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Happy Hour: Social Inter-Connectedness and Metta

Introduction

Hello everyone. Hi and welcome to Happy Hour. We have a couple of minutes before we really get started, so let's do our ritual of saying hello. I'm going to allow you to unmute yourself, and you can also type in chat. I'll start by saying I'm Nikki, and I'm in Mountain View, California.

Neil: Neil in rainy New Hampshire. Nikki: Hi Neil from New Hampshire, great. Mauri: Lovelies from Sydney, Australia. Hi. Nikki: Mauri, Christine, welcome. Good morning, good Saturday morning to you. It's 1:00 PM—oh, afternoon, excuse me. Yeah, miles apart time-wise, that's right. Bill in Dallas, Texas, hello. Bill: Glad to be here. Nikki: Hi Bill, good Friday evening to you. Anybody else want to say hello from different parts of the world? Wherever you are, you can also type your hellos in chat if you wish. Randy: Hi, I'm Randy. I'm in Des Moines, Iowa. Nikki: Hi Randy, welcome from Des Moines, Iowa. Great to see you, great to have you. Just lovely to see all these faces pop up, to see all these names pop up. It just makes my heart very happy. Hi True, can't hear you but I see you just unmuted yourself. There might be a problem with your audio, but oh, now I can hear you. True: Okay, yes. Malaysia, Nikki. Nikki: Oh lovely, welcome. Saturday morning. Am I saying your name right? True: True, yes. Nikki: Great, welcome. And good morning to you too from Malaysia. Sweet. And I see a bunch of people joining from California whom I know, and from Canada and Mexico, and other places in the world. Lovely, great. Fantastic.

So let's get started, everyone. As I always explain as we get started, I change the settings so the chats will only come to me during the guided meditation, and the ability to unmute oneself will be disabled just in case we get visited by Zoom bombers. And we have hellos also on YouTube. Hello Linda from San Francisco, welcome. Lovely to have YouTube folks joining us also. Oh yes, and AudioDharma, let's not forget that. Start recording, here we go.

Welcome, a warm welcome to Happy Hour, to all of you, from wherever you are dialing in, wherever in the world you are joining this lovely online sangha^[1]. The theme for tonight that I wanted to invite us to practice with is the theme of connection, interconnection. This theme came up for me when I was talking to a friend who was sharing that during this time of COVID-19, there is a sense of isolation and a sense of aloneness, and maybe even loneliness for many at different times. It's not unusual; it's completely normal given what we're going through in our world.

Our conversation also reminded me of various studies that have been done on the practice of loving-kindness. Loving-kindness, actually the practice of mettā^[2], can increase the feeling of social connectedness. We feel more connected to others even if we may not be with them. As I was reflecting with this friend, making suggestions, and feeling into my own heart, I thought, "Wow, I am so grateful for Happy Hour because I get to teach, share, and really delve into the practice of loving-kindness at least three times a week." Of course, I practice every day, but there's something special about practicing with others, practicing loving-kindness in the presence of others.

I want to share my gratitude for this sangha, for this practice. In the midst of this pandemic, for the past six months, Diana and I have been offering this Happy Hour every day and alternating sharing it. It's been such a gift of interconnection, feeling interconnected. I wanted to invite us to explore that aspect of interconnection. Specifically, every time we are practicing loving-kindness when we come together during Happy Hour, it's already happening even without naming it. We feel more socially connected, less isolated, and less alone, as many of you have mentioned in the past. Especially when we do these small breakout groups of three, people's hearts warm up with this social connection after the guided meditation.

But even if we didn't do that, the meditation alone, loving-kindness alone, has studies suggesting that this practice on its own actually gives us a feeling of interconnection, the opposite of loneliness, the opposite of isolation. This, of course, is good for us. It brings a sense of goodness, happiness, gladness, and connection to our heart. It serves us, and we can also be connected to the world and maybe reach out and connect with others in that way.

We'll be exploring that theme tonight. I think we'll just do it, experience it, and let our hearts feel nourished by it. So let's get started.

Guided Meditation

I invite you to get into your meditation posture, whatever your meditation posture might be in this moment. Whether you need to sit up a little straighter or whether you need to lie down, whatever is appropriate. My invitation is for the body to have a sense of integrity, whether you're sitting on a cushion, a chair, on the floor, or lying down. Whatever might be appropriate for your body in this moment, see if your spine can be straight, either sitting up or lying.

