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Dharmette: Oneself (4 of 5) Benefiting Oneself

Monday was self-respect. Tuesday was self-understanding. Wednesday was not harming oneself. And today the topic is benefiting oneself.

The Buddha taught for the benefit and welfare of others. He wanted benefits for people; that's what his whole career, his whole dedication was for—people's welfare and well-being. To be a follower of the Buddha is then to take those teachings in so that we can better ourselves, so that we can practice for our own welfare and happiness, and for our benefit.

This is something that I was a little bit slow to come to in my Buddhist practice because of maybe practicing in Zen, where this was not emphasized. In fact, maybe it was even discouraged that one would practice for a kind of self-benefit of experiencing happiness, joy, and well-being. But somehow this sense of well-being found me as I kept practicing. I've come to really appreciate how powerful it is to have a sense of well-being. It's a kind of reconditioning of our psyche, of our neurons, of our muscles, a reconditioning of our mind and heart.

Not all of us have had great conditioning in our life. So the influences on how we think, how we understand ourselves, how we understand the world, and how we feel, are not necessarily that which brings welfare, happiness, and well-being. And so one of the ingredients for developing a really healthy sense of well-being is not so much doing it directly, but rather indirectly by creating the conditions for well-being, for benefiting ourselves.

Classically in Buddhism, such a talk would always refer to the importance of living an ethical life. If we can live ethically, that can be nourishing for ourselves. That itself is a form of nourishment, a form of inspiration, a form of goodness. But that's not automatically so for many of us. For our ethical behavior to be nourishing, we have to appreciate the underlying goodness of a dedication to living wholesomely, to living ethically. It might be hard to actually do it, but to live one's life with that dedication, with that love for an ethical, wholesome, skillful life—that is a powerful thing.

To appreciate that intention, that commitment—not so much that you have to do it intellectually, but rather, ideally, that desire, that wish, that movement towards living an ethical life is itself coming from a place of inner goodness, of inner well-being. It touches something inside of us that has a rightness to it, a wholesomeness to it. And it's that wholesomeness we begin discovering inside that allows the practice to grow and develop.

Many people don't discover this through being ethical first, but rather through meditation. Meditation is first a kind of deconditioning. By relaxing and not being so caught up in our mind streams of thoughts and reactions, we begin to take away some of the power behind our old conditioning and some of the old habits of mind that we have. As the mind gets quieter and stiller in meditation, the more it becomes a deconditioning process, letting go of old habits of the mind that are maybe not serving us. There are many ways in which we have rumination, and the ways people think are actually unhealthy. It undermines us, debilitates us, and drains us because the thinking is so negative or stressful.

As the mind gets quieter and stiller, there's a deconditioning process, and then it can be replaced with wholesome thinking, wholesome desires, and nice ways of being. Or to say it differently, as we get calmer and more subtle, some people discover—maybe first as a little seed or a glimmer—a feeling of, "This feels wholesome, this feels like goodness, there's a happiness, there's a sense of well-being that comes with just sitting here," where just being alive is enough. Just sitting here breathing and letting go of all the past conditioning or the reactivities of the mind.

The heart does not have to be fed by external stimuli—other people, things, doing things, recreational opportunities, TV shows, food, drink, all kinds of things. The mind can be content and happy. The heart can be content and happy without searching and wanting and getting from the outside. It's almost as if, when we let go of all the conditioning, the harmonious flow of energy within, the harmonious flow of the heart and the mind, has a feeling of health in it—healthiness and goodness and joy and happiness.

We can start getting a feeling of that from meditation, from the ethical impulse, and then appreciate that glimmer of well-being, that which is nourishing within, that which is wholesome, that which has a quality of happiness and goodness in it. We appreciate that and value it enough that we stay close to it.

A very important moment can happen in Buddhist practice where some good quality of inner life is experienced (and I say it vaguely because different people identify different things), but something that feels like a good quality of heart or a quality of mind. One begins to see the places where there's a choice: whether to leave that behind by getting into a reactive mind again, or coming back and staying close to it, and nourishing and supporting it. Not giving it up, staying close, and allowing it to grow. It is like a seed that we want to, like a gardener, nourish, water, fertilize, and protect so that that delicate and fragile little plant, the sprout, can grow and develop.

This point comes in Buddhist practice where we have a reference point for this inner well-being, and the opportunity is there to stay close to it. Not by being tight, not fending off the world and shutting down from the world and becoming a hermit, but just staying close and living our life from that place. Going into the world, being with our people, but having that as a reference point.

One of the ways to have a reference point is to ask: "Is what I'm going to do now going to undermine or detract from this nourishing place I've discovered, or is it going to enhance it, develop it, or just keep it steady?" It requires mindfulness. It requires a willingness to keep paying attention to it, come back to it, and stay close.

In the process, we learn a lot about ourselves. We learn a lot about the subtle ways, and not so subtle ways, that we lose that connection, that we bypass it, the way we pick up stress and tension in our body and mind and heart. That's a very important learning. So rather than feeling bad about oneself when one gets stressed, tense, or reactive, from that nourishing place it's okay: "Here, this is what I have to work with. This is what I have to understand and learn with. I had to see this so that I could find another way and find the places of choice to not give in to that too easily."

So we're looking for where the well-being is, and then doing the things in our lives that create the conditions for it to be there. Rushing and being in a hurry is not conducive to cultivating this inner well-being. And just that one thing, to dedicate a life plan—plan ahead, plan your days, consider your priorities, maybe do fewer things so that you can stay close to what is nourishing and supportive for this inner growth. If we're rushing around into too many things, it cannot be there. It becomes eclipsed and doesn't have a chance to grow.

Initially, it might seem like the other things you're rushing around to do are more important than your own welfare and well-being. But over time you'll see that this is probably the most important treasure you have. It is more important than money, relationships, jobs, and all kinds of activities you might be doing. This is not to dismiss the importance of those things and the importance of having them, but rather to not be involved in them at the expense of losing this connection to what benefits ourselves, the connection to this inner goodness, this nourishment.

The paradox is that as this inner goodness, nourishment, or inner benefit grows, our relationship to the external world improves dramatically, and it becomes richer and more valuable. Rather than losing the external world, the inner goodness touches some of the best qualities of the external world.

So we are allowed to benefit ourselves. Not only are we allowed to do it, but we're encouraged to do it in a way that's not selfish, a way that really nourishes and supports the freedom, joy, happiness, goodness, and well-being that can flow from within.

The Buddha taught for the benefit, welfare, and happiness of all beings, including you. And so it's okay for you to pursue your own well-being. In doing so, you're following the Buddha's wishes. May you find great well-being, may you thrive in well-being, in Dharmic^[1] well-being. May the Dharma bring you much joy and happiness. Thank you.