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Happy Hour: The Joy of Awakening in the Moment and Releasing Entanglement

So hello and welcome everyone to Happy Hour. It's lovely to be with you. This makes me happy to be sitting with you all and seeing your faces, actually some of your faces this week. As some of you may know, I've been subbing for Gil for the 7:00 a.m. on YouTube, and it's lovely on YouTube to see the hellos from everyone, though it's YouTube so I don't get to see people's faces. Whereas on Zoom and on YouTube, I get to see the hellos on YouTube, and I get to see your faces on Zoom. It just gives me lots of delight. So thank you for showing up on Zoom, and supporting your own practice, and giving me delight. It makes me happy to see you.

So for practice today in Happy Hour, we engage with exploring metta^[1] and compassion, and joy, and equanimity in these various practices of the heart. And one practice I want to invite us to explore is something that I actually invited folks to explore this morning, and it felt so juicy I thought, "Oh, I want to bring it into the Happy Hour sangha^[2] also for us to explore." And whether you showed up this morning and this will be something you can explore again and deepen it, or whether this is new for you.

So the idea of joy. Taking joy, delight, gladness, gladdening our hearts. So one thing that happens often when we are new in our practice, especially when we are newer in our practice, but it can happen if we've been practicing for a while too. And then the light bulb goes off, one realizes this pattern which is not a very helpful pattern. And the pattern is, see if you recognize it in your own practice, or from the past or present, it doesn't matter, no judgment. Many of us do, as all of us do it when we start practicing actually, let's put it this way, and for a long time. So the pattern is: we're sitting, we're bringing our mind to the breath, to the body, to the object of our awareness. Maybe it's mental, we bring kind awareness, and then the mind, like a little puppy, like Mark's puppy, wanders away. Wanders away, that's what puppies do, that's what minds do. They wander away. And in a little bit, we find our mind resting on a thought, on a memory, on a plan, what to have for dinner and what we're going to have for breakfast. It's off. And then when we notice, we often go, "Bad, bad mind! Bad puppy! You were away, you were thinking, come back." Ouch, ouch.

So that moment of hitting, that moment of self-judgment, judging our minds, it takes a while to see that. It often takes a while to see that we keep doing it habitually. And if we keep doing that, it actually can make the practice of meditation contractive. It can make it seem like a chore, like I just don't want to meditate anymore, meditation is hard. And it's not meditation that's hard, it's because we keep hitting ourselves with a big stick every time we see our mind has wandered. So if you keep hitting a puppy, the puppy becomes traumatized and scared, like, "Oh." So that's what happens to our mind: "Oh, I don't want to meditate anymore, you keep hitting me every time, you know, I wander off."

So the thing to notice every time the mind wanders, let there be a release. Let there be, first of all, a delight that, "Yay! Yay, there's a moment of wakefulness, yay!" Yes, one moment of being alert, awake, mindful is better, infinitely better than zero moments. So yay, celebrating that moment of realizing that the mind has wandered. Great, now I realize that the mind isn't here anymore, yay! So it can be a moment of joy, a moment of celebration. That's one moment, that's one hit of joy and celebration.

And then there can be a second one. And here's the nuance. The nuance is as we let go, as we gently release, gently release and let go kindly, let that release, that letting go, let that feel like an offering. It's a letting go, it's an act of generosity, it's an act of release. And celebrate that release. Yay! As if you're offering a gift of your release. Your release, your letting go is a gift that you're putting on the altar of humanity. "Hey, I let go. I let go of something that wasn't helpful in this moment. Yay, here, offering." You can see it as making an offering to the altar of humanity, the altar of your practice. It's just this gift of generosity. Your practice becomes an act of generosity in that way with each release. So each release, letting go becomes a celebration, a double celebration. Once realizing that, "Oh yes, I'm awake, yes I'm here, I'm here," and the second celebration of letting go.

So is that clear? I'm going to, before we actually start meditating, I'm just going to pause and make sure the instructions are clear. Actually, you know, I will say it again during the guided meditation. So in this way, the invitation is to explore delight, joy of the heart. Of the heart releasing, of the heart letting go. The first time mind, heart awakening to that: "Oh yes, yes, I'm awake, I'm here, I'm mindful. I know that the mind is thinking about something, yes, yay." One moment of wakefulness is better than being lost the whole time. So celebrating, taking joy in that. Number two, that release, that letting go is to be celebrated. It's an act of generosity of letting go of what is not helpful in this moment. So as much as this makes sense, try it on for size. And if it doesn't, it's okay too. You can just simply be with the breath and the body, and take delight in being present as much as you are present in this moment, being here.

So all of that, let's practice together. Let's try this on for size.

Guided Meditation

So landing, arriving. Arriving in your chair, on your cushions. Arriving in the body. Awareness. Awareness, loving awareness. With loving interest turned inward. With gentleness turned to the contact points of this body and the earth.

