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Happy Hour: Learning to Rest

Introduction

All right, hello and welcome. Welcome to Happy Hour, this rendition of it.

What I want to invite us to turn our attention to for practice today is the need for rest as an expression of metta^[1]. And yet, I want to bring a twist to this rest. It's not just sleeping or vegging out in front of the television to rest, which, of course, sleeping is very important—please get a lot of sleep. And sometimes vegging is actually the appropriate thing to do. Not always, but sometimes it is the appropriate thing to do. I'll talk more about that later, but the twist I want to bring in is the way our minds, our hearts, can really rest. This sense of deep rest often happens, and can happen, in easeful, nourishing meditation.

So, not to approach meditation as this thing I have to do, and I have to accomplish, and I have to be, but actually seeing the act of meditating as complete rest. Letting the mind come to rest. "Oh, sweetheart, dear mind, you can rest. You can let go. You can let go."

There are many different ways to practice meditation, as you all know by now. There is paying attention with mindfulness, there is metta practice, there's compassion, there are all the Brahma-viharas^[2] we have. So there are different ways we can pay attention. This way of inclining the mind to rest, to rest with things as they are, to let go, just to rest, can be seen as another expression of metta and care.

It's also a liberative practice. It's of letting go, not clinging. It's the opposite of clinging. When we cling: "I want this, I want it to be a particular way. I want these great states of mind. I want this pain to go away. I want this distraction to go away. I want, I want, I want, I want, I want. Or I don't want, I don't want, I don't want," which is actually the same thing, is wanting. The pushing away is still wanting, still grasping.

Whereas this idea of deep rest: "I really, really want this pain to go away. Actually, what if I just rest with it? Oh, I really want to have pleasant experiences. What if I let go of this wanting and just rest with, yeah, it's a pretty ordinary experience right now?" Well, actually, it's pretty awesome, this ordinary experience. When you stop wanting something else, you wake up to how awesome and amazing this ordinary experience is.

And same with the distracted or sleepy mind. Again, instead of wanting to push away the distractions, it's this sense of letting go. "Okay, I see your thoughts. I see your distractions. I see your planning and wanting." It's like, "What if I just open my hand? Yeah, I know you're going to come back, but it's okay. I'm going to let go. Not throw you away, but invite my heart to just rest. Rest." It's a different way of engaging. I was talking about engagement on Monday, engaging with metta, engaging our minds. So this is engaging with rest, which sounds a little counter-intuitive. How do I engage with rest? But it teaches our heart, it teaches our mind a different way of being. This engaging with letting go, and engaging with a sense of rest.

It might be a koan^[3] for some of you right now, like, "What does she mean?" Well, let's discover. Let's explore it together and see what we find out. Shall we? Let's do it. All right.

Guided Meditation

I invite you to get into your meditation posture. Landing in this body in this moment.

And in this moment, what if we let go of all the notions of what we collectively have about what doing meditation is? What if you just let go of it all and for a moment just sit, not knowing what to quote-unquote do next? Like, "Oh, you know what? I'm sitting. Okay, now what?" Stay in that moment. Stay with that. Now what? Now what do I do? Nothing. Stay with that.

And if you find yourself doing, let go again and rest. Take a radical stance to the practice.

And you can also notice the way your mind gravitates. I notice that my mind wants to rest with the breath because of all of these years of training. Ah, it just wants to collect itself and just rest in the breath. Ah, it doesn't feel like doing, it feels like resting. Okay, I'm going to let it. See if there's any movement in that way in your heart, in your mind, that feels like resting, not doing. If something feels like doing, then just let it go and come back to that space of not knowing. Like, "Okay, now what?" Nothing. Nothing.

But if it feels the mind is resting with the breath or the body—ah, because it knows a place of safety, ease, refuge—then it's okay. Let it.

The kitty of the mind is collecting itself in the sun, the body of the breath, and resting. Napping. It's okay. Not literally napping, but a sense of rest. Of non-doing. Engaging with letting go of wanting.

This deep rest is another door into the temple of metta. Care for yourself.

