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Happy Hour: Generosity of Spirit

Welcome, welcome. Every one of you, every one of us, wherever in the world you are in this moment and this amazing interconnected web of humanity which we are a part of. We are all part of this web of humanity, which, whether or not you like it, you're part of this big web. You have the privilege to be a sentient being, a being that has consciousness. Wow. What a gift, what a grace, what beauty. Of course, not every moment of having consciousness is easy; there's plenty of challenges and dukkha^[1], difficulty in life. This perspective of being alive, the sense of gratitude for this incredible gift of being conscious, I want to bring that into the space.

So the thing I would like us to explore tonight is inspired by a book I was recently reading, listening to as an audiobook. Oh, and yes, thank you, Nancy. You also bring much metta^[2] to Ruth Bader Ginsburg in her passing. I didn't know she had passed. I'm actually sitting a retreat right now, so I'm auditing a retreat. It's a two-week retreat, so I'm not listening to the news. I'm still teaching Happy Hour, but I'm pulling back otherwise from the world, so I didn't know that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had passed. Thank you, Nancy, for sharing that in chat.

For folks who are not in the US, she was a Chief Justice on the Supreme Court and an amazing, amazing human being. Powerful in stature—she was tiny and small, but powerful in what she actually did in her service to humanity, to Americans, and in the ways that affected people in the world. In so many different ways, especially the rights of women, some of the decisions and issues that she worked for in her cases. So as I realized this, maybe part of what I wanted to bring in tonight was practicing with generosity of spirit. So maybe in our act of generosity of spirit, at the end when we always dedicate the merit—which is dedicate the goodness of our practice together—maybe we'll make a special offering of generosity of spirit to her, just as a way to meet this moment in time.

What I was mentioning earlier, before I saw Nancy's chat, was the book that I've been recently reading and listening to on audio has been The Book of Joy. Let's see if I can do a screen share. Here we go. Yes, I can do a screen share and you guys can actually see it. So The Book of Joy, which came out I think maybe 2016. It was based on a meeting of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who are beautiful deep friends. And they have a lot of joy in their interaction. They make fun of each other. They laugh together in a very loving way. And the book is just so lovely, and they also share teachings. They met in 2015 in Dharamsala. Desmond Tutu went to visit the Dalai Lama, and they had dialogues for five days about the nature of joy, what blocks joy, the challenges to joy, and the eight pillars of joy. This was on the occasion of the Dalai Lama's 80th birthday, and it's a joyful book. It's a really lovely book.

I might bring more aspects of that in the next few sessions we have together, but I'll stop sharing the screen now. So the name of the book is The Book of Joy for those who might be hearing this on AudioDharma later.

I've been sitting with various things about this book. As I mentioned, I'm sitting a retreat right now, so there's plenty of space for the mind to really taste and mull over heartful ideas. One idea that they present towards the end of the book is the idea of generosity of spirit, and I've been struck by this. They talk about how generosity of spirit actually subsumes the eight pillars of joy. If you're curious what the eight pillars of joy are, I'll just name them, and later maybe we'll spend time with them. The eight pillars of joy: one is perspective—what is your perspective? Is it a helpful or not helpful perspective? That can bring a sense of joy. The other is humility. The third one is humor. The fourth is acceptance. So these are the cognitive aspects. And then they name four heart aspects as a pillar of joy, the fifth being forgiveness, gratitude, compassion, and generosity.

They talk about how generosity of spirit actually subsumes all these eight in different ways. Because when there's a sense of generosity of spirit, say your perspective changes. Marilena asked me to repeat them again. You know, I'm going to bring them into the next eight sessions. Tell you what, we'll bring them into the next eight sessions, and we'll play around with each one of these for the next eight Happy Hours. But just to repeat them: perspective, humility, humor, acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, compassion, and generosity. So generosity of spirit subsumes them all.

This would be a much longer talk than I want to give because I want us to get into our meditation together. But the invitation is for us to feel into generosity of spirit, and perhaps the way we will enter into this tonight is to feel into the sense of what generosity of spirit is, and people we know who have or have had a sense of generosity of spirit, which is above and beyond generosity. Yes, of course, it subsumes generosity—being generous with your resources, with what you have, with your time, with your affection, with your money. So generosity is part of it. But generosity of spirit is also a sense of perspective taking. Taking perspective being number one, that you give the others the benefit of the doubt. There's not a sense of clinginess of "me, me, me." And it also subsumes forgiveness, because there's a generosity of spirit. So it subsumes all eight.

