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Happy Hour: Goodwill and Appreciation for This Body

Welcome everyone. It's lovely to be with you, to feel your presence from various places in the world.

For tonight's happy hour, I wanted to invite us to engage with mettā^[1] for the body. Mettā for the body can be quite a powerful practice—engaging with mettā, goodwill, appreciation, and kindness for this body that we call ours. And yet, it's not exactly ours; it's made up of so many causes and conditions that have made it so. What I mean by that is we don't completely have control over it. We can't say, "Okay, stop digesting now," or "Heal faster," or "Don't get sick," or whatever it is. We have limited control over this body. Yes, we take care of it, we hopefully appreciate it, we tend to it, and yet we take it to be ours, and yet it's above and beyond.

It might be helpful sometimes in our meditation, as I will guide and suggest tonight, to see this hardworking, amazing, miraculous body that breathes, digests, and heals itself. When we get a paper cut, we wouldn't know how to do it. But we consider it sometimes not just as a friend—a friend maybe sometimes having a hard time, doing their best and having challenges—but also as a beloved other. I'll say more about that through the meditation.

I think that's all I want to say. I don't want to say more. There will be more that I will share through the meditation. Let's just practice together. Let's do it.

Guided Meditation

I'd like to invite you all to arrive, settle in your bodies. Thank you.

Arriving here in this body, in this moment. Arriving with this body, this friend who's been working so hard trying to support you. The immune system has been working so hard all day, keeping the pathogens out of its kingdom. Your heart, your muscles, your spleen, kidneys—all these amazing parts of the body. The tissue, blood flowing, the bones. All these functions this amazing body has managed to perform today: breathing, seeing, hearing, sitting, speaking earlier, making words, cognizing, reading.

Maybe sometimes we expect even more. "Oh gosh, your back is hurting," expecting more, more, and more from your body. What if we set it all down? Set it all down. Let the body rest right now. It's okay, sweetheart. It's just okay to be. To just be. Rest and be. Feel appreciated.

Inviting the body to relax, soften, just be. Letting the breath be soothing, comforting, nourishing this body.

Let's go through the body with appreciation, with mettā. We won't cover all the functions, all the miracles that this body is. We will touch into a few. Let the body be relaxed. Receiving, receiving appreciation. Receiving being seen, known. Not disliking its size or function or this or that, its aging, or whatever it might be. Loving it just as it is. Loving it just as it is. Just as it is, this body.

Starting from the top of the head. We love our head, the top of the head. Actually, let's start with the hair. Just as it is: short, long, thin, brittle, bald, non-existent. Can we love it just as it is? Appreciate this miracle of nature. It grows, regenerates, or not.

And then the brain, however it functions: fast, slow, creative. Appreciating, loving it just as it is. We often associate our mind in the West with our brain^[2]. It's not a one-to-one mapping at all. But if you do perhaps chastise yourself for a wandering mind, can you love the functioning of this amazing, miraculous piece of machinery? Just as it is. Love your body, your brain, just as it is. Thank you.

Letting go of wanting more or different in this moment. You can bring back the wanting more or different later, but right now, see what it feels like if you just let it go. If you let it go and love what is. Appreciate, deeply appreciate what is.

Appreciating your eyes, the function of seeing. Whether they've gotten weaker, or they're sharp, or not. Whether they're healthy or challenged. Loving these eyes just as they are. Wishing them well. Sending goodwill as if they were a beloved other. These amazing gifts the body is endowed with.

Moving down to your nose, the olfactory function. Strong, weak, non-existent, it doesn't matter. Appreciation, wholeheartedness.

Your mouth, tongue, tasting. Your teeth. Whether they're challenged, working well, need support still. Appreciating what is. Maybe you had some food earlier today, and you were able to taste it. Amazing. Or smell it. Amazing.

The ears, the function of hearing. Appreciating such a gift it is, and how your life would be different if it weren't here. Whether the ears are challenged, working well, the function is receding, it doesn't matter, or not here at all. Still loving what is. What is.

