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Happy Hour: Thankfulness for Challenges

Welcome, a warm, warm welcome wherever you are in the world. Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, and whether it's sunny or rainy, cold or warm, summer or winter, it's just lovely to be with you all. My heart is already warmed by just sitting together and with this feeling, our intention to come together to practice.

For today's theme, for the guided meditation... Last week, we spent the week with various ways to practice gratitude. There are different ways to approach the topic, offered by myself as well as Dawn, who was our guest teacher. Thank you again, Dawn, for supporting the sangha^[1] last week, and Diana also. Last week we practiced a lot of gratitude, which was lovely, and I'm still on a roll. I've still been practicing gratitude; it's just been so lovely. I see some of you also nodding, and yeah, you're on a roll too with this gratitude practice.

Christine asked, "Was Dawn's class recorded?" Yes and no. It wasn't recorded in real-time, but she recorded it afterwards and it is posted on AudioDharma, so you can find it.

For the theme, I want to continue with this, just maybe for one more night or one more day, in another way, because there are so many different ways for the heart to touch into these practices. The way I wanted us to consider tonight is actually inspired by a poem. So, I will share the poem, and then we'll sit together and practice. We'll get grounded with the breath and the body, get embodied, and then I'll offer some invitations. Of course, work with whatever works for you. We'll start where it's easier and then turn towards maybe something that's a little more challenging, or our edge perhaps. At any point, feel free to turn around and go where it's easy. You don't have to push it; with all these hard practices, the idea is to be gentle with ourselves.

The idea of tonight's practice, where we will be heading, is gratitude. Not just gratitude for what's good, seemingly easy, and wonderful, but also for what is a challenging gift.

The poem I'd like to share with you is by Billy Mills, from his book called Wokini^[2]. Just to say a couple of words about Billy Mills: he was born in 1938 on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota, in the Oglala Lakota Nation. He grew up in poverty and was orphaned at the age of twelve. He became a runner, discovering he had a talent for long-distance running. He won many awards, and after much training, he became a gold medalist at the 1964 Tokyo Olympics. I can't find it in my notes right now, but to give a sense of it, coming from a very challenging background, he got the gold medal in the 10,000 meters for the U.S. Olympics team.

Just so we have a little bit of background about this beautiful man, here is the poem. Actually, let's start with our meditation first. Let's get settled.

Guided Meditation

Let's just get settled. We'll start with getting settled in the body with the breath for a few minutes, and then I'll offer the poem so that it lands. Then we'll do the practice—let's experiment, why not?

I'd like to invite you to get into your meditation posture. Landing in your body, landing with the breath. Letting go of all the words and just landing in the sense of presence in this moment. Feeling the connection of your body with the cushion, with the earth. Your sit bones landing, dropping into the chair. Your feet, your legs, giving their weight onto the earth. Your hands resting, feeling heavy. The entire body dropping in.

The gaze turned inward. Letting go of the helium balloons of thought, letting them float away, and turning the gaze inward to the sensations of the body, the sensations of the breath received in the abdomen.

Settling, arriving, receiving the breath in its entirety. The entire in-breath, the entire out-breath. Maybe even putting a comforting hand on your abdomen. Feeling the abdomen expanding and contracting with each breath. With a comforting, soothing, receptive hand, embracing the abdomen.

Allowing there to be a sense of delight, enjoyment, and simplicity of the breath. Sitting in this moment, joy and delight wherever it shows up.

Now, as you stay embodied—receiving the breath and the abdomen in the body, the gaze turned inwards, feeling your feet, legs, and sit bones connected to the earth—I'd like to invite you, without losing embodiment, to connect with one thing you feel appreciative for in this very moment. Stay with this reflection, the goodness of it. It could be as simple as appreciating the smoothness of the breath. Whatever it is, stay with its goodness, the delight of this goodness in this moment.

Now, maybe bringing to mind something else that the heart can rejoice in and feel appreciation for in this moment. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a sense of gladness. Stay with it for a beat or two, letting your heart be gladdened as you breathe in and out.

I'm now inviting a third reflection. Something else there's appreciation for in this moment in time. As if you were savoring your favorite bite of food, let yourself savor and taste this goodness in your heart, in your whole body.

