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Happy Hour: Pillars of Joy (3/8) - Humor

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to Happy Hour, another rendition of Happy Hour! It is a delight to practice with all of you today. I was speaking with Diana, who teaches on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and we were both really delighting in how wonderful and nourishing this Happy Hour offering is. It makes us happy, and from what we hear from you, it seems like it's a gift to the world.

I am just delighted to be practicing with you. We are all co-creating this together. Diana and I would not be showing up if none of you were showing up. Please know that your participation, your questions, your comments, and your sharing of yourself is really important. It makes Happy Hour what it is and supports everyone, not just yourself.

Humor as a Pillar of Joy

The theme for today's practice is a continuation of our exploration of the eight pillars of joy. We have spent some time with perspective, noticing how the way we see things can make us either happy or unhappy. We spent some time with joy, and then humility last time—a sense of graciousness of heart, feeling part of the interconnected web and flux of humanity.

There are many different ways to explore each of these, but we are just touching into them, getting some practice exploring them in our minds and hearts. Hopefully, these reflections are coming into your daily life, too. Tonight, we get to the third one, which is humor.

Humor as a pillar of joy is not surprising. In the Buddhist teachings, the Buddha had a great sense of humor. A lot of times we aren't quite tuned into it, but reading the suttas^[1] sometimes, you see he's making fun in a very generous way. There is actually a little booklet titled The Buddha Smiles that covers the humor in the suttas. There is so much humor in them.

Practicing meditation is not supposed to be a serious affair where you think, "I'm a serious meditator, so there is no humor and no fun." It is quite the opposite. The more we practice, the more we let go, and the lighter our heart becomes. The more we can laugh, first and foremost at ourselves and our foibles, and also at life. It's funny being human! If you can't have a sense of humor about being human, about your own challenges, and about how seriously we take ourselves sometimes, the circumstances of life start to feel really heavy and serious.

There's an anecdote I want to share about Ajahn Chah^[2], a master teacher in the Theravada Buddhist forest tradition. He is famous for always laughing; there are photographs of him laughing, just like the images of the laughing Buddha. He was a teacher to Jack Kornfield and others, and his sense of humor and lightheartedness was a way that he embodied the teachings.

The story goes that he came to the U.S. and visited the Insight Meditation Society (IMS)^[3] on the East Coast about forty years ago. People were doing a silent meditation retreat there, taking it very seriously. They were walking and sitting with very somber faces. Apparently, he would go up to them and say, "I hope you feel better soon," as if they were ill because they were doing this walking thing with such a somber face. [Laughter]

Bringing all of this in, let humor be part of your practice. Let it be part of whatever beautiful, graceful, or devotional practice speaks to your heart as a way to become free of suffering and to be happy and joyful. Just like mettā^[4], kindness, and goodwill, humor can be cultivated. Whatever you incline your mind upon will become the habit of your mind. As we turn our minds to kindness toward ourselves and others so that we live more kindly in this world, having a sense of humor and lightheartedness can be trained in the same way.

I will have some invitations for us to try on for size during our meditation. If it works, great. If it doesn't, just laugh at yourself instead of thinking, "I can't do this." I'll give you an example: earlier today, as I was getting ready to set up, I was looking in every room for my glasses. Guess where they were? On my face. I just burst out laughing and thought, "Wow, this is a great preparation for me teaching about humor tonight." Instead of getting upset and angry, I just saw how funny it was that I was looking right through them.

As things come up tonight in your meditation—when your mind gets distracted or you feel sleepy—can you have a sense of humor about it all? Can you smile and say, "Oh, okay, here goes the mind again," or when back pain arises, "Oh, sweetie body, here you go again, yep." Cultivate humor and see what that feels like.

Guided Meditation

Now I'd like to invite you all to please get into your meditation posture. Move if you need to move, sit up straighter, or if you need to lie down, see what your body needs right now.

Settling into the body. Settling with the breath. Receiving the breath.

Letting the body be relaxed. Let there be a sense of calm ease. Relaxing the body, relaxing the abdomen, softening the abdomen. Arriving in the sit bones. Arriving in the feet, feeling the sensations of the feet contacting the floor, or the legs if you're sitting cross-legged.

