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Guided Meditation: Subtle Thoughts

Good evening. Good evening. Welcome, welcome. Wherever you might be, I hope that you're doing well. And we'll do a little bit of a guided meditation here, just settling into this moment, to this experience, and feeling what it feels like to be here now.

How does it feel in the body? Just in a global sense. How does it feel in the mind? Just in a general way. Is the mind busy? Is the mind feeling sluggish? Or maybe there's a brightness, a sharpness.

However I might be with the body, with the mind, can we welcome our experience without pushing any of it away? Without quietly demanding that it be different? But instead tuning into, aligning with, the experience right now.

Maybe tuning into the experience of breathing. Feeling the body breathe. Feeling the stretching, expanding. From there, contracting, non-stretching, just in an easy, natural rhythm. Resting our attention on these sensations of breathing.

It wouldn't be unusual, wouldn't be surprising if we find that the mind has some momentum, and momentum with thinking, and we find ourselves perhaps lost in thought, a little bit disconnected from our breathing. We don't have to make that a problem. Just, "Oh, here I am meditating." Very simply, gently begin again with the sensations of breathing.

By resting our attention on the sensations of breathing, we start to notice how much the mind wants to be making stories, or planning, remembering, fantasizing. Chances are we wouldn't notice if we hadn't set the intention of noticing the breathing. That's one of the functions of mindfulness of breathing, is to highlight, help us notice what the mind wants to do, the momentum, the inclination of the mind.

It can be helpful to notice not only these movements of the mind of planning, or fantasizing, remembering, but also to notice those little subtle thoughts. Maybe that arise when we first become aware that we've been lost in thought. Is there a little voice like, "Oh shoot," or maybe, "Oh, that's right, I'm supposed to meditate"? We can notice those thoughts too. Otherwise, we just are hanging out with the sensations of breathing.

It can be helpful to set the intention to be with the entirety of an in-breath, and the entirety of an out-breath. Beginning, middle, and end. The entirety of the in-breaths and out-breaths, and the transitions between the types of breaths.

We might notice that there are little subtle thoughts where the intention is on the breath. Maybe a fleeting thought, "Oh, I feel this more in my chest, I used to feel this more in the abdomen." Or maybe there's a little fleeting thought in between the in-breath and the out-breath during that transition. We don't have to make it a problem, we're just noticing.

So sometimes our thoughts are subtle. We don't notice them, but they may have an impact on us. They may have an impact on those we come in contact with, in the sense that what we're thinking affects us maybe in ways that we don't notice, and then we find ourselves saying things or doing things that are in response to these subtle thoughts that perhaps we hadn't seen.

So as part of our meditation, to be aware of what's happening in our minds, in our hearts, and this subtle and not-so-subtle ways that our minds work. Not that we have to make it a problem, and not that we have to make it different, but there's something about just noticing that can help us not be pushed around by them.

So may this practice that we do be for the benefit of all beings everywhere.

Little Thoughts, Subtle Thoughts

Good evening. Good evening. Welcome, welcome. A really warm welcome.

So I would just like to share with you this verse that I stumbled upon in the suttas^[1] that I've just been thinking about and I really appreciate for a number of different reasons. So the verse goes like this, and I thought that maybe I would unpack it and we could explore it together:

"Little thoughts, subtle thoughts, when followed, stir up the heart. Not comprehending the thoughts of the heart, one runs here and there, the mind out of control. But comprehending the thoughts of the heart, when followed, stir up the heart, an awakened one, ardent, restrained, and mindful, lets them go without a trace."

So I appreciate this nod to subtle thoughts. Little thoughts, subtle thoughts. Sometimes we just like this idea of thinking just gets put into one category, like there's just one type of thought. But I think so many of us recognize that there's the type of thinking that's a long complicated story, or that we're building up and like maybe it's a whole novel that we're writing. And sometimes I talk about this, that sometimes thoughts can be more like, "Oh okay," just a chapter before we realize, "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be meditating." Maybe it's just a paragraph, just a sentence. Sometimes maybe even just a word.

Maybe they're really loud and obvious, and maybe they're not so obvious, maybe they're subtle. But we could ask ourselves, or we might even imagine, like how many small, seemingly insignificant thoughts do we have during the day? And we probably don't notice them, and we might follow them innocently enough. Thoughts like, "Oh, I wonder what the news is. I haven't checked the news yet today." And then we go when we check the news on our favorite gizmo, and we find ourselves going to another website, and then to another website, and maybe before we know it, much more time than we were expecting or anticipating has been spent just kind of surfing the web, going from one thing to the next. There's nothing wrong with that, right, on the internet, but we might notice that somehow we're getting pushed around. Maybe our intention was not to spend so much time surfing the internet or clicking on this, clicking on that.

