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Happy Hour: Vicarious Joy

Hello and welcome everyone to Happy Hour. For today's practice, I thought it might be nice to turn our attention to the third Brahma Vihara^[1], the third of the heart practices of the heavenly abodes, which we sometimes practice, but not as often as metta. The first one being metta^[2], translated as loving-kindness. The second one being karuna^[3], compassion. The third one being joy, vicarious joy, joy for ourselves and for others. And the fourth one being equanimity.

Let's turn our hearts towards joy. The word in Pali is mudita^[4], and it's really the expression of loving-kindness that comes across gladness in the world, whether it's somebody else's good fortune or whether it's our own good fortune. There's always good fortune. Even if somebody's having a hard time, having difficulty, suffering, there are some other areas of their life where there is goodness, there is good fortune or blessings. Similarly for ours, because we usually just turn our attention to what is difficult. We tend to see what is difficult, what's challenging, and lose sight of what is good, what is beautiful, what is magnificent. Actually, so many things are going right. Yes, maybe a few things are not going right with us, with others, with the world. Turning attention and intentionally looking at, relishing what is good about others' fortune, our fortune, so that the heart can rest in joy. And again, not as a way to turn into la-la land, but as a way to empower and nourish the heart.

The states of joy are really important on the path to liberation. The states of joy, contentment, and bliss are very important in this Buddhist practice, mindfulness, insight, Vipassana^[5]—different ways to translate it. It's not just about hard work and engagement, yet there is plenty of engaging, noticing with awareness what is happening internally and externally. But the heart needs a lot of joy, bliss, and contentment to be settled on the path. In fact, there are many practical step-by-step instructions in what the Buddha taught towards the path of liberation that end in Nibbana^[6], in awakening, but they go through bliss and joy, actually. Gladness, joy, bliss, and concentration—those steps are one after another.

So the practice of joy, mudita, gladdening our heart, is not escapism, but it's a way of enriching our capacity to hold more. We can become more available for ourselves and for others, to relish the beauty, the mystery that this life is, this world is. Without further ado, let's practice together as I've set the frame.

Guided Meditation

Arriving, landing in your body. Landing in this moment. Notice what the body needs. If the body needs to maybe shift or move, or lie down or stand up, it's all okay.

Turning the intention towards the body first and foremost. The body. The feet, the legs, the sit bones connected to the earth. Inviting awareness to rest. To lower the center of gravity of our awareness from our head, with habitual thinking, move it down, down, down from our chest to our abdomen. Belly, lower abdomen, somewhere between the belly and the sit bones. Receiving the breath there, very low in the abdomen.

Let the breath be received. In-breath, the out-breath released. The whole body releasing. And as thoughts arise, can we release thoughts? Not that there's anything wrong with thinking, but for the benefit of this cultivation, this moment of taking refuge, can we release?

Letting awareness be intertwined with the breath. Appreciating the gift of the breath. It is a goodness not to be taken for granted. To tune into enjoying, appreciating, being calmly, perhaps contentedly, collected in the breath. The same way pets often collect themselves cozily in their bed, wrapped in a ball, comfy, cozy. Can the breath be that bed for us? Cozily collecting ourselves in it. With ease, relaxing the body. Resting, resting.

And now I'd like to invite us, as we continue to stay embodied, relaxing, receiving the breath, collecting ourselves, enjoying the gift of the breath, let's bring to mind someone who is dear to us. Someone we like to be happy, we wish for them to be happy, we want the best for them. Ideally someone with whom we have an uncomplicated relationship. Bringing this person, this being to mind. It could be a pet, it could be a human, a child. Conjuring them up as well as possible in this moment, as if they were sitting in front of you. Hold their presence with yours. See what happens in your heart, being in the presence of someone you care about in your mind's eye and your heart.

And now this person, this being you have brought to your attention, there might be areas of their life which are challenging. That's okay. But there's probably something in their life that is going well. That's a blessing. Something that's a blessing. So choosing, choosing wisely, choosing in this practice of mudita, vicarious joy. We intend, we choose, we select to open our hearts to what is going well in their life, what's a blessing. What they're grateful for, what we see is a blessing for them. They have it, they enjoy that. Just one thing. Can we feel happy for them? Happy that they have this blessing, this good fortune. Feeling glad for their gladness, for their good fortune.

Feel like you can say the phrases of mudita, vicarious joy. I offer a few different alternatives, choose what you like: I'm happy for your happiness. My delight in your good fortune. Or, May this blessing, this good fortune, may it increase. May it continue. May it never stop. May it increase for you. May it never wane.

