This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video above. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

Impermanence and Our Relationship to Time

The topic for the talk today is generosity and ethics as prerequisites for meditation. I found it very interesting that in reading one of the discourses of the Buddha—the one about the gradual training—he talks about these two qualities as the ones we want to begin with in our practice. They serve to lay the foundation before we begin to meditate.

We can say that these two qualities are the most basic ways to prepare ourselves. Generosity is like taking the earth and starting to loosen it up. Ethics is like pulling out the weeds—all the things we don't need—to then be able to plant something that will be wholesome for us.

The Buddha made sure that his followers had these two qualities well established before he taught them to meditate. But here in the West, we rush to begin with meditation, and many people have great difficulties with it because we haven't done the preparatory work. Nowhere did I see it more clearly than some years ago when I was working with sexual offenders who had just come out of prison, and I was to teach them meditation. It was a really eye-opening experience for me to see how tremendously difficult it was for them. It was painful for them, and for me, to see what it took for them to sit quietly and have to face themselves. I remember a particular man who would sit, and after just a minute, he would start sweating. He could only sit for a couple of minutes; it was just too difficult.

Now, of course, this is an extreme situation. But I think that for us too, sometimes we have a hard time settling in because we notice perhaps we were not kind with somebody, or in some ways we didn't follow what we know is an ethical way of living.

Ethics as the Foundation

As we train ourselves with ethics, it is as if we are preparing ourselves to give the gift to others of being harmless. That is a very beautiful thing, for other people to feel safe with us. Although the training begins with generosity, in this talk I want to begin with ethics. I want to leave generosity for the end because it is such a sunny topic, and I wanted to leave you with that.

One thing I have noticed here in the West is that with the popularization of mindfulness, we have often lost sight of the connection of mindfulness with the rest of the Dharma, and specifically of ethics. This is a real problem and a real loss. What meditation and mindfulness end up being is just a way to relax ourselves. It's what I like to call the "spa effect"^[1]. Yes, it is nice and very positive to have this relaxing effect of meditation. But if we don't use it as a means to increasingly free ourselves from suffering, then the effect of the relaxation will only last as long as a massage. A little bit afterwards, we fall into something unskillful, and we tense our whole self again.

As we train ourselves with ethics, it is very important to make ourselves aware of where it begins: in our minds, with our thoughts. Often, these thoughts are where unwholesomeness begins. We notice them when they are already very well established, but if we catch them at the beginning, we have much more of a chance to pull them out, stop them, or change them. So we want to be able to train ourselves to watch our thoughts, and then, of course, our speech and our actions.

The most succinct way we can express ethics in the context of the Dharma is through an equation: ethics equals happiness. We are not required to be ethical, but if we want to live a life that is happy and carefree, we need to work on our ethics. Following the general guidelines of an ethical life is seen as a logical and natural way to have a happy life. They are just as natural as the laws of gravity. Just as everything on our planet is subject to the law of gravity, the same is true for us: when our thoughts, words, and actions arise from a skillful place, we will be happy. When they arise from greed, hatred, and ignorance, they will lead us to suffering.

The Precepts in Daily Life

The guiding principles that we have in the Dharma are the precepts^[2]. These are rudimentary guides on how to live our lives. But we want to keep in mind that just because they are rudimentary doesn't mean we are beyond them. Sometimes we feel, "Oh, I know the precepts, I've memorized them, I'm beyond them." But I think we all have to stop and rethink how each one of these precepts encompasses a whole range, from something very obvious and terrible to something quite subtle that we can actually fall into easily.

Take the first precept, refraining from taking life. When we hear this, we all say, "Oh yes, of course, I don't take anybody's life." But how do we deal with having a problem of ants or mice in our house? Or how do we deal with a situation of a pet that is already very old? Do we consider euthanasia for the pet? There are these other issues that we really need to consider. The wonderful thing about the way we work with the precepts is that they are an invitation for us to stop and be discerning. They ask us to look carefully at the unique situation, its components, and what the wisest action is given the context.

The second one is refraining from taking what has not been given. There is the obvious act of stealing, but then there is something very common: taking paper or folders home from the office. Often we don't think in those terms. Or sometimes with taxes, people are looking at ways to go around it and perhaps not pay what is fair. One interpretation I heard for the first time—and I thought, "Hmm, I would have never thought about this as taking something that is not given"—is arriving late. It is one of those subtle ways we are actually taking the time of somebody else that was not given to us. You see how interesting it gets if we take the time to really look at this. The more we practice, the more sensitive we become to pick out these subtleties, which makes you want to be more precise and careful in your decisions.

The third one is refraining from causing harm with our sexuality. The first time I heard it phrased this way, I thought, "What a simple and wise way of talking about sexuality: don't harm with your sexual energy." Of course, an obvious and egregious example would be forcing ourselves onto somebody else. But on the other extreme could be something like flirting. You might think it is very innocent, but sometimes it can actually cause harm. Another example would be the consumption of pornography. How does it make you feel to consume pornography?

