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Happy Hour: The Story of the Starfish

Hello, and welcome everyone. Hello and welcome to this rendition of Happy Hour. Lovely to be with you on Zoom-land, YouTube-land, or if you're joining later and listening to this on AudioDharma, we appreciate you.

For today's practice theme of mettā^[1], there's this little story that came to my mind, and I wanted to share it to set the stage. The story, as I remember it, is of someone walking on the beach and picking up starfish, throwing them back into the ocean so they wouldn't dry out, allowing them to survive since the conditions were such that drying out was a possibility—maybe it was hot, or whatever it was. There were thousands of starfish on the beach, and a friend, seeing this person picking them up one by one and throwing them in the ocean, says, "There are thousands of starfish. What are you doing? This is madness. Doing this doesn't make any difference." And the person who's doing this act of service says, "Well, it makes a difference to the starfish I'm throwing back."

I've loved that story. I've loved that story because even if, at times, it seems like our acts of kindness, acts of service—just listening to one person, giving a caring ear, or not losing our temper just this once—might not matter, it does. This little tiny act of kindness: what difference does it make when the world is so overwhelmed by challenges? But it makes a difference. Of course, it makes a difference. It makes a difference to the starfish, to that one starfish. It makes a difference to that person we're not losing our temper with, or being kind with, or being patient with, or that person we're saying hello to.

There are so many stories like this. Say you go for a walk and you smile at someone who's looking down and looks stressed. Maybe it's a neighbor who's walking past you, and you just smile at them. Maybe this is the gift, the only human interaction they have throughout the day. I'm now remembering echoes and vestiges of another story, just trying to find it... but the story is of how simple human kindness, just a smile, just a kind word, has been instrumental and really has kept other people going, without the giver ever realizing that the simple act of kindness, the simple act of service they were sharing, was really so profound. It sustained the other person's connection to life. Do not underestimate the power of throwing one starfish back into the ocean. One starfish. One starfish. One starfish.

Guided Meditation

That's the theme for our practice tonight, and I'd like to guide us in a meditation with that in mind. If you're new to this practice, there's nothing that you need to know ahead of time. Whatever you need will be shared with you.

Let's start practicing together. I'd like to invite you to get into your meditation posture, whatever that might be for you. Sitting, lying down, standing—all fine postures of meditation. Allow yourself to arrive in this body. Really arrive. If you need to move and shift locations, just get a sense of, "Oh, I'm here. Hello, body." Coming into your center, coming into yourself, your senses, I invite you to do what is needed for you to reconnect with your body in this moment.

Landing, landing, releasing. Releasing your heart, first of all. Letting it feel safe. It's okay. It's okay, whatever is happening, whatever has happened today, it's okay. Offering kindness, safety, and support to yourself. A safe space.

Releasing your hands, the weight of them. Noticing how alive the energy in the hands is. Alive, alert, and yet relaxed. Let them drop their weight. Drop the weight of your wrists, elbows, shoulders.

Releasing your forehead. Notice if your forehead is tense or tight, and release. Soften. Is there tension in your jaw?

Releasing the weight of your upper body. Let your shoulders drop to your sit bones. Releasing the weight of your legs onto the earth.

Let the breath move through your body, through the abdomen. This breath is a gift. It matters to you, to this body. This oxygen, this breath, makes a difference to this starfish that you are.

If you're a starfish back in the ocean, rest here. Starfish limbs relax. Soft. Be soft, and receive the breath as if it were the waves in the ocean. This wave, and this wave. This breath, now this breath.

If thoughts arise, thoughts that take you into the past or future, it's okay. As if you're calling back a beloved, not with judgment. Calling back your beloved puppy that is your mind. "Come sweetheart, rest. Rest. Rest." Just this breath. A place of refuge.

Can we see this moment of sitting here, caring for ourselves by sitting and breathing in meditation, as a moment of care? It's an expression of care. It's an expression of love for ourselves. Attending to our deepest, highest needs. Reconnecting with the kindness at our core, at our center. Simply through sitting, breathing, caring, finding refuge, making refuge.

If you'd like to experiment, try putting a palm on your heart center, the middle of your chest, connecting with yourself. This act of kindness: Here, here, dear, here. Right here. It's okay right here. It's not complicated. It can be very simple. Simply sitting and breathing.