Moving down, your heart, your lungs. Breathing, extracting^[3] oxygen, spreading it through the body, through the blood. Amazing. Thank you. So much that is working in your body, even if there are challenges. Wishing your heart well, wishing your lungs well, as if a beloved other.

Your stomach, liver, kidneys. Your microbiome, these organisms that help you survive. Having a sense of appreciation, mettā, kindness, gratitude for this body.

Arms and hands, you've done so much today. Thank you. I appreciate you. I usually take you for granted, but not in this moment. May you be well.

And moving down, groin area, sit bones. So many amazing functions. Thank you, body.

Upper legs, knees, lower legs, and feet. Movement, ambulation, walking, jogging, running maybe. Balancing. As much as is available, appreciating legs, feet. Loving and wishing well. Sending goodwill for this body that is nature, is born from nature, it is nature.

Appreciation for this body, my body as a whole. Both the parts and the totality. With each breath, wishing well.

And we love and appreciate this body just as it is. Having mettā, kindness, goodwill for the body is a stepping stone for having mettā for ourselves. And we wish ourselves well, as this being who is me: May I be safe, happy, healthy. May I have ease. May I be well.

And as we're bringing this practice period to a close, sharing our goodwill not just for this body, this being, this person who's me, but for all beings. Those close, those near and far. Wishing all beings well. May all beings be safe, happy, healthy, and at ease. May all beings, including myself, be free.

Thank you for your practice.

Reflections

So what we did tonight was turning our appreciation, our love, our mettā towards the body. Really appreciating, not taking for granted the various functions. Of course, there are so many more functions. And using that as a way of appreciating, because sometimes we have this attitude about the body when it's challenged, or it's aging or sagging. An attitude of "ugh," not liking it or hating it, as if it's letting us down, as if it's personal.

But we completely turned that around into appreciation, into just love and appreciation for all these amazing functions—for what actually works, what has been working. Profound. Instead of turning into what's not working, what is a challenge, and what's the problem, this sense of appreciation, love, gratitude, mettā for the body is a way in. It's a way in for mettā for ourselves, which many folks find difficult. Having goodwill for ourselves. But we start with the body. It's like a side door. We enter through the side door because maybe it's easier to have appreciation for our eyes. "Oh yeah, I can see. Maybe I need glasses now, but yeah, it still works. Pretty amazing." Then using that as a doorway for mettā for ourselves.

So, changing the settings in the chat. If you have any reflections that you'd like to share, you can type in the chat to everyone. Or if it's private, you can just type to me, and I'll read your reflection but not your name. You can also raise your Zoom hand if you'd like to share an "aha" moment, a challenge, or a question.

One of you says, "My body thanks you, Nikki." Your body is welcome. Any reflections you'd like to share for your own benefit and the benefit of others?

Claire: I don't think you can see me, I had to change devices. I think I'm just a picture on the screen, but I wanted to share because this is a topic that's been very important in my life. I have two family members who were severely disabled in accidents through no fault of their own, and have managed to not only survive but live very happy, productive lives. They taught me to always be grateful for what I have. I still ride a bike, and I'm not young by any stretch, but I'm still an active cyclist. I'm so grateful that I have been given this wonderful body that works very well for me, but I work hard at taking good care of it also. I liked your topic very much because it rang very close to things that are important to me.

Nikki: Thank you, Claire. Thank you so much, especially for bringing in not just your own relationship, but also the relatives who've had very challenging bodies, who have been very challenged in their function, but have been living very full lives. Beautiful. Thank you for that, Claire. Any other reflections, questions, or complaints? You're so welcome, before we turn to small groups.

Neil says, "It's better, thanks for asking." Wait, was that for me? That might have been for someone else. Whoops, okay, no problem. Oh no, that was a direct message, never mind. It was in public. [Laughter] I'm glad it's better, Neil. Whatever it is, is better. Okay, you're raising your hand now.