Again, I don't want to give a long dharma talk, but the invitation I would have as we go through this guided meditation together in a moment, and for the next couple of days that you have on your own this weekend to sit with, to kind of mull over, to chew on generosity of spirit. What does that mean in this moment? If you're interacting with someone, or if you're interacting with yourself, how does generosity of spirit show up for yourself and for others? Of course, in everything we practice, it's not just for others, it includes our relationship to ourselves.

So much more to say, but let's just experience it. It's not heady; all of these are experiential. So let go of all the thoughts, all the words, and let's get into our meditation posture.

Guided Meditation

I'd like to invite you to get into your meditation posture. You may need to shift, move. You may need to sit up straight a little more. You may need to move and lie down so that your body is comfortable. I'd like to invite you to land. To land in your body, to land in your sit bones. Turn your attention, turn your gaze inward. Turning your gaze inward.

Gently, kindly, softening, relaxing. Relaxing the body. Relaxing your hands, relaxing your abdomen, relaxing your face, relaxing your eyes, relaxing your jaw. Imagining that your forehead is becoming smoother. And for it to become smoother, tension needs to drain away. Receiving the ease with relaxation, softness in the body. Letting the breath be received.

Receiving, receiving every in-breath. Receiving in-breath by the body, not by the head. Letting the body receive as if the body is a welcoming host. A welcoming host receiving, welcoming the breath with elation, with joy, with generosity, welcoming. And with the out-breath, relaxing, softening, letting go. Receiving, welcoming. Your body welcoming, not your head. Welcoming the breath in every cell of your body. On the out-breath, relaxing, letting go.

And if thoughts and ruminations arise, see if in your body they can be received. They can be received from the body, welcomed as if composted. Welcomed, cradled in the body, not in the head. Together with the breath, see what happens in that way. Over the out-breath, relaxing and letting go. Let's till the soil. Spend time with the body and the breath in this way.

The in-breath, let the body welcome, receive the breath. Receiving with a smile joyfully. The whole body receiving the breath. With the out-breath, relax, let go. Just settling for a few minutes. Radiating, creating, welcoming generosity with goodwill, with joy. Seeing what this perspective is like.

And now, as the body is receiving the breath, awareness imbued, imbuing, touching, flowing through the body, I'd like to invite you to bring to mind someone who, for you, represents this quality of generosity of spirit. It might be someone you know, or you have known in your life, personally, either closely or you're just removed from them a little bit. Or someone whom you don't know personally, but they inspire you with their sense of generosity of spirit. The way they are forgiving, the way this perspective of goodwill for all of humanity, they have a sense of compassion, maybe also joy, a sense of joy. They have humility, a sense of gratitude.

So it could be someone whom you've been inspired by through their work, their teachings. Or it could be an archetype. A being that embodies generosity of spirit for you. You can choose any archetype, religious or not. The Buddha, Kwan Yin^[3], Mother Mary, Jesus, Moses, or a being of light, or any archetype. See what works for you, bringing this being, either living or lived human or archetype to your mind's eye.

Exploring this, sensing this generosity of spirit. What does it feel like in the generosity of spirit? The quality of their perspective about life, humanity, other beings. Their sense of humility, humor, acceptance of things as they are. Which is different from resignation, but what is the sense of accepting, embracing, allowing the truth of how things are in this moment? It's a part of generosity of spirit. Generous with circumstances. Similarly going back, generous with one's joy, with one's humor. Generosity with not self-elevating oneself. An act of service for the benefit of others that comes from a sense of humility. Benevolence also subsumed in generosity of spirit. Sense of forgiveness, gratitude, kindness, compassion, and lastly, the eighth, generosity.

Now, having brought to mind, brought to heart these qualities of generosity of spirit of this being, of this archetype, inviting them to come close. Come close. Very close. Until this being who inspires you has merged. Has merged with you. And these qualities, this generosity of spirit that you aspire to, shine out of you. Not in any way that you have to try, but they're just there. They've been awakened. They've come online. They have come alive through this being who inspires you.

