This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

Dharmette: Oneself (5 of 5) Forgetting Oneself

So, we come then to the end of this week's theme, which is ourselves. I'd like to tell you of a somewhat famous quote by a Japanese Zen master named Dōgen^[1]. I want to quote two sentences that have this dual nature of Buddhist practice, these dual processes. He says, "To study Buddhism is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self." Those are the two I want to emphasize. He continues to say something like, "To forget the self is to be awakened by all beings, to be confirmed by all beings."

But this idea that we can still study oneself, and in the process forget oneself—that one can practice with oneself, observe, and be present for oneself, and at the same time the process is one of forgetting ourselves? This dual nature might sound paradoxical or contradictory. But as I've been saying lately, there are a number of things that humans do that have that dual nature.

One of them is hospitality. We both act energetically and fully engage in the process of being a host, while simultaneously putting some of our own desires for ourselves aside so we can be a good host and care for someone else. That same movement is present with respect, with generosity, and perhaps with a healthy love. When we love someone—if we want to express it and act on it in healthy, appropriate ways—there's also a kind of letting go of self in the process. Hopefully, it's not just about my own needs, desires, pleasures, or feelings, but it's also about the other person and caring for that person. So, we put oneself a little bit aside.

This dual nature of engaging in a practice that is, to some degree, studying ourselves, and then, in the process, forgetting ourselves, is a beautiful expression of the movement of practice. There are a number of ways that this can work.

First, I want to say that sometimes, because meditation practice or mindfulness practice has a kind of self-reference—we're paying attention to our own breathing, or paying attention to our body sensations or our thoughts. In meditation, we often close our eyes and are just with our own experience. It's very easy for that to be confused with self-consciousness, and in extreme situations, even narcissism. That excessive preoccupation with oneself, treating every little detail of ourselves as so impactful, meaningful, and important. Feeling that it always says something about ourselves, defining ourselves, judging ourselves, proving ourselves, needing to be someone, or comparing ourselves to others. It can be a little bit dangerous, this mindfulness practice, if we bring a lot of self along.

But to turn the attention to do the practice of mindfulness moment by moment in a meditation—maybe just being with the inner experience, the breathing, the body, the thoughts, and focusing on it—to do it well, to really do it well, means to truly give yourself over to it. There's not much room for distractions. If we sit down lackadaisically, a lot of distractions and a lot of our concerns can come pouring in. But if we sit down to practice in a relaxed but dedicated way, affirming, "This is important, this is clearly what I'm going to do." In the beginning of meditation, actually affirm, "Oh, this is what I'm doing now." Don't sit down casually and just let the mind continue to think. This clarity of really giving oneself over to the meditation practice, to the present moment, takes some of the energy of attention away from our self-preoccupations, self-concern, and self-ruminations.

It's amazing how much self-preoccupation a human being can have. I think many meditators will be surprised how self-centered much of their thinking is. Being caught up in distracted thoughts where we're the central character in one way or another, where we have some role. A lot of thoughts are in relationship to ourselves. But as we give ourselves over to mindfulness or breathing, there's less energy and attention going into that self-concern.

If we really give ourselves over to it well, there's a forgetting of self, a forgetting of everyday concerns. It's just like what we do if you're reading a really good book, or if you're involved in some delightful craft, art project, playing music, or something that you're really absorbed in. There's a forgetting of yourself, a forgetting of your daily concerns. Even though there might be a lot of attention to some aspects of yourself to do the task well, the mental activity of self-preoccupation and concern is not there. Simply by being able to give ourselves over to the practice, there's a forgetting of self in it, hopefully in a healthy way.

As the practice deepens, we start seeing deeper forms of attachment, stress, clinging, and contractions that are there around the self. One of them can simply be in the nature of how we're doing the practice. Practice itself brings along the baggage of self, the association with what it means to be the practitioner, the doer. There's a simplification process that goes on in meditation practice where everything that's extra, that's not needed, we start seeing as extra. Actually, not only extra, but often a little bit stressful compared to the deeper and deeper calm that's being experienced. We start relaxing the grip of self, relaxing the preoccupation with self that can be quite deep, even subconscious sometimes.

There's a deeper and deeper forgetting of self, and that goes deeper and deeper until, at some point, whatever happens in meditation or in our experience, there's no orientation, no inclination to define ourselves by any of it, or to appropriate any of it. There's no inclination to have us be against it or for it. We just see it clearly in the freedom of the mind, in the heart that is untroubled by it. It doesn't attribute a self to it; it doesn't project ideas of "me, myself, and mine" on it.

This forgetting, putting down, or relaxing of "me, myself, and mine" thinking, preoccupations, tightness, contraction, the fear that sometimes comes with that, or the push, resistance, and ambition that comes with it, is a forgetting of all that. So there's a movement of studying the self in order to forget the self, where forgetting the self is like taking a delightful vacation. Everyone should have a vacation, and it's nice to have a vacation from self.

It doesn't mean that you're not going to pick it up again, or you're not going to take care of yourself. It doesn't mean you have to have a big debate about the philosophical nature of what the self is and isn't. It just means that you've radically given yourself a vacation, a break, a sacred pause where self-concern and self-preoccupation are no longer present.

It is discovered simply by settling into the present moment and practicing simple attention and concentration. Just this. Just this breath. Just this in-breath, just this out-breath. Just this sound, just this thought. The simplicity, more and more simple, to be with each moment as it arises, as it passes, as it occurs. To be in the flow of the present moment, the flow of the occurrence right now, with no retrospective thinking even two seconds before—"What was that that just happened? Wow, that was great." Even that can fall away. And no anticipatory thinking.

Just the flow of this moment. Absorbed in it, delighted in it, like you're playing music and just absorbed in the music of the moment. Or doing a craft, an art, reading a book, or maybe playing with a child where it's so delightful just to be there in the moment with the child, with no before and after. A forgetting of self. This is one of the great pleasures of life, and it's one of the great sources of wisdom and freedom as well.

So we started this week with respecting the self, and this whole movement that we're talking about here is a form of profound respect. Respecting ourselves enough not to suffer, not to contribute to our suffering, by a healthy kind of forgetting of self-preoccupation.

Thank you very much.