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Happy Hour: Gratitude vs. Comparison

Introduction

A formal hello to all of you, and welcome to all the first-timers at Happy Hour. It is lovely that you're joining this wonderful sangha^[1]. I am happy to have you, so a warm welcome.

Just so you know, this goes on YouTube from Zoom, but it is private. Only my image and my name show up on Zoom, and everybody else's do not. I only see some of you on a tiny strip on top, but you can put each other on gallery view if you want to see each other; it doesn't have to be just the big image of me. I want to explain to the first-timers that on YouTube only I show up, not you, just in terms of privacy.

For the theme for today's practice, I wanted to take a little bite out of a big topic: comparison. The comparing mind. Comparing ourselves. Comparison can come up so easily, especially in this world with social media. You might be on social media to share something or read the news, and then soon you'll be seeing other people's vacations and successes, and the sense of comparison comes up, wanting other people's success or good fortune. Comparison doesn't just happen on social media; there are so many ways comparison comes up. Again, this is a big topic, but we'll take a little bite of it tonight.

One thing I want to invite—and there are so many ways to work with the comparing mind—is to notice that it just compares and compares. One quote I like to share, attributed to Anonymous, is: "Don't compare your insides to somebody's outsides." You only see an external image of what is happening, whereas you're comparing your insides to it. We're all human.

With that in mind, there are many antidotes through mettā^[2] practices, heart practices, as well as wisdom practices, because this comparison is really an aspect of what is called māna^[3] or conceit. That is a big topic we can talk about in the wisdom tradition, but for now, a beautiful practice when comparison comes up is to actually turn to the goodness in our heart, in our lives, and in our own cultivation.

When comparison comes up, the mind narrows. It becomes really tight. It only concentrates on what it does not have, what it idealizes, and what it wants, instead of seeing all the goodness that is already available. Without really seeing the perspective of interconnection and all the causes and conditions of our lives and other people's lives, it has a single vision which is very tight and not even accurate.

Through bringing up gratitude, we actually expand that vision. Then our heart can become available to wish the other person well: "May you be well. May you shine in your goodness. May you be happy on your vacation and in your success, and may you give to the world as I give." May we all play our parts in this world; we all have a different part to play. That expansion of vision can become possible through the practice of gratitude. I've spoken enough. This is the framing; let's begin.

Guided Meditation

I invite you to settle, to arrive. To arrive on your cushion, to arrive in your body. To land.

To land in this body, in this moment. Turning our gaze inward to the goodness that's available in this moment. This body, this amazing, miraculous body. Sitting, lying down, or standing. Functioning. Breathing.

Appreciating the miracle that is this breath. Naturally, effortlessly. This body breathing itself. With each in-breath, allowing more life, more liveliness to be breathed into this body, each amazing, miraculous cell of this body. And with each out-breath, each extended exhale, softening, relaxing the body. Arriving more fully in the present moment.

Spend the first few minutes just landing. Arriving. Allowing the breath to be breathed into the belly, the lower abdomen. The fullness of the breath helping settle and arrive, connected to the earth. Landing fully, wholeheartedly with the entire body.

Inhabiting the fullness of your life in this present moment. Feeling your body, yourself, arriving here now. Just as the Buddha touched the earth: "This earth is my witness. I belong here. I am here." In this body. In this moment, with this breath. Feeling the expansiveness, the fullness of being. Being here now.

What a gift, what a tremendous gift to be able to sit in this moment and be breathed. In this amazing, incredible show called life. To sit in this moment and receive this gift, this gift of the body. Healthy enough to breathe, healthy enough to sit, to lie down. To cognize, to be alive, to have consciousness, agency.

To have the gift of sangha. People we practice with, teachings, support that inspires us to goodness, kindness, peace, freedom. What a gift all of this is.

Gratitude for having a roof over our head, safety from the elements. For this body having been nourished with food, sustenance. The goodness, the wholesomeness, the availability.

Gratitude for the connections, for the people in our life. Maybe bring a few of them to mind. People near and dear to you, maybe start with a couple of people who make life richer, interaction with them. Maybe bring to mind some benefactors who have supported you. They could still be alive, or if it doesn't bring up grief any longer, they may not be alive. People you're grateful for, grateful to, for their support, their love. Your heart sings when you think of them.

