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Happy Hour: Sharing Merit is Metta

For today's practice, I'd like to bring in the theme of something that we do at the end of every practice session as the expression of metta^[1]. If you have noticed, at the end of every session we dedicate the merit. The dedication of merit sounds kind of big, whereas it's just a sense of saying, "May all beings be well, may all beings be happy," and basically offering any goodness that has been generated. We trust that there has been goodness generated from our practice, even if we judge it to be shoddy—saying, "Oh, my mind was distracted, I wasn't really here, I was only mindful for one split second."

But trusting that even sitting for mindfulness for a split second, or just sitting, just the act of coming together and sitting in the community cultivating... And for those who listen to the AudioDharma later, for example, or engage in any form of practice. This cultivation that we do, trusting that there is goodness here, that there is goodness generated, that we're aligning our lives with goodness.

And then when we trust that, what does dedicating merit really do? Well, one is that it connects us with that goodness, reaffirming that yes, there is goodness. Even if I was sleepy, even if the body was in pain today, there was goodness in just coming together, sitting, and practicing. So it reaffirms that when we dedicate the merit at the end and we share it with others. It reaffirms our own goodness. It's a sense of trust, a sense of confidence in our own goodness, which is beautiful. It's a reaffirmation of our own goodness.

Another dimension, another aspect of this cultivation, this dedication of merit, this dedication of goodness that we trust has been generated, is an act of generosity. Instead of thinking, "Oh, I'm doing my self-improvement project, I'm getting calmer, I'm getting better, I'm getting kinder," there's an act of generosity. "Oh, I share this goodness. I don't just keep it for myself. I acknowledge the interdependence of all beings. I share it with everyone else. May it serve, may it be of benefit, may it be of service to my awakening and all beings' awakening, and their happiness and well-being."

So it's an act of generosity, and in that act of generosity, it's also an act of metta. It's an act of kindness. We're just sharing this goodness, like, "Ah, here you go, all beings everywhere, I'm sharing my goodness." I trust there is goodness, number one. Number two, I share it generously with all of you. Love to you all. It's like a love note to all beings everywhere. "Yay, here is my goodness, I share it with you as a blessing."

In that way, this dedication of merit is such a beautiful act. It's really an act of generosity, an act of metta, an act of trust and confidence also in our goodness. So there are so many dimensions in this. I wrote a little article which showed up in Lion's Roar some years ago, so later I'll ask Neil to send a pointer about this sharing of merit.

So here for our practice today, tapping into and trusting that there is goodness, sharing it as an act of metta and generosity with others. I want to bring one more aspect into today, and that is something that I learned from a good friend of mine who has been a monk and practiced in Asia for almost four decades. When he did the dedication of merit—kind of traditionally in Buddhist centers—the dedication started with dedicating the goodness to people, to our benefactors, to our parents, to people who have supported us, who have been kind to us in any way. Basically, our benefactors, whether they're alive or whether they have passed away.

And also just to say, that connects with my culture, the Persian culture. There's this idea of generating merit and sharing it with the deceased. I know it's the same way in Japanese culture and many other cultures around the world. So sharing it with our benefactors, and then sharing it with other beings in concentric circles, opening more and more with more generosity. With all of that, we'll bring these into our practices of metta today.

Guided Meditation

Let's formally begin our sitting. Sitting and landing. Landing in this body, in this moment in time.

Feeling the connection of our toes, our feet with the earth. I am here. I am alive in this moment in time. Connected, rooted to the earth.

Feeling your sitting bones, your bottom on the cushion or on the chair.

Letting attention, awareness greet the body. Greet the bottom of the feet, your bottom on the cushion. Your hands touching each other or your lap. And the sensations of the breath in the lower abdomen. Calming, soothing.

Here. Just simplicity of awareness. Knowing. Knowing this body sitting and breathing.

Trusting, trusting the goodness of being here now. Aligning our awareness with our intentions. Trusting in the goodness, whatever is present. Trusting this connection, this connecting to ourselves. Connecting to awareness, trusting.

I'd like to invite you, as you remain embodied, connected, aware. Awareness connecting, holding the sensations of the body, of the breath. Bring to mind, bring to heart, bring to body an appreciation for your practice. No matter how short or how long it's been, the fact that you are on this path of cultivation. Regardless of how self-critical a part of you wants to be—"Thank you, not now, self-criticism. Thank you, not now"—really seeing, feeling with your heart, your practice over time as an act of service, as an act of goodness. Cultivating goodness. Cultivating peace. Cultivating non-reactivity. Cultivating friendliness, care for yourself, for others, for the world. Cultivating awareness, presence. Cultivating goodness, non-suffering. Cultivating non-suffering to serve you, this being who is yourself, and to serve others.

Bringing to heart appreciation for this goodness accumulated, cultivated like a garden, planting seeds. You've planted so many seeds. Some of them you can see the flowers: "Oh yes, I'm less reactive in these situations. I'm kinder in these situations. I am more free in these situations." And so many seeds you've planted in this garden which are germinating in their own time. Trusting, trusting all the seeds.

