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Happy Hour: Caring Stable Spacious Ok-ness with not-Ok-ness

Introduction

Hello, hello, and welcome, everyone, to Happy Hour. It's lovely to be with you, wherever in the world you are in this moment.

For tonight's practice, I'd like to leave a lot of space for just sitting and landing. We did a practice of "enough" and worked with a poem by David Whyte^[1] on Friday. Many people said that there was a sense of sufficiency and landing into what's here right now; it was very spacious and nourishing.

For tonight, I like to leave a lot of space and, at the same time, bring some themes of equanimity and compassion. This is especially true now with the request that Gita brought in regarding the tragedy up in Vancouver. We will be sharing both karuṇā^[2] (compassion) as well as equanimity practice, not just for ourselves, but for all beings everywhere, especially those in difficult circumstances.

That's the plan. I'm not going to say much more. Let's just get into it and practice together. Let's get into our meditation posture.

Guided Meditation

Landing. Planting in this body, this breath, in this moment.

Whatever is present in this moment, in this body. Whether it's fatigue, whether there's heaviness, sadness, or maybe excitement and joy. Whatever is present, can we just sit and open our heart, open our body to what is here?

The mystery of this human life as it's unfolding in this moment, in this heart, in this mind, in this body. Can we open to it just as it is, one breath at a time?

Letting the breath breathe you. Breathe this body, moving the energy around. If there's heaviness, let energy be breathed into it.

Life is movement and change. Noticing the movement of the breath in the body. Noticing movement and change in the breath, and in the body, with each breath.

Just as the breath moves through the body, thoughts and emotions, too, along with sensations, keep shifting and changing. And noticing with all this movement—shifting and changing sensations, breath, thoughts, emotions moving through—noticing, ah, is there some stability? A groundedness. A groundless ground that spaciously can allow all this coming and going to be.

A sense of peace, a sense of calm, stability, or however it might show up. Or spaciousness that can hold witness to all the shifting and moving and change, and not be toppled over by it.

A spacious okayness with equanimity. An okayness that cares about what arises and passes with mettā^[3] (friendliness), but isn't toppled over. It doesn't fall into or push away.

An expansive okayness that is not aloof, but stable and caring to all the comings and goings. All the movements in the mind and the heart, the emotions, the body.

And if there is any sorrow, sadness, challenges, or grief, spacious stability can make space for it. Let it be just as it is. Not pushing it away, not trying to make it go away or fix it, but patiently, caringly holding presence.

This deep well of resource, of okayness pervading. Maybe finding, knowing, realizing that this well of resource of okayness is much deeper than you have realized, that you have given yourself credit for.

This deep well of okayness can nourish the heart, the mind, the body with whatever is arising and moving through. Making space, holding space with care, with stability.

If you wish, you can stay with this spacious okayness. A spacious, caring, stable okayness that allows all comings and goings of emotions, thoughts, and body sensations to be just as they are. A sense of stability, vast spaciousness imbued with care. A stability not toppled over, holding presence for comings and goings internally and what's arising.

You can stay with this, or if you wish, you're welcome to open and expand further this caring equanimity and okayness for all the comings and goings for all beings, whether they're happy or facing a challenge with difficulty. And if it starts feeling too overwhelming, you can always come back to the movements, arisings, and passings here internally. Resting and landing into equanimity far and wide.

All beings with suffering or sorrow, all the comings and goings. Holding witness with care for each breath.

Ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows. Moving, changing every moment. Part of this human existence for all beings everywhere.

And for the last moments of this practice period, holding and allowing a spacious equanimity of okayness with the movements of the heart, the mind, and the body during this practice, whatever it was. No judgment, trying to fix, push away, regret, self-blame, or criticism. It's all okay. You showed up. You practiced as best as you could with all the causes and conditions.

Reflections and Q&A

Thanks, everyone. Thank you for your practice.

So, we have some time for reflections if you'd like to share. Questions, comments, observations about this practice, or complaints—you can share your wisdom. You're invited to, if you wish. Please, you can type them in chat. If you type them to everyone, I will say your name as I read them. If you type them just to me, I will keep the comment confidential.

You are welcome, Dawn, who says, "Thank you. Thank you all for your practice, for this opportunity."

I appreciated this practice. Ah, I'm feeling much more equanimous with all the comings and goings in my heart. Holding with care, not trying to fix or make it go away, just being, and realizing a depth of a well of resourcefulness. A depth of okayness that cares, that's stable and is not moved, and can be with what arises. So, thank you for practicing with me.

