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Happy Hour: Soothing Metta

Welcome everyone. Good afternoon, good evening, good morning, wherever you are in the world right now and joining us. For this moment's practice together, for this happy hour, I thought about doing a nourishing metta^[1]. Metta is always nourishing, but really putting the emphasis today on the instructions, on nourishing our bodies, our hearts, our minds.

With that in mind, the silence will be a bit longer so that we can really settle in and take our time at the beginning. We always do, but maybe even more so today, to really settle in with the body and with the breath, with the emphasis on the nourishment of being with the body and the breath.

The practice might seem like it's always the same: we bring ourselves or somebody else to mind and cultivate goodness, wishing them well. But the nuances can be slightly different, and these nuances are really available to us. How nourishing, how rejuvenating, what a source of healing for the body and mind this practice of metta can be here and now. Right here, right now.

It doesn't have to be difficult. I've heard from some students in the past that they only felt that metta is working when they're connecting with some challenging emotions and really giving themselves or somebody else metta. It doesn't have to be that way. It can be gentle. It can be like a cool, calming breeze. Or, when you're hot, like jumping into a cool spring of water that just really nourishes your body. It can just be gentle; it can be nourishing.

So that's the emphasis we're going to have. And if that's available today, great. And if it's not, that's perfectly fine too. A lot of times we don't have a choice as to what arises. Maybe challenges arise and you need to be with them with compassion, with self-compassion.

Those are the invitations. And of course, whatever arises in your practice, as long as you turn to it with kindness, then you're doing this practice right. It's about cultivating kindness, good will, friendliness, and ease with respect to whatever comes up. Even if a crowd of sorrows visits you during this practice, instead of having a conflictual relationship—Go away, I'm trying to have easy metta—which doesn't quite work, makes it conflictual, and makes it harder. So if challenges arise, can you be kind to the challenges, and to yourself for having those challenges?

If the mind is distracted and all over the place, instead of trying to get away from it in order to have a meditation, embrace the distracted Buddha in this moment. The distracted Buddha sitting in practice saying, "Oh hello dear, this is what it's like right now. May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be well." Having kindness and ease with whatever is arising.

With that as our setup, I would like to invite you to get into your meditation posture. Let's begin.

Guided Meditation

So if you need to move, to shift, moving from a chair to a cushion, or if you need to lie down, see what your body needs. Landing in this moment. Landing in the sensations of the body. Noticing if there is any fatigue, or any tension, any pain, any lack of comfort anywhere in the body. And opening to it, embracing it, not turning away.

Allowing awareness, the knowing, to be this comforting, healing salve that is applied, that turns towards any area of the body that's tight, or hurting, or tense.

And I invite you to be your inner Dharma^[2] coach, starting with your face, with your forehead and jaw, and moving piece by piece down throughout your body, bringing gentle, kind attention and awareness to all parts of your body with this healing salve that is the awareness. On your own, in silence, let's begin together.

Inviting each and every part of the body to relax and soften systematically, starting from your head, your face, down to your neck and shoulders, arms, chest, abdomen, sit bones, legs, and feet. In your own time, staying with whatever part of the body needs more attention. Taking your time, no rush.

Inviting your whole body to receive the breath and to feel soothed. As if this healing salve is gently being rubbed all over your body. This healing salve that is awareness. Awareness of all parts of the body inside.

This healing salve being your awareness, your kind awareness. Kindly aware of the whole body internally and externally. The breath moving through, relaxing, releasing, healing, one breath at a time. As if the awareness mixed with the breath had this magical healing power. This kind awareness to heal, to rejuvenate, to transform.

Checking in with the body, allowing it to be relaxed. Inviting it to be soft if any tension has crept in. Relaxing, letting go with the next out-breath.

And now imagining as if the breath was moving in and out of the heart center. The center of the chest. Your heart is on the left; the proverbial heart center is in the middle of your chest. Imagine your breath is being breathed through the center of your chest. And that breath, as it is breathed through the heart center, is also healing the heart. This healing, calming, soothing capacity of the breath moving through the heart center.

This awareness is now in the middle of your chest with the breath. A kind awareness, metta intertwined with awareness. A healing, soothing salve for your heart. Especially if there have been challenges—not to get into them in this moment, but just to hold yourself, to hold your own heart as the breath moves in and out. Each breath bringing more healing and soothing comfort and care.

And then spreading throughout the body, especially if any parts of the body need care and attention. You can decide. If your heart and your emotions need more care, more metta, you can keep your focus there. Or if your body needs more care, more soothing, then keep your kind awareness more in the body.

Maybe it is shared, so that on the in-breath the attention is at the heart center, then it spreads through the body—this healing feeling, healing energy—and then on the exhale again it exits through the heart center. You decide what's best for you. If it is too confusing, just keep the breath in the chest, calming and soothing your heart with each breath. Stay there.