Maybe if you like, bringing to mind one opportunity for engagement you've had or have, whether it's volunteering, work, friendship, community. Let yourself feel, appreciate. Let your heart bask in the goodness.

And as I hear the sirens, and so probably can you, to integrate it with our practice: Challenges, accidents can happen to anyone at any time; none of us are immune. To wish well for the being in that ambulance in this moment. This moment could be impermanent as everything else, but we have the good fortune to be sitting and practicing, not in distress. Such good fortune.

We take normalcy for granted, often only when we get bad news or difficulty. Only then do we appreciate what we considered the boring normal, when we concentrated on what was lacking, what isn't good enough, instead of all the goodness, all the bounty of this moment of our life.

Turning our mind intentionally not to what's lacking. If we focus on that, the list can be infinite. But to what is here, what is good, this list too is infinite. Choosing to celebrate the bounty, the incredible blessings that have carried us to this moment.

Breathing, letting yourself be breathed. Heart full with all the goodness. Breathing, hearing, touching, feeling. Fully well knowing that money, fame, success do not bring lasting happiness. Aspiring to goodness. We aspire for excess; may we aspire for goodness, for kindness, for peace, for ease, for freedom. For the gifts that can never be taken away from us. Cultivation of our heart and mind, not things. Gratitude, appreciation for the opportunity to cultivate our heart and mind in service and goodness.

Shining our hearts, our goodness, sharing with the world. Contributing to life in the only ways that we are uniquely qualified. With our loved ones, our connections. Appreciating, sharing mettā for the gifts of all beings everywhere. Letting them shine their light, their goodness, their happiness, as we shine ours. Each light unique, not even stepping into the arena of comparison. Celebrating each light, lighting up the world.

And as we bring this practice period to a close, to sit sharing the goodness of our practice with all beings everywhere. Letting our light shine. Trusting there is goodness. May all beings be happy, may all beings be free, including ourselves.

Thank you all, thank you for your practice.

Reflections

So many ways, so many aspects to this practice. Maybe next week we'll cover more aspects, but for now, we have the opportunity for reflections. I changed the chat, and if you type your reflections to everyone, I'll read your name. If you just type them to me, it'll be private; I will only read the reflection, not your name. You're also welcome to raise your Zoom hand to be unmuted to share your reflection. What did you discover? What was this like for you? What was challenging? What was easy? What did you learn? The benefit of the sangha. If you raise your physical hand, I may not see you, so please raise your Zoom hand that way I will ask you.

Thank you, Bill, for your reflection: "Felt calm and joyful." Thank you so much, Bill. Calm and joyful, that's lovely. Joyful, hence Happy Hour!

Especially if you're new, we'd love to hear from you if you wish to share. Don't feel you're on the spot, but you can raise your Zoom hand if you wish. The Zoom hand is under reactions... let's see, somebody's trying to raise their hand but it's the clap. Let's see, it's next to raise hand. Try that again. Ah, now I have the thumbs up! I still don't know who it is. Oh, here Genie, I figured out who it is. Okay, there you go.

Genie: What I realized again, and like to be reminded of, is how the ordinary things of everyday get glossed over by me and I don't feel grateful for them. But it was nice to be reminded again that simple things like running water, food, and a roof over my head—those things that are so important to my happiness and well-being that I sometimes take for granted.

Nikki: Thank you, Genie. Thank you so much for your reflection. I appreciate you brought in running water. I heard this perspective on KQED the other day—I don't know if you heard this also—someone was talking about going camping and backpacking, where you pump the water yourself from the stream. Every ounce of water is so precious. If you accidentally knock over a camping container that you've just pumped, you have to do it all over again, and you use the water that you've cooked with to clean with. And then you come home and you turn on the faucet and it's like a miracle! There is just so much we take for granted. Thank you, Genie, for your reflection.

Other reflections, please. Jerry says, "I agree. Thanks Genie, you do not know what you have often until it is gone." Yes, exactly. I'll say one version of this meditation I sometimes do is to imagine that something you have, like your leg for example, has been in an accident. But this meditation was already pretty full, so maybe I'll try that next week. Co, please.

