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Happy Hour: The Grace of Getting to Live in a World Where There is Metta / Kindness / Love

Introduction

Hello and welcome, everyone, to Happy Hour. What a delight to be practicing together from all over the world, so many different time zones and northern and southern hemispheres. Love it!

And how amazing it is to be alive, to be human in this form. However this thing came about—evolution or however—here we are, these conscious beings, and we have the ability to be kind, to love ourselves and others. It just boggles my mind. That's where I've been sitting today, so I wanted to share that with you and invite you into that space with me. I'll guide you little by little. Even if you're like, "What is she talking about?" don't worry, I'll guide you with me, so that we don't see this practice of cultivating kindness as a chore or a duty.

It's hard to be kind, and thinking, "I have to do this again," ah! But see it as grace, as a gift, as a rare opportunity that here we are. What are the chances that the book of our lives was to be written anyway? This life with all these causes and conditions—yes, plenty of challenges, plenty of difficulty, plenty of beauty, plenty of grace.

But the fact that the book of our lives, this book, is written at all; that out of all the causes and conditions we were the one to be born, our parents meeting, the conditions—here we are through all the causes and conditions. This being, and here we have an opportunity, we have this gift that's called life. It's impermanent, it's very, very short, and now here we are in this Happy Hour. Here we have come together in this way. Wow!

What an amazing gift, what an amazing opportunity to be able to consider, to think, to incline our hearts, our minds, through thoughts to feelings of kindness, of love. Wow! As I say this, actually, I want to drop down and kiss the ground to be in this space with you. What a grace of an opportunity, this co-creation of all of us together to be able to do this. Wow! This is amazing, this is incredible. To know the Dharma^[1], the good fortune to know the Dharma, to have access to the Dharma, to be able to come together not even leaving your home.

This good fortune that each and every single one of you has. Even if you are not well right now, if you are sick as I know some of you have been the past week, this grace, this gift of being able to spend your time—the privilege, really, such a privilege to know these teachings, to be able to practice in community in this way through this technology. This amazing stuff, this Zoom thing that didn't even exist twenty, thirty years ago. So all of this, just relishing, giving thanks, gratitude for all of this. Being able to, and giving our heart to it, being nourished by it, and giving our heart to it. This cultivation—so that's what I'd like to invite us to swim in, in our minds, to swim in tonight. So I wanted to set the stage this way.

And yeah, as always, we'll start by settling in the body and with the breath. Just settling, arriving, and then I'll have some invitations for us to explore this space together. All right, let's begin.

Guided Meditation

So if you need to move and shift to land in your body where you're sitting, your shoulders, your back, your neck, or just physically getting up and moving to a cushion or lying down, see what your body needs in this moment.

And then planting your feet if you're sitting on a chair. Planting the bottom of your feet on the earth, this earth. The floor in lieu of the earth. Letting yourself sit upright.

As if there is a little magnet that gently pulls up the top of your head, your torso, and lengthens. Not pushing it up, it just gets lengthened on its own.

Sitting tall like a mountain, and then the rest of your body can drop, you can land. The mountain has a wide base. Feeling your sit bones. Feeling your sit bones on the cushion, on the chair.

Letting the mind rest. Rest.

Nothing to do right now. If you're holding a little baby, or a little young puppy, or your kitty, whatever speaks to you, you can say, "Rest, sweetheart, rest." Rest. Hold it, smooth the hair, the fur, whatever it might be in your imagination. "Rest, sweetheart. Rest, my heart. Rest, my mind. Okay, rest. Yes."

Resting, resting. Letting the breath move through the body. With each breath, resting some more.

And if the mind wanders, not a problem. Not a problem at all. No need for judging or yanking. "Sweetheart, it's okay. Rest, rest. Come rest. Come rest, be soothed. Yes, yes, yes. You've been thinking all day, dear mind. You've been busy all day, dear heart. It's okay. It's hard to slow down, it's all right."

Releasing the body. Lightening your load of preoccupations.

You may need to let go many, many times. Do it lovingly, lightly. Every time you let go of thoughts, preoccupations, fold yourself in the refuge of this moment.

Let yourself enjoy the gift, the grace of each breath. Each in-breath, each out-breath. On the surface, it's just a breath. But pause, really relish, notice the complexity, the gift, the nuance of each breath. Each one's different, a little different. Each breath is like a sonata, a piece of music. A symphony.

