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Happy Hour: Body as Mother, Body as Child

Introduction

Okay, great. Welcome, everyone. A warm welcome to Happy Hour, wherever you are in the world. Whether it's your first time—yay, welcoming the first-timers tonight especially—or you are Happy Hour regulars, welcoming you warmly as you welcome each other.

For today's practice together, our theme is the body and mettā^[1]. Mettā is loving-kindness, cultivating friendliness, goodwill, care, and love. There are so many ways to translate this word, mettā, in Pali^[2], with many nuances.

There are teachings on mindfulness of the body. Kāyagatāsati^[3] is translated as awareness or mindfulness gone to the body. Mindfulness of the body is so important; it's really the foundation of so many other practices, drawn from the Satipaṭṭhāna Sutta^[4], the Four Foundations of Mindfulness.

On Friday, we did some practice of grounding. This sense of grounding as mettā, coming to the body as self-care, grounding in the earthiness of the body on earth. Many of you said that was very supportive for you. This sense of establishment of mettā as care, in connection with the body.

Along the themes of the body, for those of you who missed it, it's on AudioDharma and also on YouTube. You can go and catch up and listen, but no catching up is needed! Whatever is needed tonight will be shared with you during the guided meditation, so it's all good. You don't have to catch up for the sake of knowing what's happening now. I'm just letting you know these connections for background.

Tonight, or this morning, whatever time zone you might be in, the idea is both grounding in the body—bringing awareness, sati^[5], mindfulness to the body as an expression of care for ourselves—as well as leaning into it even a little more now. Leaning into it in the way of, "Oh, this dear body that I take for granted a lot of the time." This amazing body that functions, heals itself, breathes, and processes food in ways that I have no idea how it even gets done—these amazing chemical processes. And also, if there are any challenges in the body, any parts of the body that are challenged, hurting, or struggling, to bring more care, love, and mettā to those parts of the body.

So both grounding in the physicality as a way of caring and connecting for ourselves, and then really leaning into that care. The body both as a mother and as the child. Both the stability of, "Oh, thank you, body, you're really comforting and soothing," and, "Oh, sweet, dear body, you're also in some ways challenged and hurting."

Navigating that relationship tonight is the invitation in this practice. Let's see what shows up for each of us; it might be different. We always explore in this way of cultivating friendliness and goodwill.

Guided Meditation

Without further ado, let's land into our practice together. Let's land into our posture. If you need to move, if you need to lie down, if you need to relax your body, soften. If you need to sit up straighter in order to establish a sense of integrity, a brightness. See what your body needs. This unique expression of humanity that is yours and not yours.

Relaxing... softening into the body. Putting down whatever is not necessary in this moment. Thoughts, ruminations^[6], plans—they are not needed right now. I can always pick them up later. In this moment, a moment of refuge. The simplicity of this body connected to the earth. Feet, legs, sit bones. Just being breathed.

Each in-breath bringing more presence, connecting with the felt sense of this body. And each out-breath, letting go. Landing, releasing into the body more deeply. Each out-breath releasing a little more.

Can each moment of connecting with this body be about putting down thoughts? Not that there's anything wrong with thinking per se, but choosing right now to give ourselves, our hearts completely to this refuge, to this moment of practice. Simply connecting, awareness knowing this body sitting. Connecting, stabilizing, calming, grounding as an expression of care for ourselves. Love for ourselves. Affection for ourselves.

Just here. Connecting. Awareness turned inward, feeling this whole body sitting. All these sensations of sitting, of breathing. Noticing how soothing it can be to turn the attention and awareness to just connect with the sensations of simply sitting and breathing. A radical act of care and love, self-care.

Connecting with this body in this moment as a source of stability. Care for ourselves. Imagining the archetypal mother or parent. The Buddha or Kuan Yin^[7]. The sense of care, stability, love. As if your body is embodying that for you. As if your body was a Buddha statue or Kuan Yin. Stable. Emanating^[8] care, love, stability for yourself. Tenderly, with each breath, connecting to it.

