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Happy Hour: Appreciating Gifts of Our Past, Offering Our Best to the Future

Hello and welcome everyone to Happy Hour. It is lovely to be with you, giving each other the gift of our presence, the gift of our time, and our presence supporting each other in this practice. I thank all of you for showing up, whether it's in real-time or whether you're listening to this later on Audio Dharma.

For today's practice, I wanted to bring our attention to a practice that we sometimes engage with here at Happy Hour. I think I did it last week, and someone said, "If we did appreciation—turning our mind, turning our awareness to what's good, what we often don't take fully in—I could do that forever." So I thought, maybe for a while I'll do that at least once a week. As I teach Happy Hour three times a week, maybe once a week we'll engage with the heart-lifting practice of joy.

Joy can show up in different ways. Gratitude can lead to joy. Vicarious joy—happiness for the happiness of others—can lead to joy. Appreciation for what's good about ourselves, about others, about causes and conditions, and about the world can lead to joy as well. There are so many ways to turn our hearts and minds towards what's good and towards what's joyous.

As I said before, it's not a way to just be Pollyannas—la-di-da, I'm just going to turn a blind eye to what's challenging in the world. Quite the opposite, actually. If we have a reservoir of joy and gladness, it serves us; it helps us to face and be with what's difficult more easily, for ourselves and for the world. So it's not an avoidance; it's actually a way of balancing. It's a way of balancing the ten thousand sorrows of the world with the ten thousand joys, because it's all present, it's all here. But because of our evolutionary conditioning, we often turn to what's challenging, what's difficult, and what's not going right. We ignore or just don't see—as if we have blinders on—and get accustomed too easily to what's actually really wonderful and really amazing.

To paraphrase Sam Harris, he has a quote about when something really catastrophic happens in our lives. Any of us, in some ways, are perhaps just a phone call away from bad news from a doctor or a difficult diagnosis. We never know what's going to happen in the future, but at those times we turn back and think, "Oh, when life was normal! When life was normal, or normal enough." And consider, this is when life is normal or normal enough! Of course, you might be dealing with challenges, but I'm offering this in a general way. When life is normal enough, our minds instead turn to finding fault with what seems boring: "Gosh, it's boring, nothing is happening in my life." Or we focus on everything that we lack: "Oh, if I had that, I would be happier," or "I would be happy if so-and-so and X, Y, and Z were in place."

Instead of turning our minds to what is lacking, we can turn them toward appreciation. This is not to say we give up our aspirations. Keep your aspirations for continuing to develop, continuing to serve in the best way you can, being who you are, and for all beings everywhere. Continue to aspire for the best being you can be, and let go of the clinging: "If I only had that..." There's a very different feeling between clinging, which has an "ouch" to it and is kind of painful, versus aspiration that lifts the heart, inspires, and motivates.

I've said plenty, and more will come with the guided meditation. Whether you're new to this practice or new to Happy Hour, whatever you need to know will be shared with you. Relax, and enjoy the ride.

Guided Meditation

At this time, having set the frame for our practice a bit tonight, I'd like to invite us to land and to arrive in our bodies. Embodiment. As we start our guided meditation practice together, I invite you to close your eyes if that's comfortable for you. Settle. Land in your seat. Arriving. Taking stock of this being here, this moment of aliveness. Here.

As always, we start with just sitting, being breathed. Sitting and being breathed. With each breath, softening, releasing. Releasing the body, releasing thoughts. Releasing into what is here right now, however it is, not wanting it to be otherwise. Even if there is unpleasantness in the body or mind... can we release into it? Release into the totality, the spaciousness. Greater, larger, more spacious. All-encompassing.

Letting awareness connect with the breath, the entirety of the breath. Sweet, comforting breath, however it shows up, however it's breathed in the body. If there are a lot of thoughts or distractions, it might be helpful to attend to and become aware of the breath in the lower abdomen. That can help settle and ground us. As if deep in our belly, in our lower abdomen. Deep resonances of the breath. Calming, soothing, settling.

When your thoughts are arising, it's okay. Smilingly, without any judgment, release. Let go, as if blowing on flower petals. Gently come back later. Giving my heart to this practice right now, and letting the sensations of the body and the breath be center stage. Calming. Soothing.

The Buddha says whatever you frequently think and ponder upon, that becomes the inclination of your mind. So instead of pondering upon what is lacking, what is missing, what we want, want, want—endless desires with clinging and grasping—let us turn and ponder upon the goodness. The goodness in our lives, the sources of goodness. Let us first turn to the goodness within. Our intentions. Our aspirations for loving, caring, being kind, being generous, being of service, being truthful, and not causing harm. Whatever your values might be.

Taking a moment to perhaps touch into the top three. If there are more arising, it's okay. Feel the goodness, the wholesomeness of these intentions in your heart. This is not a time for judgment and thinking of all the ways you lack, but to bring attention and awareness to connect with your goodness and wholesomeness. The more we connect with the wholesomeness, the more it will increase. It becomes the inclination of our minds. What inspires you?