If you like, add the phrases of mettā: May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May my life flow with ease. All the support that makes a difference for this starfish.

Knowing that no matter how far and wide you look all around, the Buddha has said you won't find anyone who is more deserving of your own kindness. Sharing goodwill.

May this being who is me, this starfish, this alive sentient being that is me, may they be safe from harm.

Just offering this wish, not clinging to the outcome. Just offering this sense of goodwill to yourself without clinging. Fully knowing that the world isn't safe in every way, but you offer this wish as a gesture of goodwill.

May I, may this being who's me, be happy. May there be joy in my heart.

May this being who is me, this starfish, may they be healthy and well as much as possible.

May this being that is me, the starfish, have ease. Ease in their life, ease in conditions. Fully knowing that life has challenges, and yet offering this goodwill generously. Offering it freely. Letting it light up your heart. These wishes, they're not hammers. We're not pounding them. Offering them lightheartedly.

Just as if you were throwing a starfish back into the ocean with a sense of goodwill, with kindness. Oh, dear starfish, may you be safe. May you be happy. May you be well. May there be easeful conditions for you there. I'll throw you back into the ocean with mettā. It's the same gesture of the heart. It's free, it's easy, it's lighthearted.

Imagine you are a starfish, and you're throwing yourself back into the ocean with kindness, with goodwill.

Now, in your imagination, you're picking up the starfish that is you and throwing it into the ocean. Picking up other starfish—other starfish, in some ways, they are both you; you could have been these starfish. There are also other beings, and wishing them well. They're beings in your life: friends, family, strangers. Sharing your kindness, your goodwill, your service lightheartedly. Without attachment to outcome, it doesn't have to be perfect or complete. Just a little bit of kindness, a little act of goodwill.

Maybe you consider the mettā wishes, starting with safety: May you be safe. The people in your life, or strangers. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you have peace.

I'd like to invite you, if you would, to consider one act of kindness that you received recently. Today, this past week, this past month. Something that was kind, maybe a small gesture. The first thing that pops up in your mind is fine. Maybe it was last year, or a decade ago, it doesn't matter. Let yourself feel the appreciation, the goodness this act of kindness has brought to you.

Appreciating the kindness, the goodwill, the mettā. Letting yourself receive it from this being, whoever was kind to you. It is the act of mettā, an act of goodwill. Maybe a phone call, maybe a helping hand. Breathe it in. Savor it.

Appreciating the goodness, the impact of this act of kindness for you. You, the starfish. One starfish. Bowing to that act of kindness and its impact, its ramifications in your life, small or large.

Now I'd like to invite you to consider an act of kindness, of mettā, that you shared with someone else. Maybe you offered a helping hand or a patient ear, whatever it might have been. Now let yourself feel the nourishment of this kindness, this goodness. Let it gladden your heart. Feeling the impact, the appreciation of the other. First, the starfish you threw—this one starfish you threw once into the ocean.

Breathing in, breathing out. Appreciating the interdependence in this kindness. Letting your heart be buoyed, uplifted. It's not a time to remember all the previous wrongdoings; remember kindness. Let your heart be glad. Maybe a smile shows up on your face. Welcome it.

We are all starfish, and we all have the capacity to throw one starfish back into the ocean.

So, as we bring this practice period to a close, offering the goodness of our practice together. Touching into kindness, intentions of kindness. Recollecting kindness. Turning our hearts, our minds, our mindstream towards kindness, the benefits, the gifts, the appreciation of it. This is time well spent.

Whatever you frequently ponder and reflect upon becomes the inclination of your mind, says the Buddha. So we reflect together on kindness, so that it becomes the inclination of our hearts and minds.

May all beings everywhere, all starfish—hypothetical, physical, imaginal, including ourselves, the starfish—may all beings everywhere be safe, happy, healthy, at ease. May they be free.

Thank you all. Thank you for your practice.

Reflections

So, dear starfish and starfish throwers both, we have some time for reflections. You're welcome to raise your Zoom hand. You're also welcome to type them in chat. If you type them to everyone, I'll read your name; if you just type them to me, they will be private. If you raise your physical hand, I will not see you because there are many of us here.

Pat says on YouTube, "'The Star Thrower' was written by Loren Eiseley in The Unexpected Universe^[2], an extraordinary man." Thank you for that reference, Pat. Lovely. I appreciate giving credit where credit is due.

