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Guided Meditation

So, good evening everyone. Sorry to speak into the silence. Some of you are already sitting. I speak into the silence too so we can all return to the silence. There's something very profound about that. Sometimes in meditation, we're not going into meditation or going to some state, but we're returning. We're returning to a place that is maybe when we're most at home in this world, or most at home in ourselves, or most settled.

So welcome, and I'll just say a couple of words or mostly sit in silence. And that is that when you're sitting here and your mind starts its usual noise, don't struggle with that, but see if you can hear, or feel, or perceive the sweet stillness or silence that includes the noise, includes the sounds. In other words, reorient your attention from whatever you're thinking to what you know, what you're aware of, that doesn't require thoughts.

What is your experience like when you don't use words to answer the question? Who are you when you don't use thoughts to answer the question? What is it that's beyond, or around, or in the middle of thoughts, of thinking? When you don't use thoughts to answer the question, then something else answers. And as you sit and meditate, maybe you can meditate with that something else, that some other awareness that is aware, that knows, that doesn't really require thinking.

So, assuming a meditation posture. Sometimes after I sit down, I begin with the posture of my eyes glancing down towards the floor at a 45-degree angle, and while the eyes are still open, to have the eyes become soft, not looking at anything in particular, and then gently closing the eyelids.

And gently, quietly relax with the exhale. Soften the shoulders. Soften the belly. And perhaps you can soften the muscles of your face, and relax the thinking muscle.

And then settling in, settling into your breathing. And settling in can mean that you relax your mind. The relaxed mind settles into the body.

And gently seeing if you can have your attention, if you can steady your attention on your breathing, on the body breathing. And then hang in there with your breathing. Steady. Whenever you wander off, steady yourself again on your breathing. One breath at a time.

And as we come to the end of the sitting, I feel quite touched to be in a room of people meditating with their masks on. Touched because I feel it's a way that you are caring for me, you are caring for each other, and that it allows me to care for you in some clear way. And may it be that this happens often, that we can do two things at once. You can do whatever you're doing, and you can do anything while you're also caring for others and being cared for by others.

May it be that this practice that we do supports or develops our ability to be inspired to care, not as a duty or obligation, but as something that is like medicine to our own hearts. And from our care, we have well-wishing for others.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. And may all beings be free.

Care in the Time of COVID

Well, welcome. It's nice to see you all again. Some of you again, some of you for the first time in a year and a half. It's wonderful to be meditating here with you, and thank you for coming. As you were coming and as we started here, I felt quite happy and had a kind of feeling of contentment to be sitting together. I hope it was nice for you to be here, and so, thank you.

As I went through my day today, I thought of a story that I kind of reflect on every year, usually in September, because it's assigned to the people we train. We have a training program that is an introduction to Buddhist chaplaincy for people who are going to offer spiritual care. We give these Dharma stories to them, and they're usually quite short. The assignment is to write about it, reflect on it, and use the story as a basis upon which to reflect on oneself, one's own relationship to people, and the experiences that we've had.

I was thinking about that today, partly because I think one of the things that evoked it was that yesterday we just finished teaching our first in-person retreat since the pandemic started at our retreat center in Santa Cruz. It was a week-long retreat, and it was quite wonderful. We had a COVID protocol for it, so everyone was vaccinated, everyone had a PCR test before it started, everyone had an antigen test when they arrived, and everyone wore a mask during the first two days. After two days we had the second antigen test, and if everyone was negative, then we took off the masks. Most people chose to take off the masks when they could; some people chose to keep it on.

When I sat down the first time to teach a room full of about thirty people spread out, it just didn't feel right to teach with a mask off^[1], because there were people sitting relatively close by. It just seemed like the projectiles from the voice that we're supposed to have spreads out across the room. And so I thought, well, given the COVID times, I don't think I want to teach with the mask off. So I put it on to teach, like I'm teaching now. And then today I read that Santa Cruz County is now requiring us to have masks the whole time we're there for the next retreat that starts next Sunday. We'll be masked the whole week. I just feel like it's a way of caring for each other.

