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Brahmavihāras: Appreciative Joy (1 of 5)

This Monday morning, I begin a new theme for the week. This is the third of the four Brahmavihāras^[1] (four divine abidings): that of muditā^[2]. Muditā is often translated into English as either "sympathetic joy" or "appreciative joy." Because those two-word translations sometimes require some explanation, I prefer a single English word to translate muditā, and that's the word "rejoice." I think the word "rejoice" captures more the sense that there's something particular that we're celebrating or really appreciating. That rejoicing is a little bit more of an active, energized kind of appreciation, gratitude, and delight in something that's worth delighting about or something that is really worth celebrating.

I live a block away from a local high school, and when high school is in session, sometimes I'm walking by the campus when the students are leaving at the end of the day. One of the great delights is when I see a couple of them talking, or a small group talking, and they seem so happy, engaged, and active. It certainly must be very important what they're talking about, because there's this joy in just getting out of school, seeing each other, and seeing their friends. I just feel so happy seeing them. I feel delighted. I feel a certain kind of appreciative joy. It's almost like I don't have to actively appreciate them; it's just a joyful thing to see the joy of other people, to just experience it, and know that it's happening.

Selectivity Bias

Part of a mindful life is a life that not only is mindful of the present moment, but uses that capacity for present-moment awareness to start being aware in a more useful way than some of the selective ways we can be on automatic pilot.

We know that some people have a negativity bias, where they tend to notice what's wrong with themselves or notice what's wrong with the world, and there's a strong tendency in that direction. There's a danger bias, where people have a strong tendency to look for where the danger is, are worried and afraid of things, and are very cautious. There's also a lust bias, where we're looking for what we can get or what we can have that brings us pleasure, joy, or satisfaction—just pleasure—and looking for what's nice and what we can have. There's also an anger or hostility bias that some people have—an aversion bias looking for what's wrong again, but with a little bit of hostility. It's particularly painful when it's directed towards oneself.

People have these blinders on and have this very selective orientation. If we're not aware of that, then present-moment awareness becomes the support for that selective bias in our awareness and what we're oriented towards. It's very hard to see it because it's sometimes so ingrained and so habituated that we just think it's normal or natural that we are the way we are. The point being that present-moment awareness is something we develop, but it's not always used for a good purpose because of this tendency we have.

Expanding Our Field of Appreciation

One of the things with a mindful life is to live a little bit deliberately, a little bit with intentionality and a sense of purpose. One such purpose is to open up beyond the selectivity—to open up wider and take in more of what the experience is, in a way that is actually more realistic.

One way to do that for many people is to appreciate what's happening. Spend a little bit of time looking and being grateful, being appreciative, and being delighted by the things that are happening that are appreciable, that bring gratitude, or that bring delight. Now, it can be overdone, for sure. There are people whose selectivity bias is a little bit too romantically focused on how everything is wonderful and good, and so that has its own corrective that's needed. But it isn't so much that we're trying to have a new bias, but really trying to open up, expand, and break down the selectivity in ways that allow us to have a wider field of what's happening.

If we do that really well, chances are we won't be so consumed with our fantasies, our memories, and our predictions about the future, and we'll start appreciating just being present here more. It turns out that there's actually a higher percentage of things that are working and going well in the present moment than our selectivity bias will often pick out and look at.

I've had various things go wrong with my body. I had surgery last week, and surgery a year ago, and different kinds of things have happened. I'm getting older, and different things are aching and hurting and doing this and that. It's just part of the aging process. Now, I could get preoccupied with these things happening in my body and be upset, or be worried, or just spend my whole day looking up, searching, and reading about every possible nuance of what's going on and spend my days concerned about it.

But I can also appreciate that, certainly, I have these things in my body I must take care of, but some high percentage—99%, 99.9%, maybe even higher—of what it takes to make this body operate relatively harmoniously is working. It's working very well! I don't even know everything that goes on—all the hormones, chemicals, neurons, and all the things that are needed for this complicated event that we have in the body—but it's remarkable it's mostly working. I'm still able to speak, and what a complicated thing to speak words, know what they mean, and string them together. Wow, I shouldn't take this for granted. I'm spending time now with some people who have senility, and the words are not there, the sentences aren't there, the memory is not there.

Muditā as an Antidote

It's so easy to have a selectivity bias that excludes things and takes things for granted. Part of giving purpose to mindfulness and a mindful life is to begin appreciating things more. This can give birth to this muditā, this delight, this rejoicing in others. This idea of rejoicing in the success and the good fortune of other people is one of the really great joys of this practice.

Partly, it's a joy because it's an antidote to being self-preoccupied and self-concerned in such a way that we set up a tension between self and other. When we have jealousy or envy, thinking, "Not that person," or "I want that," or "Why don't I have that?", we have a feeling of inadequacy. But to be able to be genuinely, relaxedly open, appreciative, and delighted in the good fortune of other people—like I am delighted seeing these high school students leaving their campus—is one of the great gifts of this mindful life.

Don't leave it to chance that it might come along. Don't take any of the Brahmavihāras as chance occurrences that you might just happen to feel. Actually spend time cultivating them, developing them, looking for them, and recognizing them when they arise. So begin spending more time in the states or in activities of appreciation. As we appreciate things, I'd encourage you to allow yourself to feel gladness, joy, delight, or a kind of pleasure in that, and let it fill you. Take time to let it fill you.

Some people might complain or point out that what I'm talking about might be selfish and self-absorbed—just about myself and how I feel, "I feel good." Certainly, there's a danger of that, but I think for most of us, it's the opposite. What's selfish, self-concerned, or conceited are all the preoccupations that go into the selectivity bias we have for our attention. Most of the ways we think about ourselves are a little bit too much about "me, myself, and mine," "what's in it for me," "I'm not doing well enough," "I'm unworthy," "I have to get more," or "get out of the way because I want to have that, not you." Those are the things about self that cause harm in our society and our world.

Appreciation doesn't cause much harm in our society. If we offer too much of it to others, they might get a little annoyed, but I think that appreciation of others, having delight in others, and rejoicing in their sharing and their joy in a nice, balanced, open way is not something to worry about. Don't worry that it's selfish, and don't worry that it's leaving too much out and isn't realistic.

I would venture to suggest that for many people, the normal way they see the world is what is not realistic. By expanding our field of appreciation rather than stepping into something unrealistic, we're actually discovering a more realistic way of being in the world that doesn't deny the difficulties and doesn't deny the challenges, but maybe creates a very different context for experiencing being human with them. We do this in a way where we don't become oppressed by the challenges, and we don't get limited by the challenges that we have. We take them in stride, hold them more lightly, and not very far away is our capacity to breathe, to relax, to be present here, and also just appreciate this life. Wow, what a great thing.

There is much more joy available for us than most people recognize. If we learn to appreciate more, then we'll be able to be givers of joy. We provide the gift of joy to others, and that is what I think is the great heart of muditā, of rejoicing. To know how to do this well is to give the gift of joy and appreciation to others.

Practice for the Next 24 Hours

So that was a kind of introductory talk on this topic of muditā. I would encourage you, if you're at all inclined to do this, over the next 24 hours, spend some time—more time than you normally would do—trying to be present for what can be appreciated, especially appreciated in the present moment. And then if you have some friends you can talk to about it, talk to them about what you're discovering. Have a conversation about the appreciation of what's here, as an alternative to our selectivity bias for what is not right. May you delight in this exploration. Thank you.