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Introduction

So for those of you who came to the meditation just now, thank you. For those of you who came 15 minutes earlier and had this longer sitting, and for those of you who might have joined at the regular time, or anytime, you're always welcome to come. What's wonderful about this electronic medium for meditation together is that everyone enters the meditation room quietly.

Some of you will find that the 15 minutes of extra meditation is a lot longer. Certainly, if you're used to one length of time, it takes a while to get used to the longer period. Once it becomes normal, the longer period can seem to go quite quickly, and anything shorter feels like we're not quite finished. So, it's well worth doing the stretch. Hopefully, this week is nice for you, and if it's not nice, I hope that it's educational and you learn something about yourself that you wouldn't have learned otherwise.

Mindfulness of Breathing (33) Establishing Awareness

In the overall series on this mindfulness of breathing, we're halfway through the 16 steps, but we're taking this week to review or begin over again in a certain way. Beginning over again is not really starting over completely. But in meditation, it's often useful to think we're always beginning over. Often our lives have ups and downs; we've been active in our lives, and when we sit down to meditate, we seldom drop right into the depths of where we were before. Rather, it's always a beginning over.

Learning how to be a beginner, learning how to engage in a way that is harmonious with meditation or supports the enjoyable settling in, is part of this art. Not to be in a hurry, not to be striving, but to be diligent and wholehearted, showing up in a way that says, "Ah, this is really good to be here."

In the instructions the Buddha gives, the preparation for the first step is the instruction to establish mindfulness. I like the expression "establishing awareness" or "establishing attention here." I've asked a number of people how they understand this idea of establishing awareness, and many people respond that for them it means to allow for it, to enable it.

Awareness or attention is a capacity that is operating in all our conscious moments. To establish it is to open up more fully to what's already here, and maybe to center oneself in that awareness, to be rooted here. Some scholars have said that the Pali^[1] word for establish could also mean to stand next to or stand close to; it's to really accompany something.

And now, this idea of having awareness established is like being really rooted here in the present moment. To do that, a fair amount of what we have to do is let go. We have to let go of the ways that thinking preoccupies us so much that we don't even know we're aware. We get pulled into its drama, its stories, and its concerns. There's something about letting go enough of the storylines, the thoughts, the ideas, and the preoccupations so that we're clearly cognizant that we are here in the present moment. Something as simple as, "I'm here in this body, I'm here in this place," begins to establish awareness.

So the question is, more fully for you, what does it mean to establish yourself here in awareness and attention? And how do you do that establishment? It involves finding a place that's wholesome, a place that's healthy, helpful, or even healing—a way of really being here in the midst of what's going on. It might be that there's a lot of emotional turmoil, difficulty, or physical pain. There might be challenges going on around you in the environment. But if it's appropriate to be meditating, what does it mean to establish yourself peacefully? Another way of saying it, which I like quite a bit for myself, is the idea of sitting and practicing without being in conflict with anything.

What does it mean to sit here without conflict? We're kind of looking around and seeing, where is there conflict? Where am I caught up in responsibilities, desires, or resentments? And what are these? Not necessarily to make them go away or to let go of them if it's not easy to do so, but what is it like to be sitting in the middle of it, established? So there is this image of sitting in the middle and just being present for the experience.

I think I've said this recently: when my son went into kindergarten, he was on the younger end—I think he was still four and a half maybe. For the first month or two, he would find a small little kid's chair and place it right in the middle where all the kids were playing in the classroom, and he would just sit there and watch everything that was going on. It was only after a couple of months that he left his chair and started interacting and playing with the kids. No one ever felt that he was troubled, upset, or afraid. That's just what he did; he sat right there confidently in the middle and took it all in, this whole new environment. He established himself in the room of chaotic kindergarten kids playing and running around.

And so, to establish oneself, to root oneself here. I know some teachers who have emphasized that simply having your two feet rooted firmly on the ground, or your seat firmly on the cushion while meditating—that's really where the heart of it is. Really being established here.

I had one teacher who gave this wonderful teaching. He said that a definition of a successful period of meditation—because sometimes what goes on within as we meditate can be so wild and agitating—is that we did not leave our seat. He said sometimes it's like a rodeo, but you stay in your seat, stay in the saddle. The reason he called it a success is that we don't give in to it; we don't give up because of it.

Sometimes just simply hanging in there and staying doesn't look like a wonderful meditative experience, but we're cultivating a lot of strength and stability. We're cultivating the ability to keep our seat, to hold our ground, and say, "I'm staying here."

And so, what's the nature of how we establish awareness? What's the nature of the way that we practice awareness and attention? This took me a long time to understand for myself because I had a lot of agendas when I was practicing. Sometimes I had the agenda to get concentrated, and I was pushing, straining, trying my best, and judging myself. When I was meditating in a room with other people, a part of me was comparing myself with them, trying to catch up or be as concentrated, as mindful, or as still as them.

There was all this swirl of comparative mind, the swirl of needing to accomplish something and prove myself. Then there were the attitudes of not liking what I saw in myself and being upset with what happened. The mindfulness then had a sting to it. It wasn't just being mindful of something, but there were little barbs, like I was poking at or criticizing myself together with being mindful.

Slowly, I learned to simplify and simplify and simplify the awareness, letting go of all this extra stuff that we bring along. Some people would say that the whole process of meditation, like the 16 steps of Anapanasati^[2], is a process of simplifying awareness so it comes into its pristine purity or its pristine simplicity. Just to be aware, to see clearly without the seeing having any filters or obstructions to it. Just to see.

To trust that seeing is enough is supported by the idea that actions—how we take care of things—will come later. First, we're learning this ability to see in a clear, simple way. That allows us to see better what can be done and what should be said. There's more wisdom that way. Finally, this is a quest for simple awareness, a tranquil awareness that is committed and established, that just stays here with experience.

Maybe it's inspiring for you to remember the saying that if you want wisdom—the wisdom of how to live in this world—become tranquil. Have your awareness established in its simplicity and learn how to be content with that. That's enough for now, just enough to sit here and be present. Later can come the action and the response.

Establishing awareness. Thank you very much, and let's all continue with our awareness practice. Thank you.