This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

Happy Hour: Happiness Is A Choice You Make

A warm hello, and welcome everyone. It's good to be with you in this moment in time, whatever the time zone might be for you.

I'd like to invite us to explore a theme which is actually the title of a book. It's a theme that we have explored in different ways, and yet it's so rich. The title of this book is Happiness Is a Choice You Make, and I might have mentioned it before at Happy Hour some time ago. The subtitle of the book, I think, is Lessons from a Year Among the Oldest Old.

The title of the book is quite provocative: happiness is a choice. It's a choice you make. It's not something that happens to you when circumstances are perfect, when you have perfect health, when you have just the right amount of money, or the right job, or the right relationship, or the right house. All of these come and go, and yet happiness can be a fountain within, a choice that we make that is not dependent on conditions. You can be sick, you can have limited mobility, and still have a sense of well-being, contentment, and happiness.

These are lessons that we explore in our spiritual practice, of course we do, and this book, which I highly recommend, is quite remarkable. This New York Times journalist, John Leland, spent a year with the "oldest old"—with seven people who were over eighty-five—and they became his teachers basically in that year. It was a time when his life had fallen apart after a long marriage, and he learned so much. He shares with humility in the book about how the people who became his teachers had lost so much. They had lost mobility, friends, and relatives, as happens with old age. Some of them were not able to live where they wanted to live, being transferred and losing their friends. Actually, there is research that suggests that when we get older, even though we lose so much, the level of happiness actually increases.

This is quite surprising, but it's because people become wiser in learning to be with and appreciate what there is, instead of pining after the past or thinking about a future that's actually quite limited at that point, because the lifespan is short. This art of turning inward has beautiful examples in the book. For example, when one person is not able to go out to have an outing, he decides he's actually happy in his apartment, turning on the TV and having ice cream, which he's not supposed to have. There's a sense of contentment. Instead of thinking, "Oh, they didn't pick me up, they fell through," there was a sense of happiness and peace. Their sense of peace with the simple pleasures, with the simple joys, with the actual miracles of life. Hence the title, Happiness Is a Choice You Make.

It's a choice we make, and it's a training. We train ourselves, as the Buddha invites us. We train our attention here right now, right here, to the mystery and miracle of this moment, instead of the past or the future. We have a choice. Yes, of course, we can decide, "Oh, this is a terrible moment. I wish I was somewhere else, had a different body, different relationship, different whatever." And yet, the wisdom is in recognizing the beauty, the miracle, the grace, and the many gifts in this moment not to be taken for granted.

So, I think I have said enough. That is the frame for the invitations tonight as I lead us in the practice of mettā^[1] and exploration.

Guided Meditation

I'd like to invite you to land in your body. Arrive in your practice body. You could be sitting upright, you could be lying down, it's perfectly okay. See what this body needs in this moment.

Landing in this body. Hello. And even if there is discomfort and pain in the body, hello body. Hello, this miracle of being. I'll share with you that my body is having pain right now, not feeling well, and yet, wow, what a miracle. I choose to turn my attention to open up to what is amazing—the breath, the sensations, being aware of what is, instead of what isn't. I'll invite you to do the same with me.

Releasing, releasing any tightness or tension into the earth.

And also releasing, letting go of thoughts, of memories or plans, of the busyness of the mind. Not that there's anything wrong with thinking, but in this moment, offering it up: "Thank you, not now, please come back later." I'm giving my full heart, attention, and awareness to this practice in this moment.

Feeling the sit bones contacting the cushion or the chair. The contact points, releasing. Release as if you're letting a ball drop internally. Drop internally. Released unto the earth. In lieu of the chair or the cushion, dropped internally unto the earth.

Allowing awareness to receive the breath in the lower abdomen. The in-breath and the out-breath. Soothing, comforting. Slow, slow it down. It helps to slow down the mind to arrive more fully. Slowly in and slowly out for a few breaths. Not for the entire practice, but just to encourage us to settle.

Slowly in on the in-breath to the abdomen, and slowly and more slowly out on the out-breath.

This breath is enough. Can it be enough? Notice.

This is enough, this breath right here. Not just enough, but amazing. Sweet. Surprising. Full of miracles. Every breath different, like a snowflake.

Can we meet each snowflake of the breath with awe, with appreciation, of contentment?

Here's an experiment to try on for size. After this period, you can go back to choosing to be any way you want. But for now, what if, for a moment here in this practice, in this meditation session, we practice releasing, letting go of the thoughts of the past, what has come until now, preoccupations, and thoughts of the future? "I need this, do this, do that, I'm worried about this, what's going to happen to that?" Just right now, let's release.

