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Happy Hour: Thanking Those We Take for Granted

Hello, and welcome to Happy Hour. It's lovely to see you. Those of you whom I can see on the tiny little strip—I have to go back and forth so that I can see at least some more of you and see your names—it makes me very happy to be with all of you, to be practicing together.

Today's Happy Hour falls on Thanksgiving week in the United States. For those joining us from other places in the world, there's a holiday called Thanksgiving. Without getting into too much detail on the political aspects of it—I'll leave that all aside—I'll share something personal. When I moved to the US from Iran years ago, I was so touched, not knowing anything about the background, just learning that there is a holiday in this new country of mine called Thanksgiving, where people come together and give thanks. What a concept, to have a holiday around giving thanks! We didn't have one; we had different holidays, but not this one.

So, I like to continue to have this sense of appreciation, reclaiming this time of the year to give thanks, to really bring our hearts to gratitude. For this week's Happy Hour, the theme that I will explore—and I just talked with Diana, and that's what she'll explore tomorrow too—is gratitude. We'll be explaining the different aspects of gratitude. Oh, and also an announcement: Thursday Happy Hour is no longer canceled. Don Neal, who's actually here, has volunteered to lead the sangha^[1] on Thursday. So thank you, Don! Thank you for supporting the sangha on Thursday so that there can be continuity this whole week. I'm just really delighted that we'll have continuity this week.

With that, there are so many different ways to explore this beautiful practice of gratitude—in Pali, Kataññutā^[2]. There are practices in various traditions, giving thanks, feeling grateful. There's also so much research done on gratitude, on the benefits of giving thanks, keeping a gratitude journal, etc. There's a lot of research in the psychological sciences about the benefits of gratitude.

One thing I want to say that usually comes up is that practicing gratitude isn't that you should feel grateful. There is no "shoulding" here. It's not that you have to feel grateful. If one approaches gratitude with the sense of, "Well, you have so much in your life, you should be grateful, you shouldn't complain about what you're complaining about"—ouch! That does not work. It's not the practice. So the invitation to always keep in mind with practicing this, if you choose to (it's a matter of choice), is: "Can I be grateful for this? Can I say thank you for this?" And if the feeling comes up as "no," then don't push it. It's just an invitation, and there's no "should" anywhere.

Also, the idea isn't that being grateful means there's no negativity, or there are no challenges, difficulty, or suffering in life. Of course, both are present—things to be grateful for, blessings, and yes, challenges too. Both. And one doesn't overrule the other.

One thing that I was really inspired by—and actually, that's what I wanted to do tonight's gratitude practice about—I'll say a couple of words. A couple of days ago, I heard on the radio (I'll put the link in the chat later so you don't search for it right now) a program called TED Radio Hour. There was a report of a person named A.J. Jacobs, who is a commentator and author.

The program was about how he decided to take on the practice of gratitude. This is a practice, by the way, that we do in guided meditations, especially Thích Nhất Hạnh's^[3] concept of interbeing^[4]. You take one article, let's say something you're wearing or something you're eating, and you try in your mind to thank all the beings, all the people who had something to do with how this got to you. For example, a scarf: how this got to me. In my mind, I think, "Oh wow, the person who gave it to me, and the person who got it to the store, and the person who made it..." You start to think about this whole structure.

This author decided to do it with his morning coffee. He was thanking people in his mind: thanking the barista, thanking the person who had grown the coffee, and the person who had driven it on the roads, the person who stocked it on the shelf. His son said something like, "Dad, none of the people whom you're thanking are hearing you." So, he makes it into a personal project to actually travel to all the places and physically thank everyone who was responsible for his cup of coffee. This becomes a journey that he writes about. He actually goes to South America to thank the farmers. And they take it to heart, and they say, "Well, we could never do our job if it wasn't for these other people who supplied us with this, and the water..." This becomes a huge project. He realized it doesn't take a village to make his coffee; it takes the whole world. It takes the whole world for him to have this cup of coffee.

So there is this sense of, "Wow, so many people, so many human beings, so many causes and conditions." There is a sense of humility and a sense of gratitude of us being part of this vibrant network of humanity. I've spoken more than I wanted to, but let's make that the theme. I'll have some invitations for us to explore that.

Reflections

Thank you all. Thanks everyone for your practice. There are so many places we can go with gratitude. So much to be grateful for, so little time. If you would like to share reflections, you can type them in the chat for everyone or raise your virtual hand.

Someone says, "Thanking everyone who got this shirt on my back led me beyond the fields where the threads were grown. It reminded me, the way to bake an apple pie is to begin with the creation of the universe." That's it! That's exactly it, yeah. It's astounding. I stopped narrating because if I talked, I would be talking the whole time. I wanted you to explore it on your own. It's like, wow, so many people are involved! It's really the whole universe, as you were saying.

Neil says, "Thank you, Nikki, for all your time and effort. Metta^[5] and hugs." Thank you, this is sweet. Thank you for showing up, all of you.