And we're not just caring for each other; we're caring for the people that we will encounter when we leave, and the people they'll encounter. We have this invisible force that's spreading across the lands, right, this virus, and so I just felt like, of course I'd wear a mask. It is kind of a nice feeling to do so, because of this care.

So the story that we give the first month of this chaplaincy training is an ancient story from the early times of Buddhism, the time of the Buddha. There was a monk in the monastery who had gotten quite sick and had dysentery. One day he was found in his bed or on the floor somewhere, just kind of laying in his own excrement because he was too sick to take care of himself. Someone told the Buddha. The Buddha went to see him, and the Buddha asked him, "Why aren't the other monks taking care of you?"

And the sick monk said, "Oh, because I'm useless to them. I'm useless."

So the Buddha went ahead with another monk, they got water and towels, whatever they needed, and they cleaned up the monk, took care of him, and nursed him for a while. Then the Buddha called all the monks in the monastery together for an assembly. He said very simply, "Now that you are monastics, you've left the worldly life. You have no mother or father to take care of you. Now you have each other to care for."

Oh, actually, before he said that, he said, "I just went to see this monk who was sick and laying in his own excrement. Why didn't you guys take care of him?" And the monks said, "Oh, because he's useless to us." So then he gave them a little talk. He said, "You have no mother, father, there's no one to care for you except for you to care for each other."

And then he made, in an ancient Indian worldview, a very powerful statement. He said, "Those who would care for me should care for the sick." Why it's a powerful statement is that in ancient India, and to some degree today in India, the guru is considered to carry so much merit, so much power, so much charisma, and so much spiritual stature that people sometimes stumble over each other in order to serve the guru. It's a very meritorious thing to do, and it's very beneficial to offer that care to the guru. But here the Buddha was saying, "Those who would care for me, care for the sick." He was equating caring for the sick with caring for the guru, for the great teacher. That was quite a powerful statement about the value of care and caring for others.

And the other sad part of the story is how the monk felt he was useless. How many people have been in some unfortunate circumstance and felt like they didn't really count, they weren't really worthy, or somehow they didn't belong, that they weren't worthy of anybody's care or attention, and kind of went off by themselves? And how many have treated others that way? Our society is made up of, if you were to do a national survey, lots of people who are ignoring others and not caring for certain people, not taking their suffering into account, and causing suffering to others.

This call to care for others is such a fantastic thing if we understand the essence of it, that to care is good for our own hearts. I feel like it's such a fortunate thing to be able to care for people, being connected to people.

I remember how surprised I was when I first discovered this new feeling that I had never had before. I was on a group day hike in a wilderness area, and the going was hard. We had to climb over some very large boulders and little teeny cliffs. For someone who was not in good shape or was elderly, it was quite hard. I noticed this one woman who needed help, so I just stayed behind, made sure I was in the back near where she was, and whenever it seemed like she needed help, I was right there to give her a hand.

It seemed like a simple thing to do, but I started feeling this kind of tingling warm feeling happening in my heart. It wasn't like I felt proud or anything. It was like I just couldn't wait to do it again, to help her, because of this. It felt so sweet and so pleasant, so enjoyable to feel this tingling warm feeling every time I had a chance to care for her and help her. It was a very simple thing to do, just help her over these boulders, and I've felt that many times since.

Rather than caring for others being a burden or a drag, it's opening to something inside of us that maybe makes us sing or gives us a good feeling. So these masks that we wear—I read today that they're expecting that a COVID surge is going to happen this winter for a variety of reasons, partly because of Thanksgiving and partly because of Christmas, kind of a repeat of what happened last year, which was pretty bad in spite of the fact many people are vaccinated now. And so again I thought about that story and this idea of caring for others.

What if we go through Thanksgiving as if it was up to us to care for the whole nation? Because who knows the pathways this invisible force travels, right? Buddhists have been relying on thinking about invisible forces for a long time. The invisible force of goodwill, the invisible force of kindness, the invisible force of generosity that spreads out, travels around, and has an amazing effect on the world.

And now we have a society that's all concerned about this invisible-to-the-eye force of this virus. It's people who don't know that they have it bringing it to people who shouldn't have it because they're easily compromised and get sick. To care as if everyone counts. To care for everyone. Everyone is important, everyone matters. These masks, I feel, are a symbol of caring for everyone.

