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Happy Hour: Metta as a Perspective

Introduction

Welcome to Happy Hour, everyone. Delighted to be here with you this evening, or middle of the night, or morning, whatever your time zone may be joining us. Great to see you.

For tonight's practice, the thing that I would like to explore and offer a guided meditation on is the theme of mettā^[1], friendliness as a perspective.

I just finished teaching a retreat yesterday that some of you, who I might see on the list here in the Zoom room, participated in. We sat together on that intense weekend, or four-day retreat. The theme of that retreat was perspective: examining our perspectives and becoming more aware of our perspectives as we go through life, as we go through this experience of being alive. It is important not just to become aware of our perspective, but also to recognize the fact that we can condition our perspective. We can condition our attitude to be more kind, to be more wise, to be more patient, to be more stable. There are ways that we can actually condition our attitudes, our perspectives.

Our perspective, our attitude really makes the difference. It is the predominant factor determining whether we suffer, or whether we see something as a challenge. Whatever phenomena are arising internally and externally in our lives, they might throw us off completely, knocking us off the saddle. However, the same phenomena, met with a different perspective, would cause a different reaction. They would not throw us off. They might be met with a lot more space, more ease, more calm, more perseverance, and who knows, even spaciousness, maybe a smile, maybe even joy, and the opportunity to grow through the experience. Mettā, kindness, and friendliness are ways we can precondition and set the conditions for our perspective to change.

We can always try to just take on a new perspective, which is actually pretty much what we do in loving-kindness practice. We cultivate a different perspective. Even taking a different perspective is challenging. For example, if having kindness or goodwill for somebody we're having challenges with in our lives, or difficult people, if an attitude of mettā and kindness is challenging, we work on it. We prime the heart by starting where it's easy, by feeling kindness, warmth, and friendliness for someone we care about, and maybe for ourselves, or maybe a neutral person. Then we get to the person who's pushing our buttons. Little by little, we very slowly condition our perspectives.

With that in mind, with the idea of cultivating mettā, cultivating goodwill as a way that we can condition our perspective towards ourselves and towards others, I would like to offer a practice, a guided meditation tonight.

As usual, we'll start by settling the body and the breath, and then turning more and more towards a perspective of goodwill. I'd like to invite you to get comfortable. You may want to move wherever you're sitting, if you need to shift, if you need to lie down, whatever is supportive for you.

Guided Meditation

Here we go. Landing in your seat, landing in this body. Inviting yourself to rest and put down all the dizziness from the day, whatever has been going on, just putting it down for this moment of refuge. This moment of taking a respite. Taking respite in this moment.

Letting your body relax. Letting your body soften, as if your body was a block of ice. As if it were a block of ice, letting it melt. Letting the tension melt. Letting the tension melt away in your face, any tightness or holding. Let your forehead soften. Let your eyes rest in their sockets. No need to see, no need to dart this way and that. Rest, dear eyes, rest.

Inviting your jaws to rest, to melt away. Drip by drip, any tension in the back of your eyes, the back of your forehead. As if your brain were a thinking muscle, inviting your thoughts, your thinking muscle to relax. Inviting your whole face, your whole head, to just be. No need to be any particular way, freed up from any and all expectations.

Inviting your neck and shoulders to soften. Put down the proverbial weight you've been carrying to care for yourself and others. Just letting yourself be light. Letting any tingling, anxiety, or bubbliness in your chest melt, drip, drip, as if ice melting. Letting it be calmed, soothed. Your upper back relaxed. Your lower back, your abdomen, sit bones, melting any tension. Upper legs, lower legs, and feet. Letting the whole body, perceiving the whole body, as soft, spacious.

With every in-breath, receive it throughout the body. Each out-breath, letting go. Letting go of needing anything to be any different than it actually is right now. Letting there be a delight and joy in things just as they are, in their own complete imperfection, their perfect imperfection. Receiving the breath, in-breath and out-breath. Just calming, soothing, settling, tilling the soil.

If you find your mind, your intention, your awareness has gone off visiting a thought, a memory, a plan, it's okay. It's what happens with minds. Attention has a way of landing here and there like a butterfly, except that this fluttering away is the nature of mind. Having ease with the nature of mind when you accept, you know, this is how it is. Don't swat the butterfly, this lovely butterfly. Ever so gently invite it to come back, if it would. The butterfly of attention, of awareness, for it to land. To land on your abdomen, your chest, noticing the breath wherever in the body it wants to land. Receiving the flow, the movement of the breath.

And now I would like to invite you, as you're sitting, receiving the breath in the body, to try an experiment with me if you wish. An experiment on perspective. We have a choice in the perspectives we choose to take. It's one choice no one can take from us. We can lose everything, our possessions, those we love. Everything can be taken from us, except the choice to choose our attitude, our perspective.