And sitting in this seat, and meeting this moment, just sitting as you're sitting and breathing now, going back to receiving the breath. Receiving and letting go with this body. A body that now subsumes, it includes, it's a part of it, the spirit of generosity. Maybe the body sits a little taller with a sense of integrity. There's a sense of generosity, this felt sense. Receiving the breath, and if there are thoughts, also receiving thoughts in the body, with the breath, with the spirit of generosity. And letting them go. Receiving and letting them go. Experiment, see what happens.

Spirit of generosity, generosity of spirit. How can we meet this moment, whatever is arising, with generosity of spirit? Even if you're visited by a crowd of sorrows, can they be met by generosity of spirit? See how things might shift.

And remember this generosity of spirit is not so much yours so that it's not hard, it's beaming, it's shining out. Let things, let hurts, let joys, let whatever is arising in this moment just be met by it. Let yourself be surprised.

And for the last moment of this practice period, holding yourself with generosity of spirit for whatever arose or did not arise. Whether sleepiness arose or a distracted mind arose, meeting it with generosity of spirit. It's okay. With compassion, forgiveness, benevolence, and the wider perspective that you're planting seeds. And with gratitude, you were able to show up in any way that you did.

Thank you all for your practice.

Reflections and Q&A

Generosity of spirit. So my invitation is now for us to transition into practicing in small groups, and holding yourself with generosity of spirit, and holding others, and see what arises. You may say a few words, you may say nothing. It's not so much what you say, but how you show up. And if you're about to sign off because there's a fear of social anxiety of being with others, this community is such a lovely community with so much generosity of spirit. And if any of you have already been part of the practice meetings, you know that's the case. And their generosity of spirit that's received, it awakens your generosity of spirit. So I suggest if you are on the fence, to stay and experiment, explore. See what arises, let yourself be surprised meeting others in this way, meeting these other conscious beings with the spirit of generosity.

And if for whatever reason you need to go and you can't stay, that's okay, understandable, but I do hope that you choose to stay. So I'm going to create the rooms now. Generosity of spirit, let that be your guide, let that be your go-to.

Okay, the rooms are closed. Welcome back, everyone. And I would love to hear your reflections about the meditation, about practicing in community. Especially if you're new, would love to hear from you. You can just unmute yourself if you like, or you can type it in chat.

Diana: Well, I'm Diana, and I am new, and I enjoy the whole program. And I like very much being split up and meeting the other members. I find that very enlightening.

Nikki: Lovely, lovely. So glad you're joining, Diana. Now you're a new member, you're becoming a regular, so it's lovely to have you join. And bring your practice from the other side of the globe, yeah. Lovely. Thank you, Diana. Claire, I see you're unmuted, would you like to share something?

Claire: Oh well, I talked a lot in my small group and I'm tempted to repeat a story that I told quickly, because I just wrote you that I enjoyed the emphasis on generosity of spirit. But the first story that came to mind was about a radio program I heard years ago. It was an actress being interviewed, and she was somebody like Doris Day or June Allyson, always played happy girly parts, and her life story was absolutely horrible. So after a couple of incidents that she told the interviewer, when they—I mean she was just trying to answer the questions—the interviewer stopped the interview and he said, "You know, I can't help but ask you, with the life you've had, how you could play these parts." And she said, "Well, you know, at a certain point in the midst of all this, I realized I had a choice, and I chose joy." And that has always been very close to my heart. That when I get discouraged, I just say, "You have a choice, Claire. You can choose joy today and at work, actually." Yeah.

Nikki: Beautiful. Thanks for sharing that inspiring story. That's lovely. It's so wonderful to hear someone who actually does that, has practiced that, it's so inspiring. And I'm also inspired to hear how you have carried that in your life all these years, Claire, it's lovely. And now you're passing it on.

Claire: I hope it will be useful to someone else.

Nikki: Yeah, we always have a choice. What you're saying reminds me of the title of this book, Happiness Is a Choice You Make. It's a title of a book written by someone who spent time with many octogenarians, people who are in their 80s I believe, and basically the moral of these lives—people who have lived to their 80s or maybe even older, 90s—the point was really happiness is a choice you make. It's not about your circumstances, because it's human life, we all have sorrow and we all have gifts.