Have this sense of integrity, feeling as if you're sitting tall like a mountain, as if there is an invisible thread connected to the top of your head, just ever so gently pulling the back of your head up. Your spine feeling supported, and the rest of your body, the rest of your muscles—shoulders, neck, arms, abdomen, legs, face—everything can relax, can be soft. Like a mountain that is comfortable, that is content in its posture. Sitting tall, lying tall, settled. Imagining a mountain, a sense of earthiness, its base connected, rooted to the earth. Your base—your bottom, your feet, your legs—connected to the earth. Letting your gaze shift inward.

Noticing the sensations of the body. If there's any tension anywhere, I invite you to relax and soften with the next out-breath. Letting the center of gravity of your awareness, which is usually somewhere in our head as we associate with it, come down to your heart center, feeling your chest as if your awareness was in your chest, an organ of perception. Moving down further: lower chest, abdomen, lower abdomen, sit bones. Again, as if your awareness, your mind, were in your abdomen, your belly, sensing from the inside, receiving the breath.

If you find a lot of thinking is arising, there are so many ways to work with it. But first of all, no problem, this is what minds do. No need to berate yourself. It's helpful to have an intentionality for awareness with thoughts, to kindly, with intentionality, become aware, and maybe invite the thoughts to be breathed in the belly, to relax. For the center of their gravity to be lowered, see what it feels like if the thoughts become embodied in the abdomen. As if your abdomen is thinking, and breathing the thoughts out. Let there be a sense of deliberateness. Relaxed in the body, and yet a deliberateness receiving the breath. Connecting with each breath as if it were your last breath. Precious. All we can be sure of in this moment. Connecting with the entirety of the in-breath and the out-breath deliberately, as we till the soil and settle.

And now, turning our attention after having settled and invited the mind to settle a little bit, turning your mind or attention to mettā, loving-kindness practice. I'd like to invite you to bring to mind a group of beings that you are connected to. The group could be small—could just be another couple of people—or larger. It could be your family, your friends, colleagues, your practice sangha, your practice community. And if you're having trouble coming up with one or settling on one, you can bring up this Happy Hour sangha that you are connected to. Even if it's your first time showing up or listening, you are a part of the sangha. You showed up.

Seeing yourself as a part of this community of beings, whatever group you've chosen. In your mind's eye, feeling yourself welcomed, connected. In your mind's eye, in your heart as you see yourself, even if you don't necessarily know the specific sangha, or whatever sangha you've chosen, or maybe you know all the members—in your heart, offer them safety. So that these individuals feel safe with you. In your heart, with the intention of your kindness, offering them safety. Not intending to harm, wishing that they are safe and protected from inner and outer harm.

Feeling yourself now included in this community. May all of us, all of us in this community, connected, interconnected and seen in unseen ways... May all of us, myself included, be safe from inner and outer harm. If it's possible, bring to mind maybe a couple of beings at least from this community as clearly as you can, to have a felt sense of them. A felt sense of yourself being with them. May all of us be safe from inner and outer harm. And let that land in your body, feeling safe. Offering safety: May I feel safe. May we all feel safe from inner and outer harm.

Staying with safety for a little bit before we move on to the other wishes, seeing how this can work for you. If there are members of this community you've chosen that maybe you don't necessarily always feel safe with, are there ways in your mind you can feel safe and offer them safety? Wish them: May we all feel safe. May we all feel safe from inner and outer harm. Making a deliberate intention to connect with a sense of safety with the members of the community you feel safe with, and offering your safety too. Not always being attracted by the negative bias of the mind, inclining towards the good, towards the safety. Silently reciting the first mettā phrase, whichever version works for you.

And now the second mettā phrase, offering the wish for happiness and gladness. May all of us be happy. May all of us enjoy happiness and have joy in our hearts. Let that land for you. May all of you, may all of us, myself included, feel happy and joyful. Imagining members of your community happy and joyful, laughing, yourself included.

The third mettā wish is for physical well-being. May all of you, may all of us, myself included, be healthy and strong. As much as possible, may all of us be healthy and strong. In your mind's eye, seeing members of your community strong, healthy. This sense of well-being, yourself included.

And the last wish, the last mettā phrase: May all of you, myself included, all of us, live with ease. Take care of ourselves with ease, happily. May our lives unfold with ease, for all of us. Imagining your community with ease, with peace. All of them, yourself included. Having your body relax, your heart relax. Soaking in a sense of ease.

Now as you wish, exploring these phrases of mettā one by one for this community of yours. Going through them: May we feel safe, be happy, be healthy, and have ease. In your own time, imagining them, conjuring them up, and sharing your goodwill, your good wishes. Staying connected to your body while you do this; feeling your breath can be supportive.

