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Guided Meditation: Breathing Observed

So warm greetings from Redwood City. It's nice to be here. I feel kind of quiet at the moment. So, to warm up, settle down, get ready for meditation.

There's a saying if you go walking in the wilderness, sometimes go backpacking, that the saying is, "Leave only footsteps." So sometimes they say, "Leave no traces," or, "Leave only footsteps." In the time of the Buddha, the Buddha commented on that. Birds leave no traces, no trail behind them when they fly through the sky. And this relates to the idea of the metaphor of seeing for meditation, to observe. That if you lay on the grass and look at the clouds drifting by, you see them, but you do not disturb them. If you sit to the edge of a river and watch the river go by, you see it, but you don't disturb it.

This is a wonderful thing about eyesight, that we can see clearly. If we can see, but we're not obviously normally interfering with what we see. We don't touch it, we don't manipulate it, we just observe it. So the same thing with the breathing. To observe the breathing is to not be bothered by it and not have an agenda about it, but rather to let the breathing take care of itself. And if you find that you can't help but to control your breath, that you're breathing, or you find that the breath is constricted in some way, no worry. The idea is to simply, very simply, be, to observe that, to be with it.

And sometimes settling back and just to watch it even from a distance rather than feeling it sometimes is really helpful, of not being bothered, getting out of the way of it. And to do so is not passive in the sense of we don't care about what happens, but rather it's strategic in that it allows for the natural system to come to equilibrium. It allows for the natural way of breathing to settle down. An observed breath, observed breathing returns to harmony in a sense.

The Buddha said that an observed mind becomes happy, the idea also just leaving the mind alone and letting it kind of settle out. And it points to the idea that we're often with our attachments, we're often engaged, manipulating, fixing, reacting to all kinds of things. And that reactivity doesn't allow for some equilibrium and settling to happen. And so part of the art of meditation is learning how not to be reactive, caught in, involved in with what's going on. And I like to say, not be bothered by it. One of the great teachings I received around thinking and meditation was a teaching: "Don't be bothered by your thinking."

But for this week on breathing, see if you can leave no traces, not even a footstep with your breathing. Just observe it as if you're looking at clouds drifting by, or waves gently lapping up against the shore, or as if you're watching the little wavelets of a river as the water flows down. Now, the idea is to get out of the way of your breathing, but clearly stay present for it. And trust that your whole psychophysical system will take care of it as need be, if we really just observe. The miracle of observation—gentle, caring, loving, receptive observation of breathing.

So, to take a meditation posture. And sometimes you can pull in the top, the spot, the spine between the shoulder blades ever so slightly, in such a way that it kind of pushes out the chest maybe a little bit straighter, so there's more room for the lungs and the diaphragm to breathe. And lower your gaze, relax your gaze in kind of an unfocused gaze, not looking on anything, and then gently closing your eyes.

In the beginning of meditation, we can actively engage the breathing to establish the connection, to help relax, and maybe also set up a contrast between being involved with breathing and later letting it breathe itself. So taking a few long, slow, deep breaths, really filling your lungs fully, the top of the lungs as well. And then a long, leisurely exhale. And exhale, relaxing the body.

And then letting your breathing return to normal. On the exhale, relaxing the muscles around the face, around the eyes, and around the mouth. On the exhale, relaxing the shoulders, and softening the belly.

And moving slowly a little bit to a breathing that's simply observed and allowed to breathe itself. Ever so slightly at the end of the exhale, pause before you breathe in. Not so you get winded or something, but just a gentle pause so you can feel the desire of the body to breathe in, and then allow the body to inhale.

And perhaps also at the top of the inhale, a gentle pause so you can feel the pull of the body to exhale. And as soon as you feel that little pull, give into it, allow it.

The body will breathe itself if you allow it to. So to do so now, don't make any effort with the pause. Just allow your breathing to breathe itself.

But being a witness to your body breathing, without being bothered whether you are still controlling it, or if it feels constricted or difficult. If anything, as you watch it, be curious about it. Or be tender and caring, trusting for now that all you need to do is to accompany it as a witness. Just observe the rhythm of breathing in and breathing out.

If your mind is actively thinking, see if you can allow yourself not to be bothered by that, but also not continue with it. Instead, when the mind wanders away from the breathing, open the window of the eyes to allow the breathing to appear. The rhythm of the waves of breathing, coming and going.

