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Happy Hour: The Compassion Crisis and Practicing Tonglen

Introduction

Hello, and a warm welcome to Happy Hour to all of you. For our practice together today, I thought it is appropriate as we are approaching the end of this eventful, this very challenging year for so many people, to practice compassion together. Compassion for so many beings, ourselves included, of course, who have gone through so many challenges this past year through the pandemic. We are continuing to go through challenges. Where I am in California, in the US, the hospitals are overwhelmed right now, and it's a pretty challenging situation. I personally know people and have family who are in the hospital.

As practitioners, the practice of compassion can feel like a giving to others, and yet it's also a practice of receiving. When we do the practice of compassion, our heart feels more filled out with care. We feel more resilient ourselves in this sense of connection.

I was actually listening to an interesting podcast last week on Freakonomics Radio on NPR. The theme was "The Compassion Crisis," specifically referring to the compassion crisis in healthcare in the US, where many doctors and nurses are not really being taught or supported in compassion practice. Their compassion gets burnt out, and they feel burnt out. These two researchers—both clinicians and researchers—unearthed lots of research that has been done on compassionate care, or what is termed "patient-centered" practices. The research really shows how patients not only feel better when there is compassion, but there are measurable clinical outcomes showing improvement.

Not only that, but they experience what is called "helper's high." As practitioners, we know that when a clinician is more compassionate, they feel better themselves. They have less burnout, less depression, and they feel better about their work. These researchers wrote a book called Compassionomics: The Revolutionary Scientific Evidence That Caring Makes a Difference, showing how outcomes are better when there is heart. Of course, you go, "Yes, of course, we know this as human beings," and yet it's interesting for me as a scientist to consider that there is data. I'm delighted and grateful that there are people looking at the data and bringing it up to convince others who might think it takes too much time to be compassionate. It turns out it takes no more time.

I know that at least one of you here at Happy Hour is an MD who works in the COVID ward right now. I really honor that. You just messaged me, and I appreciate that it's one of your dreams to bring more compassion into healthcare. Yes, there's definitely a lot more burnout right now with COVID. I appreciate you bringing that in from the inside, Megan. I just really appreciate your service and your aspiration to bring more compassion into healthcare.

With that, I wanted to invite us into the practice of compassion tonight to cultivate it in our heart. Whether or not we are in a caregiving profession professionally, we're all in a caregiving profession. We're all human beings. We all have people we care about. We all have people who are in distress—maybe not with COVID, but different challenges in life. So, we are practicing compassion, supporting them, supporting ourselves, and supporting this human connection that we have.

Guided Meditation

I'd like to invite us now to get into our meditation posture. Landing in the body. Coming present in this moment. Letting go of any thoughts and preoccupations in this moment, just to take refuge in the body and the breath. To settle, to arrive.

Feeling our feet, our legs, connected to the earth. Feeling the contact points. Intimately landing into the contact points. Letting our weight settle to our feet, our legs, our sit bones, or bottom on the cushion. Inviting our abdomen to relax. Inviting the chest to soften. The neck and shoulders to drop their weight and offer up any tension they've been holding.

Inviting the face to relax. The muscles to let go from the inside. The forehead to feel expanded, stretched. The eyes to rest in their sockets. The jaw muscles, facial muscles, from the inside around the cheeks, the mouth, the chin, the ears. The head to let go, to relax from the inside.

Inviting the whole body to settle, to relax, to put down tightness and tension. Receiving in a soft, relaxed body. Receiving the breath. Letting the breath be received in the abdomen. It's not so much that we breathe; the breath breathes itself. Just receiving, being aware that it's happening.

And if thoughts arise, preoccupations, it's okay. No need for any judgment. Giving a lot of space. Holding the thoughts and patterns in a lot of space, a space of awareness. They don't have to be the center of the whole show. Letting the breath feel expansive, the space feel expansive, the body expansive. Thoughts just settling, falling maybe like leaves on the trees in the fall, just dropping to the earth and settling.

The body relaxed, breath being received, one breath at a time. A moment of silence and refuge, just to settle, to be nourished.

Receiving the breath. Letting the breath be received in the abdomen and also in the chest, in your whole trunk. Now, if you wish, imagine as if the breath is entering through the middle of the chest, through the heart center. This life-giving breath, this gift, entering through the heart center in the center of your chest. Receiving this gift appreciatively, tenderly. Feeling more awakened, feeling more alive. Your heart feeling more present and enlivened in this moment, through each breath being received and breathed out.