As you share your goodwill, your care, your kindness with your community in your heart, also see them doing the same for you, for all of you. So there is a sense of giving and receiving. Not clear who's giving, who's receiving. A sense of interconnection through goodness. Wishing well upon each other, upon yourselves, upon the community. Saying these phrases perhaps, or maybe just radiating a sense of welcoming, goodness, warmth, care for you. Letting your heart relax, feel safe, your body relax, and feel a sense of belonging and interconnection.

And for the last moments of this practice, holding yourself with appreciation and kindness for having showed up and practiced. Regardless of whatever happened or did not happen, letting go of any judgment or attachment to outcome. If you showed up, you have planted seeds. Appreciating your own inner goodness for having done that. Thank you all for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

If you'd like to share some reflections from your practice for the benefit of everyone, you can either put them in chat or raise your blue hand. I'll share something to get us started. For me, this practice was so happy-making, a feeling of connection with people I haven't seen for a while, but as if I was seeing them, feeling connected to them, feeling their mettā, giving them my goodwill. Just a very uplifting, very happy-making, very nourishing experience is how it showed up for me.

Robin says, "Don't have a community. I'm a loner with the exception of an abusive family." I appreciate you saying that, Robin. The invitation at the beginning of this practice was if one is having trouble coming up with a community, then this is your community. Having showed up to the Happy Hour, this is your community. You can imagine the people here being your community because you showed up and you're a part of us. Bill just shared, "Sending mettā to you, Robin." You are a part of us here. You show up, and you are a part of this community right now, so please feel yourself appreciated and greeted.

I see a lot of people sending mettā to you—Dawn and Kim. Robin shares that you were late and you didn't hear that invitation. No problem. You can do this practice again. You're also getting welcomes and good wishes from Mauri, Christine, Jesse, and Denise sending you love and mettā. So here you are. We appreciate that you've joined, Robin, and we're glad that you're here. You're deeply welcome in this community, and I hope you can also stay for the small practice groups where we have conversations and are held in the mettā of this community. This is a lovely, heartwarming community from people around the world who cultivate mettā. I feel teary feeling the warmth and love in this community.

Any other reflections you'd like to share, anything you've noticed?

Bill offers, "The four statements didn't feel the same for me. Felt a lot more with 'may you be happy,' repeated that quite a few times." Great. It's all good, Bill. I appreciate you exploring to see what's working for you. In time, you can come up with your own mettā phrases. Maybe tonight "may you be happy" worked the best; maybe another time another one works better. It's great to have flexibility. These are skillful means; they're not written in stone. Whatever really brings up the sense of sharing goodwill and goodness with others, that's great.

Kim offers, "I'm allowing my anger currently and trying to feel comfortable with this emotion." That is a part of the rainbow of human emotions, wishing yourself well with the anger. I'm going to borrow the phrase from what Gil often says: "Let your emotions feel safe. Let your anger feel safe." It's not as if you have to push your anger aside or away. Making it feel safe doesn't mean that we act out of it, but we give it space, just as you said you're doing, Kim. You're allowing your anger to be and feeling comfortable with it. Fantastic, it's a part of offering mettā to yourself.

Dawn offers, "Beautiful meditation. Wish I could stay for small groups." Glad you could join, Dawn, thank you.

Ariana offers, "I hopped about to a lot of different communities I'm a part of and found it hard to keep my mind on one." I think that can happen. One thing I would offer is that mettā can be practiced in different ways. To jump from community to community gives us a sense of wanting everyone to be included. It's usually better to stick with one community for a little while. Hopping from community to community or person to person can give us a sense of play; there's a joy in going from person to person, which is a lovely way to practice. Staying with one community allows the mind to settle more, this feeling of samatha^[3] or concentration, samadhi^[4]. Both are fine, Ariana, and this is what came up for you. I hope you had a wonderful experience and practice with going between, and you can experiment with both and see what that feels like. One isn't better than the other.

We also have some appreciations from YouTube. "Thank you for a safe place," from Susan. Thank you, Susan, for joining us. Andy says, "Needed to be here today. Thanks for the opportunity." Lovely that you're joining us, Andy, from YouTube.

Time is flying by, so with this sense of interconnection to community, I think this is a great setup for us to enter into our small breakout groups and to hold each other with a sense of interconnection. Here is a sangha to feel connected to. Again, if you have to go, if you can't stay, all good, no problem. But if you're hesitant and you're scared, please don't hop off because this is such a kind, lovely community offering you safety and kindness to be held. If you are usually one who feels uncomfortable or hops off, maybe challenge yourself a little and stay for the small groups. And again, if you can't stay, it's all good, no judgment. I'm going to create the breakout rooms now. Holding yourself and others with mettā, kindness.

