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Ethics Discussion

So, good evening everyone, and welcome. What I'd like to do is talk about ethics. It's at the heart of Buddhist practice, living an ethical life, though there's no word in Buddhism for the English word "ethics." So you can argue maybe there's no ethics in Buddhism; there's something else that looks like ethics. If the word ethics doesn't quite work for you, let's see.

Part of it is also this integration. One of the wonderful questions people ask me when they meditate or go on retreat is, "This meditation is fine, but how does it apply to our life?" It should apply to our life, not just by sitting peacefully by yourself. Well, this topic of ethics is about how it applies to life. And it's not like ethics is secondary, or just the foundation so we can meditate. It's the fruit of meditation; it's the expression of it, the manifestation of it in our life. So that's a little bit of an introduction.

But the way I'd like to start here is, since we're a relatively small group compared to before the pandemic, we have the luxury of going around and saying our names. Would it be okay if you could?

Participant Introductions

Audience: Does it work? Yes. My name is Veta. Audience: Hi, my name is Beverly Herbert. Audience: And Laura. Audience: My name is Sage. Audience: Sally. Audience: My name is Sue. Audience: My name is Jamie. Audience: Hi, Bill. Audience: Good evening everyone, I'm Anne Rose. Audience: Hi, my name is Kristen. Audience: Hi, I'm Malvika. Audience: I'm Caroline. Audience: Mike. Audience: April.

Gil Fronsdal: Wonderful. And also we have some people online. It's a little hard for them to say their names, but you're all included.

That was really nice. Nice for me. It's also now a way that we're more connected a little bit. Each of you had your voice in here, and so there's more sense of being somehow in relationship or being recognized. Something about you as a human being now has been seen or recognized, as opposed to nameless people who come that I see. Maybe you wouldn't speak otherwise, and I wouldn't hear your voice, but there was some contact or some knowing. In a sense, that's an act of mindfulness—paying attention, noticing what's here.

But something else happens in that noticing. Now you're more—maybe you'll forgive me for saying it this way, because it's probably not exactly to the point—but you're more human. You're more yourself. There's more feeling for you, it's easier for empathy. It's like now you're somebody, rather than someone more amorphous or uncertain. And now, for me, I care for you more. There's a sense of care. There's a sense that you have an emotional life, you have an inner life, you have a history, you have something that brought you here—an interest that maybe we share. So there's a deeper recognition, and I'm touched in some way. I'm sure I could be much more deeply touched if you told me a little bit more about your life, but I feel a little bit touched too. Something moves inside of me that's different.

All of that changes how I'd like to live with you. In a sense, I'm much less inclined to want to hurt you, to harm you. More importantly, I'm much more interested in having care for you and being concerned for you. I'm much more ready to notice if I have some kind of harsh, mean, angry, or hostile thoughts. I've noticed that when I do that, it hurts me. It isn't just, "Why would I do that to you now that I know you?" but also, if I do it, I'm hurting myself. I'm diminishing myself, undermining myself. And that's the movement of what I'm calling ethics. This is how ethics can come out of Buddhism. Because of this practice of mindfulness, because we're paying attention more, we're connecting more, people around us have a different role and place in our lives than they do if we don't know them at all.

And we know ourselves more through this practice. We're much more sensitive. We recognize the quality of our thoughts, the quality of our speech, the quality of what we're trying to do, our intentions. And it isn't that it's ethical in the sense that there's a "should" and "shouldn't" way of being, but rather there's an "ouch" factor. It's like, "Oh, that hurts. Why would I do that? Why would I close myself down?"

Reflections: The Role of Meditation

Gil Fronsdal: We could continue going around the room and do this, and I think the sense of connection would be deeper, not only to each other but also to ourselves. So I'd like to ask that we do that. And maybe you can pass if you don't want to say anything; it's completely fine. In fact, that's also a way of knowing you in a nice way. It's an expression of who you are, and that should be respected.