If you find the mind is wandering, notice. Notice. Can you let go? Invite the mind to rest, the heart to rest. "Sweetheart, rest. It's okay, you don't have to solve all the world's problems right now. Refuge. Refuge. Rest."

You might have to let go, remind your heart to rest a hundred times. It's okay. Do it gladly during this period. Do it lovingly. "Dear heart, rest."

Keep it simple. Very simple tonight. Let go. Rest.

Let go. Rest and enjoy. Enjoy the simplicity of rest. Profound simplicity.

Rest. Let go. Let go and rest. Take refuge.

Let go. Let go of thoughts. Tightness in the body. Turning away towards the simplicity of not wanting anything in this moment. Just relish rest for the heart and the mind. Deep rest.

No need to think, to solve problems right now. Can you see the goodness in rest? The mind resting. Resting with the body, with the breath. Simple. Profound.

If you find yourself thinking, planning, really groggy... get to know what it's like not to rest. For the mind to be busy. Feel the energy of it in the body. And then lovingly, for the benefit of your heart, let go. Let go and turn to rest. Invite your heart, your mind, to rest. And see how that feels. Learn, discover how that feels.

Trusting that resting is more nourishing right now than thinking or planning or figuring something out. Trust it. See for yourself.

Training your mind to rest. We train our minds all day to be busy. Busy, busy. And of course, when we stop, they're busy—we've been training them all day. Now train your heart, your mind, to rest. "Sweetheart, rest. It's okay. It's okay." Deep rest.

And profound training in letting go.

Rest there. Rest. Rest.

Engaging in non-doing. Non-thinking. Letting go. Just being at rest^[4]. Rest.

There will be a million thoughts coming. It's okay. Be patient, be loving with them all, with yourself. The puppy is so used to running around. Gently pat it, love it. "Rest, darling, rest."

Let go of the bones. Let go. Rest. They might seem to be tasty bones^[5], but they're hollow. It's all hollow. Rest.

Let go. Let go. Let go. Let go. Let go and rest. Let awareness rest just with the breath of the body.

Resting. Resting. Letting go.

And as we bring this period of sitting practice to a close. Noticing that even if you thought or you felt you were distracted and you didn't quote-unquote "rest" that much, yet take stock. Notice that your body, your heart, your mind are slightly more calm, settled, rested than when you started. Or nourished, more cared for.

Learning, reteaching ourselves, our minds, our hearts, how to rest. Not forcing, but inviting. May we know, may we know rest. To rest.

May all beings everywhere know the nourishment, the goodness of rest. May all beings everywhere be free. Including ourselves.

To rest, as an expression of care, as an expression of metta for ourselves. Loving this heart, loving this mind.

Reflections

So we have time for reflections, and I do acknowledge that I'm pretty calm myself. So actually, maybe some of you want to say something and are just ready to jump in. But I also feel the quiet and the peace of letting go and the rest in my heart and mind that feels quite nourishing. So any questions, any aha moments, any challenges? Anything you want to check in about and offer? With this practice of turning away... letting go of engagement, engaging with thoughts and memories and doing.

Neil says, "super chill" in chat. Yeah, super chill indeed! [Laughter] I love it. Super chill. Yeah, those two words. It's good. There is nourishment of rest in non-doing. In meditation as non-doing, that is so nourishing, especially if our minds, our hearts are so used to doing and doing and doing and doing some more. It's like, "Okay, all right, let's train ourselves in this way." Let's see.

Bill says, "Interesting how many of my thoughts could be classified as either grasping or aversion, watching those two arise again and again."

Great! Oh, how wonderful to be able to see the classification. This is great. There is the falling into the thoughts, falling into the grasping and pushing away. And yet, when we've graduated to actually seeing the classification—"Oh yeah, that's an aversive thought. Okay, I see. Oh, that's a graspy thought. Okay, grasp: one. You know, team one: zero. Team two: three... okay, about the same." I'm just joking! But when we get to actually see the process instead of fall into the content, that is fantastic. So it's not a problem that they arise. Of course they arise, thoughts are a dime a dozen. We don't have to believe them. So Bill, I celebrate that you get to see them and classify them rather than falling into them. Yay! Thumbs up.

