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Guided Meditation: Being An Open Window

Hello everyone. Hello from the Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City. It feels kind of homey to be sitting here.

In meditation, there's a lot of different language, metaphors, and ideas that support people. It's nice to have a range of different options because, at different times in a person's life, different ways of practicing are relevant.

There's a strong tendency here in the West for many meditation teachers to use language that has to do with being receptive to experience. That's maybe because being assertive—actively going out to have an experience, to look at an experience, or to address what's happening—can sometimes feel like too much strain, work, expectation, and agenda. The idea of being receptive is to drop agendas and not assert the self, but to just allow things to unfold and arise. We can kind of settle back in meditation and just let things come and approach us.

Then there's another approach that is neither going towards, addressing, or focusing on something, nor is it stepping back and letting something come to us. That is the notion of being open. To be open is neither assertive nor receptive. It is neither going out to address or focus on an experience, nor is it receiving it. To be open is like being an open door where people and beings can freely walk back and forth, and the door is untroubled by what happens. Or it is like a house with all the windows open, and the neighborhood kid who is throwing a baseball is somehow able to throw it right through the house—in one open window and out the back window—and nothing gets hit. Nothing gets struck.

There is neither a stance of receptivity nor a stance of going out to address something. It's just allowing things to be, but being fully open so whatever happens doesn't strike anything. It doesn't hit a window, it's not picked up, it's just allowed to be without any reference to "me, myself, and mine." It is allowed to be without any reference to stories about what it means, what it means for me, what I have to do, or what should or shouldn't be there. There are all these layers of ideas, thoughts, and notions of what's right and wrong that the experience can meet as it appears. That's like the window that's closed and the ball hits it. But to just be open is like an open window: whatever arises simply passes right through us. It doesn't remain; it doesn't stay.

We don't have to go out to address anything, and we don't have to settle back to receive it or let it come. We are just upright. We are present. We're rooted here. There's a kind of dignity in just being here, present, unapologetic, and undefended for these moments of meditation. Because of an openness that is so wide, things just pass right through. Nothing sticks. Nothing gets shattered because of that openness.

So, assume a meditation posture that expresses some modicum of dignity and uprightness—an honorable posture for meditation. Establish an alert posture within which we can relax without losing that uprightness, gently closing the eyes.

Take a few moments to appreciate sitting here on this spot, at this place, at this time. Make a definitive acknowledgment: Yes, this is the place where I'm meditating. Feel the weight of the body against your chair or your cushion, or wherever the weight is resting.

Then, with a definitive acknowledgment that here you are, in this body, at this time, take a few long, slow, deep breaths. Feel the chest expand and the rib cage move and stretch as you inhale. Feel the rib cage collapse and return as you exhale. Then, let the breathing return to normal.

As you exhale, relax the muscles of your face, softening around the eyes. There's nothing you have to use your eyes for when you're meditating. The eyes can take a vacation, resting in their sockets. Some people find it helpful for a few moments to imagine the eyes are looking backwards and down, as a way of helping them relax.

With the exhale, relax the shoulders, feeling both the softening of the shoulders and their gentle weight. It is a weight that supports this definitive experience of being here and now. As you exhale, soften the belly.

Then, center yourself on the experience of breathing. Be open and available to the breathing coming and going. Breathing in and breathing out. Like there's an open window, and the inhales and exhales flow in and out through that open window.

Feel the weight of the torso, the solidity of the torso that is there together with the movements of breathing in your body. As you exhale, you might relax the tension in the thinking mind. Soften the agitation or the energy in thinking. Let thoughts drift by through an open window of awareness, without being picked up, without them running into anything. No judgments, no being for or against, no concerns about what you're thinking.

Allow the thoughts to drift by, maybe like you're sitting on the edge of a river and seeing how the river flows by. Whatever floats in the river is floating by with no resistance. In a sense, the river is open to let things pass through. Allow yourself to be open for breathing, sounds, and thoughts. Let them flow by, unconcerned with what appears in awareness, as if it is all just passing by.

Opening the doors of perception. Opening the mind and the heart. No resistance to anything. Not picking anything up. Without being for or against whatever appears, allow it to flow. Be the river. Be the wind that blows through an open window.

And then, as we come to the end of the sitting, imagine yourself as wide, wide open—available to experience the whole world as an open door. Just a door. All things occur, and nothing is met with resistance or with picking it up, needing to do anything, or needing to be anyone. Each experience is allowed to be itself.

Consider the people in your life, and how letting them be who they are is a form of respect—maybe even a form of love. Your ability to be open to them can be an ability to allow them to be as they are, without needing to fix anyone, without needing to get anything from anyone, even if it's just for a few moments. A few minutes of allowing each person to be themselves because we are simply open: not receptive, not addressing the other, just allowing all things to be, including yourself.

May it be that such openness—as much as it is open to let things appear—is also an openness that allows the warmth, the kindness, the friendliness, and the love in you to flow outward into the world. If we are an open door, things flow in both directions.

May the best that we have available inside of us be what we offer to the world. May we contribute to the happiness and welfare of the whole world.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. And may all beings be free.

Thank you.

Dharmette: Attunement (2 of 5) Openness

This is the second talk on the topic of attunement. Other words for this could be harmony or balance. The topic explores our relationship to compassion^[1] and our connection to suffering, both in others and in ourselves.

