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Happy Hour: Recollection of Our Values

Introduction

So hello and welcome. A warm welcome to all of you, wherever in the world you are in this moment. For practice today, this is a continuation perhaps, or a different way to practice appreciating self, having mettā^[1] for self. We did a practice of self-appreciation on Monday, and by the end of that, some feedback came up that it was easy for some folks, it was challenging for some folks, and the main theme was, "Oh, we can't have enough self-appreciation, self-mettā, kindness for self." Of course, you can.

However many sessions we spend cultivating kindness and compassion for ourselves—as a way to both support ourselves, fill our own cup so that we are not looking at the world with needy eyes ("Love me, love me, love me, love me")—that's one way to think of how important self-love, self-mettā is. Another aspect of it is that we tend to be so rough on ourselves usually, so judgmental, so challenging. Often, we don't even see it that way. We think that that's just the way it is. We miss how mean we are being with ourselves. We don't even see it.

With self-compassion, with self-care, appreciating this person who is me with all their gifts, their beauty, their grace, and their challenges helps balance it. It helps bring some perspective and fill our own cup in that way, also to be more resilient and to be of service, both for the awakening of this being that is us and to serve the world. So not in a self-satisfying, self-satisfied way, but really as a way that we can be more available for ourselves and to serve the world in this brief life that is ours.

The invitation today is to turn towards appreciating ourselves, mettā for ourselves from seeing, appreciating, connecting with our deepest values. With this sense of beauty, grace, values that we cherish. For each of us, there might be different values that we cherish in our lives. In this session, I will drop them in. I've done this before, and one person I remember commented that it seemed like it was evoking different names of God, each of these values that I dropped in.

We'll be settling in with our breath in the body as always, spending some time at the beginning just settling with the breath, with the body. And then, the same way that we would drop a pebble in a pond and let it reverberate, I'll be mentioning different qualities, different values. I have a list of qualities and values such as generosity, harmony, openness, adventure, beauty, commitment. I have a long list of them, and I will drop them in.

The invitation for you is to drop them in, not to think about them. Do not think about them. Drop them into your body. You have a choice as to how to relate with your experience. Wise effort is helpful here. Yes, you can get distracted and think about these and spend the whole 30 minutes thinking. That's an option, but choose not to do that. Very kindly bringing the mind to the body, dropping in these values, letting them reverberate. It might be skillful now and then to let go if there's too much thinking. Just come back to the breath and the body to settle yourself. So those are the invitations. That's the direction we're going to go today. So without further ado, let's get into our meditation posture.

Reflections and Q&A

Thank you all for your practice.

If you wish to share reflections, you can type them in chat, share them with everyone, or raise your blue hand, and I'll ask you to unmute yourself. As I wait for your reflections or for you to raise your hand... it can be so profound and beautiful to connect to all the values, all this beauty and grace we take for granted that we resonate with, that is dear to us. And again, not every value on the list might have been the ignition switch for you, but some might have been.

Lisa, please.

Lisa: Thank you so much, Nikki. This was like... I'm going to maybe struggle to say this, but what was happening for me is noticing the feeling tone that came up with each word. On the spectrum like positive, negative, neutral. And then noticing how much I was waiting or maybe wanting or could remember better the ones that really rang the bell. And then noticing, because then even when you were just speaking after you dropped the words, I kept connecting to words you were saying like positive, negative, I don't feel anything. How in verbal communication with people, and written as well, they may and very well probably are having reactions to words I'm saying like that. And I too, maybe not even noticing that I'm feeling very positively about something when it's really my connection to those words, or negatively because I don't relate. It's not that I don't understand the meaning of them, it's just how it lands for me, whereas they may mean something else. So yeah, there were many layers to this. Thank you so much.

