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Happy Hour: A Generous Heart is A Loving Heart (And Vice Versa)

Okay, so hello formally. Hello officially. Hello and welcome to Happy Hour. It's lovely to see your faces, see your names, feel your presence getting together this hour, in this moment in time, for practice together.

So for today's practice, I want to invite us to explore practice, and specifically the practice of mettā^[1], loving-kindness, as an act of generosity to ourselves and to others. What happens if we take on this perspective of generosity of spirit when we practice? What happens with, say, quote-unquote "distractions"? Can we be generous to distractions or to sounds, to quote-unquote "distracting" loud sounds? What happens when we take on this spirit of generosity towards ourselves? Practice as an act of generosity towards ourselves, towards whatever is coming up in our environment, and towards others? How may that shift the way that we show up in this moment, in this practice, and in general? How we show up for others, for loved ones, for colleagues, for friends, for people we don't know at the grocery store, if we take on this perspective of generosity?

So we practice. What does it feel like to take on the perspective of generosity as a perspective of mettā, as a perspective of goodwill that we cultivate towards ourselves, towards others? So that is the theme for today. How generosity of spirit and mettā are synonymous in many ways, many dimensions. And it's for us to discover how that shows up for us, what it means to us.

So without further ado, let's practice together.

Guided Meditation

Let's land in our bodies, in our hearts, and our minds. Can we show up with generosity for this body in this moment? This sense of care, whatever is arising, can we be generous towards it?

Feeling a sense of spaciousness. It's okay, you can be here. If there is pain in the body, the heart, not feeling stingy about, oh, this is mine, this is my space, this is my practice time. What if we shared it? If we relaxed a little bit and shared it with whatever shows up? Not giving the house away, not giving all of our attention away, but making space, making room. It can be stably present.

And with this attitude of generosity of spirit, landing. Landing. Sitz bones^[2] landing in the chair, the cushion, the contact points.

Turning the gaze inward and just receiving the breath for a few minutes in the lower abdomen. The relaxed body, relaxed body. Arriving safely.

As emotions, as thoughts arise, how can we be generous with ourselves? Not self-flagellate, not judge ourselves, but have a sense of spaciousness, of generosity. Thoughts can arise and pass, the heart can be free. Not grasp.

Generosity as this action of opening a hand, giving away, not clinging, relinquishing. Can that gesture of an open hand be the gesture of our heart, our mind with whatever arises? Can we freely give away love, care, warmth to ourselves, to whatever arises in this sphere of experience?

Can our bodies relax, our heart relax into this gesture of the open hand, gesture of generosity?

There's not so much doing to be done in this practice, but just to land, relax into a sense of kindness, generosity to whatever arises. Whatever arises. Things don't have to be pushed away into some idea of perfection. With judgment, thoughts, emotions can arise and pass. There can be openheartedness, spaciousness, relaxedness with the breath, with the sensations of the body. That's all.

A generous heart is a loving heart. A loving heart is a generous heart. Discover this, explore this for your own heart-mind.

Remember the breath, the body is always available. There's a reference point, it's a grounding. In case you find too many thoughts arising and needing grounding, come back to the breath. The ease to the generosity of the breath. It's an anchor, it's grounding.

If the thought arises, I'm not doing this right, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm no good at this, it's confusing. Can this thought not be believed, but treated as a guest with generosity, not with ill will? Hello old pattern of self-judgment. Hi, it's okay, I see you. I don't push you away, I don't hate you. There's plenty of room in this space of a generous heart. I won't give you the megaphone, but you can be here. I don't believe you, but you can be here. Ah.

What happens if we treat doubt, ill will, self-judgment with an open hand of generosity, and relax back into a space of ease and kindness towards ourselves, towards whatever arises?

You can just be receiving the breath with kindness, with generosity towards this being who is you, who is me, who's showing up in this moment as best as they're able to. What if this person, this me, is treated like your best friend? Someone you love, you care about, you're generous towards.

No rush, nowhere to go. They can just sit here and breathe. Feel glad, feel content. Trying on this way of being, not doing, but being. Try it on for size again and again.

Receiving with generosity, with appreciation, each and every breath. And offering kindness, generosity to every sensation, every thought, every emotion. Giving and receiving in this field of kindness, field of generosity.

You know, you know how to be generous. You know how to be kind to yourself, to whatever arises. Trust, trust that you already know.

If at any moment there is trouble connecting with it, remember the gesture of the open hand. The hand that opens in giving. Ah, feel. Feel the gesture of the open hand. Be the open hand in your heart, in your body, in your mind. First and foremost to yourself.

Trust, trust the goodness of cultivating kindness and generosity towards yourself as a stepping stone for others.

Notice, notice how much easier this meditation can become with a mindset of generosity to ourselves. Especially when we discover we're lost in thought, there's a sense of ease. Instead of yanking the attention back with judgment, if there is ease, ah, so much more joyful to be sitting and practicing, so much more nourishing.

For the last moments of this practice period, appreciating ourselves with kindness, with generosity. Thank you, me. Thank you. Ah. You showed up, you did your best. Thank you. And relinquishing, letting go, opening the fist if it's holding any judgment. And appreciating with gladness this practice period.

May the goodness of our practice support us and all beings everywhere in gladness, goodness, kindness, generosity, and freedom.

Thanks everyone. Thank you for your practice.

Reflections

Generosity and mettā. Generosity and loving-kindness. So I noticed that I feel a lot more at ease, a lot more content and happy with this style of not so much doing, but sitting, being with this spirit of generosity towards self, towards whatever arises.