Now, if you wish, maybe bring in something from your day that you feel grateful for. Let your mind stay with the good. Do not fall into a lot of thinking, but just choose one thing—a sense of appreciation. Let yourself savor this blessing and not take it for granted. Let each reflection be a thought that gets dropped into your body like a pebble in a still pond, resonating. Not going on trips of the mind, but just staying here in the body, savoring the goodness or the appreciation.

In your own time and pace—best to have a slow pace—bring in pebbles, dropping them into this pond. Each pebble is either something from your day, from your life, or this moment. Let there be time for savoring and staying with it before you move on to the next. Otherwise, the mind can get too unstable if you move too quickly. Take your time.

If you find there are many helium balloons of thought, let the alien balloons fly away. Come back to the breath, come back to the body. Just let there perhaps be a sense of simple appreciation for this moment of being alive, being conscious, having access to the dharma^[3], to these teachings, to these practices, and practicing in sangha. Letting your body and your heart feel bright with the goodness that's available to you in this life.

And now, if you wish, I'd like to invite us to open to the possibility of gratitude even for what is challenging. As inspiration, I'd like to offer this poem by Billy Mills. There are two terms in this poem. One is the word Wakan Tanka^[4], which means the sacred or the divine. Another word is Iktomi^[5], which is a mischievous spirit. Let it wash over you.

In my youth, I respected the world and life.
I needed not anything but peace of heart.
And yet I changed despite myself and believed in Iktomi's lies.
He seemed to know all the truth.
He promised to make me happy.
He made me ask Wakan Tanka for wealth that I might have power;
I was given poverty that I might find strength.^[6]
I asked for fame so others would know me;
I was given obscurity that I might know myself.
I asked for a person to love that I might never be alone;
I was given a life of a hermit that I might learn to accept myself.
I asked for power that I might achieve;
I was given weakness that I might learn to obey.
I asked for health that I might lead a long life;
I was given infirmity that I might appreciate each minute.
I asked Mother Earth for strength that I might have my way;
I was given a weakness that I might feel the need for her.
I asked to live happily that I might enjoy life;
I was given life that I might live happily.
I received nothing I asked for, yet all my wishes came true.
Despite myself and Iktomi, my dreams were fulfilled.
I am richly blessed, more than I ever hoped.
I thank you, Wakan Tanka, for what you have given me.

Breathing the reverberations that arise for you. What can we be grateful for despite what we asked for, what we wished for? That it is a blessing for us to grow, and have grown. Is it possible to see this box of darkness, as Mary Oliver puts it, as a gift of darkness^[7]? Recognize that this too is a gift. Don't push it; only ask the question and let it be.

In the last moments of this sit together, allow there to be appreciation and gratitude for this being that is you, who has brought yourself to this practice in this moment. You showed up. Thanking yourself, appreciating, taking delight in your wise, wholesome effort without attachment to any outcome. You showed up, that's all that matters. What arose or did not arise, letting go of that completely. Letting there be gratitude for the wholesome intention and showing up. Even if there was just one moment of awareness, mindfulness, or feeling grateful—just one moment of any—celebrate that. Deep gratitude for your practice, for showing up.

Reflections and Q&A

If you'd like to share reflections, please raise your blue hand by going to participants and clicking on it, or you can type it in the chat.

Just to say one more thing about Billy Mills. I couldn't find it in my notes earlier, but I remembered that it was the very first time anyone had won this particular race in the Olympics. Also, he spent his life really contributing to the community and becoming a mentor for the youth in his community. He has a website, really a beautiful being.

Thank you, Dawn, for your beautiful words, and thank you for showing up in your practice.

Alana asked in the chat, "Could you please share the name of the poem?" Yes, the poem is from his book called Wokini. His website, which you can look up later, is billymills.com (or runningpast.com). You'll find this poem as well as his biography.

Gabrielle shares in chat: "During the practice, I felt a motivation to meditate and practice more, but also with tightness or grasping around that motivation. Any ideas on how to work with this? I hope it can help others too."

Great, Gabrielle, I appreciate that. It's beautiful when the sense of motivation to meditate and practice more comes up. What a beautiful feeling of aspiration! And with the tightness around it—grasping and tightness—you're already seeing the grasp. Seeing it is very helpful, because if you didn't see it, you could fall into it. But actually seeing the tightness, you can just be kind and gentle with it, because you know the tightness won't be supportive.