Jennifer says, "That was so incredibly beautiful. Thank you." Thank you, Jennifer, you're welcome, and thank you for your practice.

"I feel like a starfish." It's kind of fun to feel like a starfish—pointy, right? Being thrown, throwing others. This was a fun practice. Not just profound, but also fun. It's good when practice is both. And of course, some things may not have worked for you, which is perfectly fine. Any questions, any reflections offered are all welcome. Any complaints?

As I don't see any reflections popping up right now, I will invite us—if something wants to pop up, it's okay, it can still come—to consider entering little oceans, little tide pools in small groups. Small groups of three, to consider each other as starfish and offering kindness. Offering kindness to ourselves, to each other. The question for reflection is: what was this practice like for you? What came up? Share whatever you like from your first-person experience. Not managing, not questioning, not guiding the group, but just really from your own experience. Sharing one thing, and then the next person will share one thing, or they'll share silence, saying, "I'll pass. I'll hold silence today." Perfectly fine. No expectation, all welcome. The third person will say something, and then they'll come back to you, so you'll go around a few times.

A question is, "Is it possible to listen to the recording later? It really touched my heart listening." Oh, absolutely. This recording is going to be available on AudioDharma.org. It will also be available on the IMC YouTube channel. If you go to my website, nikkimirghafori.com, under "Teachings" and "Happy Hour," all the links to both AudioDharma and the YouTube channel are there, as well as on the IMC website. Okay, I'm going to create the breakout rooms. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other. You're all starfish, tender starfish, so let's be kind.

Oh, Neil also says, "I'll also email the links for the recordings." Okay, thank you, Neil. If you join the Google groups, the links will be mailed to you. Alright, I'm going to open the groups. Here we go. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other.

[Laughter]

Okay, the rooms are closed, everybody's back. Welcome back, everyone. We have a few minutes for any reflections that might have arisen from practicing, either with the guided meditation or with practicing in a meditating community. So, what came up? The spirit of sharing with others and supporting—our reflections can support others' reflections.

Diana, is your hand there?

Diana: This is my starfish painting. I do watercolor, I'm a student... there's a bit of a glare, I'm sorry. He's sunning himself, and it's from a stock photo of tidal pools in Northern California. I entered it in the student show. This just happened a couple of months ago, so here's the ego coming out, but I just had to show it to you.

Nikki: Faces are lighting up, and thumbs up are lighting up, and people are loving your starfish painting, Diana. Thanks for sharing that.

Diana: In our group, we talked a lot about the things we remember—just all the various kindnesses and our appreciation for this theme today. Some of us were remembering all the various good things and kindnesses, just daily. That's it.

Nikki: Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your starfish, Diana—both the metaphorical and the literal painting of it. Thank you.

Diana: I couldn't believe it. Okay, thank you.

Nikki: Sweet, thank you. It's great. Michelle says, "This is way out of context for the larger group, but a mantra I use when I feel a negative emotion arising is: These feelings are inside me, and someone's actions triggered them. I have the power to ignite these feelings or not." That is true. Yes, it is out of context, Michelle, and I appreciate the way you're supporting yourself with this mantra. Yeah.

Any other reflection? Jerry?

Jerry: Real quick... I was in pre-med college^[3] before I went off to professional school, and I was working for the police and the intelligence units. Another student was with me from high school, and he found this suicide note that the police had collected. In it, I never forgot these words. I felt intrusive upon the suicide note, but only to say that he had been ridiculed in high school, and my mother had asked me to reach out and protect him, which I did. In the suicide note, he mentioned that. I never forgot that. He even said maybe he did this because my mother was talking about this... I did, but it reminded me you never know the effect of kindness. Oh... So this has been very helpful to remind me that I don't know the effect on others, but it can be quite enormous. Yeah.

Nikki: Thank you, Jerry. Thank you for sharing that moving reflection. Wow. Yeah, exactly. You never know the impact of your act of kindness. Yeah.

Thank you all. That's a profound note, from a story and from the real-life experience of one of you, to end on. Really appreciate that. Continue to throw starfish into the ocean, and also let yourself be thrown. Let yourself be thrown. Appreciate the goodness of kindness that's offered by others, and keep throwing starfish.

So thank you all. Thank you, dear starfish and starfish throwers, for your practice, for being here, and cultivating your heart. May all beings be well. May all beings be free. Thanks, everyone. Be well.