Release, like letting go of these helium balloons. Let them float.

And what if in this moment, just trying it on as an experiment to see what happens—again, we can bring back all the thoughts later—and right now, experiment with a radical perception, a perspective which all of us can take? The perspective that this moment is a contentful moment. That you can feel contentment in this moment.

If your mind goes, "But, but, but," say, "Thank you, I'm just trying it out for size." Release the "buts." Let yourself taste.

Let your body relax and soften. As much contentment as there is in this moment, just with a simple breath moving in and out to lullaby. The privilege of just sitting and breathing, how awesome is that?

The mind may want to turn to what's not right, what's unpleasant, what's hot, what's cold. Can you tune in, as if you're tuning a radio, and there are lots of channels? So much here, so much information, it's a deluge really every moment, so much stimuli in the body, outside, inside. Tune the radio of your mind to what's wholesome, what's nourishing, what's good for the body and the mind.

And just to give it some support, let's bring in some mettā, some kindness, some loving-kindness, some care, some warmth for this being who is you, who struggles, who tries their best. Releasing into kindness, as if you're held with kindness. It's okay. No need to struggle.

Practice as if you're an old person, a very old person. Let it go. Not so much to do, to accomplish, but just to be here is enough.

And if judgments are arising: "You're not doing this right, this is not enough," let it go. This is enough, whatever is happening, whatever is here. Whatever is here.

Tuning the radio of the mind to the goodness, perhaps of some actions in the past. Maybe kindness or acts of generosity. Let yourself sit in the ripples. Nothing else to be done right now. This is enough, sitting in ripples of goodness. Trusting, tuning the radio of the mind to goodness. You can do this.

Train yourself. Knowing that you are doing your best, this is enough. Whatever is arising is enough. Don't struggle. Don't try so hard. Releasing, letting go is a part of this practice.

Release. Let go. It's enough.

This is enough. Release, let go.

You're doing your best. This is enough.

Release, relax, let go the body.

Notice if there is any peace present. Peace, ease, contentment. The Buddha said peace is the highest bliss. It's a different flavor of happiness, the highest flavor of happiness. See how much of it might be present right now.

This is enough. Let it go.

Notice if there is desire to continue with this state, with this enoughness, whatever it is. For it not to end, for me not to ring the bell. Notice, acknowledge if it's present. Honor it.

This here is enough when we let go of pining after one thing and thinking of what is not going well.

May all beings everywhere, including us, find freedom, deep peace, deep peace of contentment. What is here, what is enough.

Reflections

Thank you all. Thank you for your practice. I wanted to share a couple of reflections before I invite you to share yours.

The sense of contentment, this "enoughness," this sense of peace that can arise, which might never have arisen for you even just a little bit, to taste it in this meditation. I was tasting it. I didn't want to ring the bell. I felt, "Oh, this is enough. Yes, the body's in pain, but this is great. This is plenty."

When I was inviting you to tune the radio of your mind to what is enough, it also means really letting go. Letting go of what is not helpful. Just letting go, releasing. Coming back to this book, Happiness Is a Choice You Make, it is the releasing of the pining, the wanting, this to that, so that it's, "Oh, this right here."

And again, not to say that this is the state that you may want to have every moment of your life. I'm not suggesting that you ever give up every intention or desire; that's not the idea here. But it's a training that we take on, on the cushion, and it comes to us in daily life. When there is a sense of our mind turning to finding fault with everything, it's like, "Oh wait, I know a different way to be." Yes, we can continue to plan, to be in the world, to serve, to make plans. There is nothing wrong with thinking and planning in the world, but this practice can show us a different way of being.

So, I've said enough and I would love to hear your reflections. What came up for you? What did you notice? What worked? What didn't? Again, sharing for the benefit of the sangha^[2]—your insights, your "aha" moments—and also for the benefit of yourself to be held witness. If you've shared recently, pull back. If not, please pull forward. You can also type in chat. If you type to everyone, I'll read your name. If it's just to me privately, I will only read your reflection, not your name.

Take it away. What happened? What did you notice? Was there any peace? Was this moment enough for anyone? Did you notice the bliss of peace? Or not?

Maybe you're just too quiet to talk. I see a thumbs up, somebody's giving a thumbs up. Yay, beautiful. Whoever is giving the thumbs up, would you like to raise your hand and say something? Oh, it went away. That's great, that's alright. Here we go, Aurora please.