Forrest says, "I was touched by how much each of us wants our work to matter, and it does." Beautiful. Thank you, Forrest, I love that.

April mentions Thích Nhất Hạnh and interbeing: "Nothing exists separate from anything else." Exactly, that's right. I believe I did give credit to him earlier, and yes, this is often the way that he invites the practice of interbeing.

Violet shares, "Feeling so much gratitude for the Happy Hour sangha and teachers, the hundreds and thousands touched by now on Zoom, YouTube, and AudioDharma. Such a generous offering." Thank you, Violet. If you weren't here, I wouldn't be here. So thank you for showing up, day after day.

Victoria says, "Feeling awe and seeing how we are interconnected. Feeling thankful for your guidance." Thank you, Victoria. And thank you for showing up. There is also gratitude from Shri Hari. And Jerry has their hand up. Please, Jerry.

Jerry: First of all, it's good to be back to see you, Nikki. I've been away, but thank you for the practice today particularly. I was struck at the very end. I enjoyed the moment of trying to trace my garment back to where it was manufactured and all the people that got it there. Then at the very end, as you were inviting us back, I thought, my goodness, we're going to get out of this pandemic by all of our work together, including all of the scientists that have been working on vaccines and the distribution of the vaccines. As a physician, I was struck by the interdependence of us all for the collective good. It was a moment of great thanksgiving for all the work that's being done and will continue to be done to help us all.

Nikki: Thank you, Jerry. As you say that, I find my heart resonating and trembling with gratitude for so much effort and so many beings, and their families who are supporting them. Then you can take this into the direction of all the people who are supporting them doing this work—all the farmers who are growing the food that they eat in order to be able to do this work, right? It just becomes exponential. It becomes the whole universe. Thank you, Jerry. I appreciate that.

Claire says, "Gratitude is wanting what you have." I love it. Yes, so wise. That's it. And Wendy says, "Touched by how much each of us contributes, seen and unseen, to humanity. Interbeing." Yes, beautiful. Thank you, Wendy. Indeed, to have also the sense of appreciation for ourselves.

Vicky also shares appreciation for leading us on this journey of gratitude. You're very welcome, Vicky. It feels like a journey we're all traveling together. Very sweet.

So, dear ones, let's have a few minutes of traveling this journey of gratitude together in small breakout groups. You can thank each other for showing up and doing this practice wholeheartedly, and you can be thanked. Just really be appreciated for who you are right now, showing up just as you are; you don't have to be any different. The invitation is you can share what came up for you in this practice, or you can just silently beam gratitude. I'm going to create the breakout rooms. I hope you stay if you can, and if you can't, that's perfectly understandable. Have fun thanking each other!

Welcome back, everyone. We have a couple of minutes for any reflections. Before we do, I wanted to share with you the link for the NPR program I mentioned. The title of it, for those who will just be hearing this on AudioDharma, is "A.J. Jacobs: How can we thank those we take for granted?" It's a 12 to 14-minute listen, and it's definitely worth it.

Any reflections? Please type in chat or raise your hand. How were the groups tonight?

Someone mentions the power of gratitude journaling in the chat. Yeah, exactly. Very powerful practice. In fact, maybe that would be the invitation for this week. Maybe taking this week to jot down—maybe tonight before you go to bed, jot down three things in an email and send it to yourself. Or maybe just jot them down somewhere. Three things you're grateful for. Thank you for bringing that up, April.

Any other reflections? Claire, please.

Claire: I might sound a little know-it-all-ish or whatever, but one of the things I shared with my group is that for a number of years, I have circulated a gratitude list by email every day with two very close friends. Each of us shares three things. We've been doing it for quite a while, and it's made a major contribution to my attitude and the way I experience life. In the beginning, it was really hard—all I could see was what was wrong. But slowly, it becomes a practice of looking for the good things that are going on.

Nikki: Absolutely. It doesn't sound know-it-all-ish at all, Claire. You sound like many of the subjects in the studies that have been run on gratitude who say the same thing. I've done this myself, actually. For a long time, I had a gratitude journal, and then for a while, I exchanged emails every night with a relative. You start to see things differently. It happens for everyone. You and I are not special; this is just what happens with this practice.

Also, what A.J. Jacobs talks about in his talk—he says he tends to be curmudgeonly. He used to wake up in the morning kind of curmudgeonly, and then, through this project, he started getting himself to write thank-you letters, and he's happier. He's become a different person. His perspective is one of seeing grace, beauty, and things to appreciate in the world instead of just picking out problems. Your lens, your perception changes.

With that, we have come to the end of Happy Hour. Another hour well spent practicing and cultivating. Thank you all. Deep gratitude to every single one of you for showing up, for practicing, showing up online when you can. And I know so many people can't, but they listen afterwards. Thank you for your practice, for giving your heart to this practice for your own benefit and for the benefit of all beings everywhere in all that you do.

May you all be safe, happy, healthy, and well. May your heart be filled with goodness. [Laughter] Goodnight, everyone.