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Happy Hour: "It's OK" = Equanimity + Compassion Practice Slogan

Introduction

Hello, everyone. Hello, and welcome to Happy Hour. Hi. If you can hear me okay, if you would give me a thumbs up—audio's all right, fantastic. Great. Let's start by saying some hellos, and I'll start by saying hi, I'm Nikki. I'm in Mountain View, California on unceded Ohlone land. Who is here? Who wants to say hi? You can either unmute yourself or you can type it in chat.

"Hi, I'm Jamie from Redwood City, California."

Hi Jamie, welcome.

"Hi, Neal from New Hampshire."

"Hi, Ken from Albuquerque."

"Hi, Bill from Dallas, Texas."

"Hi, Violet from Chicago Airport en route to Cape Town."

Wow, you're good. I'll add another continent to our sangha. So exciting, Violet. Oh yeah, look at you with your mask at the airport. It's so sweet. It warms my heart to see. That's great.

"Hi, Marianne from Burlingame."

It's great. Yes, you add another continent. I love it.

"Hi, I'm Mark and Terrence from Sequim, Washington. Hi."

Great. Anybody else want to say hi before we formally get started? I see people waving, I see Jerry waving. I don't see everyone, just a few people, but that's great.

Okay, well let's get started. Let's mute ourselves if you aren't already muted. And I changed the setting so that accidental unmuting won't be possible for the guided meditation. Thank you, Neal, for sharing the Google Groups information in the chat. And I also am changing the chat capacity so that it'll be quiet, and if there's only something very urgent, like if the sound drops out, you can send me a text.

Mark says hello on YouTube from Colorado. Hello, Mark, and other folks on YouTube for joining us, terrific. Oh yes, and recording for Audio Dharma. Let's do that.

Okay, all right. Here we go. A warm hello, everyone. Ah, good to be with you. Good to be together this Friday, or Saturday, or for folks who would be listening on Audio Dharma later, whatever time it might be.

For our practice today, especially given that conventionally it's the end of the week, I like to have a lot of silence and space for us to settle and be together in this space. And the theme I'd like to invite us to explore is inspired from various inspirations, but really the words we'll be playing with tonight are: "It's okay. It's okay. It's okay." And if you want to translate that to your mother tongue, the equivalent of that.

The sense to bring in and play with tonight and explore is one aspect of it—I'll offer different things, but just to set the stage—you know when, say, there is a child who's hurt themselves and fallen on the playground, and they get up and they're crying, you say, "It's okay. It's okay." It's not a way of saying, "Shut up, stop crying." It's like, "It's okay, sweetie. You know, it's hurting, but it's okay. It's really okay." Because as the adult, you have the bigger picture that yes, this is just a scrape, and yes, you're upset, and in the big picture, it's really okay. So it's that wisdom perspective, that inner wisdom, the wider perspective that you bring in in this way. And for the younger child, it's like, "It's okay. It's okay, sweetie. It's okay." It's the sense of comforting. There's a sense of also confidence that it is okay, even though it might be hurting right now or challenging, but really, it's okay.

There's another aspect of that with the "It's okay" which I'd like to invite you to explore, is that it's okay even when it's not okay. It's okay. And that is a perspective of awakening, a perspective of wisdom, that it's all okay even when it's not okay. It's okay.

As I say this, don't try to figure it out. If it doesn't work for you, throw it away. But there can be a sense of okayness when we really drop in, or expand, dropping into a sense of spaciousness, expansiveness, this knowing of the inner Buddha within us that it really is okay. It's all okay, even when it doesn't feel like it's okay. So working with that, and even if we might think, "Oh, I'm not there yet, I don't know, and she's talking about this awakened, enlightenment perspective when it's all okay, like it's not, this is terrible," can we for a moment, just for a moment, drop into that and allow in, knowing that we all have this capacity, this inner awakened Buddha that we all share and have, allow that to shine for a moment with the, "Yeah, it's okay. It's really okay."