Aurora: Hi. I really appreciated the opening frame, and I felt like my meditation was releasing, grasping, releasing, grasping. And then when you said the bit about, "Imagine that you're very, very old," I had a long moment of, "Oh right, I don't have any other time but this time." It washed over me in this really helpful way. So I kept coming back to that, like, "Remember you could die tomorrow," and it was really helpful.

Nikki Mirghafori: Beautiful. Thank you so much, Aurora, for sharing your insight and the practice. Yes, this reflection of "I could die tomorrow." Practicing as if you're really, really old. What a great way to practice. In the past, I've given the instruction to people to practice as if you're sick, as if you're ill, because when you're sick, you don't try so hard, it's more easeful. And now I think I'm going to give the new instruction to people: practice as if you're ninety years old! Something happens in our bodies and our minds. Beautiful, thank you so much for sharing that.

A couple of reflections in chat. Bill says, "Pleased to see that slowing the breath did slow my mind." Yay, Bill, wonderful! "At the same time, there was a slight physical strain in the breathing and breathing so slowly."

Yeah, there's lots of research about breathing and the effect of slow breath, especially slow out-breath, how it calms the mind and the physiology. There's plenty of physiological research, and actually the book Breath^[3] is a lovely book. I'm giving you lots of book recommendations tonight, it's a great book. It's good to do that for a while, but then if it becomes strained, then let it go. My recommendation was just to bring that in at the beginning to kind of slow down, and then to let it go, let it be normal.

Then Deborah says, "I'm still in the gooey peaceful state and didn't want to use words now to shift out of it."

Yes, thanks for sharing that, Deborah. I appreciate it, that's how I felt myself after the meditation. It's like, I don't really want to talk, I don't want to ring the bell, but time's up.

One more reflection went private: "My practice is not regular yet, and when I allow myself to relax to the deepest, I still feel this background rumbling of jangling nerves, like a quarter rattling on top of a washing machine on the spin cycle."

Thank you for sharing that. It's often like we're a car that's driving at a hundred miles per hour through our lives, going to get this done and that done. And then we sit to meditate and the car is still moving, shifting. I love your description of jangling nerves, the quarter rattling on top of a washing machine. It's okay. It's really okay. Make space for that. That's what needs to happen. That's what needs to be present given everything that has come before. If you hate it, if you say, "Okay, I've sat down, I want everything to be quiet. Stop, you quarters!"—by pushing it away and hating it, actually you give it more energy. My recommendation is make space for the jangling nerves, for the rattling quarters. Like, "Oh yeah, it's like this."

Notice that there could be contentment and peace even if there's rattling and jingling. The same way that there could be contentment, peace, and ease with physical pain, with things not being right. The two can coexist. To the person who wrote whose practice is not regular yet, the moment you see that jingling and jangling can be coexistent with peace and contentment, the peace can be spacious enough to hold it, then wow, your practice opens to the next level.

So dear ones, with that I would like to invite us to share, to engage, to reflect. Whoever shows up in the room tonight is the right person. This person that you're supposed to be talking to, listening to, these special individuals, they're supposed to teach you something tonight. And you're supposed to teach them something. Again, not to preach, but you're meant to leave each other with a gift. Let yourself be surprised, and the gift may not reveal itself, so don't start stressing out like, "Okay, I gotta say something smart." No, no, no, just be yourself. Your gift might just be silently holding presence. Maybe that's the gift that you give to the other person tonight: the gift of compassion, the gift of care. See what happens.

I am going to create the rooms now. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Here we go.

Okay, the rooms are closed. Everyone is back. Welcome back.

We have just about a minute if any insights have arisen, especially from sharing and discussing in group and sangha, and especially if you're new. You're welcome, if you wish, not to put anyone on the spot, but you can raise your hand if you want, or type in chat, or not. It's all good, whatever makes you feel complete.

How was it to be in group tonight? Oh, I see the hearts showing up. Sweet.

Neil, please. You get the last word, Neil, go for it.

Neil: So, I mean, this was just a lovely practice, right? And it just carried over into group. It just felt especially warm and supportive. It was very nice. Thank you.

Nikki Mirghafori: Thank you so much for sharing that. Oh, it's beautiful how that mindset, that heart-set, carries over to the interaction. And it gives us all hope that this can carry to our other interactions in the world. From the sandbox of the sangha to other sandboxes. Thank you, Neil, for sharing that reflection.

Jerry says, "Contentment, yes, yes."

May you all be content. Thank you all, thank you so much for your practice. Thank you for cultivating for your own benefit and the benefit of others. May we all be free. May we all know deep and true contentment.

Thank you all.