This is something very brief. It could be a phrase, no more than a sentence, not a story. But it has to do with the story of your inner growth, your caring for your inner life, your growth of wisdom, of compassion, of healing. In the story of your life, in terms of your inner growth, healing, spirituality, and maturity, where does meditation fit in for you? Is that part of that story? Or do you deny any difference between going home and doing this, and watching the shopping channel? How does it fit? Let's put you on the spot, but just something—it doesn't have to be brilliant, just some little phrase or idea.

Audience: Meditation is a foundation.

Gil Fronsdal: Foundation. Nice.

Audience: Thank you. This is the first time I've done a forty-five minute sit since before the pandemic, and it was horrible. [Laughter]

Audience: I would say meditation is the way to slow down and get closer to attaining balance.

Gil Fronsdal: Nice.

Audience: For me, meditation is a way of bringing loving awareness to everything around me.

Audience: Deepening quiet.

Audience: Meditation brings me closer to myself and to others in my life.

Audience: It's what I do.

Audience: I would say meditation is something like the beating heart of my ethical practice.

Audience: I found that my daily practice is like ironing out the wrinkles.

Audience: I like the freedom of finding here.

Audience: Meditation has allowed me to just become more aware of the treasure of each day.

Audience: Today, what I'm thinking about is meditation gives me the awareness of what's happening in my mind, so I have more choice about how I respond to that.

Audience: I don't know whether it's the meditation sitting or meditation in daily life, but I'm more aware of what's going on in my body and what that's doing to my mind, or vice versa. Maybe more vice versa.

Audience: Meditation has had a changing role in my life, and it's becoming more and more foundational these days.

Audience: Meditation is a place of rest for me, and it's how I find myself.

The Foundation of Non-Harming

Gil Fronsdal: Nice. Very nice. Thank you. So it was lovely to hear as well. And from hearing all that, I hear a sensitivity in each of you that probably would make you more ethical if you stayed close to it. If you stay close to what you described, you're probably not going to jump up from sitting here and yell at me for wearing the wrong color shirt—you know, "How could you? A dharma teacher shouldn't wear blue," or something. I'm just making something silly up, but you're probably more likely to make some space, to listen, or be present, and come out of that somewhat more caring for each other. You could do a different activity tonight and would come out of that activity the opposite.

What you choose to do has a big impact on the tendencies of the mind and what we want to do. So coming to meditate and engaging in the dharma in some kind of way changes us in the direction of wanting to be more kind, wanting to be more connected, or more sensitive to ourselves and to others. The quiet that some of you discussed is something that makes us more available to feel and sense what's going on here, and it makes a difference what we do.

So one of the things that comes out of that is this very important recognition that we really don't want to harm anyone, because that harms them. Why would you? Also, you don't want to harm yourself. One of the reasons not to harm yourself is that it's a way to remove the foundation that's important to have, that would make you a kind, supportive, caring person. People who are very critical of themselves and living under that kind of stress are much more likely to snap and be angry, or be shut down or insensitive to the world around them.

As we practice, there's a tendency to become more sensitive to ourselves, to the impact we have on others, and to the impact we have on ourselves. As that becomes more sensitive, people will naturally want to live a little bit more ethically, which in my vocabulary means a life that avoids causing harm. In fact, the very idea that we would harm someone intentionally or unintentionally just feels completely like, "No, I don't want to do that." It becomes more and more a life of living for the benefit of others, for their care. Not because it's a "should," not because that's what Buddhists do and you're a Buddhist so now you've got to go figure out how to be kind, but it arises out of this mindfulness, out of this practice, out of the deeper connection we have to ourselves and the world around us.

So the connection to ethics and the integration of mindfulness in daily life is inherent in what we're doing. However, it's easy to overlook it. It's easy to get distracted and busy. It's easy to not appreciate fully that this is happening. So then we give dharma talks, and we study Buddhism, and they say, "You know, it's good to live by the precepts. It's good to be ethical and be kind and be compassionate. And here are some ways of developing compassion. Here's the practice of loving-kindness. I know that the precepts are hard to practice, but they'll really create the right conditions for you so when you do go sit and meditate, you won't feel regrets and upset about what you've done." So there are all kinds of logical ways and doctrinal ways that we can get instructions to be ethical.