Offering with generosity, generosity. It's not a zero-sum game, this life, this happiness. The happier they are, the happier you can be for them. Offering generosity: May your happiness, may your happiness continue, may it increase, may it never wane.

And notice how your heart can feel more generous, more glad, more happy. This is the surest way, the fastest way to become happy if your mood is flat, getting caught up in challenges. Feeling happy for others' happiness. May your good fortune increase. May it continue, dear one. May it increase, may it never wane, dear one. Keep in contact with this being in your mind's eye. It's important to keep the heart connection in this practice.

Feel like you can stay with this being, or you can let them go if you wish, and invite now someone who comes to mind, to your heart. A being that has some good fortune you're really happy about. Just so happy. Maybe they just got married or something. They have a job that they love. Something that just brings brightness, gladness to your heart for this person, this being. Maybe they had a hard time for a while. See what works for you. Whatever it needs, a sense of gladness for someone. Maybe they're getting to travel, or whatever it might be. Even if it's something that you wish for yourself, can you be happy for them? Offer generosity: I'm happy for you. I'm happy for your happiness. May it continue. May it increase. May it never wane.

Taking delight in somebody else's good fortune is so beautiful, so beautiful. Nourishing. A selfless act of generosity. So many ways to be generous. If some of this practice at any moment happens to bring up envy, it's okay. You're not doing it wrong. It's a purification practice. It can come up, it's okay. Don't berate yourself. Should that happen, you can let go of that being. You can turn to yourself with compassion. Oh sweetheart, you really want this thing too, don't you? This is hard. It's okay. Holding yourself with metta, with compassion, not with self-judgment. Appreciating your own blessings.

You can stay with yourself or go back out to another being. If you're staying with a being for whom you're happy: I delight in your happiness. May your happiness continue. May it increase. May it never end. It may not be every aspect of their life, but just one aspect that they're really happy about, and you're happy for them.

And at any point you can also turn, if you want, and make yourself this beloved other. Bring to your heart the blessings that this being—who is you—has in their life that you often take for granted. Become happy for your own happiness. Maybe for a moment we'll take the external perspective, as if you're stepping out of yourself: Oh sweetheart, I'm happy for your happiness. These blessings in your life, what good fortune. I'm happy for your happiness. May they continue, may they increase, may they never wane.

If stepping out of yourself seems complicated, you can do it from your own perspective: May my happiness, my good fortune continue, increase, never wane. Or, I'm happy for these gifts, these blessings in my life. You have a roof over your head, what a blessing. You have found your way to the Dharma^[7], what a blessing. You have a mind that works well enough to be here, to be practicing, what a blessing. You've had food to eat, what a blessing. For people you care about, those who care about you.

If you like, inviting now the other beings from earlier you had in your mind's eye, a dear being and the being who's happy. Invite them. May all of our blessings, all the ways we're blessed with goodness in our lives, may they continue. May they never wane. Or delight in our happiness, in our shared happiness. Common humanity, happy in different ways in this human condition. Letting my heart rejoice for all of us. Expanding the circle if you wish, including more beings. All the ways different beings are happy. Maybe there are grandmothers who adore and love their grandchildren, and vice versa. Ah, let me be happy for them. Or wherever else your imagination takes you, let your heart leap with joy for people having joy on this planet.

And as we bring this practice period to a close, letting your joy spread. Offering it as a gift to the entire world. Our joy is a gift. Think brightly, our happiness can make others happy, can be infectious. So offering our joy as a blessing. The wholesomeness of it all may be the support of all beings everywhere being happy. Thank you all. Thank you for your joyful practice, or however it was, thank you for your practice.

Reflections

So we have time, and I'm told my internet connection is unstable, so hopefully you can hear me even if my image seems to be freezing. Audio is fine? Great, thanks. Yes, the video is going to be choppy. It is what it is, we work with the conditions of this digital Zoom room. We have time for reflections, questions, gifts, whatever came up for you that you'd like to offer to the group. Any insights, any aha moments, any challenges, it's all okay. Mima.

Mima: All right, thank you Nikki. I really enjoyed this. I've never done just joy and it felt so good. It was so uplifting to do it for others that had been struggling and some that have it really comfortable. And then for myself, I noticed the small things that bring me joy. Like my husband put a hammock up for me, and I work from home, and so in between I get to go and sit out in the hammock for 15 minutes whenever I want. I hadn't noticed how much joy that was bringing me. Doing this, I was looking at all the good things and it did bring joy to my heart. It lightened it.