For this experiment, I'd like to invite you just to try on for size, take on the perspective of Kuan Yin^[2], the symbol, the embodiment of care and compassion, who hears the ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows of the world with care, with equanimity, with love, holding everyone and everything with friendliness and care. The body of Kuan Yin is relaxed, it's soft. Sitting and breathing, soft. Taking on the body of Kuan Yin, the archetype of compassion.

Let's start with this perspective of Kuan Yin, the embodiment, the archetype of a compassionate being. Start with yourself, holding yourself with care, friendliness, without any expectation, the way Kuan Yin would, holding you. And if Kuan Yin doesn't quite resonate for you, choose a compassionate being that resonates for you, whoever that might be, whatever archetype that might be for you. As if that archetype of the compassionate being was one you entered into. As if you entered into their embodiment, gazing out through their eyes, looking at yourself. What do you see?

Let the image of yourself be held through the eyes of the compassionate being. They see you with no expectations, just holding you with care. Take on that perspective. You can use an image if it works for you, or words. Maybe they speak loving words, words of acceptance: "Oh sweet, dear being. You are cared for. You are doing the best you can. It's okay. It's okay. You are precious. You are dear. You are loved. You are deeply treasured in ways you cannot know by the universe, in unfathomable ways. The goodness, the beauty, the divinity that is in you is beyond your own appreciation. You can rest, feel safe. You are loved and you are enough. I see you. I see the ways that you hurt and you suffer. And I see the goodness, the intentions, the beauty in you."

Whatever words work for you, whatever image works for you, to take on the perspective of this compassionate, loving being towards yourself. Feel free to be creative. At any point during this meditation, if you start to judge yourself for the mind wandering, or not doing it right, or falling asleep, or whatever it might be, remember the perspective of the compassionate being, of the loving, unconditionally loving being holding all of this. Whatever might be coming up is just unconditional love. You don't have to do anything to deserve this love; it's available for you.

See if you can see this, even for a second. Hold yourself without any expectation to do anything right or a particular way. Just unconditionally, deep, deep okayness. Deep belonging. "This too, this too. Let this too be included."

The invitation in this practice period, at first, was to settle in the body while allowing it to calm and settle with the breath. Then, to take on the perspective of the compassionate being, be it Kuan Yin or any other archetype for you that represents unconditional acceptance, love, and compassion. See yourself through that perspective. Hold yourself as a baby from that perspective. Even as challenges, thoughts, and self-judgments arise, see that all of that could be held in that perspective. Just taking it on and inclining your mind towards that perspective to explore it.

For many of you, this might have been a big stretch and might have only worked for a second. A second is infinitely better than zero seconds. To just try it, to incline the mind, as the Buddha says: whatever you think and ponder upon frequently becomes the inclination of your mind. As you more frequently ponder upon this perspective of care, of unconditional acceptance for yourself, it will become the tendency of your mind.

Reflections and Q&A

With that, I'd love to ask you what is coming up for you. If you would be willing to share, perhaps type it in the chat and I will read them out loud. What might be coming up for you from this practice period, having tried on this perspective of a compassionate being?

For me, what's coming up is, first, I feel a lot more settled. And then there is more sense of ease for myself in all the busyness and the doing, and the non-doing, that has happened today and still needs to happen this week. It's just a sense of ease about it.

"It made me think of my great-grandmother." Beautiful, thank you, Phil. "It made me think of my great-grandmother." Nice. Any other reflections you wish to offer? One word is fine too, if you just want to share one word. From Lisa: "Gratitude, joy." Thank you, Lisa.

Susan, let me try to unmute you. Let's see here.

Susan: It's different. I felt really happy when I looked at the schedule to see that we were doing this tonight. It gave me something to look forward to throughout the day. It's definitely helping my faith. I anticipated a lot of pushback, which is common when I do mettā predominantly for myself as a project. I got in touch with how strong the belief is for the parts of my mind that were conditioned that, in order to stay safe, I have to hate myself. Then, rather than second-arrowing^[3] myself about that, I'm able to get big enough and have compassion for myself. I've been getting training to learn to appreciate how hard these parts of me have been working to keep me alive. Sometimes I'll notice that part and bow and say, "Wow." Remembering, okay, it feels real, but it's not true, but to this part, it's real. So this was one of the first times I was able to really connect with compassion for that part of myself. So I'm grateful for y'all holding the space, and Nikki, for your kindness. Thank you.

Nikki Mirghafori: Thank you, Susan. I'm quivering as you share your beautiful, courageous practice with these parts that come up, and seeing them courageously and compassionately, opening to compassion for these parts that have been there for a reason. They've been there in order for you to survive, in order to make it. And now, you can relax, dear parts, you can relax. You are loved. You are safe. Thank you so much for sharing that. Beautiful, warms my heart.

