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Happy Hour: Metta as Holy Fire

Guided Meditation

For the practice tonight, the guided meditation, I'd like to invite us into sitting with a couple of different things. One is the idea of sitting with holy fire.

There are so many different ways of considering holy fire. We could consider various emotions arising and passing as holy fire. Sitting with a whole range of emotions, one could feel a fiery sense of sadness, anger, disappointment, confusion, and uncertainty. As well, there could be a fire of joy, a fire of delight, a fire of determination, a fire of knowing the directions, a fire of intentionality. And I like to call them all holy fires, in the way that, in different ways, all of these alchemical ingredients can be supportive in ways that we may not see in the moment. But depending on how we work with them, they can open us up and support us, both supporting ourselves in our waking up and supporting others in the world.

So, sitting with holy fire is the theme for tonight. Let's explore and discover together what arises, what happens, and where we end up. So buckle your seatbelts, get comfortable on your cushions or your chairs, and let's begin.

Arriving in your body. In this body, in this moment, just as it is. It doesn't need to be any different than it is right now. If it's tired, if it's achy, if it's vibrant, if it's energetic—however it's showing up in this moment. If there is tightness, just inviting this mystery of this body just as it is.

And inviting in a relaxing, a softening. Inviting the breath to move and nourish this body. Calm.

And inviting a sense of dropping in, opening up, and letting go of any effort. Letting go. Drop the effort in this moment. If you are efforting, stop it. Drop it. And see what shows up when you drop the effort.

And asking yourself, asking your body, your heart, what is needed right now? What is needed in this moment? And see what comes up. Be surprised.

Letting there be a sense of grounding with your feet, with your hands, with your sit bones.

And inviting an image of the breath as it enters your body, as if it were entering through your abdomen. Entering and exiting through your abdomen. And each breath settling, connecting, grounding you more deeply into yourself.

And as you see, and as you were invited to, breath entering your lower abdomen, your Hara, in Qigong, the Dantian^[1]. As if it were the center of your body, the center of gravity of your being. Grounding you, centering you with each breath. Bringing down the center of gravity from your head, where we often tend to be, to the lower abdomen, with each and every breath.

And now, inviting the image, if you wish—you don't have to—inviting the image that the breath, the in-breath, the out-breath, is stoking, is supporting this holy firewood in your gut. This holy fire, this sense of energy, aliveness. The mysterious holy fire that is you, of your being.

And you're not creating it, just receiving it. The mystery, the fire of your aliveness, your liveliness, it's already here. It is already a gift unto the world. See if you can receive and be witness to it. And as it is supported by the breath, see what happens. Be curious.

The fire element, one of the four elements^[2] in the Buddhist canon. The aliveness, the energy. And ask how this fire, this holy fire, can be supportive for you in this moment. What is the significance of it for you in this moment? Is it the holy fire of your intention? Peace? Your love? Is it a holy fire of duty? Is it action? Is it social justice? Is it the holy fire of humility, of bowing to the mystery that is you and all living beings? What is alive in you right now? Recognizing what is alive in you right now, which may be something that I did not name. Be curious. Discover for yourself.

And as you sit with the holy fire, what happens? Does it enliven your heart, spread to your heart, your heart center, your limbs, to your whole body? Or maybe not. Be curious. And is there an element of loving desire? Wholesome, wholesome desire, a loving way that's enlivening and purifying. What can both enliven your being and also hold and support whatever might be arising in this moment?

An alchemical fire that transforms thoughts as they arise, emotions. Loving fire with loving presence. Transformational. Enlivening to yourself.

A sense of loving presence that we usually invoke and practice with, often with the space element, the air element. Exploring it this evening with the fire element, a different aspect of its nature. Alive, enlivening, transformational nevertheless. See what is most supportive for you in this moment, for yourself.

And trusting that this fire, this holy fire, is called not just to serve you and support you, but to serve the world. Letting it burn brightly, shining its light and its warmth, its energetic aliveness, unto others, to the world. In service.

In the last minute of this practice period, bowing to, appreciating whatever arose or did not arise in this practice period. And if there are any self-judgments, can they be transformed in this loving fire? Offered up. See what might happen.