Ah, Gene says, "Rest equals less stress." Yes. I appreciate that reflection from Gene on YouTube. Yeah, there is this freedom of this rest, this letting go. Letting go is not engaging with friction also.

Jamie, I see your hand, please.

Jamie: Yeah, Nikki. For a little while it just got so quiet that I wondered what the difference between rest and death is. I'm just curious if you have anything to say about that.

Nikki Mirghafori: Huh. So wait, let me follow the thread you're presenting before jumping to the question. So it got so quiet for you, it sounds like, in this meditation, right? Could you say just a little more about that? Because then the question is interesting, but I want to see where the link is between the peacefulness of rest and where your mind jumped to the question. So unpack for me a bit, Jamie, with you.

Jamie: It's just this profound, deep stillness, and I wondered, "Oh, is this what that would be like?"

Nikki Mirghafori: So before I go there again, I want to ask you: the deep, profound stillness, how did that feel? How was the quality of that for you in this experience?

Jamie: It was exceptional. It was so beautiful. Yeah.

Nikki Mirghafori: Lovely. Thanks for unpacking that. Great. So this exceptional, beautiful quality of deep rest, deep stillness—wow, how awesome is this? It's nourishing, it's not scary at all. And so I invite you to consider that letting go... Because this sense of ease and stillness is arising from letting go, right? Letting go, resting, stillness. So death is a kind of—well, it is a letting go. It's an ultimate letting go. It's letting go of the last breath, it's letting go of life. It's a releasing. And what you just spoke of can be the quality of mind accepting, approaching, being with death. Now, as to what death itself is like, I don't know, and nobody has really come back to tell us. So let's have a don't-know mind about that. And yet, this stillness could very well be an experience right before the ultimate letting go. Maybe. Does that make sense, what I'm trying to, the needle I'm trying to thread?

Jamie: Absolutely, absolutely. Thank you.

Nikki Mirghafori: Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful, lovely, inspiring practice report. Yay.

Jamie: I'm very sick today, and just to have this profound experience in the middle of it is just such a gift. Thank you.

Nikki Mirghafori: Hmm. Thank you. Oh, deep bows. Thank you so much for practicing while sick. I love practicing while sick, things can get quite beautiful. Thanks for sharing that with the Sangha^[6], Jamie. Great.

So dear ones, I would like to invite us all to rest with each other in small groups today. When your turn comes, you can just say pass and you can just be silent with each other. If you want to say something you can, but you're invited to just hold silence with each other if you want. It's quite a habit to develop and see if you can keep your eyes open while you stay silent. And again, maybe after a minute or two or three of silence, maybe somebody feels moved to share something about this rest, being in the space of rest with the others, not rushing to fill the silence. Feel that tendency, maybe this discomfort of wanting to rush to fill it. And maybe at some point it feels appropriate to say something, or maybe not. Maybe you'll just spend a few minutes in silence and metta with each other. It's an experiment, right? So I might make it tonight a little shorter, so you can come back and actually tell me how it was. Let's see. I'm going to create the rooms for this experiment in being with one another. Okay, creating your rooms here. Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. Here you go.

[Break for small groups]

Okay, the rooms are closed, we are all back together. So we have about a minute for any reflections. It might have felt different. How was it to be together in this super chill way in the space? Anybody wants to say anything? Awkward? Interesting? "I learned something new about myself"?

Aurora, please.

Aurora: I'll say something. It gave me pause to land in my body, and it made me realize that sometimes when I talk, I follow the words out and I'm not here. Does that make sense? Absolutely. I was like, "Oh, I'm still here." And that was nice.

Nikki Mirghafori: What a powerful realization. Thanks for sharing that, Aurora. I love it! Wow, that's a great insight to come from this different setting. Thanks for that. Any other realizations? Any quick ones from this different setup? Last minute ahas? Okay.

Okay, so we leave on that note of realizing, acknowledging, "Oh yeah, landing in the body when we speak." I think many of us, if not all of us, can appreciate that—following the words out. So thank you all for practicing together, for showing up to cultivate for the sake of yourself and all beings everywhere. May all beings be well. May all beings be free. Thanks everyone. Take care.