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Happy Hour: Non-Doing Metta, Simple Kind Awareness

Introduction

Hello and welcome to Happy Hour, everyone. Dear Sangha^[1], lovely to be with you. I'm happy already just sitting in community. Sitting in community—both the Zoom community, YouTube community, and the sangha that will join us on AudioDharma.

For today, the invitation is to consider that metta^[2] could be explored in so many different ways. Of course, the practice of metta, cultivating loving-kindness, as many of you have witnessed both with Happy Hour, there are so many different ways I explore it. I offer it in creative ways, as well as Diana offers it, and also different teachers. There are so many different ways; there's not one single way to practice metta. Sometimes creativity is a good thing, and sometimes being settled in just the continuity of breath, body, the utterances, and the phrases might be helpful.

Using our clarity, we can discern. Actually, the word I want to use isn't "judgment," it is "discernment." I think that's a better word here because judgment can be misconstrued as self-judgment. But discernment, using clear comprehension—sampajañña^[3]—we can discern what is the appropriate way. Perhaps for a given time, we can discern which tool in the tool bag to use for both different practices, and different practices of metta.

The particular practice that I want to highlight tonight is metta as non-doing. Interesting—what does she mean, metta as non-doing? How can non-doing be metta? It can be, in the following way.

Sometimes, and again it really depends on our discernment, discerning what is appropriate, think of times when you've been with a friend. Perhaps the friend has been upset or was suffering, and all they want you to do is for you to listen. Just hold presence, listen, and hold presence with patience, with metta, with care. Not to rush it, give them advice, make it better, or make it go away. Sometimes that impulse to make it go away is actually our own fear of discomfort. Because when somebody else is uncomfortable, it can make us uncomfortable. So notice if that's the reason we might be jumping to do something, instead of first practicing the non-doing—the metta of non-doing, the metta of holding space.

Similarly for ourselves, there are times that maybe a challenge or difficulty comes up in the body, in the mind, in the heart. Let's say it's a challenging emotion. Notice if the mind wants to whip up active metta: "May you be well, may you be happy, may you be well, make it go away, make it all better." See if there might sometimes be this conflictual relationship: "Make it go away, this is not good, this is bad." There is so much doing, there is so much forcing. I hear from so many practitioners that they discover after a while of practicing metta that they've perhaps been doing "jackhammer metta." It's like they're just hammering this difficulty away.

It is good to be aware, to know with discernment what is appropriate. Sometimes it is appropriate to just be with what is. Give it space. Don't push or force it away. The same way that if there's a little child crying, you don't say, "Okay, stop, stop, it's fine, stop crying." Instead, you say, "It's okay, sweetie, it's okay." You hold them. You can't be rushed; you hold them. It's the metta that shows up with patience, with non-doing, with clear awareness, and clear presence.

So, I've said plenty. That's the frame for today's practice.

Guided Meditation

Let's do some non-doing together. Let's non-do together. Let's begin.

Landing. Releasing. In this body and this breath. Nowhere to go, nothing to do in this moment. Opening up. Opening up to awareness.

Just holding presence. Awareness. The sensations of this body. The breath. Not doing the breath or the breathing. Relax. Let the breathing unfold on its own. The body knows how to breathe; don't get in the way.

As if you were thawing. As if your body was thawing. Awareness permeating through the body and the breath. Knowing, simply knowing whatever is arising in this moment.

Settling the breath with the body. Awareness. Expansively holding the entire body, the breath. Whatever is pleasant, unpleasant, thoughts arising and passing. It can all be. It can all be. Awareness. Patient, kind, expansive.

If you find the mind resting on thoughts, entangled in thoughts, that's okay. That's okay. Let whatever is arising—whatever thought entanglement, sadness, memory, dukkha^[4], whatever it might be—let it be clearly known with kindness. "Oh yes, yes, this too. This too is arising in this moment." Let it be held in kind awareness. It doesn't have to go away. It doesn't have to be jackhammered away. Kind awareness can be soothing, expansive. Just enough. Plenty.