If you listen to it from afar, oh, it's just noise. But as you get to really pay attention, you get to appreciate how much really it has taken. Evolution, this body. The perfection of this breath, bringing oxygen to this body, keeping it alive. The release, the joy, the delight, the pleasure of each out-breath. The expansion of each in-breath. So intimate. You don't have to think about it, let yourself feel it. Swayed by it, back and forth. Let yourself be rocked back and forth by each breath.

There, great, great, great, great, great, great—my grandmother was a fish with gills! Here, here is this being who's me, this body, breathing in air, breathing out air. Wow, so amazing.

Letting this body really feel the grace of the breath. It's not to think about it, bringing these invitations, drop in and appreciate the sensations more. Not to ruminate, let it go. If you're thinking about it, let it all go. Rest, rest to your heart, rest your mind. Be rocked by the breath the way a baby is rocked back and forth in the crib.

Being able to breathe, wow. Being alive. Being able to think, even if we call them distractions right now, how amazing these thoughts, these bubbles of creation.

How amazing to be able to reflect, to think, to feel. Behind thoughts, we know how powerful they are. How powerful thoughts are, inclining our actions, our tendencies, our personalities, our future, who we become. Who we are, who we become. These thoughts, the way we interact with others, who we are in the world, and the legacy we leave, as we will leave, all of us in this world.

Relaxing the body, choosing to incline our hearts to kindness, first for this being who is me. This amazing miracle that breathes and walks and feels and suffers and is joyous and has hopes and dreams and all of that, the full catastrophe. Let's incline our hearts, our minds, our heart-mind, our citta^[2]—Pali language of the Buddha—our heart-mind, to kindness.

If you'd like to experiment, putting a hand on your chest, middle of your chest, heart center, proverbial heart center. Connecting with your body, this being who is me. As if you're holding yourself with care: "May this being who is me, may they be well. May she, he, may I..." whatever works for you in this moment, try a few variations. "May I be well." Let's stay with this simple wish: "May this being who is me be well."

Yeah, wow. How amazing to be able to consider, think a wish of kindness for yourself. Wow, this is pretty cool, not to be taken for granted. I can think, consider kind thoughts for myself. Drop by drop, wow.

Try it again. "May this being who is me be well." As if you're a friend to yourself, inclining this goodness, this goodwill for yourself.

Also, if you are experimenting with putting a hand on your heart center, this sensation—actually feel the sensations. Pretty amazing to feel yourself both feeling and being felt. It's not to be taken for granted. We're just so used to it when we touch ourselves, but hold yourself. Wow, there's this warmth of a hand on my chest. How calming, how soothing, this is so sweet. And let the hand feel the warmth of this chest, this alive being it's touching, as if your beloved other can feel it. So miraculous to touch ourselves, being touched and touching. Shift your perspective from your hand to your chest, and your chest to your hand. Feel the warmth, feel the pressure. And maybe if you have the perspective of the chest, it's as if a dear friend is putting their hand on your chest: "Sweetheart, may you be well."

Switching your perspective to your hand: "Oh dear heart. Dear heart, dear being, dear being who is doing their best. Oh sweetheart, may you be well." Let your hand feel full of intention, full of grace. Endowing, endowing. It's an important touch, this act of holding, touching. Sometimes when we don't have words, actually just this gesture is enough. When you have empowered it, when you have endowed it with meaning, it's all that's needed sometimes. In the middle of the day, just holding. "Oh sweetheart," just being held.

How amazing. How amazing we can hold ourselves with kindness. Wow, what an amazing, amazing world where each of us has the capacity, ability to hold ourselves literally, physically, our hearts and our minds with kindness, and just for a moment, with one thought, with one wish. Such a world where beautiful music exists, love exists, care exists. Wow, we have the privilege to be living in this world for this brief time.

In a world where other people live too, people we care about. Invite a being into your heart space, someone you care about, present, maybe past, as long as there's not too much grief or sadness. Invite them into the world where this person exists, has lived, with their nuances, with their particularities, their joys, the way they show up, who they are. It's pretty amazing. Their history, their likes, their dislikes, their laughter, the way they look, the way they look at you. What a world. And what a world where you can love them, feel care for them, wish them well: "I wish you well." Or maybe thank them, just another expression of mettā^[3], of love, a sense of gratitude, appreciation. See what feels right.

