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Happy Hour: Metta as Letting Go of the Heavy Weight of Expectations

Introduction and Guided Meditation

Hello, and good evening, good morning, good whatever time of the day you're joining from right now. Let's just start practicing together. The dharma instructions will come through the guided meditation, but I'll keep it pretty light tonight. I think that's what my heart is called to: keeping the instructions pretty light with a lot of silence for us to settle together.

With that, I'd like to invite us all to arrive. To land. To land in our bodies, to land in our chairs and cushions. Come together and meditate.

Let go. Let go of wanting to meditate, wanting to do something in a particular way, and step into the possibility of just being. Not doing, but being.

Letting go. Let's start by letting go of all the busyness that might have come for this moment. Letting go of thoughts and plans right now that might be darting back and forth. Smilingly say, "Thank you, I'll engage with you later. Please come back later. Right now, I'm going to give my whole heart to this way of being." Just being. So full. This mysteriousness of being without asking questions, trying to figure it out.

Just be. Be a body. Be a body that breathes with all magical sensations.

Gently, gently blow it away, as if you're blowing a kiss to this thought. Later, thank you.

Settle in with the breath.

It's okay. It's okay. Just take refuge. Simplicity, here, now.

Just here is enough. Just being here is enough.

Expectations. From you, by you, and yourself. All the demands, all the shoulds. They're all released. Take them back, put them back on later. But right now, what if they're all released? You don't have to be anyone. You don't have to do anything. Nothing is needed of you, expected of you, but to just be. Be human. As poignant, as beautiful, as broken as it is to be human. To just be. Nothing is needed. Just to be alive in this life of yours, whatever it is in this moment. What if you breathed with that? With this?

Let it infuse your heart, your mind, your body. This letting go of expectations, of shoulds, of needing to be someone, to do. Just drop it in this moment. Experiment, see what might open up.

Nowhere to go. Nowhere to be. Nothing to do. Be free.

Offer freedom to yourself in this moment as an expression of mettā^[1]. The freedom from planning moments, freedom from the past. Put it all down.

Freedom from your role, your responsibilities, your chores. Put it all down in this moment in your mind, in your heart. You're not releasing it all forever, but just in this moment, putting it down. Exploring, experimenting. What is it like to put down expectations of yourself? Of the world? Of others?

Being simple is profound beyond words.

Let's bring this sit to a close together. Letting go of any expectations and shoulds for what this period of practice should have looked like. Letting go of judgments, letting go of expectations. It was exactly what it had to be, given all the causes and conditions that preceded it. Let go. Let go of shoulds, let go of expectations in this moment.

Let us offer the goodness of our practice, the goodness of our heart. We showed up as best as we were able to. Share that, offer that to all beings everywhere. May all beings be well. May all beings be free, including ourselves.

Thank you everyone. Thank you for your practice.

Reflections on Letting Go

So the theme is expectations. Letting go of shoulds, of demands, of just letting go. Letting go of that sense of needing to be someone, of nowhere to go. Experimenting, offering ourselves this release from expectations.

Release as a form of mettā, because we often layer so much on ourselves, and society does the same. Of course, much of that is appropriate for who we are and the wholesome aspirations we have in the world—the roles we have, the relationships. The goal is not to let go of all of that permanently. However, it's experimenting in this moment with this practice: What if I let go of that?

I can bring it all back on in thirty minutes after this meditation is over, but what if I let go of expectations on myself? If I let go of it as much as possible, what happens? Do I notice the weight of it? How much of it is appropriate, and how much of it is extra? This drive to do and be, whatever the shape of it is in our psychological constructs and our lives.

Just notice that difference. If I put it down, oh wow, it's different. It's profound to just be. To just breathe. To just live this life simply. It's profound, it's beautiful. Nothing needs to happen. So that was the invitation: to explore that a little bit, as much as might have been available or not. It's perfectly fine.

Group Practice and Sharing

I'd like to invite us now to turn to explore this question of doing, being, becoming, and letting go. Just for a minute, as an exercise in this practice, offering this radical freedom to ourselves as an act of mettā. We will explore that together in small groups in conversation. What was that like? What did you notice?

The answer might be, "I fell asleep. I was so relaxed, I let go so much I wasn't even here." That's fine, not a problem. You can also offer your silence, your presence, and when your turn comes, to say "pass."

Let's go in reverse alphabetical order. Share just one thing, one reflection about this exploration, and then the next person, and the next person. After everyone has gone around, you can open it up for a conversation with the remaining time. Don't ask questions of one another, just keep it simple and light. Let each person be in their experience. Just offer from your own experience, that's all. If you don't want to offer, you can offer silence and kindness. Offer kindness. Offer freedom to each other, no expectations. See what it's like to take the spirit of this practice into the breakout rooms. No expectations of yourself.

I'm going to create the rooms and open them up. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Here we go.

[Breakout sessions occur]

Welcome back everyone. Now let's just take one or two reflections. What did you notice either in the meditation or in the conversation about this topic of heaviness, and letting go of expectations of oneself? Especially, I like to invite those who haven't spoken recently to pull forward. If you've spoken recently in Happy Hour, pull back and make space for others. You can type in the chat also or raise your hand. Christine, please.

Christine: Well, thank you Nikki, that was a great meditation tonight. In my group, we had a lot of quiet time and we were content. I was content. There was an element of embracing, just being content and quiet tonight, and we were seeing how expansive it can be. So to say thank you a lot for that tonight. I enjoyed that. Thank you.

Nikki Mirghafori: Thank you, Christine. Lovely, just lovely. Brightens my heart with contentment, and I am content. If there are any other burning reflections, we'll make some space.

Otherwise, I think that was a lovely one to end our session with. A sense of contentment, letting go of expectations. So thank you all. Thank you for your practice. Thank you for coming from so many different time zones and places in this amazing world for this cultivation. May all beings be well. May all beings be completely free, including ourselves.

Thanks everyone.