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Happy Hour: The Virtuous Cycle of Joy Begetting Joy

Introduction

Hello, and welcome again. A warm welcome to every single one of you, to every single one of us. For our practice today, we are going to continue exploring our new Brahmavihāra^[1], which we started on Friday: exploring muditā^[2], vicarious joy. Also translated as empathetic joy, it is happiness for others' happiness. And we start where it is easy.

This practice of muditā—in Pali, the word is muditā, M-U-D-I-T-A as a transliteration in English—is the practice of gladdening the heart and mind. It is the fastest way to become happy. If you find yourself heavy, just bring to mind someone you care about and their good fortune—someone who you just feel happy for when they are happy. Let their happiness shine through your heart, a sense of happiness for their happiness.

Tonight, what we will do is turn our hearts to an easy category. After we have primed our heart and practiced with the easy category, then we will turn our attention to ourselves. We will feel happy for our own blessings, and feel a sense of celebration in the heart for blessings that we often have and take for granted. We turn our hearts to that. And guess what? When we become happy for our own happiness, the practice of muditā, when turned to ourselves, becomes the practice of... guess what? Gratitude. Yay, of course!

That is where the practice of gratitude is hiding in the Brahmavihāras. A lot of times people say, "So where is gratitude in Buddhism? There is not much talk of it." Well, it is there. It is in the Brahmavihāras. It is in muditā. When you turn muditā to yourself, it becomes gratitude. When you are happy for your own happiness, that is what arises; the heart becomes grateful. So, see for yourself.

Is there anything else I want to say to frame this? Oh, yes. One thing I want to say to frame this, and we can talk more about it afterwards, is that the "far enemy" of this practice, as I mentioned, is envy. Sometimes when we are trying to feel happy for somebody else's happiness, we want what they have. A kind of contraction can come up in the heart. If that comes up, it is okay. This is a purification practice. You are not defective, you are not doing it wrong. It can bring those feelings up. It may not, but it might. And if that happens, please turn towards that pain, that suffering in that moment, with your own mettā^[3], with your own compassion. Because when envy arises, we are the ones hurting in that moment.

Instead of trying to muscle your way through it with muditā, make it karuṇā^[4], make it compassion. Turn to yourself and say, "Oh sweetie, it's okay. It's okay you want this also. It's all right, it's okay." Hold it, turning with compassion and care towards whatever is arising. As long as you are turning towards love, care, and warmth towards whatever is arising, you are doing this practice great.

Anything else I want to say? I have been looking forward to practicing together today. I have actually been practicing as I've been remembering muditā; it just makes my heart glad to bring that in. So let's practice it together. And again, whatever arises, whether it is muditā or its opposite, bring kindness to it, and it's all good. Let's get started.

I would like to invite you, if you would, to get into your meditation posture. You may want to move, shift, lie down—it is all good. See what your body needs.

Guided Meditation

As always, we start by settling in the body. Settling in the body with the breath. Arriving. Tilling the soil of presence. Becoming present in this moment.

Softening. Softening. Letting go.

Connecting with the entirety of the in-breath and the out-breath. With each out-breath, letting go into the body. Relaxing. Softening. Letting go of thoughts, preoccupations. Taking refuge in the simplicity of this moment. You don't have to have those thoughts right now, do you? You can gently tell them, "Not now. Come back after this practice, please."

Just this moment. Just this breath. And thank your thoughts: "Not now. Not now. Later."

Feeling your feet, your legs, your sit bones contacting the earth. Earth on earth. Feeling grounded, stable. Here.

Here.

Arriving. Continuing to arrive and settle. In this moment, in this body. Giving your heart, letting it be immersed with presence. In this moment of being alive. In this breath.

Now I would like to invite you, if you would, to bring to mind someone who has been a benefactor. They have supported you. They have been there for you at some point in your life. This definition of benefactor can be pretty wide, pretty loose. It could be a parent, or a teacher, or a relative, or a coach, or a friend, a good friend. You can even consider our pets sometimes our benefactors with their unconditional love and care. Someone who has been supportive in some way in your life. Not in every way, but in some way where there is a sense of appreciation, a sense of heart connection. You feel safe in their presence. There is a sense of goodness, appreciation, good will for this being, for the support they have offered you.

Bringing them to mind as clearly as possible, with a sense of connection and appreciation for their support. Let your heart feel the goodness of this appreciation, this connection to this being, whether or not they are in your life at this point.

And now, bringing to mind some aspect of their life that is a blessing for them. It doesn't have to be every aspect that is fulfilling, but one aspect of life, of their being, that they feel happy and grateful for.

Let yourself witness their happiness, their joy for this blessing in their life. As if you were holding witness presence, witnessing them feeling happy and grateful. Let your heart shine with gladness, with reflective happiness. Witnessing their happiness and gladness, notice what comes up in you. Happiness for their happiness. Let yourself feel it in your body, in your heart center. Connect to this gladness, to this good will in your heart.

