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Appreciation and Gratitude

So, on this Sunday morning talk, a few days before the holiday of Thanksgiving here in the United States, I want to talk a little bit about Thanksgiving, gratitude, and thankfulness. I love the expression "Thanksgiving" because it contains within it both giving and receiving. We give thanks for the benefits we appreciate and the benefits we receive, and then we give the thanks. There is this wonderful circularity and mutuality of giving and receiving.

Sometimes it's just a delight to receive thanks for something. It's an expression of appreciation, delight, value, and even kindness to be thanked. Sometimes, of course, the thanks can be overdone and maybe come with complicated baggage, but the simplicity of gratitude is just such a nice thing.

In the myths of Buddhism, there's a story of the Buddha that after he was enlightened, he spent seven days—most of the day and night—gazing at the Bodhi tree^[1] under which he was enlightened, in gratitude for the protection and the support it gave him for this amazing experience of freedom and presence that he discovered. The Buddha didn't teach much about gratitude, but he did make this wonderful statement: that no one is injured in feeling gratitude. This idea that you won't be injured in feeling gratitude—what a delightful idea.

The Two Sides of Gratitude

In the teachings of the Buddha, there are two words that almost always appear together, and they both relate to the word gratitude in English. Maybe they are two sides of what we would think of in English as gratitude.

The first one, which is often referred to in the West as gratitude, is the Pali word kataññutā^[2]. Literally, what this word means is "knowing what has been done." It's a cognitive experience of knowing and recognizing what someone has done for oneself.

The second word—which appears almost as a compound because they appear together so often—is katavedita^[3]. The first part of it is the same, meaning "that which has been done," and vedita means to experience or to feel. So it means that which has been done that we feel. This is more emotional. This is the emotional feeling we get when something has been done for us, something beneficial.

So the first is the recognition of what's been done, and the second is the emotional impact of that: how it opens our hearts, how it delights us, how it makes us smile, how it lifts us up, and how it fills us. Both of these are part of it. Gratitude isn't just a form of appreciation. The dictionary definition that I have is: "Gratitude is the quality of being thankful, readiness to show appreciation and to return kindness." So there has to be appreciation first, and there has to be the recognition of what we've received.

Practicing Appreciation

This is a delightful exercise to spend time doing at the end of the day. I've done this sometimes as I lay in bed going to sleep, and sometimes I do it with my last meditation of the day. I'll just review the day and appreciate all the good things that happened that day. Inevitably, I'm a little bit surprised by this exercise. It turns out there were more things to appreciate throughout the day than I actually spent time appreciating, because I was just going from one thing to the next and not really thinking about things too much.

Recently, last week, I did a retreat. At the end of the day, I did this exercise and I kept going, "Wow. Wow. Wow." They weren't dramatic things; they were just small things that I could feel and appreciate. It's a wonderful exercise. The idea of doing it is not to do it forcefully, artificially, or to pretend things are better than they are. The idea is to really reflect on what we genuinely and easily appreciate. It's a skill that's developed over time because there are a lot of things going on in daily life that maybe we generally take for granted and don't think about. When we start reflecting in this way, we slowly realize, "Oh yeah, there's that too. There's that too," realizing there are more and more people to appreciate and more things to appreciate.

From that appreciation, what comes is gratitude as a feeling of thankfulness. Gratitude can be an expression that is not outwardly expressed; it's just something we feel inside. It's one of the most common emotions I have at the end of a meditation session. I feel both great appreciation and gratitude. It's not something that I'm working on to have; it just kind of wells up for me at the end. One of the reasons I like to bow at the end of a meditation practice is to give expression to that. It doesn't have to be expressed, but it's like my system wants that energy to flow out and not be bottled up. So this kind of bow is a very simple expression of appreciation and gratitude for me. It's one of the reasons I like the Buddhist custom of bowing, because it seems like a whole-body kind of coming together with the hands together to appreciate. The appreciation is more embodied and more complete than simply saying to someone, "I appreciate you."

Gratitude vs. Greed

Gratitude can be contrasted with greed. Gratitude is expressed in the word "thanks." Greed is expressed in the words "more," "have," or "get." I think of greed as kind of a state of lack—of not being complete, feeling like something is missing, and being cut off from oneself to some degree. I think of gratitude as closer to being complete: being receptive, being open, and having enough. Being grateful for what we have as opposed to being greedy for what we don't have, or to be grateful for what we have instead of being proud of what we have—these are very different sentiments and very different ways of being.

I think that to be grateful and appreciative, we have to be a little bit comfortable with ourselves. We have to not be feeling anxious, insecure, or feeling a sense of lack. But even if we feel just a little bit of it, opening ourselves up to appreciate the gifts that are given contributes to a sense of comfort. Greed, I don't think, leads to much comfort. It might lead to pleasure, but often it's a pleasure that calls for more pleasure. This state of being complete, being full, being whole—I associate that much more with appreciation and gratitude.

Gratitude is having a new vision of our world. It's not necessarily living in a new reality or a new kind of place, but it's taking the world we live in and seeing it in a new way, seeing it with more appreciation. It is easy to complain and say there's a lot of things not to appreciate, and that we're supposed to complain about them or be upset with them. Maybe there's some truth to that, I don't want to deny that. But it's also important to reflect on the consequences of complaining, anger, and despair, which are very different than the consequences of appreciation.