Sometimes those can put people in the wrong direction. I've seen people try to be ethical and they get all tight, and they become judgmental of other people. But I've also seen that people get inspired at some point to want to learn about how to be ethical, to study about it, think about it, reflect on it, and do practices connected to ethics because they value that ethical sensitivity growing inside of them. They see that this is a good direction to go; this is a way they want to be part of their life. Some people then say that the five precepts are what support this, or are the expression of this. There's a feedback loop between living by the five precepts and this beautiful thing happening to them. So then they live by the five precepts, and that's a very different feeling than having some kind of strict moralistic idea that to be a good person you have to follow the precepts. It's something that's coming from the inside out.

One thing I'm trying to say here now is that you don't have to leave it to chance. You don't have to let this ethical sensitivity and care be something that you just let arise and develop naturally out of the meditation practice. As it does at some point, you can begin recognizing that you're being changed this way and want to support that, encourage it, and develop it further. Then it becomes something you take on intentionally, but the motivation for doing it comes from within. The motivation is an expression of the practice that's maturing, as opposed to reading all the books on Buddhism and the manuals say, "This is what you're supposed to do." This is the transformation. This is the way that this practice becomes our life.

Bringing Life into Practice

Gil Fronsdal: When people ask, "How do I bring this practice into daily life?" I feel very happy when people ask that question, and I feel a little bit sad. The sad part is because it sounds to me sometimes as if there are two things: their practice and their life. As long as there are these two things, then there can be a challenge. But to really feel there's not two things—it's your life we're talking about. It's how you live your life, how you experience your life, how you inhabit your life. So there is a lovely way of talking about this: You don't bring your practice into your life; you bring your life into your practice.

Why that's a wonderful turn of phrase is that if you bring your practice into your life, it might prioritize life for some people. You have to live your life and do what you're doing, and then you bring in the practice to it. That's certainly a valid way of seeing it. But to say, "How do I bring my life into my practice?" puts the practice at the center. Like, that's the most important thing. Where I go shopping and how I drive my car, that is my life, but the practice is more central because the practice is where I'm discovering this deeper sensitivity, this deeper sense of foundation, this deeper place of quiet, of peace, of compassion, or care. This is what I want my life to be based on. That's portable. Sometimes I'm driving my car, sometimes I'm shopping, sometimes I'm doing whatever, having breakfast. Prioritize this place of practice as if that is who you are, that's life. And then see how everything fits into that, rather than how your practice fits into your life.

Some people who don't know about this inner change that happens can feel like they're just being told to get more busy, to add something on top of their life. "Now I gotta do practice on top of doing the dishes and making breakfast and all that." In some ways, you actually get to do less because the practice becomes who you are, not what you do. And that's the direction where this practice goes more and more ethical—when the practice becomes you. You become the practice. It's not something that's apart from you. You don't have to come to IMC^[1] to do the practice; at some point, you carry it with you. It's the nature of your heart, it's who you are.

In the ancient language, they talk about this in terms of entering a stream. The literal meaning of this word is entering the current of a river. If you find the current, it'll carry you along. When Buddhists ask, "What is the current we enter into?" it's the Eightfold Path that we have become. So the eight practices that are the Eightfold Path are not meant to be something you're adding to your life, but something that arises out of your life.

Reflections: Expressions of Ethics

Gil Fronsdal: So the challenge I'd like to offer each of you—if you're up for a little challenge—is: what is it about this practice that we do, the meditation practice, the dharma practice, that flows out of you? When it flows out of you, it looks like you're now an ethical person, you're living an ethical life. What is it? Can you identify something? Have you recognized something in you? What is it that flows from you that maybe sometimes gets forgotten or overwritten because of the busyness of life? If you're willing to do one more round, I'd love to hear from some of you again. You are more than welcome to pass because this is a little more difficult question to answer. But what is it that flows out of you that someone else would look at you and say, "Oh, that person is inclined to be ethical"? But you're not ethical because you're thinking in those terms; you're thinking about just how to let the sensitivity be expressed in your life. Does that make some sense?

Audience: Yeah, good enough.