But instead, we notice that we have this little push, this drive. It might be really subtle, to click one more thing, one more thing. And we might not be noticing kind of a subtle sense of lack, the sense of there's not enough, a sense of "I need more." And somehow thinking that clicking on that next whatever it is, is somehow going to make us feel better. That we need more objects, like we need to purchase this thing, or I have to consume this information over here, read about this other thing, or this sense of just needing more. Maybe we're not even sure what it is that we need.

So this sense of wanting more can be really subtle or really obvious. There was a time on a retreat, I remember during the meditation noticing the desire coming up. I didn't notice it at the very beginning, but then noticed like, "Oh yeah, lots of desire here." Kind of relaxing with it, noticing it, naming it, and feeling kind of like the desire dampening down, and sometimes it would flare back up again like, "Oh okay, here's desire." Just one of the hindrances. It doesn't have to be a problem, just bring some attention to it, soften and relax and allow it to be there.

You know, and then the mind starts to settle. And I notice this as it starts to settle towards the end of that particular sit, feeling pretty settled. But then the bell rings, and noticing, "Okay, this flare-up again with this desire." It's going to be the midday meal, it was going to be next lunch. But I thought, "Okay, you know, I'm just going to continue sitting and let everybody else go ahead of me in the line." Noticing that little desire arise, but then the mind could just settle again. It was very pleasant to kind of notice how the desire had really abated and settled down just by making room and being with it.

So then I decide, "Okay, it's time, I'm going to go into the dining hall, get my plate." For those of you who have been on retreats, right, it's a buffet. I put some on my plate, "Oh, this looks good. Oh, I'm gonna put some of this. Oh, look at this, this looks good. Oh, I better get some more of that," and then put some more of this on. And I hadn't even noticed how this desire was showing up in this different way until I got to the end of the buffet line and I had mounds of food, like all this food on my plate. So this feeling like, "Oh, I need more, I want more," this sense of lack had followed me and had just kind of shifted to turn to what I wanted: the food.

So my point here is that it can be really subtle, or it can be obvious. When it was a little bit more obvious I could work with it during the meditation. But sometimes desire in particular can have, sometimes we use this expression, a long tail that we don't even notice. So we might not notice that there's this sense of desire that's there, but somehow is kind of compelling us forward, wanting something.

Another type of subtle thought that we might not notice is the inner critic. That is this, maybe it's almost like a sub-personality inside of us that's constantly putting us down, belittling us. This voice of negativity, this self-judgment that we might have, blaming ourselves, nagging ourselves. There's so many different forms it can take, this inner critic, but it often has an attitude of harshness. It's not particularly kind necessarily, but can be harsh and kind of creates this inner climate, this inner environment of harshness. And when the inner critic is up and running, so to speak, there can be this feeling of inadequacy. "I'm not enough," and "However I am, it's not enough," and "I'm not worthy," or "I'm inadequate," or something like this. And there's so much pain and suffering associated with this. But for some people it's like so prevalent they may not even notice it. They may just want to fall into this category of a subtle thought. They might be thinking like, "Oh, this is just the way it is. This is the way reality is." And it's hard perhaps to imagine that it could be otherwise.

But these subtle feelings of lack, these subtle feelings of inadequacy, these are experiences of dukkha^[2]. We often translate it as suffering, but we can also understand it as something a little more subtle, as stress, as unsatisfactoriness. So some of these subtle thoughts are in fact dukkha. And it's the sense of things are not quite right. Maybe we don't even have a real word for it. For me, I was thinking about this, that it's a little bit like sometimes, perhaps waking up in the middle of the night, but not waking up completely, and just having the sense maybe it's too warm. And this feeling like, "Oh, it's just not quite right." And this kind of, I'm going like this with my hand, thrashing around, just feeling like, "Oh, get these covers off of me, it's too hot," or something like this. Just these gestures: "Get this away from me," but we're not quite awake. Just this general feeling that things aren't quite right. So dukkha can be like that. And these subtle gestures where we're not even quite awake can be this movement, this movement of the heart, this movement of the mind.

So of course we want to get rid of dukkha. Of course we respond, we have this reactivity that we want to get rid of it. This is our habit to kind of push away things that are dukkha, unsatisfactory, not quite right. We respond out of this reactivity because of the conditions, we've learned to do this. And of course it's kind of our evolution too, right? That we have evolved from those individuals who managed to not have the dukkha of dying before they passed on their genes. So we have evolved from people who have managed to escape some of the biggest dukkha. So we are conditioned to believe that we have to remove any sense of things aren't quite right, that it's not okay. Have this feeling like, "I don't accept it. This shouldn't be happening." Of course this is a human response, of course we all have this.