Letting your bottom feel the cushion, the support. Your feet feeling the earth. Your legs feeling the earth if you're on the cushion. Taking time to feel this body, all the contact points, all the sensations that draw your attention in your own time. All the nooks and crannies. Let the breath visit all the tight nooks and crannies from your feet, from your toes up to the top of your head. As if you're a pop-up balloon or a pop-up doll that's out of air. Breath coming in. The breath with awareness inflating, filling all the areas of the body. Filling you up with loving awareness. Anywhere there is tension especially, or tightness, breathed into a beach ball being inflated. Not crinkly, contracted anymore.

Feeling the deflated pop-up doll of your body. Ah, with the breath, with loving awareness in all the nooks and crannies in your own time. Fingers, toes. Maybe I'll name some sections. Your head, your face. All the areas. Each breath felt enlivened. Maybe you notice the creases on your forehead smooth out. Your face, your head, your neck feels more filled out with awareness, loving awareness. Let yourself enjoy this process. It's kind of fun brushing each area with loving awareness from the inside, as if breathing life into it.

Your chest build up. Breathe in. Your arms, your wrists, your hands, your fingers. Back to your trunk, your chest, and your abdomen, lower abdomen. From your lower abdomen feeling, breathing, breathed into your sit bones, your groin area. Your upper legs breathed into enlivened loving awareness. Your knees, lower legs, and feet. A beach ball becoming inflated. Enlivened. Hmm. Filled with life of awareness. Letting the mind and heart feel expansive. The entire body enjoying being breathed. Each breath.

And at any point, if you notice the mind is resting in a thought, memory, plan, entanglement, entangled. Celebrate that! "Yay, I noticed. Yes, I'm noticing, though I'm awake in this moment. I'm aware." Taking delight in the brightness of awareness. As you gently relinquish, let go, release. As you release the entanglement, celebrating that letting go, it's like a generosity. Celebrating that release and putting it on the altar of your practice. "Yay, another moment of release." Awareness and release to rejoice in, to celebrate in my training.

With the mind calm, spacious, delighting and rejoicing in the feeling of awareness and presence in this moment. If the mind wanders off, rejoicing and delighting in becoming aware whenever you do. Delighting in the release. Noticing how you feel lighter. The heart feels lighter, the mind feels lighter with each release. Each letting go to be celebrated. Each moment of your practice as an offering to yourself and others. A gift.

So if you were tuning a radio, can you tune into the joy, the delight of sitting, being breathed? Perhaps there is a level of peace available that's joyous, comforting, delightful. Or if the mind gets carried away here and there, tune into the release, the joy of letting go. Oh, and how much lighter the heart, the mind feels every time you let go. How delightful that is, tuning into the delight, the joy, the pleasantness of different aspects of this practice.

Remember to stay embodied, feeling the sensations of the body. Not to get too top-heavy. Center of gravity being down in your lower abdomen or sit bones, not in your head. Notice the delight and the release, the lightness, the happiness of letting go. Especially if there are judgments: "You can't do this, you're distracted, this is terrible, I'm bored." If you gently notice these, delight that you've seen them, then release. Ah, just let go. If you're releasing a balloon, see how much lighter you feel releasing. Releasing unkind, contracted entanglements.

And for the last moment of this practice, appreciating yourself. Delighting that you showed up. If there are any judgments, releasing them. Releasing, letting go, seeing how much lighter the heart and mind can feel, and delighting in this release. This letting go is a generosity to yourself, an offering to the altar of your practice. May our practice be of service, of benefit to all beings everywhere, including ourselves. May all beings be free, may all beings be happy.

Thank you for your practice, everyone.

Reflections and Q&A

So, so much here. So today we began with settling, arriving, slightly differently. Embodiment. Bringing in a sense of embodiment with as if we were breathing, as if we're being breathed. This, as if loving awareness is a breath, kind of bringing those two ideas together. Breathing into our bodies. I brought up the image of a pop-up doll that's deflated, and little by little, areas of the body get inflated with the breath, with loving awareness. And so that was the first part. And finding the delight, the joy, that ease of just feeling, "Oh, this energetically... this body that's full of breath and life energy." So I'm curious how that was for you, if you'd like to share about that part also.

Then we transitioned. If there were thoughts, distractions, entanglements in the mind, to number one, notice them and take delight in noticing. Not judge yourself for having been lost, but, "Yay, I'm noticing now," celebrating that moment of awakeness. And number two, when you release, noticing the lightness, the delight, the joy of release. It's just this act of generosity to yourself, this gift of practice, feeling lighter. So I can say more, but I'd love to hear from you, especially if you haven't spoken for a while, please. Violet?

Violet: Hey Nikki. Hi. Um, I had very strong, very challenging emotions come up during this sit. I think a lot because just sitting down and being quiet, a lot of stuff that had accumulated over the day, over the week, over the months came up. And the perspective of finding joy or delight in it, it's like there was joy in just having an emotion or having a sensation. Like in and of itself was like, "Wow, I'm able to feel sad. Like I have a body that feels this emotion. Like that's nice. Like that's a nice thing." It's preferable to feel something than to not feel anything. Um, it feels nice to have a big feeling as opposed to like most of my life, which is having small feelings, and then a lot of tension and contraction and holding to keep it small and to not let it get big. And then even just like crying, I mean, crying is kind of physically pleasurable in some ways. Like tears in eyes on cheeks, like it kind of feels nice. Like there's some joy and physical pleasure in that too. So I liked that sort of permission and container of joy for fear and sadness and rage and the other stuff. So thank you.

