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Happy Hour: Metta and the Breath

Hi, and welcome to Happy Hour, everyone. For the theme of our practice tonight, I wanted to bring in something that I have recently learned from this book I've been reading called Breath by James Nestor. I think I mentioned it some sessions ago, and it's an interesting, fascinating book. One thing that's interesting is some research that he cites about the exhale being very important and salutary, so I want to bring this theme in together with our practice and merge them together. Here we go.

What I knew, but discovered again from this book, is that we can only speak when we're exhaling; we can't speak or sing when we're inhaling. We inhale, then we talk, and then we take another inhale. It turns out that, according to some studies, exhaling fully—exhaling completely and elongating the exhale—can calm, settle, and quiet the mind. It can have some effects on not just breathing, but the parasympathetic nervous system, and physiologically can be supportive and helpful.

Now, combine that with a tradition of chanting. I'm not a big chanter, but there is a big tradition of chanting in both Buddhism and Christianity, and there are many different traditions in the world. It turns out that apparently, five and a half in-breaths and out-breaths per minute is kind of the optimal cycle. Also, some studies suggest having a quicker in-breath and a longer out-breath. What he was suggesting is that if you take some of the famous, familiar Buddhist chants and Christian chants, they are roughly the same length. The length that it takes to do the chant is about five and a half to six seconds, which translates to this five and a half in-breaths and out-breaths per minute. I thought, "Wow, that's an interesting discovery, a coincidence."

So I've been exploring this the past few days. I've been chanting and elongating my exhale, exploring the calming physiological effect with the cultivation of metta^[1]. The cultivation of goodwill, the cultivation of well-being internally, and well-being internally and externally for the benefit of all beings. This is the theme I'd like to invite us to explore together tonight, or this morning, whatever your time zone may be, and see how it goes.

Given that our practice here primarily is about metta, let us play around with the metta phrases, elongating them as if we were chanting or singing them. You're welcome in the space you are in to either say them out loud at first, or maybe kind of hear them in your mind's ear but be silent, and make your exhale elongated. This idea of well-being internally and goodwill externally. Just to put this in perspective, especially when we did the series on metta, we've explored images, we've explored different nuances of the words, we have explored radiating, we have explored so many things. And now here, we're going to explore the breath, the duration of the breath, together with wishing well for ourselves and for others. It's something new in this exploration. I'm excited; I've been having fun exploring it and I am excited to share it with you.

Guided Meditation

Let's begin. Let's settle. Let's settle into our bodies. Arriving. Arriving.

Feeling the breath. Feeling the breath. The in-breath and the out-breath. Nourishing this body.

Inviting the sit bones to relax, to give their weight to the cushion, to the chair, to the earth. Inviting our lower legs to offer their weight to the earth. And our feet. The entire lower body.

Inviting the inner abdomen, as if there were a vertical line internally aligning our body, relaxing around that. This vertical line is both having a sense of integrity around it with our spine straight, and also relaxing around it.

Softening the chest, neck, shoulders, arms, and hands. Our face, our jaw, the eyes resting in their sockets. Letting the breath move through the body as it will. Letting it be natural for now.

In the practice of mindfulness, we let the breath be natural, receiving it just as it is. Later, in our cultivation practice today with metta, cultivating metta, we will explore lengthening the out-breath with the metta phrases. But for now, let the breath be natural.

Now, if you would, bringing a felt sense, the image of someone you care about. Someone who is easy for you; you don't have a complicated relationship with them. When you think of them, there is a sense of safety, care, warmth. Maybe a smile shows up. Bringing them to your mind's eye. Their felt sense is as alive, as present as possible.

It is best to choose someone who is alive if possible. If you know your way around this practice and there's no longer grief, it's okay to bring up someone deceased also, as long as they bring up joy and gladness. The felt sense of this being, this person. This being could be a pet or a child.

Let's offer them the metta phrases. You can say them out loud, or just say them silently in your mind's ear, hearing them. Elongating the exhale. Experimenting. I'll offer the long phrases for this purpose.