Reflections

Nikki: Good to see you all. So, if you have some reflections, maybe a word or reflections. Also, if you want to share, you can type them in the chat and I would read them, if there is one word or phrase coming up for you. Or you can—yeah, you're unmuted. Yes.

Kim: It wasn't intentional.

Nikki: Okay, alright, I will ask you to mute yourself, Kim. So I will start.

I think what's arising—one reflection I want to share, as I was sharing during the practice, is that often in many guided meditations, you might have noticed that the space element, similar to the air element—slightly different, but a sense of spaciousness—is evoked to have a sense of loving awareness. And staying spacious when thoughts and emotions arise and pass, being held in a sense of loving-kindness.

And yet, the other three elements in the Buddhist cosmology are often not explored. There is the fire element, which we explored tonight, there is the water element, and there is the earth element. We do explore the earth element by grounding ourselves in the body, and there's a lot of grounding imagery that you have probably worked with yourself. We also work perhaps with the water element, with this sense of flow and the moving of emotions. But rarely the fire element.

So tonight was an exploration of this beautiful element that I think is often neglected and could be very supportive and helpful in different ways in our practice. In the sense of aliveness, this aliveness juice, holy desire for service, loving fire, alchemical fire. There are so many different ways to relate to the fire element, so I evoked lots of different invitations for you to see what was supportive for you, to see the sense of aliveness for yourself, of what the holy fire actually represents for you.

Is it service? Is it social justice? Is it a sense of humility that you bow to? Is it this sense of, Wow, I'm serving the world, this fire, this energy? And also the alchemical aspect of it supporting the various emotions and thoughts that can arise. That was my intention for this offering tonight: a different way of practicing with loving-kindness with this holy fire, both serving internally and externally, serving the world, this mystery.

What is coming up for me, the one-word reflection, is a sense of intentionality, really. Aliveness, energy of life, service, and connection. Connecting with all of your fires, whatever shape or form they took. For me, it started to feel in my belly, and then it spread to my heart and the whole body as I was sitting in the holy fire while leading you in this guided meditation.

So if you'd like to share a reflection or type it, you can raise your hand or unmute yourself, don't be shy. What's arising for you?

Phil offers, "Burning karma^[3]." Thank you, Phil, I appreciate that image.

Kim offers, "Gentle spring-like aliveness." Thank you, I like that. Gentle spring-like aliveness, like the season of spring. Love it, beautiful.

Oh, and Michelle has her hand up. Please, Michelle.

Michelle: Hi, thank you so much for your guided meditation tonight and for your service. This was a new one for me. I haven't reflected on the energy of fire. Typically, when I do different guided meditations and loving-kindness meditations, I get a real sense of peace, calm, and comfort. This time, when you said something about how the fire burns and is transformational, what I really felt was an extreme sense of discomfort. I was hot—I mean, it's a hot day anyways, but I was hot.

I'll speak for myself: I have a lot of defects of character that get in my way and make me more fearful and more of a people pleaser. There are things I don't like about myself. When I could feel the fire, I was listening to your guidance and breathing from my stomach, and I could feel it start to actually rage in my stomach and then move out through my core, and I was perspiring. I was just incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable.

But I'm hoping that it was karmic. Sometimes you have to burn away some of that crap that gets stuck, things that we've developed over our lives, instincts and ways to protect ourselves that are just fixed. Maybe it's cathartic, perhaps karmic, I have no idea about that. So it was a different experience, but thank you very much for getting us through it.

Nikki: Thank you so much for that wonderful report, Michelle. I really appreciate you sharing that, and I'm delighting in the detail in which you shared it, connecting it with this sense of discomfort and rage that came up. Connecting that with the sense of rage that I'm perhaps hearing in this people-pleasing—wanting to please people all the time, which can involve ignoring oneself. There can be a sense of shock: "Enough! I don't want to please people." It's so enlivening. Like, "Wow, see that rage. Oh dear, that rage that has been building up, and now I get to see it. I get to sit with it. I don't get to just put it under the carpet, but wow, here it is, this is what's happening."

