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Guided Meditation: Radiating Love

So I think it's all set up here for now. I couldn't get the IMC internet to work, and even though we do have electricity here and much of the neighborhood around here, including at our home, there's no electricity. So, I a little bit found my way this morning at home at candlelight, which was kind of sweet, and then other things happening. So hopefully this works and hopefully the connection is strong enough.

So welcome. One of the teachings of the Buddha that I love very, very much, appreciate for tremendous value, is that for us to have care, to care for the welfare of oneself, for others, for self and others, and for the whole world, it's not one or the other. Not self or others, but all four of these areas have a kind of equal value, equal weight. And it might seem a little strange to take the whole world and put it on the scale, and put oneself on the other end, and say equal weight for both. But it's true for each person that what's important is not the weight of the object of our attention, but rather the way in which our attending, or our care, spreads from us.

And sometimes I think of love, or care, or kindness as being a light deep in our hearts, deep in our body. And if you turned on the light and you could slow the flow of light particles, light waves, so you could just kind of track how fast they spread from the center, you would see that they would actually kind of touch what's closest first, and then they go to what's next closest, and it spreads out from there.

And we know that in kind of galaxy time, it takes a while for the light of the sun to come to us, or the light that bounces off the moon to come to us. We don't see instantaneously; we see a little bit delayed. So our love, when we turn it on, goes through us first, and so it's indiscriminate. It cares for where it lands, but then it spreads and grows beyond that. And in that true regard, what it touches first is given equal weight to what it touches later. What it touches first is just as appropriate for its care as anything else. To not have that be the case is to turn something off in the heart. To not have care for oneself actually takes more work than to care.

This implies that care is maybe different than what most people think it might be. It's something very, very simple. And this is why as we become quieter, and in a certain way simpler in meditation, the care, the love, the kindness will more naturally just be here, and not maybe even intentionally directed to oneself, but rather encompassing oneself.

So let's meditate and think of a process of simplification into this present moment, here and now. Gently close your eyes and bring your attention, establish your attention, here in your body enough to familiarize yourself with how your body is now.

And if kindness and care don't so much care what they land on, they just care for where they land, see if you can just be aware of your body as it is, without judgments or wanting it different. Just taking it in, being aware. Registering how your body is now.

And then within that body, to take some long, slow, deep breaths, imagining that as the body expands, so does your kindness, your care, your love for this body, touching it all. Friendliness, goodwill. As you exhale, you're relaxing down to the very source, the little light bulb within where kindness begins. And then as you inhale, that light of kindness radiates out through your whole body and beyond. Back and forth as you breathe. Relaxing as you exhale.

And then letting your breathing return to normal. Simply sitting here gently with the light of love or kindness, goodwill, care for yourself and for others. Radiating out within. Maybe riding on the waves of breathing. Whatever awareness senses, knows, feels in the body and mind as you're meditating, imagine that the light of care, the light of love, is included, is part of the awareness, so that you're touched with love, touched with care, kindness. Not a kindness for any reason. You don't have to deserve kindness, but rather because it's the nature of light to shine and light things up. It's the nature of the heart's kindness to touch everything with its kindness.

In a simplicity of being, love does not need to have a reason, does not need to have an object. Love just is part of the simplicity of being. Kindness, friendliness, metta^[1] can radiate, just like a candlelight, when lit, radiates without discrimination for what the light lands on. It can land on anything that you're aware of.

And then as we come to the end of the sitting, to let there be some goodwill. Even if it's goodwill that's a wish, a wish for welfare, some kindness, some love for yourself. Maybe with thoughts speaking to yourself, or the heart feeling for yourself. Somehow let all of who you are know your kindness for yourself, your friendliness, your respect. Maybe not because you deserve it—you probably do—but from that kindness, that care and simplicity of being, which loves just because it's its nature to love. It's its nature to be kind and respectful. And to have that land on yourself. Wishing yourself well, wishing yourself happiness, safety.

And then to have that kindness radiate beyond yourself out into the world, without leaving yourself behind. Almost as if you become the magnifier for the heart's capacity to care and to love, as it spreads through your body and beyond. And then to wish well for everyone: May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be free. And may as many people, many beings as possible know that there are others who care for them, who are positively inclined, ready to be friendly, ready to support their welfare and happiness. Let people know that they're not alone in this world. There are people who care. And may we be some of those.

Thank you.

Dharmette: Love When It Is Hard (3 of 5) Love Without a Reason

So hello everyone, and for those of you who have been facing big weather challenges, I hope you're well. Today here in California, at least locally here where we are, it looks like it's going to be clear skies and no winds or rain. Yesterday, we had been here in Redwood City in town, a number of large redwood trees fell down, went right across the street from here. Somehow miraculously fell across the street in a way that not even a car was damaged—parked cars parked there. So there were three big trees that came down between here and my house, and lots of small things. But now it's a quiet day.

So we have these challenges. Life is full of challenges, and I think part of what it means for many people to be challenged is to be a little bit activated, to be preoccupied, to be concerned. More than just that it's a puzzle to solve. Puzzle challenges can be fun and that can be engaging, and creative, and to engage the mind, but human challenges often come along with some way that we're activated, and activated, reactivated. Something gets kind of energized and stirred up. And that can often be together with emotions. It can often be together with imagination, where we're imagining where this is going and what's going to happen if it just continues. And that activation, reactivation creates a certain mental focus, engagement. It kind of engages muscles and all kinds of energies, which in a time of immediate crisis are useful perhaps, but on an ongoing basis limits us and complicates our inner life so that some of the simpler, quieter innate capacities we have get drowned out.