You can stay with the feeling alone, or silently say the phrases of mettā, the phrases of muditā, if you wish, optionally:

I'm happy for your happiness. Your happiness makes me happy, makes me glad. It gives my heart joy. May your good fortune, your blessing, continue. May it increase. May it never end.

Fully well knowing that impermanence is the law of the human condition, and yet, without attachment to outcome, we are sharing our good will, our wish for their good fortune to continue. Not attaching to it necessarily continuing, but just sharing with generosity the sense of abundance of our heart.

May it continue. May it never end.

As a blessing, as a wish of generosity from our end:

May your happiness increase. May it never end.

At any point, if your feeling wanes in your practice, bring up their image as clearly as you can, connecting with their felt sense. Them taking delight and happiness in their good fortune. Feeling in your bones their happiness. Notice how that can light up your heart in gladness, naturally in connection.

The more you connect with their felt sense, their image, with their happiness, the more stable this practice can become.

Letting your body be relaxed, soft, receiving the breath. Connecting with each breath to the generous reflection of joy in your heart.

And now, I would like to invite you to bow to this benefactor. Thank them for supporting your practice of cultivating generosity of heart in muditā, vicarious joy.

Now turning your attention, your awareness, to some blessing, some goodness in your own life that you feel grateful for, that you feel happy about. Some blessing you feel happy about. Bring it to heart, and see what it feels like if you said the phrases of muditā for yourself:

I'm happy for my own happiness. My happiness brings me joy. May this blessing, may this good fortune of mine continue. May it increase. May it never end.

Again, not attaching to outcome. With a relaxed heart and mind, sharing your own good will for yourself without the tightness of attachment, as if you were throwing flower petals, blessings, upon yourself.

I'm happy for my happiness.

Notice if it transforms this happiness into a sense of gratitude, an abundance of heart. As if you would want to kneel and kiss the ground for this blessing. Maybe, maybe not. Simply notice.

I'm happy for this blessing in my life. My heart beams with gladness for this good fortune of mine. May this abundance continue and never cease. May my happiness continue. I'm happy for my own happiness. I take delight in my good fortune, in this blessing of mine.

Allowing yourself to feel your own gladness, your happiness for this blessing, for this goodness in your life. Relishing it with generosity of heart. Letting yourself relish this goodness. Staying in the present moment. Not in the past, not in the future, not with fear. Right here, right now, in this moment. Present with appreciation for what is.

And now, inviting back your benefactor with whom you practiced earlier. Bringing them back. And the two of you now together, bringing to mind both of your blessings, theirs and yours. Allowing yourself to feel happy for both of your good fortune, as different as they may be. Different colors, flavors. A sense of gladness for good fortune, for goodness in the world, the circumstances.

I'm happy for our happiness, for our good fortune. May our good fortune continue. May it never cease. May it grow.

Seeing both of you as siblings in gladness, appreciative of joy.

Thank you for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

To me, it felt like time flew when practicing vicarious joy, practicing muditā. Such a lovely practice. We have some time, and you're invited, dear sangha^[5], to share your comments, your observations, your reflections. What you observed, what was surprising, what worked, what didn't, what was challenging. It is all welcome, especially if you haven't shared in a while. Please raise your Zoom hand in "Reactions" at the bottom, or you can type in chat, either privately to me (I won't say your name) or publicly. I would love to hear from you. Anything is welcome.

Ben asks: "Is this practice related to techniques of magnifying pleasant sensations as an entryway to jhāna^[6]?"

Not exactly. The way you are talking about it, it is not about a technique of magnifying pleasant sensation as an entryway to jhāna. And yet, for all the Brahmavihāras, there are jhānās. Jhānas are states of absorption. In the practice of samatha samādhi^[7] (translated as concentration), when one comes back to the same object over and over and over again, the mind can have a sense of stability, profound stability, that can feel like absorption with the object. As if the mind is merging with the object. Often in the West, we teach absorptions with ānāpānasati^[8], with the breath, but there are many different objects. In fact, there are 40 different objects in this tradition.

So related to your question, Ben, there are absorptions, there are jhānas or states of stability, for each of the four Brahmavihāras. For muditā, vicarious joy, if one keeps practicing it, the mind will become stable and will reach absorption, which feels very different and has a different flavor than absorption through the breath. I hope that answers your question.

Jeanie says: "I chose my aunt as benefactor. She died yesterday morning."

Aw, it was very sweet. That is very sweet. Thank you, Jeanie, for sharing that. Thank you so much for sharing that, yeah.

Ben says: "It sounds like muditā is reverse anxiety, where anxiety is a vicious cycle. Muditā, as you taught, is a virtuous cycle."