Your heart feeling more expansive. And if your heart contained a holy fire, feeling the fire enlivened when it's blown upon, when it has the breath blowing on it, becoming more vibrant. This holy fire of compassion in your heart, feeling bright, calming, yet powerful as it's blown upon by each breath. The light of this fire shining its warmth, shining brightly. There's nothing you have to do; it's just there. It's not your doing, you're just witnessing, observing. The breath is being breathed, enlivening, feeding this holy fire of compassion that wasn't being noticed in your heart, but it's there. It's definitely there. We all have it. Just observing, witnessing, beholding. That's all the doing that you do. Witnessing, appreciating this fire of the heart's compassion.

And now, I'd like to invite you to bring to mind and imagine as if the suffering in the world, the suffering of those whom you know, whom you care about dearly, and those you don't know, and your own suffering... imagine it perhaps as a cloud, or a fog, or smoke that gets breathed in naturally. It gets breathed into this heart center, this holy fire. And it gets transformed. With each out-breath that's breathed out, the suffering has been transformed into well-wishes, well-being, goodness, into light. It is breathed out onto the world, onto the people that you care about, people you don't know who are suffering in this moment. And maybe even yourself, if you are suffering in this moment.

Just witnessing that this is happening. Suffering, pain, and sorrow breathed in on its own, transformed in this holy fire. This bright burning fire of your heart, this powerful incinerator, transforms it into healing, into goodness, into peace, into love. And with the out-breath, it gets breathed out, bringing solace. Bringing solace and ease unto others, unto the world.

And you're holding witness. Holding witness as the suffering is being taken away, transformed. Healing and goodness covering, radiating to those who are suffering right now. Bringing them to your mind's eye, if it helps the vividness of this practice for you.

Just witnessing. Not making it effortful. Yes, this is your practice, and yet it's not yours. It's so much bigger than you. You are participating in the co-creation. Witnessing your part, in your heart, in your own goodness and compassion, as part of a bigger whole.

Suffering breathed in, transformed in the holy fire. Peace and solace breathed out. Seeing that the out-breath brings comfort and ease to those who are suffering.

Offering our goodness, our compassion, our holy fire to the benefit of all beings. Dedicating our goodness to the healing, comfort, peace, and ease of all beings. Our dedication, our contribution, offering up our heart's goodness. May all beings everywhere be at ease. Be safe, be happy, be healthy, and take care of themselves happily.

Reflections on Tonglen Practice

Thank you all for your practice. Just to say a word or two about this practice—as many of you might have recognized, this is the practice of Tonglen^[1] that's often practiced in Tibetan Buddhism. Just as we practiced it, it's imagining suffering being breathed in, being transformed in the heart, and ease and goodness being breathed out onto the world.

It can be a very powerful practice. It can at first also be a challenging practice. So if it was challenging for you, it's okay, hang in there. When it really ignites, using a lot of fire metaphors tonight, it can be such a powerful practice because there's a sense that you, whoever you are, are not doing this. When it's forceful, like, "I'm breathing, I'm bringing healing," there can be so much ego in it. Whereas it's a sense of containing this holy fire, this beauty of the heart, and seeing the suffering being breathed in, transformed, and being breathed out. Ah, yes.

Most of the seeing or imagining is there, and seeing the people who are suffering being soothed, it's not so much a doing but really witnessing. It can feel so transformative, as if with every breath there's a cultivation of goodness, a bringing of peace and ease. It fits into other dimensions of holding presence, bringing succor^[2] and healing to others just with your breath and presence. When we really feel into this practice, we can actually practice one-on-one with loved ones who are suffering, say, on their deathbed, just breathing and holding space, trusting that with the breath there's a sense of peace, ease, and cultivation.

There's so much about this practice that can feel challenging and then can be just beautiful, really igniting into many different dimensions of meaning and soulfulness. I have a couple of minutes for reflections if you'd like to share them in the chat or raise your hand. I'd like to invite folks who usually don't talk to share first.