But something that happens when dukkha arises, and this reactivity arises, and we don't notice it, there are some of these subtle thoughts. There can be this sense, this attitude of "things should be different." This kind of quiet demand that things be a particular way. Certainly not how they are now, but in some other way. And this kind of sense of having a "should" creates a type of pressure that has this, maybe this frantic search for what will satisfy this "should" or make this dukkha go away. Or maybe it's this sense of not allowing the experience to unfold, but instead to kind of shove the experience into some particular direction. So when the sense of dukkha arises, there's this reactivity. And this reactivity, which is human, but we don't have to have this type of reactivity, the kind of activity that's kind of demanding that things be a certain way or doing things for it not to be a certain way.

And so I described that some of this dukkha is related to the sense of lack, like something's missing. Or maybe a sense of inadequacy, like, "Oh yeah, I need something more." So we often have this idea that happiness can arise from getting what we want. And the same of not getting what we don't want, right? Two sides of the same coin, of course. And what we don't see is wanting this, this craving. This wanting itself is also a subtle kind of dukkha.

So the dukkha arises and there's craving for it to be different, but the craving itself is a type of dukkha. So there's this way that, and this can be really subtle, how the suffering, the difficulty, the not-quite-rightness can get perpetuated and can be a feeling of stuckness, of things not being able to move, without this recognition that the craving, the wanting itself has a part of dukkha, is this uncomfortable experience.

But instead what happens very often in our lives, that we have this little bit of dukkha, this feeling "I want something else," and something else arises, and we feel a little bit better at that moment. And we just naturally assume, "I feel better because I got something, I obtained something, there's something new now that's here." What we haven't noticed, and again this is subtle, is that actually the happiness that we're feeling is not because we obtained something. It's because the craving has been let go of. It's because there's no longer this sense of craving. That it's the absence of that, that has allowed the happiness to arise. So this happiness is associated with a letting go, but we tend to think that the happiness is associated with getting.

So there's a letting go, there's kind of a surrendering, there's no longer the wanting. And we might say, "Well yeah, there's no longer the wanting because you got what you wanted." But the same feeling of happiness, the same feeling of ease can arise when the craving ends. Just because it ends, it's impermanent like everything else. Maybe the stimulus that was causing us to feel like we needed something went away. Maybe all those, if we're watching TV, all those commercials about food, and then we feel like, "Oh yeah, I'm gonna go into the kitchen and see what's in there." Maybe we turn off the TV and are no longer seeing all these commercials about food, and we no longer have this, we feel this lessening. I feel a little bit more ease. So it's not necessarily because we obtained something, but it's because that craving or the really wanting has been softened, that's been let go of. And just for us to, you know, of course we know this, but to remind ourselves that this wanting can go away without our having gotten anything.

That's not the only way in which craving or wanting goes away. Sometimes it goes away just because the mind starts becoming busy with something else. Something, maybe there's a settling of the mind, some meditation.

So this happiness of letting go is different than the maybe greater ease that arises with getting something. But there's also this letting go of insisting that things go our way. There's also the happiness of aligning with what is. Yeah, so there's this little bit of uncomfortableness here, can let go of the idea that it has to be different. So there's these deeper kinds of happiness that are not connected with getting what we want, but are connected with letting go.

So suffering, many of us know this, is of course associated with the First Noble Truth^[3]. And all these noble truths have tasks that are associated with them. And the one that's associated with the First Noble Truth—suffering—is to be understood. So we often have the misunderstanding that I need to get something in order to be happy, in order to make this suffering go away. But part of our understanding of the suffering is that the craving is part of the suffering, and the craving and the suffering, they get intermingled and feed each other and fuel each other, and make it difficult for the suffering to diminish and to go away.

So can we understand this about dukkha? That craving is the Second Noble Truth^[4], but to understand that craving is part of it. It's also the cause of it, but also craving itself is dukkha.

And so then this brings me to the next part of this verse. The next part of this verse which says: "Not comprehending the thoughts of the heart, one runs here and there, the mind out of control." Trying to end this dukkha in some way, trying this, looking there, and whatever will help right there. Sometimes, and this can be really subtle—I keep on using this word subtle—it can be very quiet. It can be not maybe what's obvious, not what we're paying attention to, but sometimes I kind of think of it like peripheral vision. It's like these kind of little thoughts that are on the side, this sense of searching, maybe a little bit of restlessness of trying to find.

