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Happy Hour: Equanimity For Our Life's Unfolding

Great, so welcome, welcome everyone. Welcome to Happy Hour. Lovely to be with you whether you're joining on Zoom or on YouTube.

The theme for our practice today is continuing to practice with the fourth brahmavihāra^[1]. The brahmavihāras are the practices of the heart, heavenly abodes. The first one being mettā^[2] (loving-kindness), the second one being karuṇā^[3] (compassion), the third one muditā^[4] (vicarious joy), and the fourth one being upekkhā^[5] or equanimity. We've been going through all the brahmavihāras since the beginning of the year methodically. If this is your first time at Happy Hour, no problem, whatever you need to know will be shared with you. I'm just giving some context here.

The practice of equanimity, or upekkhā, is a crown jewel of Buddhist practice, and it shows up on so many different lists. As I was saying on Friday, there are ten different types of equanimity. Some of you might be familiar with the Seven Factors of Awakening; equanimity shows up there in a different way. It shows up there supporting our awakening or our being in the world. With brahmavihāras as these four fantastic practices, equanimity shows up relationally. It shows up relationally for us to practice in relation to ourselves, in relation to others, people we care about, people we don't know, all beings, etc. So it becomes a relational practice in some way.

It's a beautiful practice. The near enemy of it, as I mentioned—and it bears mentioning again—is aloofness or indifference. Sometimes we might mistakenly think of equanimity as not caring, just being aloof or indifferent. But that's the near enemy; that's the masquerader. It's what masquerades as equanimity.

Again, it's okay to fall into the near enemy or even the far enemy, which is attachment and aversion. It's not a sin for those things to arise. They arise, you notice what's happening, and you learn. You learn from where the heart and the mind are falling: "Oh yeah, I'm veering a little towards the right, I'm veering towards the left." You learn better about this practice by actually falling into the near and far enemies and realizing, "This doesn't quite feel like equanimity," and seeing what is needed to adjust your own practice. So don't think like you've made a mistake or it's a waste of time. No, whatever practice, however it arises for you, as long as you're aware and you don't self-judge and you are just curious, like, "Oh, what's happening here? How do I work with this?" It's all good.

One more thing to say about equanimity before we start our practice together is that there is a sense of care in equanimity. There is a sense of care, presence, even warmth, which holds everything that arises and passes with a sense of peace, with a sense of equipoise and stability.

We started on Friday with the neutral person; traditionally, that's where you start this practice. Then the second category that we extend to tonight is ourselves. So we're going to do equanimity for our own condition in life. There are a lot of different potential phrases to use. I will offer a few today. As many of you are already on the Happy Hour Google group, I asked Neil to forward the phrases, and I see nods, many of you have seen them. If you haven't, it's in the Google group waiting for you. All those phrases you can read and explore and see what works for you. I'll offer a few, and you may have your favorite from the list or from one that I will offer tonight.

All right, enough words for framing the practice. Whatever comes up, as long as you have caring equanimity with whatever comes up with this practice, you're doing it exactly right. Okay, so let's do it. Let's practice together.

Reflections and Q&A

Thanks everyone. Thank you for your practice.

Ah, so we have more folks joining us on YouTube from different time zones. Hello from Iran, Superhero, good morning. And hello from Bangkok. I don't know how to say good morning in Thai, hello!

So I'd love to hear your reflections. You can either type them in chat to me privately—I won't say your name—or to the whole sangha if you like, in which case I'll read it out loud and say your name. Or you can raise your hand with questions, comments, observations about this practice.

It can be quite a profound practice, this practice of equanimity. So what did you observe? What would you like to share for the benefit of community?

Dawn says, "Thank you, Nikki. The practice is a refuge for me." Thank you, Dawn, for saying that. For putting it in those words, practice being a refuge for you. I'm touched. You're such a soul, there's such a beauty in connecting in this way. Thanks for sharing that.

Ah, appreciation also for the practice on YouTube from Clifton. You're welcome, Clifton, delighted you're practicing with us from Bangkok.

And Kim, please.

Kim: I found that by the end of the practice, I had a real feeling of solidity in my lower body. I sort of tried out different mediums, but stone felt like stone. And then my upper body was... there's a little bit of swaying, and my breath sort of felt like things moving through or creating a little bit of swaying. So yeah, I really appreciate the practice. Thank you.

