practicing this.

Nikki: Beautiful, thank you, Susan. Thanks so much for sharing that. Yay! My heart sings hearing this practice report.

Ariana says, "I really needed to hear that the universe loves me this evening. Thank you, Nikki." Thank you.

One request: "Exploring [unintelligible]^[5] and mettā in the future would be lovely." Okay, so we have a request. All right.

Well, the time has come to bring our practice together to a close. Thank you so much everyone for your practice, for cultivating your heart, for loving with contentment what is, and feeling love. It's a way of serving. It's a way of being in the world. When we see our own goodness and we let ourselves be seen, it helps us shine it more.

May all beings be happy, know their own goodness, and be of service. May all beings be free, including ourselves. Thanks everyone.