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Happy Hour: Breathing in Kindness, Breathing out Kindness

Introduction

Hello and welcome to Happy Hour. For today's theme of practice, I'd like to invite us to consider starting with mettā^[1]—with kindness, loving-kindness for ourselves, for this body, and then spreading it outward. We start from ourselves.

If you've been coming to Happy Hour for a while, you know that we tend to start by filling our own cup. Then we share, then we spread, we shift, and we take on the perspective of kindness and care—not just for this being that is me, but for all beings everywhere. So that's going to be the progression.

Whatever arises, as long as you are kind, as long as you make space for whatever arises, you're doing this practice right. If it's pain in the body, if you're kind to it, if you make space for it, if you receive it with goodwill instead of aversion or pushing it away, just be kind. Be kind, be kind. That's all this practice is about: cultivating kindness towards whatever arises.

So with that as the prelude, let's begin.

Guided Meditation

Let's settle into our bodies in this moment, arriving as well as we are able to, relaxing in this moment.

Inviting the awareness, the attention, to receive the sensations of sitting. Of our feet, our legs on the earth. Sensations of our bottom on the cushion, our hands on our lap. A sense of uprightness, integrity. Sitting with dignity.

And letting there be a relaxed awareness. Relaxed, receiving the breath in the abdomen.

If you notice that thoughts are moving here and there, it's okay. Can we be kind? Can there be kindness, not aversion, not self-reprimand? "Oh, I've been thinking again." No need, really, no need. Can there be a celebration of, "Oh, this moment, I'm alert, I'm awake." Celebrating this moment instead of reprimanding yourself. You have a choice, fifty-fifty. What do you choose? Train the mind in kindness and delight, not in reprimand.

Let there be enjoyment, delight, of this breath. This nourishing, life-giving breath. In-breath and out-breath. The entirety of the in-breath, the entirety of the out-breath. And help us stay connected. Staying connected to the entirety of the in-breath and the out-breath. Receiving with gratitude, lightness in this moment. Savoring the breath in the abdomen. In this moment, be a refuge. Healing, acquiring nourishment in the heart.

Whatever is arising in this moment, can the response of the heart be one of ease, one of kindness? "It's okay, it's okay dear, it's okay." One of comfort, one of care. And if that's not possible, can there be care and acceptance of the resistance? Pushing away the aversion—can we make space for that with kindness?

Are there any challenges, pain, or difficulty in the body, or in the mind, or in the heart? Can we make space for it to be here just as it is? As if we were holding a tender newborn, rocking the newborn with care, with patience, can we try on the same stance, the same caring embrace for whatever might be challenging?

And if there is nothing challenging in this moment, there is ease. Holding, making space for the ease. Goodwill and kindness with which we hold the goodness within it. See what is appropriate in this moment for this mind, body, and heart.

If you like to add the phrases of mettā compassion, you're welcome to. Or not, it's a simple version of the phrases. "I wish myself well. May I be well. May I be happy. May I meet myself with kindness." Other alternatives: "May I love and accept myself just as I am," or "May my heart open to the possibility of loving myself as I am." No pushing, forcing, wherever it's easy and accessible. "May I be well. May I meet myself with goodwill. May I meet myself with kindness."

And let there be an infusion of kindness with each breath. Each in-breath that is received brings in and infuses our body, our heart, and mind with goodwill, with kindness. Every cell of the body released into kindness and care with the out-breath. In-breath and out-breath. Kindness in, kindness out. Goodwill in, goodwill out. Dwell in goodwill out with each breath. Witnessing goodness out. Breathing in care, breathing out care.

Breathing in care to this body, heart, and mind—this being who is me in this moment in time. And breathing out goodwill, sharing your kindness with all beings everywhere. Just as I wish to be happy, others wish to be happy. I wish them well. I wish them happiness with each breath.