Nikki: So sweet, so sweet. Thanks so much for sharing, Mima. I'm having joy for you and your hammock, and all the ways this is so sweet. And I see other people smiling and delighting. Very sweet, very sweet. Thank you for sharing. Bernadette, please.

Bernadette: I actually went on a one-week spring Insight Meditation retreat at Spirit Rock^[8] for one week, from the 14th through the 21st, with my long-time meditation teacher Matthew Brensilver. When I was there, I actually experienced the most wonderful relaxation and calming joyous moments. I was able to reach it and broaden it out. Matthew and I had a discussion—don't be surprised if you maybe go back in some way, in other ways. I just sent him an email over the week that I've been able to maintain it. I wonder if it's because I've been practicing with Spirit Rock, and now I started with Gil's morning sittings, and then Sunday, and then this loving-kindness. There's a lot of continuity. I've also been practicing with my synagogue group which does meditations. The combination and everything is literally still making me stay in a state of calmness and relaxation, right as I left on the 21st. Despite all the bad news that was happening, I was able to send loving-kindness to myself and others, and the people that I know who are losing their jobs.

Nikki: Yeah, so that becomes compassion. What I'm hearing is that this is lovely, Bernadette. You have a lot of continuity. You just sat a retreat, beautiful. And now you're having a lot of continuity and really supporting yourself with these different conditions, so there's a sense of continuity. Beautiful, fantastic, lovely.

And don't get attached, because when conditions change, state of mind changes too. I'm not saying this to burst your bubble, but joy is made up of conditions, which is great, so you get to enjoy it while it lasts. And know that there might be some challenges, but can I also have equanimity and ease and joy in the midst of challenges? Because you're coming from retreat, but there might be other people today joining from a really hard day and they're tired, and yet there's a sense of, "Oh, this is nourishing. This is refreshing. Gosh, I can dip into this even though I haven't just sat a retreat and haven't been sitting all day." So it's all good. Thanks for sharing that, and welcome again. Now I see your hand, please.

Participant: I'd love to share. A friend of mine who I met yesterday, who's having stage four cancer—she's a psychologist by training and she spent a lot of her volunteer time trying to support students and teachers in Vietnam with practices of well-being. In speaking to her yesterday, knowing that her life is in a way coming to an end, she was full of joy that people are finally listening to her at a much deeper level. She was expressing how the mission of her life was to spread these ideas, and that in this time, with this situation, it's given her this beautiful opportunity to really share it at a deeper level. I was thinking of her a lot in this practice.

Nikki: Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing. Wow, what a beautiful being. What a beautiful, shining heart. To see the brightness and the beauty of how her message is now being listened to, and taking joy in that, because her time is short. How beautiful is that? How beautiful, inspiring. That's lovely. Thanks for sharing that, that brings me joy! It brings me joy for you also, that you have someone in your life that you connect with this way. It's beautiful, it's lovely.

Joy Making in Breakout Rooms

Dear ones, today in the group I have a particular request. The question that you will answer, which is really a practice of joy-making, is: What brings you joy? Each person will share about what brings them joy. It could be your hammock, could be a friend who is inspiring in your life, a teacher, a grandchild, a partner, your cup of tea. You'll go around and just share something that brings you joy. And let yourself really relish, really share with uprightness, with courage, like, Yes, taking my seat on this earth, this brings me joy. It could be something small, something big. Anything. Strawberries bring me joy! Apples bring me joy! Anything that just makes you happy.

Each person will say something, and when people are listening, they just hold space. You hold space for joy, you practice mudita. It becomes an easier practice of mudita because people are talking about what brings them joy, and you hold space for them. It's a very joyous practice. Again, just share from your own experience. Not managing, not asking questions, not probing, just sharing whatever you feel like sharing from your own experience. So I'm going to open the rooms. Enjoy.

(Breakout Rooms)

The rooms are closed, everybody is back, and we have just about a minute for any final reflections. If anybody wants to share anything, what was it like to be in the room sharing your joy today? Anybody want to say a quick word who hasn't spoken yet before?

I see hearts, that's sweet. Any final reflections? Lots of hearts, oh sweet. Very sweet. Wow, I'm trusting that it was a joyous experience to hold people's joy, and to share your joy. Maybe we will end on that note.

Thank you all. Thank you for sharing your joy. Thank you for holding space for others' joy. May our joy spread throughout the world. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free. Thanks again, take care. See you on Wednesday.