Now I would like to invite you to imagine an earlier version of yourself. Maybe a few years ago or a decade ago, this earlier version of you... we could consider our younger self has sent us into the future. In some ways, we are the progeny, the child of this younger version of ourselves. We are living the hopes and dreams, the aspirations, and the goodnesses of a younger version of ourselves. Our younger version might have had challenges and gifts. Can we have a sense of gratitude, as if we were turning around in time and thanking an earlier version of ourselves? Thanking our younger self for their dedication, for their perseverance, for hanging in there, for their cultivation, for their hard work. Maybe for setting the direction so that we are right now practicing the dharma. There was something about this younger version of ourselves, some aspiration for goodness. Maybe it was their suffering, their sorrow, or their challenge that drove them and inspired them to seek practice, to seek meditation, to seek community.

Can we turn around and with an open heart appreciate and thank our younger selves? Again, this is not a time for self-judgment; intend to turn your mind and your heart to goodness. You can choose appreciation and goodness. You have a choice.

Perhaps the words arise: Thank you. Thank you, my dear. Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you. Thank you for sending me into the future with gifts, with your hopes and aspirations. I see and I know there were times that were hard for you. You were suffering, you were in pain. Thank you for hanging in there for me, for everyone. And the gifts... the gifts of goodness of your character.

Stay with appreciating the good. This is not a time to find fault. Thank you. Thank you, younger version of me.

You can also thank your younger self for their wholesome thoughts, wholesome actions, and wholesome words. Instead of regretting or shaming our younger selves, let's really take this time to appreciate their goodness, their wholesome actions, and their deeds. As if you were seeing a beloved other, as if it's not really you, but another being entirely. See them with kind eyes. As if they are your ancestor. You're seeing your ancestor. The heart of appreciation bowing to this ancestor that is you.

Turning to this moment in time in your perception. Feeling embodied. Feeling your body being breathed. The goodness of wholesome actions, thoughts, deeds, and aspirations living through you, running through you. Take a moment to pause and appreciate it before we continue.

Now I'd like to invite you to imagine the future version of yourself. Again, life is uncertain; we never know what's going to happen next. But for the purpose of this practice, imagine yourself some time into the future. And this future being, this future self, is as if they are your child. You are sending them off into the future. A future you will not see, but they will see. They look at you. They deserve your best. They deserve, they want, they ask the best of you. Your wholesomeness, your wholeheartedness in service, kindness, love, and truthfulness. They demand your best in the most loving way.

Can we have a sense of love and care for this progeny, for this version of ourselves sent into the future? To send as much goodness as gifts, to equip them, to nurture them, to nourish them. A sense of wholesome beauty. Loving duty. Loving duty as an offering to our future self. If the word "duty" doesn't work for you, try on "loving gift," "loving bestowal," or anything else. Just as they thank you for your effort, for your aspirations, inspired wholesome actions, and cultivation, you love them and you want them to shine, to serve, to be the best version of you they can possibly be. Offering them your gifts out of love: your actions, your hard work, your dedication, both to them and to serve all beings.

Seeing yourself in this line now: your past self, your ancestor, and now bringing in other ancestors if you wish, who sent you into the future they could not reach. You appreciating their gifts, bowing to their gifts, and sending your gifts, your actions, your wholesomeness. It's an offering for the future, your future self, and all beings who are impacted by your goodness.

Looking at you with loving eyes, caring eyes, they tell you: For our sake, do what needs to be done. Cultivate what needs to be cultivated for all of our sakes. Do not feel it as a burden, but rather a sense of aspiration, opportunity, and agency. Receiving gifts, giving gifts—present, future, all around, 360 degrees, yourself and all beings.

May we appreciate all the gifts we have received from our past selves, from our ancestors, and appreciate the goodness and the capacity to give and cultivate gifts to the future and to all beings everywhere. May all beings know their deep goodness. May all beings, including ourselves, be free.

Thank you. Thank you for your practice. Appreciating goodness internally in this moment, all the gifts of the present moment, gifts sent to us from the past, gifts into the future.

Reflections and Q&A

So we have some time for reflections, for any aha! moments that might have come up for your own benefit or the benefit of others, offering them as gifts. You can type them in the chat. If you only type to me privately, I won't read your name, just your reflection. And if it's typed to everyone, I'll read your name. You can also raise your hand.

Fazel: "Yeah, so I've made a lot of mistakes in the past and I've actually been doing the Five Contemplations^[1] every day. It's kind of like thinking about how those affect my current situation. So this is like a nice balance. That was very nice, thank you."

Nikki: Hmm. Thanks to the contemplation on karma from past actions. Thank you for that. I appreciate you bringing that in because with the Five Contemplations—just to catch people up, the fifth one for anyone who's not familiar with it is acknowledging that I am the owner of my actions. I am the owner of my actions. My actions are my arbitrator and protection. We often, as you said, focus on the negative reverberations of our actions, and it's just as important to focus on the positive, to balance it with the positive. Not just in the past, but in the present, acknowledging that yes, I'm the owner of my actions.