Mary Christine asked who's the author. I can't remember Mary Christine, but let's see if I can quickly find out here. Let's see. Happiness Is a Choice You Make... Here it is. Yes. The full title is Happiness Is a Choice You Make: Lessons from a Year Among the Oldest Old. And it's written by John Leland. I heard an interview with him which was quite inspiring about the lessons he learned from spending a year with the oldest old.

Participant: Nikki, would you spell the last name?

Nikki: John's last name, Leland, L-E-L-A-N-D.

Participant: What was the full title of the book on joy that you mentioned earlier?

Nikki: It's called The Book of Joy. It's just as simple as The Book of Joy.

Participant: It's too simple for me, I need something more complicated.

Nikki: [Laughter] That's right. Exactly right. Yeah, so I'd like to invite others, please, what came up for you in the practice, in the guided meditation? What worked, what didn't? Questions, comments?

Megan: I was just gonna say, so I'm on call tonight and this weekend, and I was kind of lamenting it. And right in the middle of the meditation I got a page, and I had to call it back. And I was a little frustrated at first, but I was thinking about generosity of spirit and I just felt so kind when I had to call this nurse back and kind of tell them what to do. And it made me wish that every page that I got came in the middle of a metta meditation. So, thank you.

Nikki: Oh Megan, that touches my heart, that is such a sweet reflection. At first you know the grumbling, and then, "Oh, generosity of spirit. Can I have generosity? Can I meet this moment, can I meet this interruption with generosity of spirit?" And just the sense of joy that you got from talking with this nurse with kindness. And then wishing, "Oh, it would be great if this kind of interruption always happened in the middle of this." I just love it! So meeting the world, meeting what we don't want with generosity of spirit, and then what arises. Thanks so much for sharing that, that's beautiful. Other reflections?

Nancy: We were talking in our group about—there was some question about what generosity of spirit meant. And because I have Ruth Bader Ginsburg on my mind tonight, I was talking about her and her generosity, and doing the work that she did. And I had a personal contact with her when I was being sworn in. She didn't swear me in, but she was there—she wasn't a Supreme Court Justice at the time—but I had teared up when I was being sworn in and was a little embarrassed about it. And when she was congratulating me and shook my hand, she held my hand in hers and said, "If you don't get choked up when you take that oath, you're in the wrong profession." And it was just so sweet, and to come from a female judge, and was so encouraging to me. And so she was who I was thinking of tonight.

Nikki: Thank you, Nancy. I'm tearing up as I hear the story. It is so tender and personal. And for this beautiful human being to notice that you were tearing up and that you were feeling embarrassed, and to console you—just what generosity of spirit. And through your story, through your experience, I feel connected in this web of humanity to this beautiful, generous human being who just worked so hard, tirelessly. Thank you so much for bringing her in. Yeah. Beautiful being. Generous. Thank you.

Vicky: I may have a comment/question^[4]. When I think of anybody who embodies generosity of spirit, that person is also a very compassionate person. And so I'm wondering if there is a distinction or if one kind of melts into another.

Nikki: Yeah, yeah, so I'm glad you asked this. As I was mentioning at the beginning, that generosity of spirit actually subsumes a lot of different qualities, and compassion is one of them. And as I was naming a few different—in fact, at the beginning I mentioned the eight pillars of joy from The Book of Joy by Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama, and these eight qualities. And so generosity of spirit subsumes these eight pillars of joy, one of them being compassion. So exactly just as you said, there is no difference; generosity of spirit is bigger, it has all of these aspects in it. So even in the coming weeks, the coming days, we'll spend time with the other ones more.

So it's time. So thank you all for joining, for sharing of yourself, for sharing your practice. What a beautiful sangha^[5], what a beautiful time to practice. And yeah, sharing the merit of the goodness, the goodness that's been generated by our cultivation of turning our mind and hearts towards generosity of spirit. Of the goodness that's been generated, we share it freely with all beings everywhere. And especially tonight, in honor of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, this beautiful being, this generous being who's been brought in tonight into our practice, sharing it with her, also with all beings. May all beings be free. May all beings be happy. Including ourselves. Thank you all, everyone, thank you. Thank you.