The fourth precept is refraining from speaking falsehoods. There is the obvious, intentional lying. But another one I noticed in myself some years ago is that when telling a story to friends, we tend to exaggerate just a little bit to make it more interesting. I decided that was a good one to catch myself on and say, "No, I don't have to do this." Just notice that.

The last one is refraining from consuming alcohol or drugs. We know you can really harm yourself and others if you do it unskillfully. But then there's the more subtle effect: you drink a little, get kind of goofy and entertaining, but how easy it is to let something slip because your tongue is loose, and you let something out that can hurt somebody.

Discernment and Non-Harming

I want to share a particular example from a question posed to me when I was teaching a retreat. Some years ago, when George Floyd was murdered, I was teaching a retreat online. There was a Latino man living in New York who told me, "Look, I'm somebody who has committed to following the precepts. But I have to tell you that I don't feel safe in the streets anymore in New York." He was somebody who participated a lot in racial demonstrations. He said, "I just don't feel safe, and I want to buy a gun. What do you think?" He hadn't bought it yet, but he had already completed all the necessary paperwork to buy the gun.

What I find interesting about being in a teaching position is that you cannot make the decision for somebody else. Everybody has to carry their own responsibility for their decisions. So, I said, "Why don't we just think together? I'm going to ask you some questions, because the way I can help you is to help you consider this carefully."

Some of the questions I asked were: What is your motivation for having a gun, and what attitude is behind that motivation? Try to really imagine how you would feel if you possessed a gun at home or carried one with you. Also, try to imagine how you would feel if you actually had to use the gun. How would it be to live with yourself for the rest of your life if you had to use the gun and harmed somebody? Or, how would you feel if you were attacked and you didn't have the gun?

I also asked, "Can you think of another option where you don't cause harm, and you still manage to protect yourself?" One of the things I've noticed is that when you really stop to think about it, clarity happens, and creativity arises. You think of options you hadn't even considered. So maybe the question isn't, "Should I buy a gun?" but rather, "How could I protect myself in a way that is non-harming?" That is quite different, isn't it? We pose ourselves these questions and come up with a more refined way of navigating the situation.

Flexibility and Purification

The first time I heard this next teaching, I was very intrigued: when you follow rules or ethical principles rigidly, you don't mature. That makes total sense, because if you follow them rigidly, you're not stopping to really consider where you stand with them and what your true attitude is. Sometimes we are going to find ourselves in situations where breaking a precept is the right thing to do.

When that situation happens, there are two things we have to keep in mind. First, be very aware of the attitude you have as you break the precept. Is it benevolent? Have you come to the conclusion that in this particular situation, this is the most benevolent thing you can do? Second, realize that you are going to carry some karma^[3] with it. There will be some consequences. But if you made that decision based on it being the wisest and most benevolent option, the consequences won't be that bad for you.

The last thing I want to say about ethics is something I heard from Kamala Masters, a wonderful teacher who has a center in Maui. She puts ethics in such a positive way. She says we're dealing either with purification or purifying. What she means is that when you are being mindful and you check in with yourself, and you notice, "Right now there are no unskillful mind states, so I haven't broken any precepts," that means right now there is purification within you.

But what if you stop and notice you are assailed by some obstacles, like greed or sloth and torpor? Then you begin to work with them using the many tools we have, and what is happening? Purifying is happening. We can see that this keeps us engaged. We are looking at the reality of what's going on, but in a very positive way: there is either purification present, or we're in the process of purifying. That is all I want to say about ethics.

Generosity

Now, moving on to generosity, or dāna^[4]. This is a topic I like very much. Generosity implies giving of myself to others, whether material or immaterial goods, such as my time or my attention. We can say that generosity is not just an isolated event of giving something to someone, but a quality that we want to cultivate and embody.

Generosity of spirit can be expressed in many wonderful ways. It can be expressed in a smile, in really listening to somebody, or just saying thank you. It can also be expressed by not judging ourselves mercilessly when we notice we've done something wrong. When we give wisely, we're told in the Dharma that we experience joy before, during, and after the act. If you've paid attention when you've given in a wise way, it is so much the case. Practicing generosity is a wonderful way to have access to joy at any time.

In Asian countries, generosity is practiced and taught to little children. While still in arms, they are taught how to offer even just a handful of rice to the monks who come asking for alms. I also find it interesting that in Burma, when it's your birthday, you don't receive presents; you give presents. It is such a wonderful thing. I actually experienced this a couple of years ago with a dear friend of mine who turned 90. She asked us all not to bring presents. Instead, she gave each of us at her party a book of her best poems written over the last 30 years. It was such a beautiful gesture of sharing something so meaningful—the harvest of her life.