I wish myself goodness, friendliness, well-being. I wish others the same. Friends, relatives, loved ones, may they be well. Those I don't know, neutral beings, so many beings on this planet, may they be well. Those I am entangled with, have challenges with, they want to be happy just like me. I wish both of us well in this entanglement. May we be well, may they be well.

Goodwill 360 degrees. Internally, externally, all around. May I be kind. May I meet myself, may I meet others with generosity of spirit, with goodwill, with care.

And as we bring this practice period to a close, if there are any judgments or criticisms arising for what happened or did not happen, can we be kind? "Thank you, self-judgment, thank you. You're trying to help, and no need, it's okay. Thank you for trying to help and support me, it's all okay." Letting there be kindness, goodwill towards yourself. Appreciation that you showed up, you did your best. As best as you were able to show up, you did. You take responsibility for intentions, and let go of the outcome. The outcome is not within our control.

And sharing your goodness, sharing the merit and goodness of our practice, with all beings everywhere. May all beings be well, may all beings be free, including ourselves.

Thanks everyone, thanks for your practice.

Small Group Practice Instructions

Breathing in goodwill, goodness, breathing out goodness. Breathing in goodwill for this body, or this heart, or this mind. May I meet this moment with kindness, may I meet myself with goodwill, whatever is arising. And meeting others, meeting whatever is arising in other beings, with goodwill and kindness.

So meeting others with goodwill and kindness, and meeting ourselves with kindness. We have the opportunity at Happy Hour in small groups to practice meeting ourselves in relationship, and meeting others in relationship with kindness. It's a sandbox. You don't have to say much. You can say "pass," hold silence, kind silence. You can also share a few words if you want to, for your own benefit. Not to educate, not to edify, but just to share from your own experience what arose in your practice.

Anything is fine: "Oh, I was kind to myself," or "There was a judgment," or "There was pain in the body and I was kind," or "I fell asleep, I missed the whole thing." That's perfectly fine, there are no right or wrong answers. As long as you show up with kindness towards yourself, and you show up with kindness towards others, it's a sandbox. And when you notice you get heady, just stop. It's okay, breathe. We're all walking each other home, as Ram Dass^[2] said. We're just practicing together. What is it like to let go of the ego a little bit? Just be kind. And if the ego shows up, it's okay, you can be kind to it too.

I'm going to create the breakout rooms now, and the invitation is again, speak from your own experience. Not asking questions, not directing anyone else's experience. We'll start in reverse alphabetical order by first name. Say a nugget, what you noticed, if you want, or you can say "pass." Say something brief, maybe thirty seconds, maybe a minute or not, and then the next person. Go around a few times, make sure everybody has time to speak. Don't make your monologue too long, let it be a brief offering from your heart.

You're showing up with other practitioners who are here to cultivate kindness. When you go to the groups, just spend a few seconds in silence, sharing goodwill for one another: "Oh dear beings in this Zoom room, may you be well." Just in silence, wish each other well before you start to speak.

With that, I'm going to open the breakout rooms. Be kind to yourself, be kind to others, that's all that matters.

Reflections

Okay, welcome back everyone. Your rooms are closed, and we have a few minutes for reflections. I'm going to change the chat settings so you can type to me directly, in which case they'll be private and I'll only read the reflection, not your name. Or you can type to everyone if you want, in which case I'll read your reflection and your name as well. You can also raise your hand. Hi Claire.

Claire: I know I spoke recently so I'll be brief, but we were talking about the physical aspects of the meditation tonight, and I was just trying to tell the rest of my group that I actually sort of started meditating as a cyclist. When you're on the bike, you can't think. You just have to deal with your body and your environment and focus on that. There's no thinking going on, and it's a form of meditation.

Nikki: Yeah, it's a different way of being very present in the moment. It's very interesting. Climbing too, rock climbing as well, it's very easy to be so present in the body. There are so many different types of meditation, like sports.

Claire: That's why I like to do it, because it gets me out of my head. Thank you.

Nikki: Thanks Claire. I see Fred's hand up, please.