Co: Not only do we take things usually for granted, but when we stay informed about what's going on in other parts of the world—like Indonesia having all their hospitals overrun with COVID patients, or you drive on the freeway into Berkeley and you see all the homeless encampments—it's all the more valuable that we don't take for granted anything that we have. We who are fortunate enough to have a roof over our heads. It's a very powerful thing to not take things for granted.

Nikki: Yeah, absolutely. Thank you, Co. One thing I always wanted to add to this practice is that when we do this practice of gratitude and fill our hearts with goodness, it's not that we just turn away from all the challenges in the world and say, "Oh, I have it all well and nobody else is." It actually allows us—and we know this, but I do want to bring it into the space—it brings more generosity into our hearts. It brings more generosity for us to serve, to be available to share with others. So as part of this practice, of course we know this already, but I wanted to bring this to the room. Thank you, Co.

Any other quick reflections, please, before we go into our small group practice?

One reflection comes in: "Hearing the sirens, the sound of the fan in my house rising and falling, coming and going." Yeah.

How about we save some time on the other side of the small groups for more reflections, and we turn now to practicing in small groups in community. In this time, we turn to small groups of size three or four, and we start with fifteen seconds of silent mettā for one another, for the small group that you find yourself in. Then sharing as much or as little as you like with your sangha, about your practice as you wish. It's just six minutes, it's very short. Then we come back and we'll have a little bit of time for reflections. It's such a precious time to connect with other practitioners, so here we go and the rooms are open. Enjoy.

Small group practice occurs

Hello everyone, welcome back. It's lovely to be with you again in the large group. So we have a few minutes for any reflections that have come up from practicing in small groups. I see a lot of smiles that weren't here before! Especially if you haven't shared yet, I'd love to hear whatever you'd like to share for the benefit of the sangha. Questions, comments, what didn't work, what worked?

Neil: So you know, when you said you're sharing the same earth that the Buddha walked on, that set up the whole thing for me. I got a shiver running through me. Somehow it had never occurred to me that it was this earth. Maybe I breathed some air that he exhaled, who knows! I felt deeply connected to the practice, to people, and everything.

Nikki: Thank you, Neil, that is so beautiful. I feel shivers down my spine and my heart is filled with joy now. Yeah, there was just a tiny little bit of an exhale of the Buddha in that inhale! I love the sense of connection. Very sweet, thank you, Neil.

Any other reflections, especially if something came up during your practice discussions in the small groups with one another? How was that? Yes, please, person on the phone.

Michael: Hey, this is Michael. The practice groups as usual are really sweet, beneficial, and full of wisdom. But prior to the sitting, I had huge muditā^[4] for the person who had their first tomato! I mean, that just brought me joy that they had their first tomato, and it also watered my seeds of happiness for my gardening with awareness practice, which I'm so grateful for. And lastly, I'm finding the topic of gratitude very pleasant, and deep bows for bringing this up during Happy Hour. I am excited to hear about more of your channeling the dharma next week.

Nikki: Thank you, Michael. Thank you so much for your reflection. It makes me so happy with the gratitude and the muditā—the vicarious joy you had for the person who's here tonight for the first time. And the typo that created such joy for you gives me so much joy! "First tomato." Somebody had a first tomato somewhere in the world today. Thank you, Michael, it just nourishes my heart. I have so much gratitude, so much happiness for all of you. Let's take one quick last reflection. Am I saying your name right, Rimmel?

Rimmel: It's Rimmel, but it's fine. So I'm the one with the "first tomato" and I'm embarrassed for having done that, but if it's brought somebody joy, that's wonderful!

Nikki: Yes, no embarrassment here. This brought everyone joy, brought me joy. How this happened—this is Happy Hour! The risk is that I could have typed something much worse. I got saved thanks to the typo, thanks to the autocorrect! [Laughter] We're having a chuckle and a laugh, this is fantastic. Thank you all, and I have so much gratitude for you, for this sangha, for Happy Hour, for the chance for us to come together and practice. This is so beautiful. Thank you all for your practice. May all beings be well, may all beings be happy, including ourselves. Thank you.