With someone from the present who has been called up, showed up. Send mettā for them: "May you be well," or "I care for you," or "I love you." Someone from the past: "Thank you." Opening your heart, feeling the grace of gratitude. Live, even if briefly, in the world where you love or have loved, you care for another being.

In a world where beauty exists, and nature, and art, and music, whatever uplifts your heart. Beauty lives in the heart. The beauty of love, of care. Perhaps inviting both of you, both this being that has come up and yourself: "May both of us have goodness, be held in mettā, safety, happiness, health, and ease." Or maybe simply, "Thank you. I love you," or "Thank you for caring for me as you have."

Gratitude to live, to exist in this moment of time. All of us exist in this brief moment of time in a world where we can feel, appreciate, be grateful for love, and love. Goodwill, kindness, friendliness, all its shades, forms, however it shows up right now in this moment for you. Hallelujah!

And as we bring this period of practice to an end together, hmm, appreciating, appreciating coming together in this moment in time to cultivate, to turn our minds, our hearts, to mettā, to love. This brief moment in time, this cultivation—grace, what a gift. To be able to cultivate, to love, have mettā, to have received mettā, and continue to receive goodwill and love in this world.

May all beings everywhere know, truly know, the grace, the depth, the expanse of mettā, of love in this world, in this universe of ours, internally, externally. Never feel far from it. May all beings everywhere be free.

Reflections and Q&A

Thanks, everyone. Thank you for being here, for your practice, showing up. So many gifts. We have an opportunity right now, a few minutes for reflections, for questions, for comments, what you notice, what came up for you, the aha moments you'd like to share, challenges, anything. And the invitation is to share for the benefit of yourself and everyone. When we share our practice, it opens more doors for others. So what came up for you? We always do different practices at Happy Hour, not the same thing twice. I don't think we had ever done it this way as far as I remember, the past two and a half years, or the past, actually, more than two and a half years I've been doing Happy Hour. For what, three, four, five years? I don't know, I'm losing track.

Karina, please.

Karina: What was coming up for me was like, I guess I was just like, "Is it really so amazing that I'm here?" I think at times I feel really connected to that feeling of gratitude, and at times like today I felt just really flat. My brain can recognize that that's amazing, but my heart was not there today.

Nikki: Yeah. Not a problem. No worries. Thanks for sharing that, and it's all okay. We are planting seeds, right? We're planting seeds. So in some practices you might actually feel that sense of awe, and some other times, as you said, the heart is flat. And the more you actually plant these seeds, the more your mind will find an inclination towards gratitude and connection. And that's how mettā and all these practices work. This is how they work, it's expected. It's not every single time there's connection with them, and it's perfectly fine. Hang in there, keep at it without being frustrated. I didn't hear frustration in your voice, which I appreciate. It was just like, "Yeah, it wasn't there today. Fine." No problem! You showed up, you planted seeds, and now notice how it might show up. This is the other interesting thing: how it might show up tonight, tomorrow, the next day, you just don't know. I've seen so many practitioners practice, and sometimes they say, "It feels dry, nothing is happening." And then later they're saying, "Wow, I'm a different person. My life changed, I'm acting differently, I feel different." I'm like, "Yeah! Yep! Great! Yes, exactly that." So thanks for sharing that bit.

Let's see, Stephanie, please.

Stephanie: Hi everyone. I first want to say thank you. I'm new to this group, and I usually do a Zen practice, and this was really, really different and in a great way. So I really appreciate the gentleness of it, as well as when we invited someone we loved in. So thank you, that was really helpful. And then I have a quick practical question: how can I get this recording on YouTube, because I want to do what you led us through again and again.

Nikki: Thank you, and welcome Stephanie! Welcome to Happy Hour. All the recordings are available on YouTube through the IMC (Insight Meditation Center) channel, as well as Audio Dharma. If you go to audiodharma.org, you'll see the recordings and the videos, it's all there. Search for Happy Hour and there it is. Thank you, Neil just posted the link in the chat, so if you click on that it'll take you there.

Stephanie: Thank you.

Nikki: You're so welcome. Beautiful. And we have a reflection from YouTube: "Learning so much. Also this makes me remember old insights." How beautiful, love that. Connecting to old insights, that's lovely.