Nikki: Thank you, Violet. Thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful, touching, profound report of your practice. And it's absolutely profound. I hope you realize how profound this shift in perspective is that you've cultivated. Holding your practice, holding what arises with appreciation. "Oh yes, it's lovely to feel." It's finding the delight, the pleasure in the tears. All of that is just profound. To make space for all of it to be as it is, the challenging emotions and all. You're not pushing anything aside. I didn't hear that. Holding it all and tuning into the delight, the gift that it is to feel. And I am so touched, inspired with the beautiful, profound profundity of what you're sharing in your practice, Violet. Thank you, it's beautiful. Thank you.

Any other reflections please, especially if you haven't shared for a while. You can also type in chat or raise your hand. Neil, please.

Neil: So you said alright, that when you become aware, you should take joy that you're awake first, not being awake, and then I think you said something about offering, making an offering. Could you... yeah, I'm not quite sure what you meant by that.

Nikki: Yeah, yeah. So two parts of this practice I'm suggesting. So the first is as you named, taking delight that yes, you're awake now, yay. That's part one. And part two is as the mind releases, as the mind lets go, right, there's a movement, an internal movement that you're familiar with, like, "Okay, this is not profitable, not helpful. Ah, release, release." Ah, notice in that release. Right? In that release there is an open-handedness, there is this aspect of generosity opening up, letting go. In that letting go, there is a delight, there is a lightness. The mind feels lighter, the heart feels lighter, okay? And in that release, when you let go of something that's not helpful, that letting go is an offering, it's a gift. It's like, "Yay, here I am cultivating that, cultivating my heart, my mind in goodness." So that's the offering. That release, that letting go is the offering, is the act of generosity for yourself, for others. And I was imagining putting that on the altar of humanity or practice. "Here it is, my gift of releasing, yay!" Does that make sense?

Neil: Think so.

Nikki: Great, yeah, thank you. Thank you. Lovely, I'm so glad you asked though, that I get the chance to clarify even more. It can be a very profound practice. There are lots of pieces to it, little pieces to it, but it can be so much fun. Both the lightness, the lightness of the heart when the release happens, and yay, this delight like, "Wow," celebrating that.

So dear ones, the time has come for us to turn into small groups, practice together in small communities of size three roughly on Zoom. And I create the rooms in the moment, and the invitation is to again start with 15 seconds of metta, silent metta for yourselves, for each other, and then share as little or as much as you'd like to share about this practice, about both parts of them. And you know there's no right or wrong. "I was confused," or "I was sleepy," or "It was lovely, it was profound," it's all good. You hold each other with care, the support of the sangha is in this beautiful sangha. So I'm opening the rooms, take care of yourselves, take care of each other. Here we go.

[Break for small group discussions]

Okay, and all the rooms are closed. Everyone, welcome back, and we have a few minutes for any reflections, comments, questions. Yeah, so please don't be shy. Would love to hear your reflections, questions, comments, anything that came up. Yes, please. I see Don and I see Lisa. Don, since you more recently spoke than Lisa, Lisa... you went away. What happened? Okay, here you go. We'll take Lisa and then Don.

Lisa: I'm here. Hello. Yes, hear you. Yes. Um, I noticed that yeah, I was really distracted but then I just kept going into thoughts and it felt kind of thick, like up here. But then I noticed it was like your voice came and was like, "Oh, hi distracted mind." And then I noticed all of the rest of my body that was here and seemed to not have a problem with it. I was like, "Wait, my leg is just there and it seems fine, like it's not wanting to be somewhere else or thinking about anything. My hands are there and they're okay." And I was like, "Wow," because it felt like it was here. I was like, "There's so much of my body that just seems fine right now to just like be here." And it was kind of like a light moment, and I had never like thought that way before about it. So thank you.

Nikki: Thank you, Lisa. That's wonderful. I love the way this, this whole different way of seeing, which it is unusual and profound, like, "Oh yes, there's this embodiment, there's this sense of stability of the body. The body is here, it grounds and it's here, it doesn't want to go anywhere." It's this sense of groundedness that comes through, as if the body has its own wisdom and is speaking to you, "Hello, we're here, no need to go anywhere." So it's lovely that that's arising for you as a shift, as a way to be grounded in your body. Lovely. Thank you for that.

And Jerry says, "It was great to see lovingkindness within the lovingkindness towards the person trying to do lovingkindness." That's great, so many levels.

And Don, do you want to quickly make your comment? I'll wait a minute for you. Where did you go? I don't see your hand anymore, I can't unmute you if I don't see you. Uh, so tell you what, you're welcome to unmute yourself if you want, or if you want to pass that's okay too. Okay, alright. So I hear that you're passing. So with that, let's bring our time together to a close. Thank you all. Thank you for your practice. Thank you for showing up, for supporting each other, yourself, stepping forward, stepping back, that's also very wise. Thank you all. May our practice support the awakening of ourselves and all beings everywhere. May it be of service. May all beings be well, may all beings be happy. Thank you.