And so too, this body has challenges. There are parts of the body in pain, or not quite functioning in perfect health. This body, too, as a tender child being held. The same way you would hold a little newborn, a baby who is just having a hard time perhaps. Just tenderly: "There, there, sweetie, it's okay." Patiently holding the body of a child.

The same sense of mettā directed also to this body, especially to any parts that are struggling or have been struggling. They could be physical parts of your body. Or, if your body is in perfectly good health, maybe direct it to the heart center. The proverbial heart center, the place of emotions, of heartache. If there is any dukkha^[9] that has physical manifestations in your body—any stress, tightness, sadness, anxiousness showing up in the body—holding that tenderly with mettā. "There, there, sweetie, there, there."

You get to choose what is more supportive: going back and forth, or holding both. This idea of the body as the mother, a stable, supportive source of connection and care. As if a mother, as if the Buddha or Kuan Yin, the embodiment of love and compassion. See if leaning into that is more supportive. Or holding the body as if it were a newborn, tenderly. Body, heart, mind: "Oh sweetie, it's okay." Directing love, care, and mettā to the body. At some point, maybe the two perspectives become one, they merge. See what's more supportive for you in this moment. Explore.

With each breath, both connecting to the body and soothing, comforting, bringing ease, relaxation, and succor^[10] to the body. Don't work too hard. Let it be nourishing. Let each breath be nourishing, soothing.

I invite you to put the palm of your hand on the middle of your chest, your heart center, making a physical connection. A stance of care and connection. You can imagine it's your own hand, or the hand of a loved one, or the Buddha, or Kuan Yin on your chest. "It's okay, sweetie." Calming, soothing, supporting, connecting. Let yourself be surprised.

Maybe put the other palm on your belly, holding your heart center and your belly. Oh dear heart, oh dear body. It's not easy. It's okay. It's okay.

For the last couple of minutes of this practice, both feeling the sense of stability, solidity, and uprightness of this body, this posture. Connecting with the support of the earth, and the sense of integrity that's available. That holds the tenderness with care, with love. Tenderness in the body, in the heart, and the mind, with love and care.

May all beings be well. Know their own goodness. Have all the support they need. May all beings, including ourselves, be free.

Thank you all. Thank you for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

I'll change the settings so you're welcome to raise your Zoom hand to share your reflections on what this was like for you, what you discovered, your insights. Being held witness is quite profound for the benefit of yourself, and also for the benefit of the sangha^[11]. Your insights, your observations, and your questions serve everyone. You're also welcome to type them in the chat. If you type them privately to me alone, I won't read your name, I'll just read the reflection. If it's typed to everyone, then I will also read your name.

As I wait for your reflections or questions, I'll just say again what we did. At the beginning, we settled with the breath and the body, taking refuge, tilling the soil, calming the mind. Then, turning to the body both as the support, the stability, this connection—the body as the mother, the body as the child. For many people, maybe Kuan Yin or the Buddha works better than the image of the mother.

Wayne, please.

Wayne: I find that putting my hand on my belly really helps me stay in touch with my breathing, and helps me come back quicker when I notice my mind is thinking about something. So that's very helpful.

Nikki: Nice. Thank you for sharing that. That sense of physical connection with the hand on the belly, with the breath rising and falling—I am delighted to hear that. That's a support that's always available to you. I actually suggest that many times to many students, that it's fine and okay to put the hand on the belly for that sense of connection. I'm delighted to hear that was helpful for you, Wayne.

Barbara, please.

Barbara: I feel that you're saying there may be dukkha in the heart center as well physically. I'm not suffering, but there is dukkha in the heart center at the thought of COVID being more threatening now. In my life, that's where my family is going to be gathering, and um...

Nikki: Yeah, thank you, Barbara. The proverbial heart center carries so much, you know? The dukkha has ramifications in the body. We have all these expressions like, "My heart feels heavy," because we feel it in the body. It feels like this heaviness. Thank you for sharing that. It's something regarding the COVID situation, of course, and the Delta variant, that is our shared humanity. No matter where we are in the world, we're sharing this.

Two reflections are coming to me. One person says, "I really liked the guided experience. As if being embodied by Kuan Yin, then the Buddha, felt so strong, grounded, and stable, even if just for the moment. Beautiful."