We'll never know these invisible pathways by which our life affects other people. It could be that someone is asymptomatic with COVID, and they don't wear a mask and go into a store and lean over someone who's pulling something out from the shelf, and somehow that spreads to the next person. They never know it spread to the next person, and that person spread it to the next person, and the next person was someone who got sick, maybe even died. These are the invisible ways in which we affect each other now, and to care about that.

But to care, not^[2] because it's a limitation, not because we are limiting ourselves, but the opposite. It's kind of an unlimited life to live a life where we don't try to live with a conceit that it's all about me and what I want, my preferences, but rather in a very healthy way be able to put aside excessive self-preoccupation, which is kind of stressful anyway. Instead, allow the chance for this movement of the heart, this movement of care, love, kindness, compassion, and friendliness for others.

I know I'm inspired by this idea. I feel like it's been part of the fruit of my Buddhist practice. I've watched it slowly grow over decades, this movement of feeling pretty natural, and of course I think this way. So for me, the idea of wearing a mask, getting vaccinated, and such things just seems like a natural expression, not of caring for myself, but caring for everyone else. I feel kind of fortunate. I mean, this virus is terrible, and it's terrible that so many people are sick and dying, but given that's the case, I feel that I'm in a fortunate position to have the ability to do simple things that express this care.

As I said at the beginning, when I came here and saw all of you with your masks on, it made me happy. It made me feel, wow, isn't it nice that other people are doing this? It is the requirement to wear it when you come here, so I shouldn't make too much out of it, but anyway, it made me happy and content.

No one's useless. No one is unworthy of our attention, our care. What would happen if we lived in a world where we cared for everyone, even the people we don't know? If that was the orientation we had, I think we'd probably all be happier.

So those are my words for today. We have time if any of you would like to ask any questions or make your comments, or anything you'd like to say. It's your turn now that we're finally in person.

Q&A

Questioner 1: Are there any other teaching stories that come to mind relevant to the COVID situation?

Gil Fronsdal: Well, this one's also been in my mind today. I don't think because of COVID, but we can probably make a nice connection. That's the wonderful thing about stories; you can interpret them. So maybe we can make a connection. There's a story I've told plenty of times, but I like it a lot.

In India, they have these ugly little troll-like beings called yakshas^[3]. There was one of these ugly, troll-like yaksha tree spirits that made his way up into the heavenly realms to where the palace of the great god of the highest heaven, Brahma^[4], was. He went into the palace one day when the great Brahma wasn't there, hobbled along, and hopped up onto Brahma's throne.

No one sits on Brahma's throne but Brahma, so the other gods in the court got upset. They said, "You have to get down from there." The more upset and angry they got at the yaksha, the bigger and more beautiful and radiant the yaksha became. After a while, they got frustrated and didn't know what to do anymore. They couldn't get him off, and he was getting big and strong. So they went and found Brahma and said, "Brahma, this thing is happening back at the palace and on your throne."

Brahma said, "Oh, it's okay. I know what to do."

So he went back to his palace, stood in front of his throne, and stood firm in front of the yaksha. He bowed to the yaksha very deeply and said very kindly and friendly, "You know, I'm happy to see you, and I hope you're comfortable up there, and things are good for you and your family." As he did that, the yaksha got smaller and smaller and smaller, until at some point, poof, the yaksha disappeared.

Then Brahma went on his throne and explained, "This was an anger-eating yaksha. The more angry you get, the more food he has, the bigger he grows. So if you want to deal with him, what you do is you're friendly, and then he shrinks and he disappears."

It's kind of a sad story that he has to disappear, but can you relate that to the COVID situation?

Questioner 1: There's a lot to be angry about, but it doesn't feel good. And what does it feed? Anger feeds anger. It makes me better at noticing things to get angry about. Getting past the preoccupation with the stuff that I have the right to be angry about feels so much better.