Yes, there's always more planting to be done, cultivating our garden. And yet, appreciating the goodness of what has been planted. Trusting yes, there is goodness here. There is goodness here. Trusting the goodness. And sharing with generosity. Trusting the goodness and sharing with appreciation.

First to the benefactors of your life. Those who supported you, been kind to you, whether alive or deceased. Let's start with those who are no longer in the world. As if you were giving them flowers from your garden. Knowing that the more flowers you share with generosity, with metta, the more flowers grow. The more you share, the more there is. The act of giving, sharing, appreciating helps the flowers grow.

And then appreciating all benefactors in your life, which could also include friends, family, all loved ones. Sharing your gift of metta, your gift of goodness with them. As if saying, "Thank you, I love you," or whatever version works for you. "Thank you, I care for you. Thank you, I wish you well. My heart shares its affection, its care with you." Giving and receiving.

Knowing that gratitude, appreciation helps your garden grow. The garden of your heart. Giving metta further helps your garden grow.

You're welcome to lean into the appreciation of the benefactors, or lean into sharing your goodness, your metta generously with them. Or lean into one with the in-breath, lean into the other with the out-breath. You decide what's best for you.

And now opening up from benefactors, friends, family to all beings. All beings. As if this garden of goodness of your heart could feed or support the whole world. As if it were a vegetable garden, and the more you gave away, the more would automatically grow immediately. The more you gave away, the more generosity, the more goodness you gave away: "May all beings be well, be happy, be healthy, have ease, have safety." The more you give away goodness, the more goodness becomes available in your heart, in your garden.

Sharing, trusting there is abundance in your heart. Trusting there is abundance, even if it may not be readily visible right now. Trusting there is more abundance in your being, in your own goodness, in your own divine Buddha nature. Generously offering it to all beings everywhere. Sharing your goodness. "May my goodness be of service in ways I can and cannot imagine to others."

With each in-breath, each out-breath. Trusting there is goodness with the in-breath. Sharing it far and wide with the out-breath. With generosity, with kindness for all beings.

And for the last minutes of this practice period, appreciating that we showed up, we practiced as well as it was available to us, without judging practice. It was what it was. We tried, we showed up. We aligned our actions with our intentions as much as it was possible. So appreciating the goodness generated from this practice period. Trusting that we've planted seeds. Seeds were planted.

And sharing this goodness that we have cultivated together right now. Just now sharing the merits, the beauty, the goodness of it freely, generously offering it as our offering to all beings everywhere. "Dear beings, I offer to you my goodness, my intentions, my cultivation. Throwing confetti over the whole planet Earth, sharing freely: here's my goodness. May it be of service in ways I can and cannot imagine. May all beings be free, including ourselves."

Thank you all. Thank you for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

So we have time to turn to reflections, to observations, to questions. Another way that you share your practice with others, and many times it has been mentioned in this community, in the sangha^[2], when someone shares something it's inspiring for others. Whether it's a question, whether there's a challenge you have, or there's something you realized, your mind found a new way to work with something.

You're welcome to raise your Zoom hand or type your reflections in chat. If you type them to everyone, I'll read your name. If it's just to me, I will read only the reflection, not your name.

So what did you discover?

Bill says, "Thank you Nikki, this was very moving." Thank you, Bill. Would you like to say more? I would love to hear more if you're willing. Don't feel like you're put on the spot, but if you're willing, you're welcome to say more about what came up for you.

Bill: I was concerned that when you mentioned focusing on people that are no longer there, that it would maybe get out of hand. It got emotional, but I didn't have a true meltdown, so that's good. But it was just a very emotional experience. It was good, so thank you.

Nikki: Thank you, Bill. Thank you for sharing that. In what you shared, I hear a connecting and a heart-opening experience of appreciation, especially with those who are deceased, which can sometimes become overwhelming with grief. But in this case, it didn't sound like that. Okay, it was emotional, but it was more supported with metta and appreciation instead of the grief and sadness, that's what I'm hearing. Powerful. Beautiful, Bill. Lovely. Great that's a great opening in that direction, to connect with that. Lovely, thanks for sharing that.

Another reflection coming in: "Appreciation that I was needing this time for reflection."

I see a couple of hands. Vimal, please.

Vimal: So I lost my wife to cancer 16 months ago, at the beginning of the pandemic, two weeks into the lockdown. So she's pretty much on my mind all the time. But today I brought her into focus to thank her for 44 years together. I thanked her parents, I thanked my parents. So it was fairly emotional.

Nikki: Thank you, Vimal. Thank you for sharing.

I'll take a pause and just let Vimal's reflection land. Thank you. Thank you.

Abraham, please.

Abraham: Thanks. Of course, it's easy to go to people that were very supportive, that one has a warm connection with, especially in childhood and things like that. Then it's easy to send loving-kindness to them. But what surprised me was how easy it was to send loving-kindness to people who had been difficult in my childhood or in my younger life. People I'd had very contentious situations with, and it was easy, and I was grateful for that.

Nikki: Thank you, Abraham. Ah, I feel so much joy as you say this. My heart feels alight with mudita^[3], with vicarious joy for you. For your practice to be in a place that this is easy. Wow. Beautiful. What grace. What grace, really. What beauty. Thank you so much for sharing that. Touched.

