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Connecting with the Body (4 of 5)

Good morning again. It's lovely to be here. I'm telling myself, "Okay, this is what it means to do something new." To be on YouTube is to learn how these things work, just the same way we have so many different new experiences, things that we aren't planning. But as I mentioned in the guided meditation, being connected to our bodies, to our felt experience, is a way that can support connection to others.

We can do this in two ways. Of course, one is it helps us become aware of how we are affecting others, the impact we might be having on others. Because our thoughts, our emotions, our attitudes, they leak out of us. Even though we might be thinking that this is just my own personal thoughts and nobody knows this, they get expressed in our facial expressions, our posture, the way that we move.

It might be that an interaction that we've had some time ago—days ago, hours ago, decades ago—is still showing up in the way that our physical experience shows up in the world. And then the things that we say without using words—I think all of us know this, right?—have a great impact on how others perceive us.

For example, our gestures. Whether we're using our hands in a really big, expanded way, or in a smaller, subdued way^[1]. And of course, somebody shaking their fist—just this kind of a gesture is different than somebody sitting with their hands in their lap. Of course, we all know this, but it's not only gesture. It's the pace and tone of the voice. It's the amount of fidgeting that we're doing. It's whether we're looking down, or whether we're looking up with the shoulders squared. Our physical bodily presence is sending a message that we don't really want to send.

I know back in the days when we went to restaurants more regularly, I was meeting some friends at a restaurant I hadn't been to before, and it was really noisy. As I entered, I felt kind of assaulted by the noise. Like, "Oh my gosh, this is going to be taxing, right? All evening trying to yell to one another." And so I thought, "Well, I'm just going to grin and bear it here." And then when one of my other friends arrived, he looked at me and said, "Oh Diana^[2], I guess we better go." Like, why? I hadn't even said anything! But I guess my posture, and this "I gotta grin and bear it" kind of way, became evident. I wasn't mindful. I wasn't experiencing or practicing mindfulness of the body at that moment. So probably many of us have this experience of either others reacting to our postures, our voice, the amount of fidgeting we're doing, or we've reacted to others.

So connecting to our bodily experience is a way that can help us connect with others, just to be aware of the messages that we're sending. And of course, it also helps us to understand how others are impacting us. Maybe somebody is telling us about something that's happening to them, or a family member, or somebody they care about. Maybe we feel brokenhearted by hearing what they have to tell us. And I noticed even when I said that word, "brokenhearted," there was a little leaning forward, the shoulders going down, and a kind of collapsing.

If we can notice just these bodily experiences, then we might notice, "Oh yeah, this is really heartbreaking." And then we can just connect with the experience of heartbreak without collapsing, for example, and still be connected to our friends, our family, but in a way which also has some openness, which has some ease. It can free us also from the story in our mind, which of course takes us away from the connection. So if we can tune into our physical experience while we're in conversation, while somebody is speaking to us, while we're hearing a message, it takes some of the momentum out of the stories and the thoughts that might be spinning with whatever it is we might be hearing.

Connecting to our felt experience might tell us a little bit how we're feeling—feeling the knot in the belly, or maybe the collapsing—and also helps interrupt and take some of the power away from the stories that the mind is making, which might be taking us away from the connection.

And so this points to that mindfulness of the body also connects us to our emotions. I think many of us know that our emotions have a component that is a physical experience. This might not be obvious in the beginning of meditation practice, but certainly the more that we have experience of what it feels like to be embodied, whether it's in our meditation posture or whether it's just going out throughout the day, the more sensitivity we have when things feel a little bit different.

And when there is an emotional aspect to it, we might feel some energy, maybe feelings of ping-pongs bouncing around inside, or some sense of jitteriness. And then there might be a little inquiry. Just a little like, "Oh, I feel this jitteriness internally. Am I excited? Am I nervous? Am I afraid?" So being tuned into our felt experience might help us become aware of the greater emotional life that we have. Being connected with the body then helps connect us to our inner experience also, our inner emotional life.

And as I mentioned in the guided meditation, that can also help provide a little bit of stability and balance so that we don't get carried away, overwhelmed with our emotional life. Instead of the sadness feeling overwhelming, and our collapsing into it—which sometimes might be appropriate—sometimes it can be helpful to just tune into the heaviness in the chest. The felt experience, just that sensation: heaviness in the chest. And have a little inquiry: Is it getting heavier or lighter? Is it moving? Is it diffuse, or is it very specific? Is it static, or does it have a moving quality to it? We're not denying the sadness. We're not pretending the sadness isn't there. We're just inclining the mind to one particular part of this sad experience. And our inclining in this way helps provide some foundation, some steadiness, some settledness, that again can slow down and interrupt some of the story-making that might be happening.

So mindfulness of the body can not only help us become aware of our inner emotional life and connect us to what's really going on with ourselves, but can also provide some ballast, or a deep keel on a boat, so that we don't get tipped over with these strong emotions.

The Great Ocean

Lest we think that mindfulness of the body is just for beginners in meditation, and Buddhist practice is really all about thoughts or mental experiences, there are some quotes from the discourses where the Buddha says: "Anyone who brings to their mind the great ocean includes all of the streams that run into it. In the same way, anyone who has developed and cultivated mindfulness of the body includes all of the skillful qualities that play a part in awakening."

Cultivating, developing, practicing with mindfulness of the body helps develop all the skills or the knowledge that we need to help support greater liberation, greater freedom, greater ease, greater happiness, all the way to complete freedom, the highest happiness. So we can reflect on this idea of the great ocean. Mindfulness, or bringing to mind that which brings in all the streams. In what way does mindfulness of the body, all the different elements that support mindfulness of the body—how are those like the streams that go into the ocean?

Here's another quote from the suttas^[3]. Just to read a portion of this: "Monastics, bhikkhus^[4], one thing, when developed and cultivated, leads to great wisdom, abundant wisdom, deep wisdom, extraordinary wisdom, vast wisdom, much wisdom, the increase of wisdom, sharp wisdom, penetrating wisdom. And what is that one thing? Mindfulness of the body."

In this way, mindfulness of the body, being aware of our felt experience, connects us to our spiritual path. It connects us to the wisdom that allows our life to unfold with greater ease, greater spaciousness, greater happiness through wisdom. So may our practice in mindfulness support us finding greater wisdom and connecting with others, connecting with ourselves.

Reflections for the Day

For today, in a relaxed, easy manner, you might pay attention to your posture. Throughout the day, just notice the posture. When you're standing in line, are you standing there with your hand on your hip and your foot tapping? Or are you standing with a device, kind of collapsed? Or are you standing with some ease? Is your posture throughout the day kind of leaning forward with a certain amount of "I gotta go do the next thing," with a certain amount of rushing, or this state of wanting, or state of anticipation? Or is your posture one that's a bit more balanced and grounded, or steady?

You don't have to change your posture. Just bring your attention to your posture in a relaxed, easy way as you go throughout your day today. What is your bodily experience as you do different things? In this way, connecting to our bodies, connecting to the felt experience, can help us show up for ourselves and show up for others in a way in which we can bring some balance and some wisdom. This will be of benefit for ourselves, for those we come in contact with, and it may spread out wider and wider. In such a way that our practicing mindfulness of the body can support ease and freedom for all beings everywhere, without exception.

Thank you.