Gil Fronsdal: Great. And the anger gets nothing done anyway. If your anger is making you angrier, what if I got angry at you also? Would that help you grow even more? No, it would help my anger grow. We could all help and really stir it up and get it going here. [Laughter]

Sometimes I think this is one of the trends in our society: people are feeding each other's anger, and this anger yaksha is growing. Some of it's related to COVID, right? There's a tremendous amount of anger and hostility that is related to this, and I think it's feeding the wrong thing, including the people who are angry at the people who are angry.

So that was my attempt to answer. Anybody else have another interpretation of the story, or anything else you would like to bring up?

Questioner 2: Well, this expands a little bit on your story about the masks. Yesterday I had Thanksgiving dinner with my goddaughter and her family, and it was a very caring gathering. We've been doing this now for about thirty years, and none of us had masks. We were all vaccinated, so it felt safe. I really did feel cared for, and I felt like I could care for others. My goddaughter has a three-year-old daughter, so I'm a god-grandfather as well. I think there's a lot of ways that we can show care for each other, and I just wanted to offer that in the spirit of Thanksgiving.

Gil Fronsdal: Beautiful. Wonderful. Yes, there is an infinite number of ways we can care for each other.

Questioner 3: Mostly what I want to share is the tremendous appreciation I have for the opportunity to sit in community. As I was driving through the day today, I had this feeling of gratitude, and this sense of sliding through the air. That feeling was so common in the past, before COVID, before I would come and have plenty of practice. I was re-recognizing myself as I was having this sense of gratitude, and felt the appreciation for re-encountering the practice. I lost so much of it during this time.

Gil Fronsdal: Nice. Thank you for coming today so we can be together. And your name is?

Jiyoung: I'm Jiyoung. It's nice to be here in person. I just wanted to add what came to my mind when I was listening to this. I think to me that the tree spirit is actually working around fear. If there's an element that I can go crazy about, like being afraid, whatever choices I make out of fear sometimes can look like the same choices that I make out of care too, but I wouldn't feel the same. Listening to you, it's nice to see the possibility of putting in care.

Gil Fronsdal: Nice. So if I interpret you correctly, it's possible to wear a mask out of fear, and it's possible to wear a mask out of care. It's the same behavior, but you might as well get the credit for the care. It's kind of free. You're doing the same thing, and the credit you get is in the heart when your heart knows it feels very different. Is that the point?

Jiyoung: Yes, and also that's my ongoing inspiration. I guess I'm still in a phase of taking care of my fear. It's everywhere, and I just cannot get rid of it. But I guess this is a good way of exercising that. The more I try to push away that fear, it's actually going to become bigger, like the tree spirit.

Gil Fronsdal: Absolutely. I think probably underneath the yaksha who was so angry—the anger-eating yaksha—he was probably afraid. And so the friendliness was creating safety and letting something relax. Meditation is definitely a way to meet our fear in a different way than being afraid of it or angry at it. Great, thank you.

Questioner 4: This is actually my third time coming to IMC in person now. I came last Monday, and then I came yesterday and today. It's been such a long time, and I'm just so happy. When I heard that there was an in-person retreat at IRC, that also just made me so happy. The wearing mask part actually doesn't bother me; it's okay. And I love the way that you kind of made it feel even easier and even more wholesome to do that.

I'm also just noticing the impact. Like yesterday and today, I could feel myself sitting, and just being in the room and being with other people meditating, it's almost like polishing or shaking things up more than it would otherwise. Today when I was driving, I noticed a really unpleasant feeling coming up, and all the thoughts swirling around trying to say, "I don't like this feeling, I don't want to feel this feeling. Why again, and why now?" I realized it was a feeling that I notice a lot in meditation retreat. By really paying attention to it and caring for it, and having a lot of continuous mindfulness, there is healing. But in day-to-day life, I think it comes up a lot, and the way I react is by trying to avoid it or distract myself. But I'm already feeling that just coming to IMC these three times is already reminding me of this possibility of mindfulness in everyday life. So I'm just so happy.

Gil Fronsdal: Fantastic. What a great story. I love that. I love it, thank you. Come, and come again.

Well, it is really nice to be with all of you, and I really value the chance to be together, to meditate together. Maybe I'll see you again. I should be back in two weeks because I go off and do another retreat. Diana will be here again next Monday. Take good care of yourself, and care for others. Thank you.