Bill says, "Thank you, Nikki. An appreciation of difficult blessings seems to tie into not having fixed expectations, too."

Exactly, yes. Thank you, Bill, because you never know. So many challenges in our lives open us up to beauty, grace, compassion, and love. There is so much beauty in challenges. There's this concept of post-traumatic growth in psychology, and there are theories that we actually wouldn't grow if there weren't challenges at the right time and the right amount. If you're too young, challenges can be very difficult. But when you're older, they can actually really help our growth and burgeoning as a human being.

Clark said, "The only thing I was able to easily and immediately feel gratitude for in the present moment was feeling the virtual presence of the sangha."

That's lovely, Clark, thank you. I felt that very strongly also, the sense of presence of the sangha. I feel really grateful for all of you. I feel grateful every time we just show up; a lot of happiness arises for me.

On YouTube, we have thanks, gratitude, and hellos to the sangha from Maui, Berkeley, Colorado, Todos Santos in Mexico, and other places.

April says, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need."

Yes, the wisdom of the Rolling Stones! [Laughter] Thank you for sharing that, April. This practice is definitely what we try in connecting with what's difficult: doing so with wisdom and compassion, not rubbing our nose in it.

(Small group breakouts occur)

Welcome back, everyone. First, Neil:

Neil: "First of all, that was a wonderful sitting with a lovely poem, and it was deeply moving. We were talking about the experience of being grateful for difficult things. I personally find it easier to be grateful for difficult things retroactively, because without them I wouldn't be the me I am now. But it's hard to be grateful for them in the present. I'm wondering what are some tricks or ways to help with that?"

Thank you so much, Neil. Brilliant reflection and question. I think being grateful for them after the fact is a great start, and it often takes some time. What you're asking about is, can we turn our perspective around to actually be grateful for something in real-time? I think just the fact that you're asking that question is planting the seed. Asking that question without pushing—sort of saying, "I have to be grateful for this" doesn't work. But asking, "Is there something about this challenge that actually I can be grateful for in real-time?" It may not be apparent in real-time, and that's okay. Sometimes it does take a while. It's practice; it's obviously not a given. Sometimes being grateful in real-time may or may not be possible, but by actually asking that reflection, it might open it up.

Neil: "I would have preferred, 'Do this and you'll be fine,' but I appreciate this." [Laughter]

Great, thanks, Neil. Denise, please?

Denise: "Hi. That was beautiful. In the beginning I was like, 'Oh, gratefulness again! I have to be grateful again, oh my god.' But then I could feel that gratefulness in the midst of current challenges. I'm wondering, and it's related to the poem... sometimes we just have longings, the heart has longings. I guess I'm in that middle point of having these longings, but also having the sense that you need to learn to be content, happy, and present with your current reality. Because if you just keep going after all your longings, you don't have this state of being that is really appreciating what you have in the moment. I feel that if I'm not happy right now, it doesn't matter where I go, it will just go with me."

I get the gist of it. I'll make it brief because we are out of time, but this is so rich I'll take another minute for it. It's the balance between having aspirations and not saying, "Oh, it's all okay." It's a balance between aspiration and acceptance and contentment to work towards, and it may not happen every moment. One moment you might have more contentment, which might veer into resignation if it goes too far. But in another moment, the aspiration could become grasping ("I really want this"). It's a continuum. Feel into whether there can be a healthy balance: "Yes, I have aspiration, and there's a sense of contentment." Both of those need to be there for a healthy balance in the heart. It's a dance.

Dear ones, we've come to the end, and then a little bit more. Thank you all for joining for your practice. It just makes me so happy to be part of the sangha. Oh, and I have to acknowledge Gita! Regarding Neil's comment about gratitude in a difficult situation, Gita shared: "Sometimes I have noticed what is possible in those situations is to know that there will be gratitude afterwards. That may just be a fleeting thought or sensation, but for me, it has been enough at times to stay with a difficult situation when flight seemed a really good option."

Lovely. Thank you, Gita, for sharing your wisdom. I love the community wisdom here, supporting each other.

May you all be safe, happy, healthy, and well. May there be gratitude in all of our hearts, in the hearts of all beings everywhere. May we all be free.

(The sangha unmutes to share a cacophony of goodbyes and thank yous) [Laughter]