The appreciation of things tends to support the growth of those things we appreciate. Appreciation is a kind of food for things; there's a positive reinforcement. People and the world really benefit from a lot of positive reinforcement. So if there's genuine appreciation and genuine gratitude—in the right way, in the right amount—it's a fantastic thing to offer. I generally think in our society that gratitude is an underutilized expression of mutuality, of care, and of kindness. We could make it more second nature to be thankful.

Pausing Before Reality

There was someone who once said that real gratitude is to pause in front of reality. It's a moment to take something in. If we're always going, getting, wanting, or running away, there's very little opportunity to appreciate. But to pause long enough to receive, long enough to recognize that we're receiving goodness and something beneficial, gives us time to be more open to reality and see it in a new way.

This is one of the reasons why meditation is so useful. Maybe meditation can be seen as one long pause in front of reality. Maybe one long pause to bow in front of reality, in the presence of reality, appreciation, and gratitude. I think that gratitude is a reasonable response to reality. Entitlement is not. Feeling like we're entitled to things closes the doors and the possibilities of deep appreciation and gratitude. I think the deeper the appreciation, the less we need to have. The less we need to prove, and the less we need to assert ourselves, because something beautiful is filling us, supporting us, and nourishing us.

Gratitude as a Practice

So gratitude is also a practice, and it's an inspired practice. It's a practice that can bring a lot of joy and a lot of delight, and it has these two steps: First, we have to recognize and know what it is that we've received, and then we appreciate that with an emotional feeling. What exactly the emotional feeling is of appreciating what we have received maybe varies from time to time, situation to situation, and person to person. But maybe it's something that makes the heart sing, makes the heart feel overflowing, makes the heart feel delighted, and allows something to open and feel complete.

Gratitude is a choice. I know when I was younger, the idea of exercising choice seemed artificial to me. It seemed like I should just go along and just be present for things as they are. But that's a choice too. There is a naturalness to choosing to focus on what we appreciate, partly as a counter to the strong tendency many people seem to have towards a negative bias. Instead of a negative bias, we can choose a positive bias. Initially, it might be a choice that takes a little bit of work and you have to remember to do it, but over time it becomes more and more second nature.

Imagine yourself walking through this world appreciating things left and right, in front and behind. Begin by appreciating the person you're with, maybe even a stranger, instead of beginning with caution, fear, wanting, or closing down. Appreciation is a kind of pause before that person, a taking in and a valuing of the person that we're with. Not coming directly with our agenda, our purpose, or what we want, but pausing in front of reality so that we have time to appreciate the goodness of it, the specialness of it, and the gift of it.

Part of the reason to practice gratitude and appreciation is the receptivity and the pause that it entails. It's hard to imagine Dharma^[4] practice unfolding very deeply and fully without it. To practice the Dharma is also, in a certain way, to pause in the midst of reality. It's also to be receptive to something. Many people that I know, including myself, as Dharma practice has developed, feel all the goodness that comes from it is really a gift. It's not something that I orchestrate, that I deserve, that I make happen so I can say "look how great I am." The deeper I'm impacted by the Dharma, the more I feel it's a wonderful gift. Even states like concentration—I don't take for granted that I can get concentrated. When I do, I just go, "Wow, what a great gift. I just received this wonderful thing, and now let's appreciate it, open to it, and experience it some more."

Take time to exercise the choice of being appreciative and recognizing what's been done for us. For those of us living in a developed, civilized, urban environment, most of what we see and touch, someone has designed, someone has built, and someone has placed there. Even in the slightest little way, we benefit from it being there. Someone has laid the sidewalks down, making it easier for us to walk safely rather than walking in the street. We might have some questions and maybe a little caution around the whole world of technology, but we benefit so much from electricity and electrical lines. It's so easy to take the whole day for granted, when the whole day we are the beneficiary of so much that's been done for our well-being. Not to live a life taken for granted, and not to habituate ourselves so much by our desires, our wants, our distractions, and our fears that we don't pause enough to receive, recognize the gifts, appreciate, and live a life inspired by gratitude.

Conclusion

May it be that we practice out of gratitude. Gratitude for all that we're given is one of the great fuels for practice. When I was practicing in Burma and other places in Asia, and also here in the United States, I've been the recipient of people's support one way or the other for my practice, and it's just been a delight for me to give myself over a little bit more to my practice. To want to practice sincerely, to be worthy of the gifts that I got, out of gratitude for the gifts that I got.

I mention Burma because I remember there was an older lady who came and gave me a little bit of chocolate. She seemed quite poor to me, but she wanted to support the foreigner who was practicing in her country. I was so inspired by this woman making this little act of generosity. I went back to my room to continue my day's meditation, and I felt fueled and buoyed from her generosity. I really wanted to practice even more—better in a good way—to be worthy of that and really continue that way.

So, there are two sides of the Buddhist idea of gratitude: one is to recognize what has been done for us, and the other is to have that impact our hearts and our emotional life. Then we add to that a third part that's optional, and needs to be done with some wisdom, and that is to express that gratitude.

So I certainly want to thank all of you. Thank you for these Sunday sittings. I feel supported and inspired that you all come and we have this time together on Sunday morning to sit and explore the Dharma. It's a great benefit for me in my life, and I want to thank you.

I look forward to seeing you next week. I thought that next week maybe we could have a community meeting afterwards. I'll post the Zoom address closer to the time in the 'What's New' section of IMC and the IMC calendar, and it will also be in the chat here, so there will be different ways of getting the Zoom link. When we finish here around 10:30 next week, then we can have a community meeting, and I can answer questions or have some discussion, and we'll do some breakout groups as well so you get to meet each other.

Thank you, and I wish you all well.