Neil: Yeah, I really enjoyed this meditation. Someone asked me—I had a bad headache last night and missed class, so they asked me how I was doing. It was just the concept that whatever's not working well is really doing its best anyhow. Even feeling miserable. I've been having a lot of back problems in the past, for too long. Thinking, "Oh, I hate my back," is really just so terrible. The thought of thinking, "Gee, my back's doing its best. I wish it could do better. It wishes it could do better. What could I do to help it?" just makes life so much more pleasant. I've had thoughts like that, and this meditation seemed to really foster those. It was really quite lovely.

Nikki: Beautiful. Thank you so much, Neil^[4]. Well said. Exactly. I couldn't say it better myself. Thank you, and I'm glad your headache is better. Yes, of course.

One of you asks how to offer mettā to those we hate. It goes through concentric circles. You start with someone that's easy for you to have mettā for. And then yourself, if that's more challenging. So, someone that was easy, then yourself, then someone who is neutral—someone you neither like nor dislike, you know very little about, maybe the barista at a coffee shop, etc. And then after you do the neutral category, it becomes easier to move to people you dislike, because it's gradual. You can't just jump into doing mettā for those people.

So I suggest the person who asked that question do a little more gradual cultivation. There are actually recorded guided meditations on Audio Dharma—that's not the theme tonight—for offering mettā to those who are challenging. We don't say "those we hate," but "those we have challenges with." So please look on AudioDharma.org and search under "mettā for those we have challenges with," and you will find many guided meditations that will support you.

Another person asks, "How is mettā for the body related to reflection on the repulsiveness of the body?"

I'll say very briefly. There are practices of asubha^[5] in Pali. It's translated as repulsiveness, but that's not a very helpful translation actually. It's more like "non-attractiveness." We often look at the body, or the bodies of others, and usually it's like, "Oh, it's attractive," and there's sexual energy, especially when it's inappropriate. So that practice is a way for us to bring wisdom—that oh, it's just the body. It's just a functional body. You know, that leg, rather than, "Oh, what a beautiful leg," it's just a functional body that is just walking.

There is more to it when you actually start to see if there is a lot of desire. Then you start to see that the leg is made of skin and sinews and flesh and blood. You start to see it in its functionality in order to cure yourself of this infatuation you might be having with someone's body. It's a very wholesome way. It's not so that you start hating your body or other people's bodies. It's a very skillful, very clever set of practices, which I have practiced, actually.

And offering mettā to the body is a sense of appreciation for the functionality. Again, it's not falling in love with its beauty. It's not that. So actually, these two practices go together quite well. I could lecture on this for hours, but time is limited, and the time has actually come for us to transition to small groups. For the person who asked that question, I hope that clarified it for you a little bit and was helpful. You're welcome.

Small Groups and Closing

I'd like to invite us to engage in small groups with fellow practitioners. I was listening to an interview on NPR about the Harvard Study of Adult Development that has gone on since the 1930s—so almost 90 years. The scientists have written a new book about what the biggest measure of a healthy, happy life is, and it turns out to be, surprise surprise, relationships.

Here in Happy Hour, we have the opportunity for relationships in this next section—to just relate, to have a conversation with a couple of fellow practitioners in the space. So I encourage you to engage.

The reflection for the small groups tonight is about the relationship to the body. How do you aspire to have a mettā-filled relationship, especially with a part of your body that might be challenged? How can you love and support it instead of hating it, disliking it, and pushing it? As Neil beautifully said, it is doing its best.

As always, you are invited to share a reflection. Hold space; maybe when your turn comes, you say "pass," and then the next person says something, and the next person, and then it comes back to you. Let each nugget be short so that there's time and space for everyone to share something. And again, if your turn comes, you can say "pass," and the next time it comes to you, maybe there's something you want to share.

With that, be kind to yourself. Be kind to each other. All right, I'm going to open the rooms. Here we go.

Okay, the rooms are closed, everybody's back. It is seven o'clock, so let's dedicate the merit and close, honoring your time. I'll stay a couple of minutes after our cacophonous goodbye on Zoom if there are any reflections or questions you'd like to share.

Thank you all again for your practice, for cultivating your heart for your own sake and the sake of all beings everywhere. May all beings be well. May all beings be free, including ourselves. Thanks everyone. Be well. See you on Friday.