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Wise Speech (5 of 5) Do I have Goodwill?

Greetings again, and today is the final talk on wise speech. There are these five questions that we can ask based on the five criteria the Buddha suggests for what is wise speech, for when we should speak.

The first is the question: is it true? Is what I'm going to say timely? Is it kind, or nourishing, or supportive, or pleasing? Is it gentle, the opposite of harsh? The fourth is: is it beneficial? And today is not so much about the words themselves, but the question is: as I speak, is there a mind, a heart of kindness? A mind, a heart of loving-kindness, of metta^[1]? If we can speak from a mind or with a mind of goodwill or friendliness, then we speak.

This is a high standard. But an interesting place where the Buddha applies these criteria is when talking to his monastics. There are occasions where another monastic needs to be admonished, needs to receive some feedback, or needs to be criticized even. And so he gives these five criteria for when we go towards someone in order to provide this feedback that we have to give. If we have difficult words to say to someone, and we have to really talk to them about their behavior, or if we are going to stand up in a demonstration and protest, and express ourselves in very clear and strong terms about what we feel is right and wrong, or what we want to oppose—from the Buddhist point of view, in those situations, because the Buddha recognizes there are times when that's appropriate to have these difficult conversations, we are to ask ourselves these five questions.

Ending with: do I have a heart of kindness? Certainly, don't reproach someone from a mind of hatred, or ill will, or anger—at least, anger that has hostility in it. There can be a very strong, fierce "no" that some people might say is anger, but there's no hostility. In fact, there could be goodwill, kindness toward the person included.

This is a high standard in challenging situations where there are difficult discussions. Some people might feel that to have kindness, goodwill, and friendliness is too high a standard. "Then it's hopeless, I'll never be able to speak to someone." But the Dharma does have high standards, and that's why we have a practice. That's why we look at ourselves and work with ourselves, and gradually move in the direction where we can live a life of goodwill, where we can have that heart. Goodwill doesn't mean that we don't act, don't speak up, don't protest, or don't talk strongly in feedback with people that need to receive it. But we do it from that place of goodwill.

The place of really considering: is it beneficial for everyone? Am I speaking from a place of benefit to myself, so I'm not harming myself as I speak? Is it beneficial for our community? Is it beneficial for the person I'm talking with? Am I doing it in ways that are not harsh? The Buddha does recognize the importance of speaking up, but these criteria—this idea of acting and speaking with kindness, with metta—is taught in a very particular place.

For a monastic, there's a tremendous emphasis on non-violence and non-harming. However, if a monastic is being physically attacked, the monastic is allowed to strike out for the purposes of escaping. In other words, it's possible to throw up your arms to block someone who's going to hit you in order to stop the hit, so that you can leave. So you can get out of the way—not to fight the person, but to become safe. You're allowed a certain degree of contact like this. However, and the reason I'm telling you this, there is a criteria that's required if the monastic is going to do this, and that is there has to be kindness in their heart. There has to be loving-kindness, a mind of loving-kindness.

And this monastic precept or rule is probably behind what the famous Indian teacher named Munindraji^[2] said. He was a teacher for Joseph Goldstein and Sharon Salzberg in India and introduced them to Vipassana^[3]. There was a Western woman who was accosted in some way on the street in India. She came to Munindra and said, "What do I do if someone comes and accosts me in some way?" And Munindra said, "With all the loving-kindness you can muster, you hit them over the head with your umbrella." I think the idea is: in order to escape, in order to make yourself safe.

The emphasis I want to make is that it's not so much that we are supposed to hit people all the time with umbrellas, but there are ways in which we are supposed to take care of ourselves and make ourselves safe, but with this very high standard to do it with loving-kindness, to do it with metta.

I'm sure that there are people who will strongly protest that if they do that, they can't be safe, that it's not appropriate. That people deserve our hostility, they deserve something different. That it will be too forgiving, too soft, not strong enough in our protest or in our caring for ourselves. I would like to suggest that loving-kindness might look kind of soft, because there is a softness to it, but it can also be very strong. There can be a strength in showing up with kindness. A strength in not giving into hostility. A strength to not be harsh in our voice, but to be strong.

This whole idea of these five criteria for wise speech is not meant to be wishy-washy. It's not meant to be evasive, or vague, or to say things in such a broad, soft way that no one really knows where we are and where we stand. It's also possible to be quite definitive, to speak our mind or what's going on, to really be clear and precise, and even strong in our statements. But in doing that, people will feel that we're not here to diminish anyone, we're not here to hate anyone, we're not here to dismiss anyone. We're really here to speak strongly with kindness, looking for what's beneficial, with a caring voice that isn't hostile.

They begin feeling that when we speak, we know how to speak what's true. Or to say it a different way, we know how to speak what's actual, what's really close in, and we can rely on those words. Because these are not wild interpretations, they're not assumptions, they're not judgments, or abstract blame. They're really staying close to the experience, what's happening here. And it's timely. People feel like, "Yes, if not now, then when? This is a good time."

So, to cultivate a heart, a mind of kindness, of goodwill, of friendliness. There are all these different ways of translating metta into English, and probably each of you will find some of these words more useful than others. "Loving-kindness" is the common translation for it. It's a beautiful translation of metta, and for some people, it's maybe a little bit too idealistic or a little bit vague. Because how do you do that? It's possible to have goodwill for others without loving them, and if the idea is you have to have loving-kindness for everyone, that might be asking too high a standard.

But to always have goodwill, to always approach and be with people with well-wishing for everyone—for the person you're in conflict with, with oneself—yes, there's well-wishing. I don't have to love you, I don't have to be gushing with kindness, but basic human friendliness, goodwill, well-wishing, that is where we're coming from. And to do so is beneficial for ourselves. That is nourishing. In the Dharma, we're always using as a reference point: what is it that nourishes, supports our own inner growth and development? That doesn't have to exist apart from our engagement with the world. In fact, our engagement in the world has greater value for the world if we're staying close to the development, the growth of our own freedom, our own kindness, our own honesty, our own capacity for being present in an aware way, to be nourished from the inside.

I would encourage you to experiment with these five questions and become adept at it. Maybe talk to other people, have conversations about each of these five questions and what people think about it, and really massage and work and make them part of your life. If not just for this coming weekend, but maybe for a while, and see how it begins shifting and changing your perspective on things, and your understanding of yourself, and what you'll learn in the process to become a wise speaker, to become a wise person. So thank you very much.

Announcements

I have one announcement I'd like to make. The Buddha that you see behind me here—as a custom of monastics, they sometimes go on a rains retreat^[4]. And so the Buddha, Sunday afternoon, is going to go off for a while. I don't know how long he's going to go off to meditate on his rains retreat. His place on the altar here at IMC is going to be replaced. Taking his place will be one of the great female monastic disciples of the Buddha named Patacara^[5].

Her statue will be here before all of you on Monday morning, and maybe Monday I'll talk a little bit about Patacara. But I'm telling you this now partly because on Sunday afternoon we're going to do a 30-minute unveiling and placing of that statue on the altar here. A group of students here at IMC have gifted this beautiful statue of Patacara to us, and we're going to unveil it here. Eventually, it'll live at our retreat center, at Insight Retreat Center.

You'll see a photograph of Patacara on the homepage of the website. If it doesn't just pop up right away, on the "What's New" section there's a little announcement about this event on Sunday. It'll be on YouTube, on this live channel here, so some of you might want to come. Otherwise, I'll be here Monday. I look forward to being with you again. Thank you.