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The Roots (4 of 5) Non-Hate

So, this topic of the roots of the unwholesome and the roots of the wholesome is phenomenally important for our society, for the world. If all the ways in which human beings live that are harmful, that are unwholesome, arise out of greed, hate, and delusion, then we really want to understand these forces in ourselves and then understand their opposites—understand the roots of what's wholesome.

What's noteworthy about this teaching of the Buddha is that the way the Buddha defines the wholesome is by using the negative prefix "not" or "non-." So, the wholesome opposite of greed is non-greed. The wholesome opposite of hate is non-hate. And the opposite of delusion is non-delusion.

It can seem a little bit weak to offer this "non-"—it's like an absence, or nothing's there, which is not so very inspiring. But I believe that one of the reasons why this non-greed, non-hate, and non-delusion is used is so we don't succumb to the problem of thinking the opposite of these unwholesome things is a particular thing. If we think the opposite is a particular beautiful state, then we limit ourselves. We might reify or solidify around it, hold on to that, get stuck on it, and measure ourselves by it, or think that that's how we're supposed to be.

If the opposite of hate is love, which is a beautiful opposite, maybe we have more of it. But if we think that's the only opposite and that's how we're supposed to be, it can lead to a certain kind of freezing up, tightening, confusion, or maybe even an inappropriate application of love in times when something else is needed. For example, maybe what's needed is generosity. Maybe what's needed is a deep sense of acceptance for the person we're with. Love might be nice, but it might be a very different experience to receive than some kind of acceptance.

There's a wide range of things that fit into the category of non-hate. To be fluid, to be able to move and flow between all the different responses that are wholesome, is part of the art of what Buddhist practice is leading us to. Because it's leading us away from any way of being stuck, any way of holding on to, "This is how it's supposed to be, there's one way, and I have to fit myself into that one way." I think it's very respectful for all of us to let each of us find our own opposite of hate. Maybe on different days, we tap into some different quality inside of ourselves. Or maybe because of our life experience, we each have different qualities, different ways we manifest what non-hate is. We don't have to be the same in all these ways. We don't have to measure ourselves by seeing, "Well, someone else is that way, and I'm supposed to be that way as well." Non-hate makes a lot of room for us to be ourselves, to find the response that's appropriate for the situation we're in, and it might look very different in different situations.

Certainly, there are things like all the different flavors of love. There's loving-kindness, compassion, appreciative joy, equanimity, and anukampā^[1]. There's caring for people, generosity, wanting to unite people and create harmony, and reconciliation—movement towards creating peace for people. There's peace itself. So for some people, the opposite of hate is deep peace. The idea is to find out what it is for each of us.

Then the interesting reflection around this is: Do we have confidence in it? Do we have confidence in non-hate? Because one of the reasons people hate is because they feel helpless or hopeless, because they have no confidence in the other. Some people, if you look at how they behave, it seems like they have a lot of confidence in hate. They really believe in it, put a lot of effort into it, and they feel justified in having hate. Sometimes it's interesting to see this justification of hate, especially for situations we have no influence over—things that are far from us. It might affect us, but the momentum of the hate is not going to change anything for the better. We don't have any role, power, or involvement in the choices and decisions there. The only person being harmed is ourself with the hate.

Unless we feel like the benefit comes from a feeling of, "I'm right, I'm powerful, I can do something." That is an unhealthy expression coming out of a kind of helplessness, hopelessness, or lack of confidence in oneself. We have to discover how to have more confidence in non-hate, not by believing it or thinking our way into it, but recognizing what non-hate is for ourselves, and then beginning to act on it.

Confidence is discovered through acting on it. You develop confidence in riding a bicycle, if you've never ridden one, by riding the bicycle—maybe beginning with training wheels. In the same way, the way to develop confidence in non-hate is to see the power of it, the value of it, the benefit that comes from it, and how the situation is better served through finding powerful, effective ways of non-hate. Not ways of passively accepting things and allowing things to continue, but the fierce disapproval that has no hate in it. That doesn't hate individual people but has fierce disapproval of what they do and how they are in the world. To develop that confidence over time is an important part of growing and developing in the Dharma—to switch where the confidence is. Many people wouldn't think they have confidence in hate, but it doesn't take too much digging on the surface to see, however strong it is, there is something inside that has confidence in it.