May you be safe from inner and outer harm, dear one. May you be safe from inner and outer harm, dear one. May you be safe from inner and outer harm, dear one. May you be safe from inner and outer harm, dear one.

Now the next phrase: May you be happy and have joy in your heart, dear one. May you be happy and have joy in your heart, dear one. May you be happy and have joy in your heart, dear one. May you be happy and have joy in your heart, dear one.

Next phrase: May you be healthy and have strength in your body, dear one. May you be healthy and have strength in your body, dear one. May you be healthy and have strength in your body, dear one. May you be healthy and have strength in your body, dear one.

Next phrase: May you have ease; may your life unfold with ease, dear one. May you have ease; may your life unfold with ease, dear one. May you have ease; may your life unfold with ease, dear one. May you have ease; may your life unfold with ease, dear one.

In your own time, experimenting with a longer exhale. The inhale can be a half inhale; it doesn't need to be a full inhale. It turns out a half inhale is fine, but exhaling fully. In your own time, with the phrases as you wish, whatever works for you. Experimenting. Maybe slowing it down.

May you be safe, dear one. May you be happy, dear one. May you be healthy, dear one. May you have ease, dear one.

May you be safe, dear one. May you be happy, dear one. May you be healthy, dear one. May you have ease, dear one.

May you be safe. May you be happy, dear one. May you be healthy, dear one. May you have ease, dear one.

Experimenting perhaps with saying the phrases out loud. See what it feels like if you can, if you wish. Notice the calm that can come with the elongated breath. The feeling of lacking air that might come up, it will go away. The sense of calm, stillness. The air hunger will go away, interestingly.

May you be safe, dear one. May you be happy, dear one. May you be healthy, dear one. May you have ease, dear one.

May you be safe, dear one. May you be happy, dear one. May you be healthy, dear one. May you have ease, dear one.

Keeping the image of your loved one.

May you be safe, dear one. May you be happy, dear one. May you be healthy, dear one. May you have ease, dear one.

May you be safe, dear one. May you be happy, dear one. May you be healthy, dear one. May you have ease, dear one.

May you be safe, dear one. May you be happy, dear one. May you be healthy, dear one. May you have ease, dear one.

Notice the air hunger will go away. A sense of calm, synchronicity, as if the breath becomes synchronized with the wishes, the images. A sense of alignment arises after a while, after a sense of air hunger goes away.

Now, bringing a felt sense of yourself. An image of yourself together with your dear being, as if the two of you are sitting together, practicing together. Directing the metta phrases to both of you. And again, let's experiment today with saying them out loud, extending the exhale.

May we both be safe, dear one. May we both be happy, dear one. May we both be healthy, dear one. Letting go of the exhale at the end. May we both have ease, dear one.

May we both be safe, dear one. May we both be happy. May we both be healthy, dear one. May we both have ease, dear one.

Keeping an image of both of you.

May we both be safe, dear one. May we both be happy, dear one. May we both be healthy, dear one. May we both have ease, dear one.

May we both be safe, dear one. May we both be happy, dear one. May we both be healthy, dear one. May we both have ease, dear one.

Imagining both of you in your mind's eye receiving these blessings.

May we both be safe, dear one. May we both be happy, dear one. May we both be healthy, dear one. May we both have ease.

Feeling the ease of the exhale, letting go at the end of the breath.

May we both be safe. May we both be happy, dear one. May we both be healthy, dear one. May we both have ease, dear one.

Noticing how saying the phrases out loud has a different impact than reciting them silently.

Now switching to ourselves. If you wish, you can put the palm on your heart center, in the middle of your chest, to connect with yourself. For this part, if you have been saying them silently so far, I do invite you to try saying them out loud now. See how it goes, what you notice.

May this being who is me be safe. Receiving the blessing. May this being who is me be happy. May this being who is me be healthy. Receiving the blessings. May this being who is me have ease in this moment.

May this being who is me be safe. Letting go at the end of the exhale. May this being who is me be happy and joyful. May this being who is me be healthy. May this being who is me have ease in this moment.

You can continue to say it in this way, or say "I" if you like.

May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I have ease.

May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I have ease.