And we have time for reflections. If you'd like to share what you discovered, what was it like for you, your questions, your comments, you're welcome to type them in chat or raise your hand. Don, I see you, please.

Don: Thank you so much, Nikki. At one point, maybe a third of the way through, you mentioned something about perfection and I was in some reverie and I just sort of latched onto that. And I thought, that's really interesting, and I don't know the context. I'll just have to replay this tape, but if you happen to recall...

Nikki: Yeah, sure, what I was saying. And just before I say that, it's so interesting that sometimes these words resonate so. How the word perfection served as a mindfulness bell for you, which wow, that's nice, that's interesting. And it's all good. I appreciate the comment.

And another thing I want to reflect on is that I still appreciate in this practice space of Happy Hour, there's so much comfort and ease. There is no shame with mind-wandering, that's what minds do, and I so appreciate you bringing that in. There's such a sense of ease and safety that just gladdens my heart in the way that you bring that in. Because that is so important for every practitioner, not to feel shame or bad. That's what minds do. They fall into these reveries and then the moment of awakeness happens. So thank you for bringing that in, Don, for the benefit of all beings. Also anger.

What I was talking about was the invitation not trying to push away. Which again, I guess continuing along the same theme, when we realize that we're lost in thought, don't try to push it away. Or when emotions come up, don't try to push it away for some perfection, like what we imagine this perfect yogi is supposed to be. That's the idea. Can we have generosity, kindness, not this idea of the perfect yogi? Actually, along the way of getting there, we're having a lot of ill will. So just pointing that out.

Don: And if I may, just one piece onto that about sort of perfection. At one point you were talking about this kind of self-judgment, and I just sort of underlined this thought like, Man, I'm sick. I just turned 60 and Jesus, I'm just starting to really get serious with practice. What the hell? You should have been doing this three decades ago. And I sort of had this crazy dialogue.

Nikki: Yeah. And you know, there's so many things we can have these unhelpful dialogues about, because it's not getting us anywhere, right? It's throwing perfectly wonderful moments of awakening after moments that we have not been awakened. So instead, wow, what a gift that I've actually discovered this. I could be going through my whole life and not be doing this. So what a tremendous gift, what a tremendous, tremendous gift it is. So that's the invitation I would have. Thank you, Don.

Any reflections? We're glad you're here. We're glad all of us are here. Any reflections, any questions, any comments?

Maybe what we will do today, we will go into our small saṅgha^[3] practice discussions first, and then maybe when we come out, we'll take more reflections. So with that, I'd like to invite us all, as we go into small groups, to engage with a sense of generosity for ourselves and for others. What does that look like? What does a sense of feeling of generosity look like for ourselves and for others with a sense of mettā? Let's start with 15 seconds of silent mettā, silent generosity for ourselves and for others.

So I'm going to make the rooms. If you're on the edge, if you're shy about being in groups with others, please stay and see how it goes. Be on the edge of your comfort zone^[4] with a little bit of discomfort. But if you have to go, no problem, no judgment, no worries, it's all good. So, creating the rooms and they are open now. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Okay, here we go.

[Break for small group discussions]

Welcome back everyone, the rooms are closed. Lovely. So we have a couple of minutes for new reflections that came up. I see lots of smiles, that makes me happy. Please don't be shy, especially if you haven't shared in a while, I'd love to hear your reflections. Especially... oh, I see a heart, oh that's sweet. Please, we'd love to hear from you. Whether you're new or you've come back after a while, we are so happy you're here.

What did you discover with this mindset of generosity? What was it like for yourself, or maybe showing up with saṅgha?

Yeah, Clinton says in the chat, "Thanks to my partners for your generosity of information and personal experience." Oh, that's sweet. "Generosity is so expanding."

Jerry says, "It is feeling, is it as expansive... right, this expansiveness of the heart." That's why the Buddha taught generosity as a primary practice. It's not just about giving money or your resources, it's such an important internal practice. Discovering this internal dimension of generosity, so expansive, it's really a liberative practice.

Fred, I see you, and it's 7:00, so I'm gonna ask you to make it succinct^[5], please.

Fred: I found today after doing a mettā meditation this morning that I was much more open to being a more generous correspondent on the phone with several friends that I was speaking with. And not needing to step in and say too much myself when I could feel someone really wanting to talk, and just letting the line go out and out and out. And it felt very good.

Nikki: Nice, lovely. I appreciate hearing that. The sense of how actually your practice of mettā in the morning gave rise to a sense of generosity. They are so connected. Beautiful, thank you, Fred.

Report from the field: "Generosity seemed more warm and loving than just acceptance," Kenneth. And Dave says, "Today I counted myself and included myself in the Zoom meeting instead of..." wait, I think that's a partial comment.

Mima, I see your hand. Let's make this one succinct too, please.

Mima: I think one of the things that resonated with me tonight with this meditation was that I need to work on becoming more mindful that generosity is, like you said, not just about giving money. It's becoming more mindful of how it comes through from the heart on taking time to listen to someone or including someone. Like I could see that now. It's vague yes, but I think I'm trying to get the sense of that.

Nikki: Yeah, thank you for that. Yes, thank you for that. Yay! Oh, that makes me so happy, yes, that's it. Yay, I am so happy, that's it. This important inner dimension of generosity is so expansive.

Well, thank you all. You've made my evening with your practice, with your insights, and I am so much happier after this, happier than I was before. So thank you for your practice, for showing up. Your cultivation, your goodness support the awakening of ourselves and all beings everywhere.

Thanks everyone.