I have to say that with the Five Contemplations, the fifth one is really alive for me. Different ones are alive for different people, and for me, all of them are, but especially the fifth one. Wow, I'm the owner of my actions. Whatever I do, for good or for evil, I am the owner. I am born of my actions. I'm heir to my actions. It's such a rich contemplation. So I appreciate you bringing the goodness, realizing, "Yes, if I do goodness in the world, that's going to percolate." And also appreciating the goodness in the past. Beautiful. Thank you for bringing that in.

Are there any other reflections or aha! moments? Please raise your Zoom hand, because I may not see your physical hand, or you can also type in the chat.

One comment says, "Private appreciation for the goodness." You are welcome. Thank you for your practice. And wonderful to see all the folks on YouTube joining us from Brazil, the UK, and Mexico.

Since no reflections are arising right now, I will say—okay, one more. Katrin?

Katrin: "I just had a really sweet experience of seeing myself through my younger self's eyes and being like, I would be so proud of myself. It brought tears of joy to just be like, oh, my younger self would be really into who I am now."

Nikki: Sweet. Thanks so much for sharing that. That is very beautiful to connect with.

A couple of questions are coming in, so I'll answer the questions and then I'd like to go into the small groups and reserve time at the end.

One question that's coming up is, how does this fit with the contemplation of death? Both/and. As I said when I led this contemplation, the future is uncertain. We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. We don't know what's going to happen the next moment. Absolutely. And yet, there is both/and. We don't just give up and stop cultivating because we'll die. We live fully, we live completely, giving our gifts into the future, knowing that life can end at any moment. So we have to be able to hold complexity: both this moment could be my last breath, and I might live another decade, what do I want to send into the future?

Another reflection on YouTube: "I really struggled with this meditation. Anger seems to arise in me, so how can I appreciate my goodness?"

In this case, there might be a need for forgiveness practice. Forgiveness practice for forgiving the self in the past, letting go, and maybe even turning to the self that is struggling right now with compassion. Bring compassion to the self that's really angry right now to hold this present self with compassion and make some room. Make some room with kindness.

I do see your hand, Claire, but I would like to turn right now to the small groups so that we don't run out of time.

With small groups, I like to spend a little bit of time setting them up. First of all, the reason we practice in small groups is to bring our practice from the cushion, from our eyes closed, and meet others, meeting the world in the space of practice, in the space of kindness, and the space of tenderness. It's not about impressing them, educating them, managing other people's experience, or facilitating the group. Please only speak from your own authentic experience, not commenting or probing others, and hold silent space for yourself and for others.

When your turn comes, you can say pass or you can share a nugget. And please share one nugget. We're going to do the format that's called the spiral, so instead of a long monologue, if you have five nuggets, you only share one thing that came up for you. Then you pass it on to the next person. They might say pass, they might share one thought, then the third person, and then it comes back to you. You go around a few times, sharing from your own experience and holding space with kindness for each other. It's a very sacred space and a ritualistic way of participating.

So with that, I'm going to create the rooms and invite you to be kind to yourself, take care of yourself, and take care of others. Let there be a lot of care. I'm going to open the rooms. Take care, be kind. Here we go.

[Small group sessions occur]

Welcome back everyone. We have just about a minute or two for any reflections that might have come up during your practice in sangha^[2]. You're welcome to raise your hand or type in the chat.

Bill: "Hey, I wanted to ask a question, and maybe the answer would be too long to fit in at the hour, but I'm going to ask it anyway. We talked about aspiration. At what point does aspiration become striving? Because there seems like there's a gray area there where I aspire for things but I really want these things, in terms of development. I don't know."

Nikki: That's a very good question. I really appreciate the sensitivity that you have, Bill, that you know there can be a gray area and how to tell the difference. So I turn it back to you and turn it back to embodiment. Feel in your body what it feels like. There is a different feeling between aspiration, inspiration, and striving. You can feel it. You will know, and if you don't know, just continue to sit with it. You will know, Bill. Thank you for that question. Lovely.

A quick couple of reflections before we close. Sarah says, "I like thinking about my younger self going for her aspirations and dreams, which produced results that I feel grateful for today." Beautiful. Thanks for sharing that.

Mary says, "Appreciation for sangha for the witness received." Ah, beautiful.

Dhanu says, "Thank you Nikki for offering this so consistently during this whole pandemic time. It has enriched my life so much. And attending in person today, such a joy to be with your sweet loving self."

Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you so much for being here and showing up, for your presence, and your practice. For you, and all of you, thank you. Your presence is a gift to me; we give each other gifts. Your practice is a gift to me; we give each other gifts.

One last thing. Sheila: "I hadn't previously considered the goodness of an earlier form of myself who acted courageously in the face of adversity at one time in my life."

Yes! May we consider the courageousness... oh, that touches me so much. May we appreciate it.

Thank you, dear ones. Thank you for your practice. Thank you for the courage of your earlier selves that have sent you into the future, and here you are practicing the dharma. How beautiful. May all beings be well. May all beings be free, including ourselves.

Thank you all. Be well.