Any comments? What did you notice? Especially if you haven't spoken in a while, please raise your Zoom hand. And also appreciation to those on YouTube. Thank you, Henry and Sean, and you're welcome.

Okay, a couple of reflections. One is Dawn says, "A kind of quiet meditation and a quiet groove today." Yes, equanimity can really calm and have a sense of stillness where we don't want to talk afterwards, so that's normal.

Megan says, "Very calming. Felt like medicine for the soul." Oh, sweet.

One other comment: "Initially, I felt some numbness. I repositioned to the floor and felt more grounding and opening, and I was able to open my heart a bit more." Lovely. I appreciate that reflection, noticing how moving the body and sitting on the floor would be more supportive, and doing that in the heart to be able to open more.

Neil says, "I hadn't realized how stressed I was." Yeah, it's interesting; afterwards we notice when we settle and become calmer.

Abraham, I see your hand.

Abraham: Hi. I just do a kind of a breath meditation centering on joy and happiness, and that to me feels very equanimous, but I haven't been attending much. Was there a specific equanimity exercise that we were doing other than meditating that I missed? Can you expand on that?

Nikki: Yeah, so there are so many different ways to practice equanimity and to open up to equanimity. The way I guided today, the invitation was first to notice all the movement. The movement of the body, the breath, the mind, the heart—life is movement. Noticing all the movement, and then, in contrast, noticing that, oh yes, there is a stillness. There is a spaciousness that can hold, can be present with all the movement and not be moved. So through that, opening up to, Oh yes, equanimity. Oh, there is this spaciousness, this groundedness that can be with all the arising and passing, and then tuning into that more and more. That was, in brief, the cliff notes of what I was inviting us to explore today, Abraham. Thank you for the question. I appreciate it.

Susan says, "I gave up and dropped my back and let myself think. I'm being trained here to be kind to myself like that, and then Nikki reinforced that right afterwards." Yes, whatever is needed, Susan, whatever is needed. And if Happy Hour is a time to cultivate kindness to oneself, you don't need to push it.

Jamie says, "For me, it was an equanimity practice focused on my kids. It allowed me to see I don't have to take on their suffering or try to fix it. All I have to do is accept and love them." Oh, that's so beautiful, Jamie. Thank you for sharing that. So attached, yeah.

Let's see on YouTube, a couple of questions. One is, "What kind of emotion is equanimity? Positive, neutral, or negative? All of them? None of them?" And thank you for the practice. And then another question: "How do you bring your mind back when it wants to wander? What works for you?"

To the first question about equanimity, in the Abhidhamma^[4] and the higher teachings, it is said that equanimity has a neutral valence. The neutral vedanā^[5] (feeling tone) can be under the category of unworldly neutral tone. So there's a grace, a beauty. It's not just detached and aloof, but there is a wholesome quality to the neutrality. I'm trying to explain that as best as I can.

As for bringing the mind back, it is ever so gently noticing that the mind wants to wander and maybe saying, Not now, not now. Ever so gently bring it back so that you can give yourself to practice, telling the thoughts that if they're important enough, to please come back later. You'll be here waiting for them, but not right now. Right now, you're giving your heart to this practice. So you can try that. There are so many different tools, but you can try this and see how that works.

So, dear ones, with equanimity, I'm inviting us to transition with a sense of okayness. See if the heart can be okay, have a sense of okayness to transition to practicing in small groups now. If you have to go, it's perfectly fine, and if you can stay and maybe stretch yourself a little bit, this might be with equanimity. Can you stay present with all the movements, the comings and goings in the heart and the mind?

The invitation in the breakout rooms is to spend the first thirty seconds with just mettā for each other, with a sense of spacious equanimity. And then, if you'd like to share and hold witness, that is invited. So, I'm going to open the rooms and here we go...

Final Reflections

Okay, everyone is back. Hi.

So yeah, we just have a minute if anyone has reflections, something that came up for you during the group, please.

Maybe there is so much equanimity and peace nobody wants to talk; that's what I'm picking up. Nicholas says, "It's such a gift to be okay with rough days, weeks, months together." Beautifully said, Nicholas. Such a gift to be okay with the comings and goings of things, the rough days, weeks, and months, or a year, which happens to be what we've had. Yeah, beautiful. Thank you for that reflection, Nicholas. Lovely.

So with that, let's close our time together. May all of us, may all beings everywhere, have the gift of freedom. The crown jewel of this practice: equanimity, an okayness with all the comings and goings, with caring stability. May all beings be well, may all beings be free, including ourselves.

Thank you all for your practice.