May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I have ease in this moment.

May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I have ease in this moment.

May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I have ease.

May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I have ease.

In your own time, with your own rhythm.

Now turning the wishes of goodwill or metta, radiating it outward to the entire world. From our heart, our heart center, touching ourselves first, radiating out. Touching all those who are near us, near and dear, and far away.

May all beings everywhere be safe. May all beings everywhere be happy. May all beings everywhere be healthy. May all beings everywhere have ease.

May all beings be safe. May all beings be happy. Relaxing, letting go at the end of the out-breath. May all beings be healthy. May all beings have ease.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be healthy. May all beings have ease.

May all beings be safe. May all beings be happy. May all beings be healthy. May all beings have ease.

As we bring this practice period to a close, offering the goodness of our practice to all beings everywhere. Sharing the goodness generated. Even if we might consider or judge our practice to have been shoddy, trusting there is goodness here. There's goodness generated in this cultivation and aligning our actions with our intentions of goodwill. Sharing this goodness together as a sangha^[2].

Generosity and gratitude for this breath. Letting go of the merits generously. Letting go of the out-breaths.

May all beings everywhere be happy. May all beings everywhere be free.

Thank you for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

So today we experimented with the metta phrases, saying them out loud actually, and exploring elongating the out-breath as if we were chanting. Not quite chanting, but as if we were chanting, elongating the out-breath especially, and letting the in-breath be half-full. Exploring how the mind can actually become more quiet with this kind of breathing and make more space for the cultivation of metta because the mind is not going here, there, and everywhere.

I've described the practice of metta as a three-ring circus, where there is the image of the loved one, the dear being, there is the feeling of metta, and then there are the phrases. Tonight we had four rings because we were juggling four balls, the fourth one being the rhythm of our breath.

What I noticed, and would love to hear what you discovered, is that as I've been experimenting with this breathing technique, at first there's a sense of air hunger that comes up when the out-breath is elongated and the in-breath is half-full. And then there's a sense of calm and peace. The mind becomes more quiet, and I feel as if I've meditated for a long, long time right now, even though it's been thirty minutes and I've been talking most of the time teaching. It's so interesting.

I'm curious what you explored, what you discovered, what worked, what didn't. You can type in the chat. If it's to everyone, I'll read your name as well as your reflection. If it's just to me, then I will only read your question or your comment, not your name. You can also raise your Zoom hand and bring your voice into the space. Please don't be shy, especially if you haven't spoken or shared in a while. I would love to hear from you. What did you discover? This is new, bleeding edge.

Neil: I found saying the phrases aloud made this complicated, right? It felt like there was a lot going on for me. I don't even always say the phrases when I practice metta; sometimes I will just say the last word, like "happy" or something. Saying the whole sentences and saying even the longer versions to try to drag the breath out, it made the metta less accessible to me, I think.

Nikki Mirghafori: Yeah, thank you for that observation. And how are you feeling now afterwards, given all the complications of the juggling of these balls at the end of your practice?

Neil: Well, right, I mean there was a settling. You talk about feeling settled, right? I could say things started to be less bad at the end, right? It's not quite the same thing as feeling settled. So it left me wondering, if I were to do this more and get better at it, perhaps it won't be as bad, I guess.

Nikki Mirghafori: Yeah, interesting. Well, it's an interesting exploration and maybe some other things need to be explored. Let me mention something, I really appreciate your reflection, Neil. Maybe something to explore is elongating the breath but reciting them silently. Maybe that would make it less busy in the mind. Or maybe just adding it all in one go is too much. That might be something to explore and experiment with.

I'm getting another reflection here saying, "Similar to you..." don't go away Neil, "...saying I had a similar experience, my mind was trying to keep up with the pacing of the phrases, but it felt like I wanted to go slower, so I muted the audio so that I could try it on my own." Great. Okay, so it seems like maybe the phrases out loud and this pacing could feel like too much. It could feel like too many balls juggled. And I appreciate the person who sent me the reflection. Trying to go at your own pace, trying to slow it down.