We can take this practice of "It's okay" on many different levels. On the relative level of, "Oh, I've had a hard week," or "I've had a hard day," or "Right now my body is hurting." "Oh, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay, sweetie, it's okay." You can take it on the relative level, and that's perfectly fine, please. Let's actually explore it on the relative level. And as we quiet, invite our mind to be quiet, maybe what's called perhaps the ultimate level might peek through, might show itself through a grace beyond our control. It might just show up like, "Oh yeah, it really is okay. It's all okay. It's great, actually, just as it is. I can be happy just as things are, not needing anything to be different or perfect, not waiting for life to be perfect for me to be happy. It's okay. It's all okay."

Guided Meditation

Some invitations to play with. So if it's okay, let's start our practice together. I'd like to invite you to land, to land into your meditation posture. Whether sitting, lying down, it's all okay.

Landing in this body. Inviting, gently inviting the body to relax, to soften. Landing in your seat, in your sit bones. Feeling your feet on the floor, your bottom on the cushion. Taking a few minutes to just arrive. It's okay to take my time to arrive with my body.

Gaze turned inward. Feeling the sensations. Receiving sensations. How is the abdomen receiving the breath? Feeling the sensations in the chest. Relaxing, releasing. Letting the breath greet neck and shoulders, arms and hands. The sensations throughout. Softening and relaxing.

Checking in with your face. Softening, relaxing the forehead, the jaw. Moving down. Relaxing, softening the heart, the heart center. It's okay. It's okay to let our hearts relax in this moment. Whatever is happening right now is okay. There is joy, contentment, or heaviness, fatigue. It's all okay. It doesn't have to be any other way.

Landing again in the sit bones. The breath as if it's expanding the contact area, as if we were a beach ball being inflated by the breath. Our bottom broadly contacting the legs, lower legs, and feet. Not scrunched up, but having a lot of surface area to connect the cushion to the earth.

And if thoughts arise, it's okay. It's really okay. "Oh, it's the thinking Buddha showing up in this moment, the distracted Buddha. It's okay." Seeing clearly, smilingly. Letting there be space as you breathe throughout your body. Feeling spacious, not tight about thinking. It's okay. Thoughts come, they go. Let's land again with ease in the body, with the breath. Befriending the breath. Taking a moment of refuge together.

And whatever arises. Sounds arise. If pain, discomfort arises, or if the mind wanders onto something else, let there not be self-judgment, criticism. It's okay. It's okay. It's all okay. And gently, lovingly releasing. Without judgment, smilingly coming back to the breath and the body. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay just as it is. It's okay whatever is arising in this moment. Not fighting. Not resisting. Is it possible to open up to whatever is arising with joy? It's okay. It's okay.

You're welcome to stay with the simplicity of the practice without any images, just offering radical okayness to whatever is arising in the mind and heart. That's okay, perfectly okay. And if you wish, I'll offer some other invitations to explore with this practice of "It's okay". So you can tune them out, or explore further. Here we go.

If you wish, you can bring someone into your heart space. Into this space, this quiet space. Maybe someone who's dear to you. And maybe there's something challenging that they're dealing with that's impermanent. And if that feels too big or not easy to access, maybe bringing, inviting an image of a child you know, or when they were a child, maybe they're grown up now. Maybe has a scrape or has just fallen, maybe not even a scrape, but they're upset, they're crying. And you're holding them, saying, "It's okay. It's okay, sweetie." You're letting them cry. "It's okay. It's okay. It's okay." And you know with your wisdom, the bigger picture you have access to, the vision, the perspective that you have, that it's okay. This is impermanent. It hurts now, and in the big picture, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. We all feel hurt sometimes. It's okay. It's okay. And it's okay to cry. It's okay to be hurt. It's okay. It's all okay.