Nikki: Thank you, Lisa, thank you. What I appreciate, actually, something that you pointed out is essentially in one way you were practicing vedanā^[2] or feeling tone with this practice. And feeling tone, for those who may not be familiar with it, is the Second Foundation of Mindfulness^[3] in the teachings. It is simply noticing pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral feeling. It's not an emotion, it's just pleasant, unpleasant, neutral valence that comes up. So Lisa, as she was noticing the valence—pleasant, "Oh yes, this one I come alive," this one not quite I don't connect with, "Oh this one neither pleasant nor unpleasant, it's just kind of neither."

And then what was interesting, you were saying that afterwards when I was talking, your mind was still doing the same practice, which is what happens when one practices with vedanā. Then one starts to see pleasant, unpleasant, neutral everywhere. It becomes a really rich practice, and you realize, "Wow, this is happening all the time, you're just not aware of it." And it happens for everyone, all the time, we're not aware. So this is profound practice, Lisa. This is great, thanks for sharing that. Beautiful.

Claire is asking if I can post the values in chat. So the values are actually on my website. Later, not right now, if you go to nikkimirghafori.com and on the top you'll see "Teachings," and on "Teachings" if you go to the bottom of the teaching it says "Resources," it's under resources, so you can find it there. Actually, maybe I can do... do I have that? Maybe I can put that... no I don't. Anyway, it's there, trust me, it's there, so you can find it on my website.

Let's see, and Bill had challenges, had trouble with impatience. You know, it's a practice. We train our minds to come back, to be patient, to be patient. It's a training. You're hanging in here, which is beautiful, so you definitely embody the value of commitment and discipline. You hang in there. So hang in there, and keep practicing, inclining your mind. At some point it will become easier if you keep bringing your mind back to it. Because if it comes up, if the thought comes up, and if you give into it and you keep thinking about all the thoughts, well, you're actually feeding the same fire. So be really aware the moment when it's coming up—that's a really important moment to say, "Thank you, no. Turn." So that's a really important moment, Bill.

Time is flying, so for our Community Practice as we go into groups, let's share one or two or three values that you really resonated with. And consider that when you share maybe one with others, you're giving them a gift. You're sharing with them how and why this one resonates for you. So for me, curiosity. I'm so curious by nature, it brings me alive. Wow. And the way I talk about it maybe makes other people go, "Ah, I never considered curiosity to be that juicy. Okay, well maybe it's an interesting value instead of old curiosity." So give each other the gift of your enthusiasm, your joy, your connection with this value that's important to you. So with that, I'm going to create the breakout rooms, and this can be a joyous connection tonight, so I hope you do stay and participate.

[Breakout sessions begin and end]

The rooms are closed, and everyone's back. Welcome back everyone. Would love to hear from you. Oh here, by the way, I have the link to where you can find it on my page later. We would love to hear if you have reflections, if you'd like to raise your hand. What came up? What was that like, sharing, connecting? Yes, April, I do see your hand. I usually don't see people's hands, but I do see your hand.

April: Okay, so I met with Rebecca, and although all the values are very great, we talked about how courage has been said to be the most important value because it makes all the other values possible. And I was also sharing how I've started to focus on courage more in my life because I started to feel that although it's good to be accepting, I had started to become overly accepting, like not trying to do anything. I'm not speaking up for myself or not trying to make a difference. So I was like, be more courageous was my idea, and changing the things I cannot accept, as Angela Davis said.

Nikki: Lovely. Thank you so much for sharing that, April. Love it, love it. Courage, beautiful.

So the time has come to an end, and there's one announcement that I actually next time I'll make it earlier. But one of the values was community. The announcement was also made last night, but we're going to make it many times so that people hear it. Neil has kindly created a Google group for folks to be able to connect together offline. It's a happy hour mailing list, and thank you, Neil, for your service. Another value: helping others. Thank you, Neil, for posting the Bitly, and you can click on that and request to join. It's just a forum to connect and share and support each other and practice mettā and all the beautiful Brahma-vihāras^[4] interactively offline.

Anyway, the time has come to an end. So I want to thank you again for your practice. May you see your own goodness, your own connection to values, to beauty, to your own integration, and may it serve you and all beings everywhere. Thanks everyone.