Yay, I'm delighted to hear that report from the field! That can just bring a sense of stability.

Another report coming in: "Thinking of my body as mother/Buddha and sending loving support, mettā, to myself that way immediately led me to be more protective of my physical body. Make it strong for long-term care of my health. [Smiley] Beautiful, I haven't thought of my body in this way enough, the strength of it^[12]."

Beautiful reflections and beautiful insights! Both of these in the chat, and also those who raised their hands. Thank you, very insightful and lovely.

One more coming in: "When Nikki mentioned something like, instead of the back and forth, holding both together came very much in handy. There was a ping-pong going on between pushing aches and pains away and befriending them. Making space for all was then possible. Thank you."

Oh, lovely. It's great. Making space for all. Beautiful, thank you for your practice, everyone. Such lovely reflections. I'm sure there are plenty more reflections here, and now, turning into small groups, we'll have the chance to listen to each other and share as much or as little as you like.

Sometimes, actually listening to each other brings more up, like, "Oh yeah, that came up for me and I totally forgot that I noticed that during the guided meditation." Group practice, sangha practice, is a very important part of our practice here in Happy Hour. The group size is usually roughly three or four people. We always start with just 15 seconds of silent mettā for ourselves, for each other, for our bodies, for each other's bodies. Then you can go around and say as little or as much as you like. We have about six or seven minutes in the groups. I will open the rooms now. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Here we go.

[Break for small groups]

Welcome back, everyone. The rooms are closed. We have a few minutes for any reflections that might have come up from listening to others or listening to yourself. Sometimes when you hear yourself share your practice, new insights come up, or questions, shared understanding, or no understanding. Especially if you haven't shared this evening or recently, you're welcome to raise your hand. We'd love to hear from you, or you can type in the chat.

Yes, Wayne.

Wayne: I am talking a lot...

Nikki: Well, it's your first time at Happy Hour, so you have a lot of catching up!

Wayne: When we were in the small group, one gentleman mentioned drinking caffeine in the morning. I remember I didn't start drinking caffeine until I was about 22 years old, and I was at a sesshin^[13] at the Zen center. I wondered where all the people went in between the zazen^[14] periods. I thought, "Well, I'll follow them out," and everybody was heading to the coffee urn. I guess my answer is that well, I've been drinking coffee ever since. But people use coffee for stimulation, and I was just wondering about mindfulness and maybe practicing sometimes without drinking caffeine.

Nikki: Yeah, I strongly recommend it. I strongly recommend getting to notice the state of your mind and heart without caffeine. Often, when people come on silent retreats and they've been used to drinking coffee, they intentionally stop drinking to really be able to observe their mind. What happens without caffeine, and then if they drink, the effect of it. So yeah, I highly recommend it, Wayne. Thank you, definitely good practice.

In the chat, Jerry says, "It is amazing how one feels much less isolated hearing the vulnerability of others." Yes, absolutely.

Marie Christine says, "Yes, this is true, Jerry." And an agreement from Patricia: "Isn't it amazing how much less isolated one feels hearing the vulnerability of others? Such a beautiful way to practice in community."

Melanie says, "Totally relate, Jerry. My professor wrote this to me in an email once, and I think of it often among my own peers: 'I find that the passage of time eventually corrodes the simplistic and conformist notion of success that we are fed at a certain age. We all realize that nobody's life has been perfect, and that it's empowering to share our regrets or sadness or failures.'"

Oh, beautiful, Melanie. Thank you for sharing that. Absolutely. This conformist notion of success is simplistic and it corrodes. When we actually share our vulnerabilities, our sadness, our regrets, our pain, our failures, and our growth, we come closer. It's part of our common humanity. We're all human. There's so much more there. It's the First Noble Truth in Buddhism: stress, pain, dukkha, failure, and challenge are a part of human life.

Thank you all. Such a beautiful, heartfelt evening—or morning, I almost have to remember the different time zones, or afternoons given Australia and Marie Christine!—of practice with all of you. Thank you all for showing up and cultivating your heart for yourself and others. May all beings be well. May all beings be free. Thank you.