Offering comfort, offering mettā^[1], friendliness, care, love. It might show up in the form of mettā or compassion if there's a lot of hurt that's being met. "It's okay. It's okay." It could be a sense of equanimity imbued with love, imbued with care. "It's okay. It's okay." Seeing the bigger picture. "It's okay. It's okay." See what nuance works best for you.

And now, letting ourselves be the recipient of the care. You can either have a sense of yourself sitting as you are, maybe even putting the palm of your hand on your heart center. "It's okay, sweetie. It's okay. It's all okay. It's all okay." Sense of comfort, peace, reassurance. "It's okay." Or you can imagine a younger version of yourself, having had a little fall playing or riding a bike. You're comforting a younger version of yourself. "It's okay, sweetie. It's okay now. Now it's okay. I love you. It's okay." See what works best for you. Play around. And remember, you're both the wise, loving, compassionate being who has equanimity, as well as the one who is receiving it. And if holding both is difficult, maybe you can see yourself receiving it from a compassionate image. Maybe the Buddha, or Kuan Yin^[2], or a being of light is holding you and saying, "It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay." Feel free to explore.

And for the last few minutes of this practice, I'd like to invite you to explore in your own voice, "It's okay," with empowerment. "It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's all okay." See if there might be nuances not just of comfort and compassion, but of empowered equanimity. Radiant. "It's okay." Nuances of joy.

May all beings everywhere enjoy a deep okayness and be free.

Reflections and Q&A

Thanks, everyone. Thank you for your practice. So, "It's okay. It's all okay." This "It's okay" can have a sense of care, love, comfort, and yet this perspective, this perspective of equanimity of holding it all, having a bigger picture of you. And I'm interested to hear what nuances you discovered and explored. You're welcome to type in chat questions, comments. If you type to me privately, I won't say your name. And if it's to everyone, I'll read your name. You can also raise your Zoom hand. Especially if you haven't commented, if you haven't spoken and shared in the group for a while. Your practice is precious, your questions, whatever you bring forth, know that it's an offering to the sangha. I like to make space, again stepping forward for those who haven't spoken in a while first. So, what did you notice? What did you discover? And silence is okay too. It's okay.

Jerry says, "It reminded me of the Beatles song Let It Be." Yeah.

Since you talked about the song, I'll also say—I was going to talk about this a little later, but I'll say it now—one inspiration for the session this evening was a friend forwarded to me a little YouTube segment. In that, it's one of these talent shows where someone comes and sings. In this one, very touching, a young woman, thirty years old, comes and sings this song. She's very thin, not quite clear at first, and she says she's okay. Turns out she has cancer, active cancer. She has a two percent chance of survival, and she sings this song beautifully with so much joy, that "It's okay." It's an original song. I'll ask Neal to forward that to the Google Groups so that if you're interested you can all watch it. But it's so touching that "It's okay, it's okay." There's such a sense of power and grace in her offering, "It's okay, it's okay." I wanted to give her credit, and unfortunately I don't know her name to give her proper credit. Whoops. If I find it, I will share it when you come back from the groups. Kenneth, yes, please.

Kenneth: Hi Nikki. Thank you. Near the end when you started talking about saying "okay" as an empowerment, it reminded me of Kristin Neff. She divides self-compassion into tender and fierce. So it reminds me of fierce self-compassion. Yeah.

Nikki: Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Exactly, there's so many nuances. There can be tender self-compassion, that's one aspect, it's like, "It's okay, sweetie, it's okay." And then there's like, "Okay, I'm here for you, I'm gonna protect you. It's okay, sweetie." It can still be the same words, but different nuance of, "Yep, I'm here for myself." Yeah. Thank you, Kenneth.

Charles Lee, please.