And one of those is our innate capacity to love. I use the word love here as a broad umbrella term for a wide family of human intentions, sentiments, attitudes that we have. And so some of these words that I use are care, kindness, friendliness, goodwill, even respect, appreciation, generosity, and friendliness. So all these together kind of belong to this family of love, and they have to do with a positive attitude towards others, or a positive attitude towards anyone.

In Buddhism, we put a lot of emphasis on the practice of loving-kindness, of goodwill. And one of the classic ways in which it is practiced is goodwill towards oneself. First start there, and then for people who are benefactors, and then friends, neutral people, and even enemies are included. We often call them difficult people rather than enemies. And there's always an object for that metta.

But one of the profound things that can be discovered through this practice of insight practice, meditation practice, is that love, kindness, care, goodwill, and compassion can exist without there needing to be an object. It can exist without there needing to be a reason to do it. And probably it's fair to say for most people that love is triggered by an object, something that we adore, something that we really value, something we really appreciate, and it kind of stirs our hearts or inspires us in some way and kind of opens our hearts, and all this kind of love or goodwill flows because the object is so wonderful. I know some people who, in doing loving-kindness practice to kind of awaken that capacity, they'll think of puppies, or they'll think about some very cute little animal that just stirs them up in a nice way and makes them kind of—but it's always that, with an object.

And the miraculous thing is that, yes, we have the capacity for love, and that capacity doesn't require an object. Maybe it's easier with an object, partly because there's more energy sometimes around a love for an object, because then the object lives in relationship to us, and we have a relationship to it. That somehow, when we exist or our sense of self is kind of pulled into it, that often activates or stirs a little ecology of things that are in addition to love. There's nothing wrong with having an object, but also it's easy sometimes for our desires, for our aspirations, our dreams in relationship to those people to be activated as well, which maybe gives a richness and a depth to that love. But it's possible to have kindness, care, compassion without an object, without a person that it's directed towards.

If the heart and mind, if we're settled enough here that we can feel and allow for the warmth of the heart, the warmth of the place that loves, to just kind of be shining, just kind of be unobstructed. And it's almost as if—and maybe it's the case—that our capacity to love is often eclipsed by being activated by challenges, by concerns, by desires and all that. And the question is, how can we deactivate ourselves enough so that it's not eclipsed?

So when we feel challenged, then it's possible to remember, "Oh, I have this innate capacity for kindness, for love, for compassion, and it's not present right now." And then justification can come along: "Well, of course it's not present. It's too dangerous right now. Of course it's not present; the person doesn't deserve it that I'm with. Of course it's not present because I'm justified being angry, I'm justified being filled with resentment because it was so horrible what happened. Of course it's not present; I feel so hurt and so disappointed, so betrayed."

And I would like to propose that, without diminishing the fact that we do have these feelings of betrayal, of hurt, of fear, they don't have to eclipse our capacity for love. In fact, if we allow it too much to eclipse it, then it's too easy for selfishness, conceits, self-preoccupation, self to kind of take over in a way that's actually not even healthy for ourselves. But if we can relax, deactivate, quiet down, not become activated by our activation, maybe we can come back to that place where there can be some modicum of love or kindness.

I like to think that the most fundamental capacity for love begins with a wish for someone's welfare, the intention for love, the wish for having kindness. So in the middle of a challenge that doesn't require our full 100 percent attention to be safe, to ask the question: "Where is the love? Where's the kindness?"

And if it's not available, to take the time to deactivate. To take the time to maybe go for a walk, meditate, talk with a friend, do something that you know what to do that lets your activated system calm down, quiet down a bit. And certainly not continue doing the very thing that keeps you activated and reactivated. And without aversion for the activation, without condemnation, but with this principle that yes, we're looking at coming back to the simplicity of being where a basic goodwill, basic kindness and friendliness has a chance to shine, that doesn't need a reason.

And because it doesn't need a reason, it has the capacity to shine its goodwill equally on everything. It can shine the goodwill on our activation, on our anger, on our sense of betrayal, on our hurt, on our enemies, on all of our—maybe we're disappointed with ourselves in a challenge, maybe we made a mistake, but that simple kindness is there just to hold it all. All of who we are. We have this capacity within for unconditional kind regard. We have this capacity within for an unconditional goodwill, regardless of what's happened, regardless of what we've done, regardless of how we think about ourselves. And that that should live within us, the capacity to love without a reason, without that justification, just that the nature of the heart to love is a phenomenal thing.

And so, where's the love? Where is the kindness in the middle of a challenge? Where is it? And just that question, carrying that question with us might be enough for us to recognize little hints of the kindness that's there. But if there's none, it's probably an indication that what's important to do now is not to stay in the middle of being activated, but finding some way to deactivate enough. To not get caught in the cycles of activation and reactivation.

And this is where meditation comes into play, mindfulness comes into play. This is where learning to relax comes into play. Relaxation is a skill that we can become good at by practicing it. And then to come back to the challenge with some kindness, some kind regard, some goodwill. So the challenge is not the only game in town. There's another game. There's another perspective. There's a perspective of love.

So, as you go through today and you run into challenges, ask yourself the question: "Where is the love?" And if it's not available, how are you activated? And what can you do that's realistic and reasonable to deactivate enough that there is this unconditional kindness, kind regard for yourself, for all things, as you find your way with the challenge? So thank you very much. And I wish you a lot well with this exercise of goodwill, kindness, and love, and it's a very worthwhile thing to do. Thank you.