Feeling your hands. Inviting your hands, your neck, your shoulders, your arms to relax, to soften. Inviting your heart to relax and to soften. Receiving the breath. Each in-breath bringing more aliveness, more spark, more brightness into your heart, into your chest. And this out-breath relaxing you, just breathing, relaxing you more.

If your thoughts are rising—what we would often view as distractions—see if you can have a sense of humor with the mind. Smiling at the mind, laughing at the mind. Here we go again. Here it goes again, the mind. Yep.

Let there be no trace of judgment. We have a choice: we can either judge ourselves or laugh at ourselves. See what happens if you experiment with laughing at yourself.

Coming back to the breath and receiving the breath. Just receiving the breath this moment in time with lightness.

If you find yourself with a lot of thoughts going down the proverbial rabbit hole, see if you can laugh at yourself with lightheartedness. Look at the mind doing its thing, thinking about this and that, or obsessing over a story. See the lightness of, Here I am, obsessing about this again. Rest with the breath, receiving the breath in the body.

What happens if you wear a smile? What if your heart, in this moment you're practicing, wore a smile? Your face wore a smile? Meeting every moment's experience, every breath, with lightness.

Life isn't inherently heavy or light; it's what we perceive it to be. It has so many dimensions to being human. It's the way of seeing, the way of perceiving, that can make the difference between being free or wearing chains.

Now I would like to invite you, if you will, to bring to mind something about yourself that is actually quite funny when you have some perspective. Something you can laugh at yourself about. For example, the Dalai Lama laughs at himself for his limited English. Desmond Tutu^[5] can laugh at his big nose, as told in The Book of Joy—not in a derisive way, but in a lighthearted way. It's just funny. Things can be funny when we don't take ourselves too seriously. We can laugh at our foibles, our false limitations, or looking for our glasses when we're wearing them.

Maybe it helps to use your name or a pronoun: She's always late. It's kind of funny how she manages that repeatedly. See if there can be a sense of humor and lightness. And if not, don't push it. You don't have to push it. Just come back to your breath and be with your body.

Now I have another invitation for you. Bring to mind something from today or yesterday that was mildly annoying or upsetting. Now, imagine the situation if you had responded by being amused by it, rather than being angry or annoyed. Notice how amusement can actually create a sense of lightness in the heart. It doesn't feel so personal, it doesn't hurt, and it doesn't land. Imagine how it could have potentially put others at ease and maybe even smoothed an interpersonal situation. Is it possible to meet certain ironies of day-to-day life with humor and amusement? Try that perspective on.

Or, you can let go of the invitation altogether and just be with the breath.

I'd like to invite you now to hold yourself—this being that is you—with kindness. This being that has foibles, does their best, and is imperfect. This human being with all the complexities, lightness, brightness, and challenges that human beings have. Hold this one that is you with kindness and tenderness.

Imagine yourself as a toddler. A young child learning to walk gets up, falls, and crawls. The way you would view a little child that you love and care for is with laughter and lightness. They are not expected to be perfect. They are doing their best—standing up, falling, taking a step, and falling. Feel a sense of care, kindness, and mettā for this toddler that is you.

Even a little older, we may seem more polished in many ways, and yet we are still finding our way in this living thing, stumbling and falling down, then taking steps. Hold this toddler that's you with kindness, tenderness, and affection.

May I be well. May I be happy. Recite silently with me: May I be well. May I be happy.

In the last moments of this practice, if the mind was distracted or sleepy, we have a sense of humor and lightness. We did our best. We aligned our efforts with our intention, letting go of the outcome. Not with heaviness of heart, but with lightness of heart, offering it up to the universe and appreciating yourself.

Thank you to yourself for having showed up as best as you were able to, to practice for yourself, to support yourself, and to be of benefit to all beings everywhere.

Reflections and Q&A

Thank you for your practice, everyone. If you'd like to share any reflections about how this practice was for you, or ask questions, you are welcome to.

I found this practice quite joyous; it truly is one of the pillars of joy. I felt a lot of lightheartedness in really appreciating foibles and just appreciating life. Life is a comedy in many ways. I also want to clarify that laughing at ourselves and laughing in life is not supposed to be a derisive laughter. I hope that was very clear. There has to be a sense of kindness and mettā, taking things lightly and laughing at our foibles.