Audience: I have two things that come to my mind. I started trusting my kids. No, really trusting them, you know, this is a big change. And I conserve water. I think about it all the time, and I really focus on this.

Gil Fronsdal: Nice.

Audience: No specifics came up, but just an attitude that I recognize has changed is coming from a non-harm perspective, as opposed to maybe more of a "protect myself" perspective.

Audience: I'm not really sure, I would say maybe being more caring of others.

Audience: I think I would say something like tenderness. It's become more and more part of my life, and I think that comes from meditation and the recognition that all beings are sacred and important.

Audience: For me, acceptance of myself, of other people, of things that are happening in the world.

Audience: I think "right mindset" for me, because thinking critically of myself and others and being very anxious has always been something I've struggled with. Putting practice into my life has allowed me to influence how my actions affect myself and others.

Audience: I think equanimity really helps.

Audience: That's onward leading.

Audience: I have a little less tendency to be angry at people, and I understand my anger more when I have it.

Audience: Love.

Audience: I guess more acceptance of myself, and also when I see somebody really struggling, I find myself having respect for them as a person, and caring concern, which is a different place than I have been in the past.

Audience: I'd say care. And the more I'm in the present, the more I have the ability to be attentive for others, which I work towards.

Audience: What came up for me was gratitude and reverence. When I feel that spring up, I'm more likely to not hurt others.

Audience: I'd say compassion and connection, just seeing myself in them, and them in me.

Audience: Meditation has helped me recognize when I'm angry, to not get triggered, and to see that I'm angry and to observe it and not react so much. Like one of my girlfriends said, "I don't understand why you're not just jumping up and defending yourself." I didn't have an answer at the time, but I think that's why.

Audience: Where I work, you sometimes hear people say it's better to seek forgiveness than permission, and I turn that around. I'd much rather ask for permission than get it cleared upfront.

Q&A

Gil Fronsdal: Very nice. Thank you all. I hope that the theme of today, the connection of this practice with ethics or something that looks like that, was somehow addressed in a nice way and inspired something in you or touched something in you. I don't have much more to say today. Do you have anything you want to say, or any questions or comments? April, use the mic please.

April: A colleague of mine was on the ethics committee, and I asked him because I've always wondered what's the difference between ethics and morals. I don't know if you have an opinion about that.

Gil Fronsdal: Oh, ethics and morals. I think that's probably a very individual thing, how people would answer that. The difference between them is kind of like—some people would say they're synonyms. I'm sure there are people who will have definitions that are different. I associate "morals" more with guidelines by which people live, and "ethic" is an abstraction. It's almost like a philosophy of ethics, the wide field of how people might make decisions, how to live their life. So morals are closer to the heart, ethics can be more abstract. Though I never use the word "morals"; I use the word "ethics" in English. So that's the best I could come up with.

As I said, there's no clear word in the Buddhist language that matches our word "ethics," but many people say it's the word sīla^[2]. That word literally means conduct, and it refers to—some people now translate it as virtuous conduct, ethical conduct. But usually we think of ethics in English as something deeper in us than only what we do. It's also the source within us for how we do it. And so the word that's a better fit for the English word "ethics" is kusala^[3], a word that can mean "wholesome"—which I like as a wholesome word—and it also has the meaning of virtuous, and it can mean skillful. So to do something skillfully with some...

This ability to do something with skill that is for the benefit of self and others is repeated often in the teachings of the Buddha: live a life that's for the benefit of oneself, benefit for others, and a benefit for self and others. I love that last one, "self and others," because I don't know what it would have meant historically, but how I interpret it is that it's us in community. It's not just the ethics of individuals now—it is for me or the impact I have on you, but it's also the impact it has for us as a community, in relationship to each other. So we want to care for that relationship as well. The carefulness is in how we have a relationship that is friendly, that's warm, that's connected, that's supportive, that carries some of these values in the relationship itself. So this so-called ethics in Buddhism is very relational as well.

I love that it's all of us in it together. So thank you for being together here today. I really appreciate it a lot that we could come here and meditate and that you participated with me, rather than me giving a classic, traditional kind of dharma talk, but to hear from you and do this together. So thank you very, very much, and I wish you well.