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Mindfulness of Oneself (2 of 5) Selfing and Its Influences

So this is the second talk on the topic of being mindful of ourselves—understanding, seeing, and being present for ourselves. It touches on a very important Buddhist topic on the self and what is often called "not-self" (some people call it "no-self"). This teaching of not-self sometimes lends itself to the idea that the important part of Buddhism is to teach that there is no self, which is very perplexing for people to hear sometimes.

But that is not really the question. "Is there a self?" or "Is there no self?" is not really the question that the Buddha was interested in answering in early Buddhism. Partly because that question—what is the self, and various ideas of what the self is—belongs a little bit more to the realm of philosophy, and even to metaphysics: What is real? What is the truth? What is the real self? The statement that there is no self is also a metaphysical and philosophical statement about what the nature of the self is, asserting that it in fact does not exist. So, it is a metaphysical, ontological statement.

Early Buddhism's interest is not who we are, but what we are doing, and especially what we are doing with our minds. In that sense, instead of being a philosopher or metaphysician, the Buddha was really a psychologist. He was interested in being aware of the activities that the mind is doing, to begin shedding those activities that cause suffering. The aim is to be able to direct the mind to do those activities which are beneficial, that lead to a sense of abundance and the possibility of freedom, and to take us away from those activities which drain us, diminish us, or leave us with a lot of suffering and stress. So, the question of what we are doing is more important for the Buddha than who we are.

A Thicket of Views

I wanted to read a passage where the Buddha makes a statement that is quite surprising for people who are used to the idea that the Buddha said there is no self. The Buddha asks, "How does one attend unwisely?"—meaning, how is one paying attention to oneself in an unwise way? This is an activity of the mind, to pay attention in a particular way.

What is unwise are ways that try to answer these questions: "Was I in the past? Was I not in the past? Did I exist, for example, in a previous life? What was I in the past? How was I in the past? Having been what, what did I become in the past? Shall I be in the future? Shall I not be in the future? What shall I be in the future? How shall I be in the future?" For some people, this represents all the plans they make about future selves. "Having been what, what shall I become in the future?" Or else one is inwardly perplexed about the present as follows: "Am I? Am I not? What am I? How am I? Where has this come from? Where will it go?"

These are questions that occur to many people. I think it is reasonable to have these kinds of questions, but here the Buddha says these are not wise questions to be engaged in answering.

The Buddha goes on to say, "When someone attends unwisely in this way, one of six views (or philosophies) arises in that person: The view 'a self exists for me' arises as true and established. The view 'no self exists' arises as true and established. Or the view 'I perceive self with self' arises as true and established. Or the view 'I perceive not-self with self' arises as true and established. Or the view 'I perceive self with no-self' arises as true and established. Or else, 'this self of mine that speaks and feels and experiences here and there the result of good and bad actions, this self of mine is permanent, everlasting, eternal, not subject to change, and will endure for as long as eternity.'"

These philosophical views are called a thicket of views, a wilderness of views, a contortion of views, a vacillation of views, a fetter of views^[1]. Fettered by the fetter of views, the person is not free.

That is a bit of a mouthful, but the idea is that all these views, especially the idea of, "Am I, or am I not?" or "Is there a self, or is there not a self?" are not the focus. Instead, the Buddha is interested in seeing the process by which the mind operates: seeing how we cling and how we let go of clinging, how we can act and speak in the world skillfully, wholesomely, and in beneficial ways, and how we can avoid unwholesome and harmful ways.

The Activity of Selfing

This relates to the idea of self. Often, the way people operate around a self is better described as "selfing." This is a modern English interpretation that "self" is not an activity, a noun, or a thing, but rather it is something we are doing: we are selfing.

If someone is very conceited, they are selfing. They are making up a self; they are actively involved in creating a self. If they are arrogant or if they are selfish, these are forms of suffering for oneself and for others. In the early strata of Buddhist teachings, before it started to address the philosophical issues around the idea of self and not-self, the teaching of not-self was not really present. The focus with regard to the self had to do with the activity of selfishness, arrogance, and conceit—seeing that the mind is actively doing something.

When we study this, if we get quiet enough to really see, what is this activity of selfishness that goes on? What is self-preoccupation and self-obsession? When we go to meditation, that is one of the things meditators begin to discover. They begin to discover how much selfing there is—meaning how much of the mental concerns and thoughts are swirling around the topic of "me, myself, and mine."

You can see that if you track the content of your thoughts—what you are actually thinking about. The chances are that for most people, a very high percentage of their thoughts have to do with themselves. What happened to them in the past, what they are planning for the future, the fantasies they are part of... somehow or other, the self is a main character in the mind's thoughts.