Of course, we can't expect to always have non-hate. How then do we practice with the unskillful? How do we practice with things like hate? There's a wonderful teaching that the Buddha gave, and he starts this way: "Do not think..." and it's interesting he uses the word "think" here, "Do not think evil, unwholesome thoughts, that is, sensual thought, thoughts of ill will, or thoughts of harming." Ill will is this word for hostility. And for what reason? "These thoughts are not beneficial. They're irrelevant to the path of practice. They do not lead to dispassion, to peace, to direct knowledge, to enlightenment, to Nibbana^[2]." This is a very interesting idea—that ill will, hate, or hostility is not beneficial, it's irrelevant for the path of practice, and does not lead to peace, enlightenment, or Nibbana.

But then, because of course we have these kinds of thoughts, this is what the Buddha says next: "What you should think about is: This is suffering. This is the arising of suffering. This is the cessation of suffering. And this is the practice leading to the cessation of suffering^[3]." What's interesting here is that if there are times we're going to think unskillful, unhealthy thoughts, maybe even thoughts of ill will, in those circumstances, rather than saying, "Now I'm wrong, I'm doing it wrong," and being upset or discouraged about oneself, the instructions are to change the orientation we have to it. We see it as suffering: "Wow, I'm hurting now. There's hurt, there's maybe even self-harm that's going on. This is a drag." I've known people, and I've seen it myself, that it was only when I could feel the suffering of my anger or my hostility, and saw how much I was harming myself, that I was willing to let go of the way I was holding on to it.

But it gets more interesting, because it's not just seeing the suffering, but to be present for that suffering well enough that we start seeing it as something that's coming and going. We start seeing the impermanence of it, the inconstancy of it, to see its fluidity. And that's the direction towards freedom. The unskillful states like greed, hatred, and delusion lend themselves to a freezing, a tightening, a holding on. Of not seeing change and impermanence, but seeing a kind of permanence: "So this is the way it is." The Dharma is found by discovering the changing nature of phenomena, the fluidity. That we thaw how we're frozen. We break up the hard knots we get caught in, so that the inner life can be fluid again.

And a fluid inner life that flows with things, that can move and not be stuck—that's the place where the wholesome, the beautiful qualities of mind and heart have a chance to flow. When there's hate, the practice is to turn around and look at it until we can really feel the suffering of what it's like for ourselves. Not just to see the suffering, not to analyze it or figure it out, but to really relax and settle in to feel it until we start seeing how it comes and goes, the inconstancy of it. And that's where the chance for a whole different way of being arises, where non-hate can flow forth. Non-hate comes out of the flowing nature of our inner life. When things are free, that's where we should have our confidence.

Thank you. I believe I'll talk a little bit about delusion tomorrow, the third of the three roots, and we'll see where we go from there and whether we want to spend more time on these roots.

Announcements

A couple of things I wanted to say. One is that tomorrow after this little Dharma talk, I thought I would take questions in the chat box. And then maybe next week we can do another one of these community meetings on Zoom if you want to meet each other and talk. However, I won't be here next Friday, so we'll do that on Thursday, and Friday we won't have one of these sittings. I'm taking a little vacation with my wife.

The other thing I wanted to let you know is that, seeing as you all are participating here in these morning sittings, we're having an online retreat from July 16th to 19th through the Insight Retreat Center. You're welcome to sign up for it. It's designed to be very inclusive of a lot of people and suited for both beginners and experienced practitioners. It's a bit of a continuation of the way I'm teaching here for these early mornings, so some of you might be interested in that.

So until tomorrow, I hope that you're well. I hope that your exploration of hostility, hate, and now non-hate is something where you can bring more non-hate—and all the different aspects of it—into your life. Thank you.