Barbara, please.

Barbara: I appreciated the image of the garden and the flowers that you give away instantly replenish and grow in your garden, and there are more and more. That resonates with me as beautiful.

Nikki: Thank you, Barbara. I appreciate you highlighting the imagery, because sometimes imagery can really help us. Again, sometimes it doesn't, but sometimes it can really work in ways to embody these experiences that we have. "Oh, flowers." We give flowers to people as an expression of thanks, of kindness, of just like, "Oh yes, and oh, no need for a sense of scarcity, there's more." Sweet. Thank you, Barbara. Thank you.

Two more reflections that have caught me. "Scattered mind today. Appreciate your permission at the end to have whatever experience we had. Peace arrived somehow anyway." Yay, beautiful, beautiful.

And another reflection: "My best friend is in hospice, so it was a sensitive contemplation for me too." Thank you for that reflection. Yeah.

And for me also. I'll share with you that for me also it was a touching, tender reflection today. Someone who was dear to me, a benefactor in some ways, passed away. I got news of them passing away and it brought up all the connections. So as I was bringing them, and so many beings who've passed on... thanking them and offering my practice, my goodness to these beings who have passed on. So tender, sensitive, beautiful. And here we are, still alive with agency in this world.

So dear ones, dear sangha. Let us turn now to practice in small groups with one another. Holding ourselves, holding each other tenderly, especially today with this practice that we have done. Starting, as always, with 15 seconds of silent compassion. Silent metta, compassion for ourselves, for others. And sharing as much or as little as you like about your practice, supporting each other. Holding each other. We don't do this practice alone, as you know, we support each other. So see what needs to be held for you, and what needs to be held for others, these beautiful beings who have their own gardens, their own flowers. So I've created the rooms and now they are open. Take care of yourself and each other.

[Break for small groups]

Okay, the rooms are closed, everybody's back. We have a couple of minutes for reflections. Violet, please.

Violet: Hi Nikki, hi everyone. In our group, we talked a bit about fear that arises during this practice. So this idea of giving love, and this garden that keeps producing flowers, or this infinite source of love that you can keep giving and it doesn't run out. But when I am trying to cultivate that, and other people in my group also had this experience, this very raw fear comes up in terms of like, "This is not a good thing to do. This is not a wise thing to do, to give your heart in this way. This is unsafe, this is not good." And yeah, just a lot of fear and terror that comes up. So I was wondering where you find stability and safety in the practice, when you're sort of opening your heart in this big way for the whole world.

Nikki: Thank you. First of all, thanks so much for bringing this up and from the reflection from your group especially. So when the sense of fear comes up that "this is not safe for me"—in that case, what I would suggest actually working with it in two different ways. One is the way we work with fear with metta, right? Because actually metta is an antidote to fear. So comforting yourself: "It's okay sweetie, it's safe. It's alright, it's alright." So making your fear feel safe, instead of pushing the fear away or trying to push through it like, "I'm gonna do this." Because then the fear doesn't feel safe or acknowledged, it will just throw a tantrum, so it becomes rather difficult to do the practice.

So acknowledge the fear: "It's okay sweetie, it's alright, it's okay." And turning the metta to yourself, so there's enough stability to then like, "Okay, there's more stability, there's more trust, it's okay." And then dipping your toes into the practice again. In this way you can expand further and further and further, so that at some point maybe the fear comes up but it's not believed. It's like, "It's okay sweetie, you can be here. It's alright fear darling, you can be here too." And there can be a trust in the abundance, both of them can be together. So little by little.

But definitely not trying to push through the fear, but trying to see the fear, just being kind. Kind to yourself, kind to fear, and not necessarily believing it. It's like when a child has a tantrum, you comfort it and you don't say, "Well you're just having a tantrum, get up and go out playing." Like, "Oh sweetie, I know this is hard darling, it's okay sweetheart." Yet you're older, wiser, you know that the sky isn't falling, right? But at the same time, you are very kind and compassionate to the child who's having a tantrum. So with the same attitude. Does that make sense, Violet?

Violet: Yeah. So send the metta to the fear, and then eventually can hold the fear and abundance at the same time, and at some point I think the fear will be allayed over time. But for now, yes, holding the fear with metta.

Nikki: And I'd love to hear more as you practice with this, I'd love to hear what comes up for you, and others too, to navigate this. Yeah, but not turning away. Thank you.

Participant (in chat): So is the fear seen as protective and welcomed as part of metta?

Nikki: Not so much. I wouldn't see it as a part of metta, but I would see it again as a part of us, part of our patterning that's having a little tantrum. So it's not necessarily a supportive, helpful aspect of our psychology in that way, I think that's what your question is. But perhaps from scarcity in the past or fear in the past, something that arises anyway.

I feel like this is a much bigger conversation and we're already over time, so maybe we'll come back to this later everyone. I'll tell you what, I'll stay a few minutes extra tonight for anyone who wants to stay after we close formally, and discuss this.

So thank you all for showing up for your practice. May all beings be well, may all beings be happy, including ourselves. Thanks everyone.