Ben: Yeah, thanks Nikki. Tonight I felt like the Tonglen was really more accessible to me than it usually is. It's usually prefaced, when people offer it to "beginners," with a warning like, "I'm not sure you're ready for this. It involves actually breathing in suffering and you might not be mentally stable enough to deal." I kind of appreciate that warning, but I feel like there's so much being asked of someone who wants to practice Tonglen. When I feel resourced enough to really take something on, I don't want to go looking for trouble when I'm feeling good. So I really appreciate the way that you framed it as being a witnessing rather than a doing. Actually, during the sit, the way that I saw it was not necessarily that the world is doing it and I'm just watching, but it was more like, "Wait a minute, I'm already doing so much work in my life that already is having the effect of transforming bad stuff into good stuff." I just sort of tuned into that. I was like, it's already happening. The fire is already happening. It was really nice, so thank you Nikki.

Nikki: Nice. Thank you so much, Ben, for saying that and highlighting different ways that this practice can be taught. I have witnessed and been taught the other way you're referring to, and I found that challenging too, for many people. This idea of witnessing can also feel like a co-creation. You're participating in the witnessing, of course, so you're part of it. It's not all up to you, which is kind of similar to the Bodhisattva vow^[3]. When people take on the vow to liberate and help awaken every single being, it's like, "Wow, every single being, and little me?" In the same way, taking on the suffering of the whole world to breathe into my heart is overwhelming. But the idea here, in both this practice and the Bodhisattva vow, is that we're tapping into something that's bigger than us. It's not just this little being who's going to take it all on. As I say this, I actually feel chills. This conscious being that is me is part of something so much bigger. Inherently, I'm connected. I am something bigger than I can name. This taps into that. So thank you so much for bringing that up, Ben.

[The group then goes into small breakout rooms for discussion and returns]

Nikki: Welcome back, the rooms are closed. We just have a couple of minutes for any reflections, especially what came up from the groups. Again, I'd love to invite reflections from those who haven't spoken yet or usually don't speak. You can also type them in chat. What came up for you? What's up? And there's no such thing as awkward silence when you're a practitioner or in meditation. Silence is fine. Comfortable being in silence, and your reflections are valued.

Clark: This isn't really a deep reflection, but I really like Tonglen because I find visualization helps me a lot. It just works with whatever my brain configuration is. It's always kind of crazy because I start visualizing, like you say, the smoke getting burnt by the fire and emitting light, and then different visions will just offer themselves. Like different people that I know who are suffering, and it becomes their specific suffering, and different groups who are suffering, or just the general idea of suffering. Tonight, I was imagining at one point a group of people, and then I felt myself like this golden Buddha statue that was just blowing out this light. It was kind of like Beauty and the Beast or some Disney movie where there's this light that washes over and everybody goes from being angry to transformed. It was just a fun image, so I thought I'd share that. [Laughter]

Nikki: That is just lovely. Thanks for sharing that, Clark. It brings a smile to my face. What I'm loving about the image that was evoked for you is that you talk about the fun nature of it, which is great. I think we always have to have fun with this practice; we take it way too seriously. If it's not fun, it just becomes kind of boring. But besides the fun factor, I love the image that came up for you as this big golden Buddha. It's both you and not you; it's your inner Buddha, having this large golden Buddha. What a beautiful embracing of the capacity of this heart. So lovely, thank you for bringing that in.

Closing

It's 7:02, and I'll bring the evening to a close. I'll just say one quick thing: earlier, Ben had asked for clarification on how public the Google Group is. Just to say that it is only for people who are part of the Happy Hour Sangha^[4] at this time. If you have more questions, please stay. I'm going to stay a couple of extra minutes after I formally close.

And are we meeting tomorrow? Yes, you are meeting tomorrow. Diana will be here doing Happy Hour. Just to say, after Happy Hour ends at 7:30 p.m. California time tomorrow, there's another event at IMC to celebrate New Year's Eve, whatever time zone you're in. I trust it will be a lovely event. Andrea Fella^[5], a dear, dear being, is going to be teaching that, so if you want to join, the information is on the IMC calendar. It should be fun and lovely. Happy New Year to everyone!

I will bring this session to a close by thanking all of you for your practice. Given that this is the last session of 2020 that I'm teaching, there's a sense of sweetness. There are going to be more sessions in 2021—if it all goes according to plan and I'm not hit by a truck, I'll see you in 2021! Gratitude for many months of sharing this beautiful practice together. May all of our practice together, the goodness and the merit that's generated, be a cause and condition for beauty, grace, awakening, ease, and love in the world for all beings everywhere. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free, including ourselves.

Thank you, everyone.