Another thing to explore could be to try just one phrase. And that could be the repetition. It could be that going through the four phrases and the breath is just too much to keep in mind. I confused the phrases at some point too, it is a lot. With what I was exploring earlier this week in another chant, which is actually a Mahayana chant, Om Mani Padme Hum^[3], which was mentioned in this book... the metta phrases can be more complicated, so I'm just thinking about ways to explore. Om Mani Padme Hum has a rhythmicity that can be helpful, maybe doing metta to that. We can explore, this is fun! Thanks for bringing this up, Neil. We're exploring this together.

Stephanie says—I'm not sure if your camera is off or on, I can't see you Stephanie, but you say—"Saying the phrases out loud felt so good. It felt energetic and I enjoyed hearing my voice blending with yours, Nikki. Visualizing my friend added energy as well. Thank you." Great, thank you Stephanie. Thank you for that reflection, and also for adding the energizing aspect, because that's also another thing that saying the phrases out loud can do, kind of this energizing. We can't fall asleep, because actually that's what chanting does. Usually on retreats, we do chanting at the end of the evening so that it brings up energy so you don't fall asleep. We're exploring here together and figuring out what can work for ourselves.

Diana, I see you. Let's make this brief because we're running out of time for the groups.

Diana: At the beginning of the meditation, I didn't feel right with the world at all. At the end, I had just much calm and was really at peace. I have a question about the in-breath. I was trying to get enough going and sucking up, and then how do you pace the in-breaths?

Nikki Mirghafori: Thanks for that report and the question, Diana. According to these studies, the in-breath can be half-full, it doesn't have to be full, and the out-breath, the exhale, needs to be more complete. In fact, this method is taught to athletes to run or swim, as training to take a half breath, not fill the lungs fully, but extend the exhale as long as possible as a training so that the body can take in more air.

Diana: It feels like I'm running out of breath.

Nikki Mirghafori: I know it feels like that, but there's a sense of calm that overcomes the body when one gets used to it. And again, we're exploring here. We're being scientists of our own mind and body.

Jerry says, "The extension of the expiration over the inspiration was very calming." Yeah, thank you, Jerry. It tends to be very calming. Great, thank you all for these reflections. It's very interesting what we discover, how to tune it for ourselves, how we figure our own way through this. These are just skillful means of what might be supportive for you.

Let's turn and practice in small breakout groups of three. As always, we start with fifteen seconds of silent metta for one another, and then share and explore this. Here the rooms are created with metta for yourself and metta for your fellow travelers. Have fun!

[Laughter]

Okay, everyone, welcome back. The rooms are closed. We have just a minute if there are any reflections that you'd like to share from what you discovered talking with each other. Please don't be shy, go raise your hand, type in the chat. What did you discover?

Jerry says, "Reinforced the calming effect being with others." That's great. Thanks, Jerry. Any other reflections? Any thoughts, any questions? Last chance on this practice.

Actually, let's take a little poll. Let me see if this is possible. Would you like to... let's see how can I do this poll quickly. Okay, no, this is not going to work. Let's try your reactions. If you want to try this practice again here in different ways, do a "yes" in your reactions, choose the green checkmark. If you don't want to try this ever again in Happy Hour, do the red "X" mark. If you click on reactions, I think you'll see you can vote.

Okay, so we have ten yeses, no no's. Great. All right, well we will try it maybe a little differently next time. Lots of yeses, no no's.

Violet has her hand raised. What is it Violet? It's 7:01, so I'll formally close, but I do want to hear from you. I want to give the chance to people to leave, but I do want to hear from you, so is it quick or is it longer? Tell me.

Violet: It's quick. I just wanted to say I usually force myself to focus on the in-breath to stay awake, so I liked the permission to just do the out-breath this time.

Nikki Mirghafori: Nice, great. Thank you. That was quick and that was a lovely contribution. On that note, the permission to really focus on the out-breath, which can be calming, relaxing. Maybe we'll bring this again. We'll explore different ways of practicing in this way.

Thank you all. Thank you for your practice and exploring. Thank you all. May all beings be well. May all beings be happy, including ourselves. Thank you.