We all practice generosity in different ways. For some of us it comes more naturally, and for others, not so naturally. The Buddha was a fantastic teacher who always knew who was in front of him and how to teach them. There is one way he taught generosity that assures you will succeed, and the teaching is very simple.

The teaching is that you take a stone in your right hand, and you put it into your left hand. I think we can all do this. It basically gives you the feel of how renunciation is related to generosity. In order for the left hand to receive the stone, the right hand has to let go of it. Imagine teaching that to a child—something very simple where a child can feel very good about themselves, and then go on later to share something much harder, like a toy. When we feel the impetus to be generous, we are told in the Dharma to follow that impetus.

A Story of Generosity

The last thing I wanted to share with you is an experience I had not long ago where I was able to see a series of very beautiful, generous gestures that made a big difference for somebody.

Last November, I had the good fortune to visit an indigenous community of the Guambiano people in the Colombian Andes. On our last day, as we were leaving the town closest to the reservation, I got to talking to an indigenous woman. She was a grandmother, there with her little granddaughter, wearing traditional Guambiano clothing: a long woolen black skirt, a royal blue shawl, and a fedora hat. She told me she needed help carrying a rather big and heavy sack of potatoes that she had planted and harvested herself. She needed to get this enormous sack onto the bus. A dear friend traveling with us was strong enough to lift it for her, and she was very happy.

Once on the bus, we sat together and continued talking. It turns out this woman was traveling like us, all the way to the city of Cali. But her reason for traveling was rather sad: she was traveling to the city to visit her daughter—the little girl's mother—in the hospital, who was very ill. This lovely grandmother had arranged for somebody to buy her potatoes in the next town where we were going to stop, in order to have enough money for the trip.

When we arrived at the next town, the person who was supposed to buy the potatoes was not there. She explained to the bus driver what had happened and asked him, "Would you please wait for me to see if I can get somebody else to buy the potatoes?" Try to imagine this situation in any city here! But where I was, in the area of the Guambianos, they have a very strong community and a deep sense of belonging, and they really help each other. The bus driver somehow recognized the plight this poor woman was in and waited. Much to my amazement, not one person on the bus complained. There were about 30 of us, and we all just sat quietly and waited. Miraculously, the woman was able to sell her potatoes, and it didn't take that long.

On the next leg of the long trip, I sat next to the five-year-old girl and decided to share some of the things I remembered sharing with my son when he was little. When I ran out of songs I knew in Spanish, I even improvised a rather questionable version of "The Wheels on the Bus," but she loved it. The grandmother sang along and did the hand movements with us.

At the next stop, she got off with the grandmother to get some food. The bus happened to stop right in front of a very humble-looking stationery store. I had a sudden impulse to get off, thinking it would be very nice to get this little girl a present. I walked in and found a nice box of colored pencils and a little notebook with blank pages for her to draw on. I made it back to the bus, and once they returned, I presented it to the little girl. Her eyes got so big. She told me she loved to draw, and she was just caressing the box of pencils, so happy.

It got dark and quiet, and as far as I knew, she had gone to sleep. Suddenly, I saw her little hand go up. She was sitting in the seat in front of me, reaching over the backrest, moving her fingers around like a little bug looking for something. I reached out, and when she felt my hand, she just took it. I couldn't see her face, but for most of the rest of the trip to Cali, we just sat there in silence while she held my hand. It was such a beautiful, simple way for her to say thank you.

As soon as we arrived in Cali, they got off. We said goodbye as if we were old friends. I had a real sense in my heart that what the woman and the little girl had received from several people during the day was going to help carry them through the difficulty of encountering the heavenly messenger^[5] of illness once they reached the hospital. Remembering these little gestures of kindness and generosity that we can do for each other shows the big difference they can make.

How It Might Continue

To finish, I wanted to share a poem with you by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer^[6] called "How It Might Continue." For me, this poem captures this idea of doing something for somebody else that might seem minor—that doesn't really change much externally—but where inside, something important happens.

Wherever we go, the chance for joy,
whole orchards of amazement.
One more reason to always travel
with our pockets full of exclamation marks
so we might scatter them for others like apple seeds.
Some will dry out,
some will blow away,
but some will take root and grow
exuberant groves filled with long thin fruits
that resemble one hand clapping.
So much enthusiasm as they flutter back and forth
that although nothing’s heard,
and though nothing’s really changed,
people everywhere for years to come
will swear that the world is ripe with applause,
will fill their own pockets with new seeds to scatter.

Guided Meditation

So let us close our eyes for a moment.

Just allowing the words that you've heard on generosity and ethics... allow them to come into your heart... to your mind...

And may the words that you've heard today benefit yourselves, and every person that you come in contact with.

Conclusion

Thank you for your attention, and we have a couple minutes if anybody has a question or a comment.

Good, we feel complete. So I thank you all. Be well, and a good evening to all.