With each breath that's received, allowing a sense of care, comfort, soothing, and healing to be received in your heart and in your whole body.

And if you notice stories or thoughts are arising, it is not a problem. Instead of having a sense of conflict with them, can you relax some more? Can you relax your body? Become aware of the thinking pattern, the thoughts, the plans, and the stories with kindness, with kind eyes, as if you were gazing onto them with kindness. It's okay. It's okay.

And inviting the thoughts to rest and be a part of your practice. To receive kindness, care, and soothing. Kind awareness, loving awareness. A non-conflictual relationship with the thoughts. When thinking, It's like this right now. It's okay.

If we're not in conflict with what arises, it can be easy. There can be ease in our practice. Being aware, but without conflict. Relishing, enjoying, taking delight in the momentum of silence and the healing breath intertwined with loving awareness.

And for the last moments of this practice, letting there be a sense of appreciation for yourself, regardless of the outcome, whatever arose or did not arise. If the mind was distracted or sleepy, it's all okay. You've tried. You've sat. Offering deep appreciation for yourself without attachment. Welcoming appreciation. In fact, maybe even putting your palm on your heart center, which we've been working with this practice period, and just connecting with yourself and appreciating yourself. This being that is you, that has showed up and showed up to practice.

Whatever came up is not your responsibility. Connecting with the goodness within you, of your intention.

Reflections and Q&A

[Music]

Thank you for your practice. I'd like to invite all of us, if you'd like to share any reflections, to either type them in the chat—I'm changing the settings so that you can chat with everyone if you wish—or to unmute yourself. I'll get us started by saying that for me, what's coming up with this practice period is a sense of calm and deep nourishment. The silence and the good will, the care, the comfort, and the soothing, intertwined with awareness and with the breath, and the silence. The momentum of that can build up to this nourishing sense for the body and the mind. Feeling held, that's what's coming up for me right now. So thank you.

Ruth from the Pacific offers, "Nourishing metta. Antidote to my heart's grief felt today." Thank you, Ruth. Thank you for sharing that.

Tom offers, "Thank you, Nikki. I'm so happy I found the sangha^[3]. You always put me at ease. Thank you." Thank you, Tom, for your practice, for showing up. You show up, you do all the work. I serve, and the community serves as the doula to support the practice that arises. So thank you for showing up.

We also have some greetings and thank-yous on YouTube. Thank you all.

Bill offers, "Had anxious thoughts intrude, wasn't okay with them, and couldn't make myself okay. Maybe next time will be better." No problem, Bill, I appreciate you sharing that. When you say, "couldn't make myself okay," there are two ways to interpret that. I'm interpreting that as either you couldn't make the anxiousness go away, or you couldn't be okay with the anxiousness. Making the anxiety go away, that can be hard. It can be conflictual. So I wouldn't recommend that. But the invitation would be to try to be okay, bring kindness, relax the body, and invite this kind awareness of the anxiety, as if you're holding it with your practice. That's the invitation I would have for you, Bill, and for everyone else if anxiety arises next time.

Vero offers, "It has been a sublime experience that has connected me with the goodness of beings. Thanks, Nikki." You're so welcome, Vero. That's beautiful. The sublime experience that has connected you with the goodness of beings. Beautiful.

Holly offers, "Feeling everyone meditating together helps me access metta." Oh, beautiful, Holly, that makes me so happy. That's the power of the sangha, really. Practicing with others and showing up in this way.

Louise offers, "Thanks for today. Can focus better than last week." Great, beautiful. If there is more focus, great. If there's less focus, great. It's all okay. If we can befriend whatever is happening, that is where a sense of freedom comes up.

Ilka offers, "Many thoughts. Had monkey mind today. Thank you for holding space." Beautiful, thanks for sharing that, Ilka. It's monkey mind. As I was inviting you, this would be the invitation for all your practice: when you're sitting and there are a lot of intruding thoughts, anxiety, monkey mind, or a lack of focus—whatever your wording is—one reaction is to try to make it go away. Go away, go away, you're messing up my meditation.

Mary Christmas says, "I had an entire zoo in my head." Okay, great. All the animals, that's cute. Whether you have an entire zoo or just a monkey mind, as they arise, the one invitation is to become aware of them with kindness. Not with, Go away, I'm trying to meditate here. Because if you say, Go away zoo, go away monkey mind, go away anxiety, I'm trying to cultivate metta, there is no metta in it. There is conflict right there. That makes it a conflictual relationship.

It's subtle, but that's really what I'd like to invite you to become attuned to. To become sensitive to the nature of mind. For whatever reason, because of all the causes and conditions of your life, it happens to be, in this moment, a zoo, or a monkey mind, or anxiety. It has to be this way. If it could be any other way, it would have been. Whatever has happened in your life today, last week, or in the world, all of this is building up to this moment. So adding insult to injury isn't a way to cultivate metta, even though that might be the first place the mind goes to.