Fred: Yeah, it's me who raised my virtual hand. Hi, Nikki, good to see you.

Nikki: You too.

Fred: As we were signing off in the small group, one of the people in our group was saying that meeting in this group in a regular way for more than a couple of years now had changed her life. And I thought, yes, that's true, I feel that too. It's not an exaggeration. I just feel, sitting with this Sangha^[3], but also sitting in the morning too—being with people whose faces I don't see for the most part—that has another feeling too. There's an intimacy that I've never felt sitting with people in person. Building a frame of the day with the two sittings, I just feel so grateful. First of all, Nikki, I feel so grateful to you for hanging in with us for a long time, and I know you have plenty of other things to do too. But to everybody who keeps showing up, I thank you all. It's just really been important and tremendously helpful.

Nikki: Thank you so much for the words of kindness and wisdom, appreciating and sharing what another person in your group said—that things have shifted in her life, the way she responds. To actually pause and acknowledge that is profound, to notice that it has happened. And also the sense of appreciation and gratitude, all of that brings so much joy to my heart. Yes, this is possible. This is the path, this is the practice.

I turn it back to you, Fred. As you would expect, I would point out in this moment that you're the one who's hanging in with the practice. You've hung in there for a couple of years showing up to Happy Hour, and also to the morning sitting. So it's really you; it's the beauty of your practice, your continuity. This co-created goodness arises from your goodness, from your contribution. So thank you so much for your practice, and for everyone else's.

I see a bunch of reflections in the chat. Hugh says, "Yes, I agree with Fred, ditto." Mary says, "I've been away from Happy Hour for a week, so grateful and happy to be back with Nikki and everyone." Welcome back, Mary, lovely to have you back.

Sherry says, "I loved the simplicity of loving-kindness, love kindness in and love kindness out. My heart seemed very at peace." Lovely, beautiful. Thank you, Sherry.

Kane on YouTube is sharing their appreciation and thanks for many of the teachers at Insight Meditation Center. Cheers from Perth, Australia! Thank you, Kane. The smallness is kind of nice in a way, too. Thank you, Kane, for your reflections. Any other reflections before we bring the session to a close?

I see your hand... yes, I hope I'm saying your name right.

Practitioner: Yes, you're saying it perfectly right. Thank you. As I said, I'm pretty new to this, but I've always been meditating in some form or another. I just realized today as I was meditating what a luxury it is. It's one of the best things I can do for myself. It's just sitting there, being loving to myself, valuing my energy so that if I send it out into this world, it's going to matter. It's just such a luxury. I'm just so grateful that this is here and I found it. Thank you to everyone who's here, thank you so much.

Nikki: Beautiful. It's both a luxury and a necessity. It's a necessity that we spend our time this way, that we incline our minds towards kindness, towards ourselves, towards the world. It's a radical act in these times because it's so easy to give in to hatred and disillusionment and "not-enoughness." I'm not enough. I'm not good enough. Others are not. Ouch. So it's actually a necessity getting in touch, inclining our hearts towards goodness to reconnect our hearts with its own goodness. It grows when we see our own goodness; it shines, both for our own benefit and also for the benefit of the world.

We do this so that we can serve. When I use the word luxury, it's not this luxurious thing that we do for self-preoccupation. There's a reason for it, and the reason is so that we become kinder, gentler, not just to ourselves but to everybody else. We do it so that we serve. It is out of service, it is out of love. It is out of the bodhisattva vow^[4], the bodhicitta^[5] intention to serve all beings, including this being who is myself, with love and care. So meditation is a necessity.

Thank you all, thank you for your reflections, for your practice. It's such a joy and delight to be serving, to be supporting this wonderful Sangha. It just makes me so happy. No matter how I'm feeling, how tired or in pain, when I come and practice with you, I always feel better. So it's definitely a privilege. Thank you for allowing me to support you. Thank you for your practice, and may all beings be well. May all beings be happy, including ourselves.

Thanks everyone, take care.