And you may come back to this realization, to this kind awareness, rekindle it a hundred times, it's okay. Do it every time smilingly. It's not a problem; it's the bare bones of this practice. It's okay. Give thanks every time you come back smilingly, because after all, you never leave. It's just a metaphor. It's always here, ready to be recognized, to be invoked. Let it be a non-doing, non-effortful invocation, a recognition. It's just there. It's just here. Kindly, spaciously knowing.

If judgmental thoughts or doubting thoughts arise—"I don't know what I'm doing"—simply know this thought with kindness. Shine the light. Shine the light of kind awareness. Give it space. It's a lot of space for it to just be known. It's like this.

See if this way of kind awareness practice, gentle and non-forced, can be nourishing. Whatever is painful or difficult for the heart and mind right now, it can hold it without pushing it away or falling into it. This non-doing metta could also be expressed with an inner smile. Just holding, knowing the experience with the goodwill of a smile, friendliness. You can also wear an outer smile to encourage an inner smile.

As if you are sitting in a spacious kindness sphere. Everything—your body, your breath, thoughts, everything—is held in this kind awareness. A whole experience that is known. And this moment is okay, held with metta. It doesn't need to be pushed away.

Now, turning the practice outward. Imagining you're with a friend, maybe someone from this sangha. They want you to just be present. Hold presence. Just listen with kindness, with care. In this moment, it's not for you to fix it. Just hold presence with metta, with care, with goodwill, with patience. Maybe you're breathing metta with every breath for them. Maybe you say the phrases for them. It's your choice; see what feels right.

You're invited to invite more friends, more dear beings, into your circle of metta, a holding presence. And for the last minutes of this practice period, see if you can open up a sense of holding presence with metta, with care, with knowing, with awareness, not turning away from the world. Notice if this feels similar in some ways to the practice of equanimity for you, or different. If it gets too heady, you can drop that comparison. Just open it up for all beings.

May all beings everywhere be safe. May they be well. May they have ease.

Reflections

Thank you for this practice, for your practice.

This way of practicing metta as holding presence, as non-doing, can be very healing and soothing. It can also mean not having enough of an anchor—not having the phrases as an anchor, not having the other being so much as an anchor—so the mind can wander a little more. But it's okay, it's all held. It's all okay. It's just a different way of practicing. If your experience was that the mind was a little more distracted, that's okay. That's a part of this way of practicing; it comes with this more open, spacious awareness of being.

We have time for reflections, questions, comments, or complaints. It's all okay, it's all welcome. Smiling at it all, everything is welcome. You're welcome to raise your Zoom hand if you like, or type in the chat. If it's only to me, I'll only read your reflection, and if it's sent to everyone, then I'll read your name also.

Please know that when you offer your reflection on what you discovered or a question on what was challenging, it is of benefit. It's your offering to serve other practitioners. It's not from a place of ego, "Hey, here, see my practice." It's not that. It's like, "Here, I offer this to the altar of this community. May it be of service to others, what I discovered or what was challenging for me."

Reflections coming on YouTube: "Appreciation, thank you all. And gratitude for this peace-filled, embracing practice." Thank you, Richard.

Any more reflections or questions about this practice before we turn to our small groups?

Deborah says, "I think this is the best I've felt all day." Oh, the power of your practice, the power of metta. It's lovely, thanks for sharing that. As I read your reflection and as I tune in, I think, "Oh yeah, me too." I feel calm, happy, and restored. I had a really full, busy day, and now it's, "Oh yes, ah." Smiling.

Sarah says, "I felt like I could slow everything down, which was very calming." Oh lovely, nice.

"Practicing your superpowers, Nicholas." I missed Nicholas: "Felt a sense of generosity, giving each experience the gift of being known." Beautiful. I love that sense of generosity, giving each experience the gift of being known.

I'm so inspired by all of your practice, everyone. All your reflections, those who are sharing, and those who are not sharing and just hanging in here with however it was, the ups and downs of it.

One more reflection: "I felt like I could let go of the effort of preventing my heart from being hurt." Ah, what an insight. The effort, the effort of preventing your heart from being hurt. Yeah, there is so much effort in that. And metta can be so calming, soothing, effortless. Beautiful.