It is not necessarily an innocent involvement. Those thoughts and concerns are driven by all kinds of obsessions, drives, desires, and aversions that in themselves are agitating. They agitate the water on top of the lake so we cannot see deeply into the lake. Meditation is not doing away with the lake, but rather quieting this very thin layer on top of the lake where the water is choppy and agitated in the wind.

When that gets quiet, what becomes available in a clear, beautiful lake is all the life, clarity, and everything underneath the water. There is much more available under the water of the lake than there is just on the surface of it. To be able to see deep down to the fish, the rocks, the seaweed, and the plants can be really inspiring.

The same thing applies to the mind. Things like selfishness, conceit, self-preoccupation, and arrogance keep the surface water of the mind agitated and caught up in its preferences and wants. It doesn't allow us to see the depth and fullness of what goes on here.

So, we start noticing the activities of the mind that are called selfing: making a self, imagining a self, defending a self, apologizing for oneself, thoughts of self-aggrandizement, delusions of grandeur, or delusions of miserableness, being bad, and being awful. There are all these ideas that we glom onto the self.

The Three Influences (Āsavas)

As people get deeper in practice in Buddhism—especially when they get enlightened—they get liberated from many things. One core list of what they are liberated from can be called in English the "three influences." This works as a very good translation for āsava^[2], because one of its meanings is an "influx" or "what flows in." In fact, the English word "influence" actually comes from the Latin for "to flow in."

If we start having this idea of "me, myself, and mine," it is heavily influenced by three things:

First is pleasure. Some people organize their whole life around pleasure. It is almost as if who they are is the pleasure, or the recipient of pleasure. How they get confirmed in who they are, how they know they are successful as a human being, or how they really enjoy who they are is to have pleasure. The desire, or even the greed, for pleasure is a strong influence that helps form and shape our ideas, our view, our understanding, and our inner felt sense of, "This is who I am. I am. There is a self here."

The more greed and desire there is for pleasure, or the more aversion there is to discomfort, the more tension, constriction, and pressure arise from those motivations. This translates to tensions and contractions of the muscles, and constrictions in different parts of the body. It isn't necessarily unpleasant, but that coagulation, that coming together and concentration can give people a sense that, "Oh, there is a self here. That is the feeling of I am." Sometimes this feeling of "I am-ness" is just a gathering together of these tensions we have around desires and aversions. Early Buddhism says that a big influence on how ideas of self arise is this pursuit of pleasure and getting away from discomfort.

The second influence has to do with our ideas and our views: the strong idea that I need to know, have certainty, have a philosophy, and be right. We glom onto ideas of self—philosophically, psychologically, socially, or in terms of our identity. For example, some people form the idea that they are bad, inadequate, or somehow an embarrassment to the human race. They don't want to let people know who they are because they feel very insecure. That is an idea that the mind shapes—perhaps with the help of what happens around us in society and how people treat us—but it is still an idea. People glom onto these ideas, and that becomes their self, organized around an idea. Because there are tensions and a holding on that arises, it can seem solid, like, "Oh, I am this. This is really how it is."

We are influenced by these ideas of who we are. It might be the idea that, "I am great," and we go around with a high kind of self-esteem that is actually very fragile and easily threatened. It's an unrealistic delusion of grandeur about how special we are. Or the idea might be, "I am a powerful person, and who I am is my power. I need to have power over people to feel good about myself." Or, "I am smart," "I am beautiful," "I am kind," or "I'm just a mean S.O.B." People who have suffered a lot sometimes lock into the idea, "I am the victim." Ideas of who we are have a tremendous influence in creating selfing.

The last influence the Buddha talked about is the attachment to existence or becoming. This is related to the first one, but it is much simpler and more direct. It is just the attachment to the idea that I exist—the attachment to life and not wanting to die. It is very closely related to the attachment to being conscious and identifying myself as consciousness.

These three influences—the drive for pleasure, our philosophies and psychological ideas of self, and the drive toward feeling like we exist and are alive—are forces that drive us, move us, and drain us. The Buddha says they do not necessarily have to be there.

Buddhist meditation practice is about ending the influence of these things on our fullness, our sense of abundance, our aliveness, and our freedom. Someone who is fully enlightened is no longer influenced by all these forces. That is a good thing to become independent of: to exist, breathe, think, and see independent of these forces of selfing, creating a self, and being a self ("me, myself, and mine").

That is really the primary focus of early Buddhism, much more so than coming to a philosophical understanding that there is no self. We will see this as we go further this week. I hope that was clear enough, and I look forward to coming back here tomorrow. Be well.