I'm curious how the invitations went for you—laughing at a distracted mind, or imagining a situation you were annoyed by and responding with amusement.

Kim offers: "Thank you for the suggestion of using a sense of humor. It really helped lighten me up while being kind." That's lovely, delighted to hear that. Kim also shared, "Visualizing sitting in the middle of a fountain to try to lighten my perspective." I like that!

Victoria offers: "Feeling super grateful for the practice today. It is always refreshing to have a new outlook on things."

Thomas shares: "I was thinking about my tendency to tell other people how to live their lives, which is kind of funny because I don't always do such a great job of living my own life. [Laughter] I was at the farmers market the other day, and I met this woman who was selling lotions she makes, kind of like CBD-type lotions. She told me she had a website, but the name of it was so many words and so hard to spell. One of the words was spelled like 'apothecary'^[6]. I just thought, 'Nobody will be able to spell that.' That's my tendency to judge, but it's kind of ridiculous, too."

Thank you, Thomas, for the humanity, the humor, and the realness of sharing that.

Leanne offers: "I appreciated imagining myself as a toddler. Very helpful in reparenting myself." I loved imagining myself as a toddler, too. The tenderness in the heart can come out, and that's very supportive.

Nikki shares: "I would like to say thank you so much for that beautiful session. I received a phone call, and generally, I would be quite upset, but I just took it as you said—with humor—dealt with it, and came back." Thank you for sharing that. It's all about perspective and choosing to be amused rather than defaulting to the annoyed tendency of our minds. "Oh wow, a phone call in the middle of my meditation. Hello, world!"

Ben offers: "For some reason, I sometimes have trouble viewing things as funny. I view funniness as being only about the joke, not as much about the listener. I've been told that I have the 'serious disease,' and maybe since then I've recovered a little bit from that. I do think that I can sometimes get myself to view things as funny and have it not feel forced, because I'm all about having it not feel forced. But it's just hard for me."

Thank you for bringing that in, Ben. The fact that it is hard for you, but it is working when it doesn't feel forced, is fantastic. Everything you are saying, people also say about mettā. It can be hard to feel kindness for ourselves or others, and we don't want it to feel forced. You can do it, but it takes practice. Humor is the exact same way. If you keep inclining your mind that way, it will become your proclivity. I really want to honor the diversity of what is here in the room and be real about it.

Breakout Rooms and Closing

Now, we will practice in small groups. My invitation as we go into the breakout rooms is: don't take yourself so seriously. Show up as a toddler. See what comes out of your mouth—some babbling might come out, and that's perfectly fine! See what it feels like if you don't take yourself so seriously, you aren't taking other people so seriously, and they aren't taking you seriously. Show up in the spirit of lightness and experiment in this safe environment.

(Participants return from breakout rooms)

Welcome back, everyone! We just have a couple of minutes for any reflections on the practice or your time in the groups together. What happened when you met your inner toddler with other toddlers?

One participant notes: "Well, I was with one serious toddler and one playful one, so maybe toddlers vary! I'm pretty playful because it's really late here and I'm kind of wacko, but there's a variety of ways to be a toddler, I guess."

Another participant shares: "We were talking about waiting in line at Whole Foods for checkout and feeling annoyed. You might decide not to stand in line, go do something else, think about telling the manager they should do something, and so on. But eventually, when you get back and you're ready to check out, there's no line anymore, so it doesn't matter. Furthermore, you're just going to go home and sit around anyway, so what's the difference if you have to stand in line for a couple of minutes? Given COVID-19 and being at home, what else are you going to do?"

Yes, when annoyances like this come up, we can have a sense of humor about the whole situation. We can see the silliness, the ridiculousness, and the irony of it with lightheartedness.

Time flies when you're practicing at Happy Hour! Thank you all so much for showing up and practicing together; it's always a delight. Take good care, may you all be well and free, and all beings everywhere.

Participant: "I love that there was so much humor^[7] in it today. It really cheered me up."

I'm glad to hear that. Take care, and good night!