Instead, my invitation is, as you practice on your own until the next time we meet on Monday, when the zoo arises, first of all: relax the body. Relax the body. Number two, turn your awareness to it, become aware of it with kindness. Like, "Oh, here you are. Hello zoo, hello monkey, hello anxiety. I see you." And invite it to become a part of your meditation. As you are aware with kindness of your breath and of your body, become aware of this. Chances are it might relax, and if it doesn't, there is no conflictual relationship. It's more spacious. You're sitting with the zoo. You can have freedom with the zoo. The idea of this Buddhist meditation isn't to completely shut out all distractions and have no thoughts. That might happen, great. It may not happen, great. But the idea is to have freedom in the midst of whatever is arising so that these thoughts, the anxiety, the zoo, don't become painful. So it doesn't become dukkha^[4], suffering.

Paul offers, "Sitting with the zoo, yep." Sitting with the zoo, yes. I like that.

Nikki says, "I deal with strong indecision and it's hard to put it aside, even for small decisions. I have difficulty, and this can come up in meditation knowing that I have future decisions to make." Ah, I see. So for the meditation specifically, Nikki, especially if other folks have this coming up for them, the invitation is—as Albert Einstein said, we can't solve our problems with the same mind that created them. The same mind that has created this indecision, you cannot make the decision with. The invitation for the middle of the practice is to say, "Not now," and put it aside. Be with your practice, not trying to make decisions in the middle of practice. Trusting that when you are being with awareness, with kindness, with your breath, something shifts, something opens up so that you can better attend to the decisions afterwards. So that is my invitation to you, to ever so gently tell them, "Not now." Again, not conflictually, but ever so gently tell this particular animal, "Thank you for visiting. Come here, sit next to me, but not now."

Melanie offers, "I feel more grounded and more present." Wonderful, happy to hear that.

Small Group Practice

So let's shift into our group practice, to our small groups practice, before time runs short. The invitation for tonight's small groups practice is to show up with ease. Not trying to show up in any particular way—as smart or interesting—but just showing up. Showing up with ease, showing up with kindness and care for yourself and for others, and letting yourself be surprised. Maybe no words come up. Maybe you just sit with these other two wonderful, lovely practitioners in silence and share care for each other. So let's see what comes up.

I'm going to create the groups now. If today is not the time for you to be in groups, no judgment, it's all good. See what is right for you. Okay, here we go. I'm creating the rooms and am about to open them.

[Small Group Practice]

Welcome back everyone. We have a minute for reflections or comments about how the practice with others was. You're welcome to unmute yourself or put it in chat, especially if you haven't spoken before. Don't be shy, what came up for you?

Kim offers, "It was lovely." Oh, that's nice, Kim.

Holly offers, "So nice to connect with people while in lockdown." Yeah, thank you, Holly, it is nice. What else? Any other reflections?

Neil shares, "The longer I do this, the more I like these small groups. I used to hate them in the beginning. I only stuck with them because you and Diana seemed to think they were important, but now they're always too short." Beautiful, thank you, Neil. I want to quote you in the future: the participant who hated them, stuck with them because Diana and I kept bringing them out of the lagoon here as a monster, and now they're too short, they're wonderful! I love that. Thank you so much for sharing that, Neil. They are wonderful and very powerful.

Another participant adds, "I want to echo Neil's comment because even though tonight was very short, I was in a room with Victoria and Holly and it was just so pleasant to connect with someone and just talk to them. Whether it was about recovery or the temperature or things like that, it was really wonderful. So like Neil, at first I was like, 'Ugh,' but now I love them." Thank you.

Thank you so much everyone. This is great. Because what we noticed—Diana and I, and also other teachers—is that when we announce groups, the count keeps dropping on Zoom. People just drop like, Ah, groups! So maybe next time before we do groups, I'll invite one of you to say something about them. There's research, by the way, about doing small groups and this kind of interaction, showing that people tend to not like them at first, and then they actually enjoy them when they stay in them.

Two last comments. One from Yuka: "It's a pleasure to share love. Thank you for your great love. This is a very beautiful world." Ah, thank you, Yuka. Thank you for your beautiful words and your beautiful love that you share with others in very poetic language.

And Kathleen: "So appreciative of what and who are here. Thanks, Nikki. This hour has meaning." Thank you, Kathleen. Thank you so much for showing up every time. You're a regular, thank you for being a backbone of Happy Hour.

With all of that, I want to thank you all for your practice, for showing up, and for caring for yourselves, for each other, and for all whose lives you touch directly and indirectly.

May all beings be well. May all beings be free, including us.

[Music]

Thank you, and have a wonderful weekend. See you on Monday!