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Refuge (1 of 5) Becoming One's Own Refuge

Greetings again. For this week, starting today on Monday, I will offer talks on refuge. Refuge is often associated with one of the strong religious movements in a person's heart in Buddhism. It is closely connected to the topic of faith, which, not coincidentally, was the first week's topic at the beginning of shelter-in-place when we started these morning sittings and talks. We're still in the middle of the coronavirus, but now we have a whole world which is in both distress and in a state of transformation around racism. It seems appropriate to touch into this issue of the heart—refuge—as a topic for this week. I'll go through the week in five talks covering different aspects of refuge, and hopefully, it is supportive.

I won't explicitly address in these morning talks the tremendous suffering around racism that this country and the world are experiencing right now, nor the transformation that we're beginning to see. But I will give a talk this evening here at IMC that addresses this topic explicitly. For those who want to hear what I have to say, it is at 7:30 PM California time, starting with a sitting and then a talk.

Buddhists trace their practice, their religious life, and their mindfulness meditation back to a man in ancient India named Gautama Buddha, who lived in the Bronze Age. I kind of like the idea that it was the Bronze Age, just to help us understand that this was a very different time and place than we have. It's kind of remarkable what arose. There was a rich culture and civilization that arose in ancient India that not only allowed the Buddha to emerge but also all kinds of wonderful religious teachers.

The way the story is told is that the Buddha had teachers who taught different aspects of meditation, but he found that what they had to teach didn't lead to the liberation he hoped for—the liberation from suffering. It somehow left suffering still present for him, so he went off to practice just on his own. He did not have the support that many of us in the modern world have, or since then have had, in doing a practice. He did not have refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. He was Gotama; he was still not the Buddha because he was not yet awakened, so there was no Buddha to take refuge in. He had no community of practitioners, disciples, and monastics that he could be inspired by and take refuge in. He hadn't discovered the Dharma yet—the teachings, the insights, the experiences, the transformation that is at the heart of what the Dharma is.

So, in a sense, he had to make himself his own refuge; he had to rely on himself. He actually said this very explicitly as he was dying. Talking to those disciples who were there, he said, "I have made a refuge of myself. I have made myself my own refuge, and now I'll be leaving." Notice the word made. He didn't say that he had found a refuge inside, as if there is some essential inner quality that we all have that he tapped into and now knew there was a refuge. Rather, he says he made it. Elsewhere, he talks about how people have their actions as their refuge. Both these ideas suggest that the Dharma is not so much about discovering something—though that's certainly part of it—but at its foundation, it is about being something different. By acting in a different way and living differently, we create our own refuge.

Most foundationally, this means that we live in an ethical way. The way ethics is described in Buddhism—the word sīla^[1]—is not virtue as an inner quality; it really has to do with conduct. We behave actively in ways that avoid harming others in any kind of way. It is an action of avoiding harm and an action of bringing benefit to the world. To do that is to make a refuge of oneself. To practice and engage in the spiritual practices of Buddhism is a kind of action. Even in certain meditation practices where the instruction is to "not do" or to "just be," not doing is a doing as well. It is a choice we make in choosing how we are. Being in a way that is conducive, that allows for ourselves to be a refuge, is one of the movements of Buddhism. This means that the focus here is that we are the refuge.

This idea that we are the refuge for ourselves was also explicit in the days before the Buddha died. He was giving his last teachings to people, knowing he was dying. He was a man of eighty, and he was sick. Shunryu Suzuki Roshi, the founder of the San Francisco Zen Center, when he was dying of pancreatic cancer in 1971, said to his students at the time that a Zen master teaches best when they're dying. Somehow, that's when everything gets really focused on what's most important and most essential.

Here, the Buddha knew he was at the end of his life, and he gave his teachings around refuge that I think are still very important for today. He said, "Dwell, abide with yourself as an island, with yourself as a refuge, with no other refuge." That's half the statement, but I just want to pause. Dwell, live, abide with yourself as an island, with yourself as a refuge, with no other refuge. It is a powerful statement about where refuge is found.

Regarding the idea of an island: sometimes the Pali word dīpa^[2] is used, which also means light. So some people will translate this as "be a light unto yourself," but almost certainly the ancient meaning is island, based on how it's used in other contexts. The metaphor of the island is that it is a safe place from being swept away by the floods of the world. In the ancient language, these are the floods of attachment, clinging, grasping, and hate. These are powerful things that can take over, where people lose their wisdom, lose their best sense, and do terrible things to each other. We see in the world right now lots of examples of people who have been swept away by floods of passion, hatred, and other things. So, create that island for yourself; create a refuge for yourself with no other refuge.

Then, for the second half of the statement, the Buddha says, "Dwell, abide, live with the Dharma as an island, with the Dharma as a refuge, with no other refuge." These two statements, which are said together, I think only make sense if we see that the Dharma and oneself become the same thing. There is no difference between the Dharma and yourself. To really discover yourself, to really be here with yourself and wake up to this life and being that we are, is to wake up to the Dharma. The Dharma is here; it is not something external. You don't go and get a lot of books from the library and read everything you can about the Dharma unless you read those books as a mirror for yourself. Unless you are reading those books and seeing yourself in them, you are not seeing the Dharma. Shunryu Suzuki said that when we bow to the Buddha, we are bowing to ourselves. It is found here and within ourselves. This is where we find the refuge.

The Buddha goes on to say how you are a refuge to yourself. This, for me, is even more important: this is the how. Where do we find this to live as a refuge to ourselves? Where do we find that in ourselves? How do we act, how do we be in a way that this becomes our refuge?

The Buddha said: "And how do you dwell with yourself as your refuge, yourself as an island, with the Dharma as your island, the Dharma as your refuge, with no other refuge? Here, one dwells observing the body in the body, ardent, clearly comprehending, mindful, having removed covetousness and displeasure in regard to the world. One dwells observing feelings in feelings, mind in mind, dhammas^[3] in dhammas, ardent, clearly comprehending, mindful, having removed covetousness and displeasure in regard to the world."

That is a powerful statement. I think our capacity for awareness, our capacity to be attentive and to clearly see what's happening moment by moment here in the subjective experience of our body—this is how we discover refuge. This is how we are safe from the floods of the world. And the floods of the world are not really the floods out there; it's really the floods of greed, hatred, and delusion. In some ways, the refuges are a protection from the outer world, but more profoundly and significantly—and this is part of the big koan^[4], the big question to discover for ourselves—the refuges are primarily a refuge from ourselves. They are a refuge from tendencies we have inside that undermine us, destroy us, and cause suffering and harm. How is it that this inner refuge we discover for ourselves is also a refuge from being victimized by the world around us? Hopefully, we will look at what that means as we go through this week.

Two more things the Buddha said here: "I will teach you the refuge and the path leading to the refuge. And what is the refuge? The destruction of lust and passion, the destruction of hatred, the destruction of delusion; this is called the refuge. And what is the path leading to the refuge? Mindfulness directed to the body; this is called the path leading to refuge."

Again, refuge is important. It is found through this awareness, through mindfulness, being settled, finding the refuge here in one's own body. It is quite an amazing statement.

So, this is the introductory talk, and I will continue these next days discussing refuge and the different aspects of it. I hope that it becomes a mirror for you to understand and value something really important here in yourself. Thank you.