[Breakout sessions occur]

Okay everyone, welcome back. We just have a couple of minutes, and I wanted to share that one of our sangha members from YouTube, Paul Hima7, who normally sits in this group but doesn't usually speak, just shared on YouTube that their brother just died. Doing this practice and being part of the sangha has been really supportive to them, to imagine the family of their brother as a group and to support them and be with them. So just sending all of our compassion and care for one of our sangha members, especially given that the theme of tonight is interconnection and community. Feeling one of our own, and everyone who participates even once is one of our own in this practice, in this community.

I'd love to invite you to share any reflections from the practice tonight. You can either type it or raise your blue hand. I know you all have a lot of wisdom to share from your practice, so please don't be shy. Ariana, please.

Ariana: I already shared it with my group, but I've had it happen a couple of times where I come to this group and I just cannot get behind the actual meditation. My mind is racing and it's just not a happy place up there. But then I go into the room and get to share with people or hear other people's shares and their experience, and that keeps me coming back. I get their practice, and then usually the next time I come back I'm like, "Oh that's right, much more ease."

Nikki: Thank you so much for sharing that. My sense is that, despite the self-reflection of "my mind is all over the place," I'm going to invite you to trust that you are planting seeds. In addition to the goodness of the group and the beauty of the connection, you are planting seeds. Even if it seems like nothing is happening, something is happening. Please trust in that, please borrow from my trust in your practice, which can become verified faith. Thanks so much for sharing that, Ariana.

Bill offers, "We're too happy to speak." It's sweet. Pete says, "We enjoyed the sense of connection even halfway across the nation." That's nice. Tracy says from the UK, "Thanks for this community. I have come to think of all of you as family. I love you." So sweet, thank you, Tracy. And thank you, Marie Christine, who says, "And across the world," yes, from Australia. And thank you all from wherever in the world you are.

Lots of hands are up now. I want to hear from you, but it's 7:02. To respect everybody's time and end on time, I think what I'll do is formally end the session, but I'll stay. If people need to hop off, they can, but if you want to stay, we'll stay a couple of minutes because I'd love to hear from Denise and Claire also. So formally, may you be well, may you be happy. You can sign off if you want right now if you have to go. And if you want to stay for an extra couple of minutes to hear Denise and Claire, please. Denise, love to hear from you.

Denise: Hi, thank you, Nikki. I wanted to thank you. It was a beautiful meditation and it was like synchronicity because I've been with the theme of interbeing since yesterday. There was a moment when I was aware of my loving awareness, but then I realized that I am really connected to everybody right now because we are all in this space of awareness right now together. The exact same awareness that I have right now is the exact same experience that they are having. So it was beautiful, thank you.

Nikki: Thank you, Denise. Lovely, a sense of connection through the loving awareness, through our consciousness. It's like, "Wow, this is amazing. We're all human beings, and now we're practicing the same way." This shared experience of awareness and cultivating this consciousness, that's beautiful. Thank you, Denise, it's lovely. It gives me chills as you're talking about it as I relate to it. Just this deep commonality, beautiful. Claire, please.

Claire: I just want to thank you for the direction you went in tonight because it brought up some wonderful memories for me. I'm an only child; I grew up with two very unhealthy parents who could not take care of me. For some reason, I was moved to go and find groups to join as a very small child. I've never experienced the kind of trauma that most children who grew up as neglected as I was do, and it was simply because these groups took me in and made me feel a part of, and I always felt safe in the world. It's such a gift to have that experience and then to be able to give it to others. So I think it's a beautiful direction that you've taken the group, and I want to thank you.

Nikki: Thank you, Claire. Just appreciating the wisdom of what you shared, in seeking groups to feel safe and belong, and offering that and bringing that to our mind's heart as you did tonight. Which is the sense of joy and safety and belonging that can just perpetually keep giving. Lovely. Thank you.

So dear ones, all who've stayed, most of you, thank you all. May you all be well, happy, and safe. May you have a great weekend. Connect with your communities in your heart, even if not in person in this time, communities present and past. May you all be well, happy, and safe, and all beings everywhere. I'm going to invite all of you to unmute yourself if you like to say goodbye.

[Laughter]

Goodbye! Bye everyone! Enjoy the weekend! Thank you! Take care, bye!