A couple of offerings. One from Linda: "Feeling loved, very spacious too." Thank you, Linda. And from Elizabeth: "I am just so grateful to be in the company of so many seeking to be gentler in the world." Oh, that's lovely too. Yes, it's all of you. From Ellie: "Connecting with owned love." Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. Lovely.

Breakout Rooms

At this time in the schedule, one thing that's really special about Happy Hour is the opportunity to connect with other beings who are seeking to be gentler in this world for just a few minutes, not very long. The invitation tonight, and it's going to be short as always, it'll just be maybe six minutes in the Zoom breakout rooms, is to see if you can take on the perspective of the compassionate mind, the loving, unconditionally accepting perspective, both for yourself as you're speaking, and for others. Whatever comes out of your mouth, you're not planning something, just let it come out. It's all good, sweetie. It's all good. And when other people are sharing the same, there is no wrong. Just see what it feels like.

This is not a work Zoom meeting. People can say anything they want. They can say, "I fell asleep during the meditation, didn't work, I don't know." Just love them! Yes, unconditionally accepting. See what that feels like for just a few minutes. This is a sandbox, people, where else do you get the chance to try this out? So I will make the breakout rooms now, you'll have two or three people. I invite you to challenge yourself, hang in there, and if it's not for you, that's perfectly fine too, but check it out. I'll make the Zoom rooms now. Let's see.

Here is the joy of real-time creation. Let's recreate. Let's do this again. You can have unconditional love and acceptance for me as I struggle to make the Zoom rooms again and again. Here we go, almost there. Okay, I think I got it. So I'm going to open the rooms now. I'll set the timer for six minutes, and you just keep your own time and let each person share without asking questions how they are, what's happening for them. Then if there is time, you can have open conversation.

(Breakout rooms session)

Here we go, we are all back. Welcome back, everyone. Lovely to see you. We have a few minutes for any reflections from either the first part of the practice or the second interactive part, what was that like? You're welcome to either unmute yourself now if you wish, or raise your hand and I'll unmute you. All reflections and questions are welcome.

Speaker 1: I just am overwhelmed, Nikki, after having been in your four-day retreat and then to come back here tonight and just spend some time in the breakout with Lisa, who was also in the retreat. There's such a connection, it's so special. We're like Hollywood Squares, and probably most of you aren't old enough to remember Hollywood Squares, but I am. [Laughter] One of the beauties of staring at this computer and doing this is the connections. It's so special, so thank you, everyone.

Nikki Mirghafori: Beautiful, warms my heart. Thanks for sharing. It's just so happy-making, isn't it? It's so different from typical Zoom meetings. That can be lovely too, perhaps, but it's just different. It's a lovely way to connect with beings, you said it so well, I couldn't say it any better than you have. Thank you. Other reflections, questions, complaints?

Elizabeth: I was sharing with Neil that I had humanity coming out of the woodwork, and there's aggression. I had a tough day that challenged my new identity of being a compassionate person. It unsettled me so much that I just thought, "Oh, you know, the Buddha didn't know what he's talking about." But your meditation and your words brought gentleness to my soul. It doesn't matter what happens—like, it matters, of course, morally—but that encounter didn't matter, I was brought back to kindness and gentleness of self, and I could just feel it radiating out again. It was like a wave of unpleasantness, and then being here with you and the gentleness, it's like I got washed, and I'm okay. I'm more like this again. So thank you so much. I'm new to this by the way, so I'm a real novice.

Nikki Mirghafori: You did great. You're doing great, Elizabeth, thank you so much. Other reflections? Amy, I saw how you had muted yourself briefly.

Amy: I came from a work Zoom meeting that was pretty contentious, you know, a lot of struggles, hard challenges, and angry feelings. Then I slipped into this a little late, but I definitely was able to send them compassion from the meeting, and send myself compassion, and then realize I don't need to hold that now. That was kind of the wisdom that came from the compassionate archetype that came to me. Now I feel really joyful and light, and good for what I did, and better for moving through it.

Nikki Mirghafori: Lovely, thank you for sharing that. Report after report, my heart is buoyed by your practice, what you are creating for yourselves and in the world. This is just, yeah, my heart is buoyed. Thank you. All of you, every single one of you, for your practice, for yourself, and for all beings, really. Your lives touch others, and the care, the love, the compassion that you bring to your own heart, your cup runneth over and fills other people's cups so deeply. Thank you for what you do, all of you.

I'm even happier now after Happy Hour. So may all beings be safe, may all beings be happy, may all beings be free, including ourselves. Thank you all, be well, take care. Good night.