In terms of the karmic, I mean, one way to think about burning karma—I see there's a question also about if that is the same thing as purifying karma. The idea of karma, if one thinks of it as actions and reactions in life. Having had the habitual reaction or reactivity of people-pleasing has built up this fire of rage that is now being recognized and sat with in a loving way, in a patient way. And that is what's significant about this way of working with it. It's not anger towards the fire of rage, it's, "Oh darling, sweetie, wow. Can I sit with you? Can I hold you in this holy fire to recognize you, to bear witness?" And that's what I heard you were working with and experiencing through this practice. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. Lovely.

Okay, any other reflections? Any reports or questions you'd like to share before we go into small groups?

[Fire alarm begins sounding in the background]

Okay, that's the fire alarm where I live. I'm going to trust that it's... speaking of fire, this is funny. I'm going to mute myself and put everyone in a small group. You don't have to enjoy the fire alarm, but this is hilarious doing a meditation on fire.

[After returning from breakout groups]

Nikki: Hello everyone, I'm standing outside. I hear the firetrucks coming to my building. Speaking of holy fires, what's happening right now? Exciting. As you can see, I'm outdoors in Mountain View, California with my laptop.

How were the practice groups? How's it going? It was very loud inside, so I'm out, and all the neighbors are outside in the parking lot, and we're awaiting the fire marshals. Yeah, don't tell them I started the fire by leading a meditation on holy fire! [Laughter] This is really funny. Is there smoke? Smell any smoke? I hope it's a false alarm, but usually, when it's a false alarm, it ends in two minutes. We know by now that it's been going on for eight or nine minutes.

Anyway, how was your practice? I'd love to hear if anyone wants to share.

Kim: I was by myself.

Nikki: Oh no! They dropped off, probably. Yeah, it happens. Here's a firetruck. Sorry about that, Kim. So you reflected on your own. No one else wants to report how your practice went? Okay, the firetruck is here. Anyone want to share in real-time? How was it?

Trudy: It was very pleasant.

Nikki: Trudy says it was pleasant. Anything else you want to add, Trudy?

Trudy: Well, nobody said anything, and then we found out we were spread out all over the country. It felt nice that we were all together there, being quiet and speaking a little. Just a nice few minutes.

Nikki: Sweet. Lovely. And Phil is offering in the chat: "A very powerful meditation." Do you want to say more, Phil? You're invited. If not, that's okay, too.

Phil: [Trying to unmute]

Nikki: It won't let you unmute? Okay, let me see... oh, wait, let's try that again. Please try again.

Phil: I was just joking that our meditation on fire was so powerful that it set your building on fire! I tell you, [unintelligible] the power of collective meditation. Thanks. We just had a nice chat. All three of us are involved in event planning in one way or another, some professionally, some volunteer work. It was very sweet. I always appreciate these breakout rooms. Thanks. I look forward to being in one with each of you someday.

Nikki: Sweet, yeah. Okay, well, if there aren't any other final reflections you want to share about the practice, or practicing with the fire element... any last reflections you'd like to share?

Participant: Just the irony of this session! When you hear the fire alarm, it makes me think about what's happening around you.

Nikki: That's right. It is the irony of it all, and yet it's life, right? You never know what's going to happen next. That's what is really alive for me right now. In the minutes that you guys were in the groups, I was considering, "Okay, am I just going to stay inside and continue to be affected by this loud noise, or take my laptop and go out? Or pack some essentials?" I left the essentials inside. I took the laptop to continue this session.

I think there's something about our practice that prepares us, because I'm not scared. My heart isn't racing. And yet, there is a feeling of uncertainty. There are so many projects, I have so much paperwork—not everything is on the computer. I have many paper things lying around that I need to take care of, and I thought, "Okay, this would be gone. Wouldn't that be interesting?"

There is so much that we take for granted, so much certainty that we take for granted. In a moment, here's a fire alarm. It actually could be a fire on the other side of the building. It's still going, and the firetruck is still here.

Anyway, it's 7:01, so that's our time. We don't know about the fire and how it ends. We never know, do we? It's a mystery we live in.

Participant: Will we see you tomorrow night?

Nikki: Yes, I hope so! Show up tomorrow night, I'll let you know how it goes! [Laughter]