To simply experience suffering in the world, or in ourselves, in our usual habitual way might not be in harmony; it might not be well-attuned. It is probably a little bit of a challenge to think about being attuned to suffering, but it is about having just the right level of connection, just the right way of being present for it, so that we don't let it impact us negatively. It doesn't strike the windows of our hearts so that they shatter, and we don't close down or resist what's happening.

I like the idea of thinking about finding ourselves attuned like tuning guitar strings, so that the different strings are attuned to each other. Somehow they exist in the right relationship to each other. When we encounter suffering, we can ask ourselves, "How do we tune ourselves? How do we establish a useful way of being aware and present, and what is our attitude toward what is here?" I think it's a nice principle to recognize that every encounter with suffering is different and requires a different attunement.

As soon as we start looking and thinking about attunement, we're doing something very significant: we are not simply a victim of suffering or a passive recipient of it. We actually have some agency. Part of us is not caught in the suffering but is engaged in looking for the right balance and how to be present.

Today's concept of attunement is being open. Being open to suffering, and in being open, also being open to compassion as a response. This involves being mindful and monitoring ourselves regarding the impact the suffering has on us. When we are in the presence of suffering, do we close down? Do we resist? Do we attack? Do we get swept up in our thoughts? Sometimes people get distracted, go into fantasy, or start predicting the future. We need to really understand our common habits when we are uncomfortable or when things are difficult for us.

Then we ask ourselves, "How can I be attuned?" That is different than asking, "How can I be present for it?" Sometimes we are present in a way where the experience simply strikes us. It hits our wounds, our resistance, our judgmentalism, or our self-criticism. Just "being present" without taking into account the impact the experience has on us can be unhelpful. So, we monitor ourselves.

Given who I am and what's happening to me in this situation, how can I be open to this? Being open does not mean you approve, and being open does not mean you don't care. Being open means that you are not immediately responding with habitual patterns of resistance. Openness essentially means non-resistance. "How can I not resist this suffering?"

Some of that comes from the ability to be uncomfortable. There is discomfort; the stronger the suffering is, the more uncomfortable it is. Many people think they are responding compassionately to a situation, but they are really just trying to make their own discomfort go away. That is not really compassion. To be open is to have no resistance and to have no need for oneself to change what's going on. Just to be open.

It does not mean that we end up being passive. It means that this openness is a preparation for knowing what to do. Before responding with compassion, we wait a while. That "while" might just be a few seconds, it might be minutes, or it might be longer depending on the context and the situation we're in.

For example, if we are reading about suffering in the news and we are not actually present with someone who is suffering, we might feel alarmed or feel a strong reaction. The less we are connected to actual people, and the more we are dealing with ideas and stories, the more likely it is that we are not open in a clear, free way. More stories, opinions, and judgments tend to come into play.

But what does it mean to be open? It means allowing the experience to touch us and move through us. Being open to everything as it is allows us to see clearly and gives us the ability to be present without the reactivity that is so common when we encounter suffering. Non-resistance. Openness. Being open to the experience.

This might not be easy to understand or do when the suffering is great, but you might look for small areas of difficulty, or small sufferings that you or others are in—things that don't require immediate action. Take the time, perhaps go sit down and meditate, or take some time by yourself to say, "Okay, given this, let's not do anything right now. Let's not come to any conclusions right now. Let me just be open to this experience. Let me be present for it, but open like an open window or an open door." Let it flow right through you as if there is no stopping it, no resistance, no picking it up, nothing to figure out, and nothing to have to think about in relation to it. Just be an open door to it.

People don't have to know that you are doing this, because maybe others would be confused by this attitude. But I'd like to propose that this is a phenomenally respectful way to treat others and the suffering in the world: to first and foremost meet it with non-resistance. Meet it without picking it up, without getting involved. Just let it be, and make room for it. Lots of room.

As we learn to do this, we expand our capacity for discomfort. We expand our capacity to make room for what is there, not so that we can just suffer more, but so that we suffer less and become available to see and understand what is happening in deeper ways. I have been in situations where there is difficulty, challenge, or suffering around me, and I've rushed to judgment. Sometimes I've rushed to action, only later to discover that what I did was not what was needed. If I had taken the time to be open, present, not resisting, and not rushing to action, I would have seen what was needed. I would have known what to do much better.

As a continuation of yesterday, when we are in challenging times or in the presence of suffering, and compassion is perhaps the healthy response to the situation, first take time to think about it. Part of that thinking is asking, "What is the proper way to be attuned to this? Might just being open and non-resisting have a role right now?" It probably has a role more often than not. That doesn't mean that every single time you need to have non-resistance and be open, but it is part of the skill. It is part of the repertoire of things we are trying to do as we become attuned, coming into a certain kind of harmony with the suffering of the world so that we are in a good position to respond compassionately. This is a stepping stone to compassionate action, not a rush to compassionate action.

I encourage you today—maybe it's a very private practice, no one needs to know you're doing it—to look for occasions where you can be present for something that entails suffering or challenge for people. Find a situation where people are having difficulty, and see if you can take a few moments or a few minutes to simply not resist it. It's almost like you open your heart wide, spread your arms wide open, and say, "Here, this can just come right through me."

Isn't that very different from saying, "Here, this can land here, and I can hold it"? No, "This can just go right through." In that passing through, maybe you will come to a wiser, better position to understand yourself and what is happening.

Thank you. As we go through these talks, we are exploring the acronym TOUCH for how to live an attuned life. Thank you.