Another reflection: "Very calming." Yeah, metta has this kind of impact, right? Just calming, soothing, nourishing.

And you're quiet. I haven't seen any Zoom hands for speaking. Of course, you're welcome to, and if not, that's okay. And Susan, it's nice to sit with you also tonight, joining on YouTube. Lovely.

All right, we have Neil, please. Whoops, yes, there you go.

Neil: I found this to be very soothing. I know you weren't here last night, but Dawn did something on loving interest, which this seemed to dovetail with just wonderfully. I found really on both nights, just to be able to sit there and watch what was happening and be okay with it. At one point in time I was like, "Oh yeah, that's aversion," and I was just, you know, "aversing" or whatever the "-ing" form of that is. It was not really an experience I can recall having had before. It was very soothing and lovely. Thank you.

Nikki: Thank you, Neil. Beautiful. And thank you so much for sharing that insight in particular—this new experience of, "Oh, aversion is here. Oh yes." For aversion to be known instead of more aversion on top of aversion^[5]. Yay! What an opening, what an opening. Thank you for sharing that. Beautiful. Yeah, Deborah, please.

Deborah: I haven't done a lot of loving-kindness meditation, or at least not for a long time, and so tonight I was really present to how the giving is also receiving. I was just sort of—I don't know, "delighted" might be too strong, it's not exactly what I was, but anyway—I was somewhat delighted at just thinking of all these people as I went through. Some of them, especially with COVID, I haven't talked with or seen. There was just this gift of it. Not just the soothing—it was very soothing and very calming, as I said earlier, and I feel really wonderful now—but there was a gift of just giving. And the heart kept opening, even for the difficult people.

Nikki: Thanks so much for sharing that, Deborah. Metta is a gift of giving and receiving. I'm so grateful that you verbalized that and brought that into the space. It feels like, "Oh, we're giving," but it's not just giving, it's giving and receiving. It's a non-doing giving and receiving; in a way, it can enter another space. Lovely, thank you. And Claire, we'll make this the last quick reflection before we go into groups, please.

Claire: Sorry, I actually chatted with you, but that's okay. I was just commenting that I'm having some health issues, and the calm and the peacefulness of this was absolutely perfect for soothing my body, letting it rest. It's a perfect medicine.

Nikki: Thanks for sharing that. I'm delighted to hear that. So happy to hear that, thank you, Claire. You're getting thumbs up on that too, it's beautiful.

So dear ones, let's turn to hold space—a non-doing, metta-filled, aware space for each other in small groups. Small groups of roughly size three, and we'll start with 15 seconds of silent metta. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and let's see what arises as you hold space for yourselves and each other. The rooms are created. Here we go.

(Break for Small Groups)

Welcome back, everyone. We've got a couple of minutes for any reflections or observations that might have arisen from practicing in small groups, a small sangha together. Don't be shy; you can raise your hand or type in the chat. If you haven't spoken or shared, or if you're new, we would love to hear from you. Was it helpful to discuss with others? Jerry, I do see your hand. I usually don't, but let's see if you can unmute yourself. There we go.

Jerry: We were at the end of the small group talking about how we're getting increasingly very attached to this sangha and very nurtured. I look forward each night to going online. For my sake, it was just before 10:00 PM here on the East Coast, so it's a nice way to go to bed, and for those who are just beginning their evening, it's a nice way to set the evening away from work. So that was the comment.

Nikki: Oh, thanks for sharing that, Jerry. Thank you so much for sharing that experience for you and the people in your group. I feel the same for this; the sangha is such a gift. It's a gift we give and we receive, as Deborah was talking earlier about the gift of metta giving and receiving. With this sangha, I feel the same. Our participation is a gift to others, it is a gift to ourselves. We give and we receive, myself included.

So with that beautiful note, thank you, Jerry. I thank you all for your practice, for your wholehearted practice, and showing up for yourselves and for one another. May all beings, including ourselves, be happy. May all beings be free.

Thank you all.