Absolutely. It is a virtuous cycle, yes. Bringing the mind to goodness, to gladness. There is so much to be happy about for others or for ourselves, not just turning our hearts to what is challenging and difficult.

Any other reflections? What was easy, what was challenging, what you discovered, what surprised you? Especially if you are new, we would love to hear from you, hear your wisdom. And please know that whatever you share is a gift to the community.

Jerry says: "I had forgotten about a benefactor and realized how I am where I am right now because of him. It made me more aware of a deeper sense of gratitude."

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that, Jerry. I feel the same way with the friend I was bringing to mind; there was just such a lovely sense of gratitude and connection, happiness for them. I couldn't stop smiling. So lovely.

I'll take a pause, maybe a beat for one more reflection, especially if anybody wants to say it out loud. And of course, we can reserve time on the other end when we come back from groups.

Charles Lee, please.

Charles: Yeah, thanks. I have this feeling of this light. What I thought of was actually a Christian prayer that is said for the dead, which is, you know, "May light perpetual shine upon them," or "shine upon you." But certainly, I was not thinking of death, but was definitely thinking, may the beam of the sun shine warmly on all beings.

Nikki: That is absolutely beautiful. Thank you, Charles, for sharing that. As you said it out loud, I was feeling the generosity, the good will of, "Ah, may the sun beam upon you." How lovely to connect these two practices of the heart. How lovely to connect them. Thank you for sharing that. It makes me happy. Lovely.

So, dear ones, the invitation I have... Oh, one more comment from Jamie: "I realized my benefactor's blessing was a product of her own efforts, and my vicarious happiness turned into admiration."

Oh, lovely. I love that. Thank you. It is profound how these wholesome states of mind can be connected.

For our practice in community tonight, before you hop off, listen to what it is. The invitation is, as we get into groups of three, share something that brings you joy. Something that you are grateful for in your life—one thing. And the other two people will appreciate it, will have appreciative joy, vicarious joy, for your blessing. Then somebody else will share something, and then the third person. You will go round and round, sharing something you are grateful for, while the other two really have the sense of muditā: May your blessing continue, may it never end, may it grow. And then you will get to do it for others.

It is just such a fun practice to do now in real time, now that you've done it in your mind. See what it is like. Just as I describe it, I am actually getting chills! See what it is like to actually do it in real time, and be held witness by others, and hold others witness. That is the invitation. I hope you stay, especially if you have a tendency to hop off and not participate. See how happy-making this can be.

So I am going to create the rooms, and... here we go, opening them up.

[Break for breakout rooms]

Okay, welcome back everyone. The rooms are closed, and we have a couple of minutes for any observations. How were the groups? What was the practice like to share your joy with each other? I see lots of people smiling. This is great. I would love to hear from you, please, especially if you haven't spoken yet.

Joy is infectious, says Jerry. Yes. Anybody who is smiling ear to ear want to share? Okay, Fred, here you go.

Fred: Not so much on our group, but I was realizing that the person I picked as my benefactor—who is, in fact, going to drop by and be my benefactor again tomorrow—would choose me as her benefactor too. She might be surprised that I would think of her as my benefactor. But there is a kind of mutuality that is really at the heart of it.

Nikki: Yeah, and isn't that sweet that people can be our benefactors in a way that they've supported us without them really knowing, or us being theirs? There is just such a beauty in the mutuality that you just pointed out. So thank you for sharing that. Yeah. And Julie, please.

Julie: I just wanted to share that coming into the group tonight, I was feeling really tired. Just a long day at work and yada yada yada. It's amazing how connection can be so energizing. I thought I was tired, you know, and perhaps physically I may still be, but when we connect like this—just as a larger group like this, and then in our smaller groups—it just amplifies it. And then we get to bring it back here, and then we get to say goodbye, and we get to take it into our immediate worlds here, and it just, when I envision it, goes on and on and on. So thank you all for being here, because without all of you, I couldn't be experiencing this right now. So thank you.

Nikki: Julie, you are getting lots of hearts as you are saying that. It is very sweet. Thank you for saying this, and thank you for being here and supporting everyone and yourself in this practice. It is so lovely to hear; it gives me joy. Yay. And now Siri is talking to me. She said, "Right back at you!" I guess it is right back at you, Julie, Siri's message! That's too funny.

A few reflections. Terrence says: "The most obvious joy/blessing is this practice."

Yes, ah, isn't it? Having access to the Dharma and this practice is a blessing indeed.

And Marie Christine, you're right, Terrence, it is pure bliss. How beautiful.

Julie says, Susan, and a bunch of other hearts. What a lovely note to end our practice together on. So thank you, everyone. Thank you for showing up and doing this practice for yourself, and for everyone whose lives yours touches. May all beings be filled with joy and happiness and gladness. May all beings be free, including ourselves.