Charles: Okay, there we go. Hi, yes, thank you. This is a concept that my understanding is certainly deepened and changed by practice. I always thought the phrase "It's okay" was kind of patronizing, just one of those meaningless things that people say in uncomfortable situations. But leaning into practice, and really leaning into that suchness, just being able to experience something just as it is... I think I had an experience of this on the playground with my daughter. She had apparently been yelled at or talked to not nicely by another five-year-old, and she came crying to me. And I could sense this immediate want to go fix something, and go like, you know, who treated you badly and who. And then I recognized that wait a minute, right now she's upset and she needs to be held. And I was able to do that. What happened was that I kind of just forgot about the other kid. I forgot about needing to get revenge or figure out what went wrong. I thought that was something I wouldn't have done two years ago. I would have already become a detective, prosecutor, judge and jury for this five-year-old kid who knows who they are. So thanks.

Nikki: Thank you, Charlie. It was a beautiful story. I loved both aspects of it, and how leaning into the practice, you know, "It's okay," it really has—it's not this dismissive "Oh, it's okay." It's more like, "Oh, it's tapping into the suchness of things. Oh, it's okay." There's a deeper okayness that we're acknowledging when we say "It's okay." Beautiful, I love the story. Catching yourself, and especially given that I brought the story of the image of the playground, I love that your story had your child actually on the playground and being upset, and "Oh yeah, the appropriate response, the appropriate response is what's needed here." Thank you. It's beautiful. I appreciate you sharing that. Lovely.

And Mark has a comment. "The impermanence is crucial. However awful the suffering, it will end sometime, even if it takes death to end it. Death can be the ultimate in our being loved." Yeah, touching. Yeah.

So dear ones, let's turn our attention to practicing together in small groups. It's okay if you have to go. But it's okay if you're uncomfortable in the group, extend your limit like, "Oh, I don't want to be with people." See, it's okay to be just a little uncomfortable, to stretch yourself a little bit and see what it's like to practice with sangha members. They're quite lovely. They're more than okay. When you get into groups of three roughly, that would be the size. Let's start with 15 seconds of silent mettā. Just warmth for yourself, care for each other. It's all okay to be in silence together. And then you can share as little or as much as you like with each other with this precious small sangha. So here we go. The rooms are open. Enjoy.

[Break for groups]

Thank you, thank you, Mark. Okay, welcome back, everyone. The rooms are closed. Welcome back, great.

Okay, we've got a few minutes for any reflections, anything you might have discovered in conversation with each other. And especially I'd like to again open it up if you haven't spoken for a while.

Oh, and I found the YouTube link, and the name of the person who offered the song was Nightbirde^[3], to give her the inspiration. I'll put the link, but don't watch it now. We'll send it also in the Google Groups.

Anyway, reflections, what did you notice? What came up in the groups? Anything about your practice you'd like to share tonight?

Okay, now everyone is clicking on the link I sent. Don't, don't do that now. My mistake. [Laughter]

Oh, anything you notice about your practice? The practice of "It's okay"? Did anything shift or change? Did some things become more clear when you discussed them in group? Yes, please.

Sue Chung: Yeah. Yes. Thank you. I feel like I'm the one who's always talking every day. So, again, a different style of practice, which is what I really needed today. It's like, in a chat room someone told me, "Oh yeah, I don't think that I really treat myself well." But whenever I feel that way, then you practice it's okay, you don't have to be perfect, it's okay. But then for me, I was just freaked out in the morning about unexpected things happening, and then I was just trying to figure things out, and then I knew that, "Oh yeah, Happy Sangha hours is at six o'clock, I'm like okay." And then all of a sudden you say, "It's okay." You know, it so resonated about my situation. Everything will be okay, everything is okay. Yeah.

Nikki: Everything is okay. Which is a little different, I would say, from "everything will be okay". It is more like "everything is okay". It's okay. It's okay. Yeah. So yeah, we're all human. We all get frazzled. It's okay. It's okay. It's all okay.

Thank you for bringing that in. Beautiful. Yeah, the common humanity. Very sweet. So thank you all. Thank you for your practice. For your beautiful practice, for doing this work not just for yourself but for all beings whose lives you touch. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free, including ourselves.

Thank you. Thank you.