So I spoke about we're trying to find something, that's craving and this sense of lack, this sense of inadequacy. So that can be one way in which the mind and the heart are running all about. But another way is with papañca^[5]. Many of you are familiar with this word papañca, it's a Pali word. Often we can translate it as a mental proliferation, that is, there's this one thought and then it just snowballs into maybe it's a sentence that turns into a paragraph that turns into a chapter that turns into a big novel.

So Andrew Olendzki^[6], he says, he describes papañca as these narrative loops that play over and over again in the mind, and the trains of thought pulling out of the station one after another and taking us for a long ride down the track before we even know that we're on board. So I kind of like this idea, right? That these trains of thought we just jump on and off we go. So that's another way that we can think about this second part of the verse: "Not comprehending the thoughts of the heart, one runs here and there, the mind out of control."

So the idea is that papañca is based on thought. We, in the suttas it says that what one thinks about, that one mentally proliferates. So it starts with a thought and then turns into papañca.

But then this verse continues, so there is an escape from this. The verse continues: "But comprehending the thoughts of the heart, when followed, stir up the heart..." So recognizing that all thoughts, whether they are subtle or not, have consequences. Of course they have consequences. Everything has consequences. And sometimes we tend to think that, okay, if they're subtle, they're insignificant. But it turns out that actually subtle is significant. I remember when I first heard Shinzen Young^[7] say this, that subtle is significant. I heard a dharma talk that he gave and that really has stayed with me. I think it's true. So often these subtle thoughts, or these little subtle things that we aren't paying attention to, we tend to be dismissive of them, but in fact they have consequences, and maybe because they are subtle we don't really notice.

And I appreciate the translator here for this is Thanissaro Bhikkhu^[8], and he's talking about "thoughts of the heart." You know conventionally in the West we often think about thoughts are in the mind, but he's talking about thoughts of the heart. So maybe the thoughts of the heart are things, maybe they show up in a different way. Maybe they're inclinations or they are movements, rather than clearly articulated, but nevertheless they have consequences and they impact us.

So then this verse ends with: "An awakened one, ardent, restrained, and mindful, lets them go without a trace." So without getting tangled up with the thoughts. And awakened one, we can interpret an awakened one here as one who understands, one who sees clearly, one who isn't sleeping through the subtle things that are happening, but one who is paying attention. An awakened one, ardent, restrained, and mindful. Ardent, pointing to that it takes a little bit of energy. Maybe we can't kind of just drift through our meditations, but to put a little bit of effort in there. Not too much so that we're jumping onto everything. And to be restrained, that is to not follow where these thoughts are going, and to be mindful of course. Lets them go without a trace.

Maybe this idea feels aspirational, to be able to let them go without a trace. But it's pointing to something important. It's pointing to that happiness doesn't lay with getting what we want. It doesn't lay with following all our whims. And there's a practice to help us discover again and again this potential of letting go, of not following.

So this verse again: "Little thoughts, subtle thoughts, when followed, stir up the heart. Not comprehending the thoughts of the heart, one runs here and there, the mind out of control. But comprehending the thoughts of the heart, when followed, stir up the heart, an awakened one, ardent, restrained, and mindful, lets them go without a trace." So this bow to the power perhaps of subtle thoughts, quiet thoughts, little thoughts, and how they might be some forms of dukkha.

And Gil Fronsdal^[9], I read an article recently based on a dharma talk that he gave, I don't remember exactly year, 2000, 2002, something like this, and he called it "Intolerance of Suffering." And he was kind of using that word intolerance of suffering as a way to be a little bit provocative, but this idea he's pointing to the same thing here, how we tolerate some of the dukkha of this little bit of craving, this little bit of inner critic feeling inadequate. We tolerate, we allow these sufferings that might be subtle, maybe familiar.

But the encouragement is to notice them. And not so that we can add more suffering on top and create a big long story about how we're bad meditators because we have them, but to notice the impact that they can have on our lives. To notice the way that our responding to these might be influencing our moods, our attitudes, our behavior in ways perhaps we don't notice. Just an encouragement to pay attention to the thoughts and the heart, or maybe even the way the heart gets stirred up by some of these subtle thoughts.

And may the way that we notice that we get stirred up with some of these subtle, quiet thoughts, the way that we notice, and then we can maybe bring some compassion to the suffering for ourselves, and to recognize, "Oh, the same thing happens in others." Maybe if some people behave in a way that's unskillful, unhelpful, maybe we might consider that perhaps their heart is stirred up. Maybe they have some of these thoughts which they haven't noticed that's causing them to behave in a particular way.

So in this way, noticing that subtle thoughts of the heart can be a benefit for ourselves and for others, those who are around us. And maybe receiving compassion or non-reactivity from us, maybe others can spread that along to others. And in this way we can have more ease and peace in the world.

Thank you.