Any other reflections? If you want to share in chat you can. If you type it to me individually, alone, I will read your reflection privately, not read your name, so it'll be a private reflection. And if you want to type it to everyone, then I'll read it out loud. I'll take another moment. Any other reflections? Any aha moments? Anything that really perhaps connected for you, or not?

Jamie, please.

Jamie: I was hesitant to say anything because I wanted to leave airtime for everyone else, because I tend to speak when I'm here. But well, Nikki, thank you so much, that was wonderful. I'm in the ninth month of the year-long program at Spirit Rock, A Year to Live, so I've been spending a lot of time thinking about death and dying, and this was a wonderful counterweight to that. To just be reminded of how precious and fleeting our lives are. It was wonderful, thank you.

Nikki: Thank you, Jamie. Yeah, thank you so much for speaking and bringing that in. It's such an important aspect, mindfulness of death. I appreciate the program at Spirit Rock, and the way I teach it, I like to bring in as much emphasis to the preciousness of life as preparing for death. I think that's just as important. So thank you for that.

Claire, we'll let this be the last comment here.

Claire: Thanks so much, Nikki. This was a beautiful evening. It happens to be my birthday, so it was a lovely gift.

Nikki: Happy birthday, Claire!

Claire: Thank you! And what it brought up for me was really beautiful, too. I come from a musical family, and for whatever reason, my mind went deeply into some of my favorite music, and I just sort of heard it. I was practically singing through it, hearing it in my head, and it was really a wonderful experience for me. So thank you.

Nikki: Oh, so sweet. Thank you, Claire. Thanks for sharing that, and happy birthday again. I'm just loving your practice share, your practice report. Makes my heart so happy that you're spending your birthday with the Sangha^[4]. Very sweet.

Claire: You're my people!

Nikki: Yay! Very sweet, thank you.

Let's see, a couple of reflections before we go into groups. One person privately: "I had been challenged to incline towards gratitude until recently when I took your retreat on death as a practice. But that focus on how we don't know when or where we may die has sharpened my focus on the preciousness of every moment." Oh, beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that reflection. That makes me so happy! Yay, beautiful, beautiful.

And let's see, Neil quotes Richard Dawkins: "We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia." Yes! I love that. Oh my god, I love that perspective. Thanks for adding that, that is so great.

Oh, and we have a friend joining from New Zealand who also sends, "Great to appreciate people close and far. Thanks Nikki from New Zealand." Very sweet, thanks for joining us, John, beautiful.

And somebody asked, "What other groups do you lead?" Check my website, multiple ones.

And here's another old Ojibwe saying: "Sometimes I go about pitying myself, and all the while I am being carried across the sky by beautiful clouds." Yes! Oh my goodness, you guys, I'm loving the wisdom that's coming from the community. That's so sweet.

And to the question about what else I lead, check my website, nikkimirghafori.com. You can just search for Nikki Dharma or Nikki meditation, you'll find my website and you can see all the things I teach on my calendar.

Okay, dear ones, let's turn to spend a few minutes with each other. It's one thing to practice with our eyes closed, go internal, and now this is an opportunity to practice with others in small groups. So I'm going to create small groups of size three. The invitation is, you are welcome to share maybe a word or two about how the practice was for you, the sense of awe, appreciation, or you can just hold silence and say "pass." Just speak from your own experience. And then the next person will say something from their experience, and then the next person, or pass. And you just go around and around a few times. Please be kind to yourself, be kind to everyone else. Don't direct or ask direct questions, just share from yourself, your own insight. And maybe you'll say, "This was hard, this was really challenging, it was flat," and that's perfectly fine. It's really a benefit to yourself to relate to others with kindness.

Okay, creating the breakout rooms, and here we go. It's gonna take me another moment to make the groups. All right, I'm gonna open the rooms. Here we go. Take care. Be kind to yourself, be kind to others. Here we go.

[Breakout sessions occur]

Okay everyone, the rooms are closed. Welcome back, and we are out of time because we had so many wonderful reflections at the beginning. What I'd like to do is to honor the time and close. Afterwards, I'll stay on Zoom for the next couple of minutes if there are any reflections or anything anybody would like to ask or share.

So let's dedicate the merit^[5] and end. Thank you all, thank you for joining the practice, for cultivating kindness for yourself and others. May all beings be well. May all beings be free, including ourselves. Thank you.