Nikki: Lovely. Thank you, Kim. I'm loving the way you just described it, and also seeing you. As I feel as you're describing, the sense of stone, the stability, and oh, the sway with the breath which gives... there's no resistance, it doesn't break. It's like, "Oh yeah, there is the gentleness." Beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you.

Yeah, more reflections on YouTube and gratitude from Venice. Hello from the Midwest, grateful for the meditation. Delighted you're here with us practicing. Anything else you notice you'd like to share or ask?

Holly says, "I like imagining being the stable, poised Buddha statues because the qualities of them came into my being." Oh beautiful, yay, that's lovely. Yeah, this quality of the Buddha statue, the poised ability.

And Neil says, "Deeply relaxing, calming, and soothing." Lovely. Thank you, Neil, for sharing that.

Great. So any other reflections, questions, challenges? It's all good, for the benefit of the community. Anything you'd like to share or ask?

There can be such a sense of stability and heart opening to be with what arises, and the sense of universality. What I was calling this sense of equanimity or equipoise, it's both yours and not yours in a way. There's a sense of universality that can arise with this practice, in a way similar to the practice of mettā, this loving-kindness, tapping into this beauty and graciousness of generosity.

So how about we practice in small groups, and we'll reserve some time at the end for reflections that might come up, that the wheels might be greased as you discuss in small groups with each other, which is really precious, heartful practice.

For the practice today in community, the invitation I have is first start with 30 seconds of silent mettā. Just 30 seconds of wishing each other well, wishing these Buddha statues, the Buddha nature, the Buddha-ness of each of you, both sharing your Buddha-ness with each other and wishing each other well. And then after 30 seconds, you're welcome to share whatever you like about what came up for you, as little or as much as you like. There could be silence. And I see your question, Jamie; I'll address it when we come back out of the group.

I will create the breakout groups, and yeah, so much wisdom and connection that comes out of group practice. So here we go. I'm going to open the rooms now. Oh, open they are. Enjoy.

[Group breakout session]

Welcome back everyone. So we have a few minutes for reflections. What came up, what do you notice?

Oh, and first actually, I'll respond to Jamie's question, who had asked right before we went to the groups: "Can you comment on what you mean when you refer to things unfolding lawfully?"

This is the teaching of causes and conditions, cause and effect, that there are laws of nature. You can think of them both as laws of physics, laws of karma^[8]. For example, in a simple way, if you are nice to someone, the chances are they'll be nice to you. If you're nasty to them, if you slap them, well, they won't be very happy. So they're a lawful nature. Things unfold according to a lawful nature, both the physics and the physics of how life works basically. That's the lawful nature. It's not as if you would plant, say, a seed of a mango tree and you would get a fern tree. Things unfold according to a lawful nature in this world; it's not random. So that's what that refers to, Jamie.

So now your chance.

Jamie: Thank you.

Nikki: You're welcome. Thanks for asking and following up from Friday; I think that came up before also.

So any reflections, questions, please? Or what came up in community practice? How was that? Did you have an "aha" about anything?

Jerry says, "Very supportive." Hmm, nice.

Jamie: The people in my group, all of us were just feeling very good about the connection that we had with each other and with this group, and how much we feel supported by it and how important it is to us. And that was pretty much the main thing.

Nikki: Sweet, that delights me. And Jamie especially, I appreciate because now you've become an old-timer, you've been coming, so you're part of the sangha. And what you're sharing about how important this sangha has become to you in the way of supporting you in practice, that just delights me to no end. It's such a gift for me to be supporting you and this teaching that supports me. So yay, thanks for sharing that, Jamie.

And Emily says, "I always feel shy when I first see the small group folks I don't know, but then it feels like we're fast friends." Oh, that's so sweet. Sweet fast friends.

Any other reflections please? Michael, is that you? I see you're unmuted on the phone.

Dorothy: That might be me. This is Dorothy, but I'm just listening.

Nikki: Ah, hi Dorothy. All good.

Dorothy: Hi Nikki, thank you. Thank you, this is great.

Nikki: Lovely. So thank you all for your practice, this day, this evening, this morning, this afternoon, whatever your time zone is, this moment in time. Thank you for practicing for your own sake and for everybody whose lives you touch. So thank you for your practice.

May all beings everywhere be happy. May all beings everywhere be free, including ourselves.

Thank you for your practice.