As you watch your exhale, see if you can watch the whole exhale like you would watch a bird fly through the sky. You would watch the whole flight, you'd follow it until it disappears. Watch the whole inhale, allowing each inhale and exhale to be itself.

Another way of talking about watching the breath is to allow the breathing to breathe itself and see what happens when you stay close, continuous with gently watching the inhale and the exhale as if you would do it forever.

As we come to the end of the sitting, to mention that there are times when one of the gifts we can give others is to allow them to be themselves. To allow them to be themselves with respect, with appreciation. And this ability to sit quietly in meditation and leave and allow ourselves to be ourselves in some deeper way than we can if we're swept away in the floods of thinking. To really be present, to see, to know, to feel ourselves, but let ourselves be ourselves in that process. To learn to do that in meditation, we can also learn a higher quality way of doing that for others, to really be present for people, to care for them even. And that being in ourselves, being free from needing to fix or judge or change someone, but rather to be with them with the respect that they can be themselves, maybe in such a way that they can relax and be themselves more deeply than they've ever been. Maybe some of the challenging ways they are is because they're not allowing themselves to be who they are.

May it be that as we learn this meditation practice, that we can give others a gift of allowing them to be who they are, even if they don't know yet who they are. To accompany, to witness, to see others clearly, and they feel safe from us. May we become safe for all beings. May we contribute to the happiness and welfare of all beings. May what we're learning in meditation be applied out into our lives, the people we encounter, so that maybe we lighten the load or brighten the day or reduce the suffering of those we meet. May this meditation practice serve for the welfare and happiness of all beings. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free.

[Music]

Breathing (3 of 5) Respect for Breathing

So this week I'm teaching the five R's. Relax, recognize, today it's respect, tomorrow it's restore, and then release. And to meditate with mindfulness of breathing, to respect it, to offer our respect to our experience. And I like this word respect a lot, because in Latin that means to look again. To respect something is to give it a second look, so we really see what it is in and of itself, to observe it, to see it. And it also has a similar effect as allowing something to be, or accepting things to be there, but it has more body in it. Accepting or allowing things to be is sometimes quite profound, but it's also kind of like we're absent in the picture in some way, which has its advantages at times. But to see with respect, to be present with respect, there's something that we offer, some kind of dignity or valuing that we contribute. And to come from a place of respect is to come from a place of a certain kind of inner strength, a certain kind of inner presence, or something that is quite a beautiful place to be, to be able to give the gift of respect to something.

And so this idea of looking again, and so with the breathing, to watch it, to see it, and respect it enough to allow the breathing to breathe itself. And it's quite something that if we can get out of the way of the breathing but really be present for it, give it breathing room in a sense to do its own thing, that generally we learn so much from the breathing. We learn about the big and the subtle ways in which we are contracted, or anxious, or agitated, or afraid, or depressed, or sad. All these kinds of ways of being affect our breathing. And because it affects our breathing, as the breathing is allowed to be itself, it begins to kind of move through all these feelings and emotions and attitudes that affect breathing, and kind of like massages them. And when we watch the breathing and leave it alone, respecting it, it's an indirect way of respecting and leaving alone so much of our psychology. And the massage of breathing is not just a mechanical, physical thing. It's intimately connected to our deeper psychological life. And if we can allow the breathing some freedom to move and relax and to settle and to open, just by watching it and giving it lots of time to do it, as I've said, then it massages the psychology. It helps those things also come to equilibrium, or come to unfold in the way that's appropriate for them.

The gift of accompanying, of watching or seeing, respecting is really a profound thing. Some years ago, I met a woman who, many, many years ago, had been a researcher. She did research in psychology, and in particular the relationship between mothers and their young children. And for about two or three years, she went to the home of a mother who was raising a child. I don't know if she was single, but she was always home alone. And the researcher would simply show up and would not talk to the woman, but simply be in the living room with her and watch as the woman interacted with her child. The child was, you know, maybe just a little baby initially, until two or three years old. And she was there to take notes of what she saw, the relationship between the two, and that's what she was doing. The researcher was just studying that.

And after three years of doing that, it was time to stop. And the researcher spoke to the mother and explained she was leaving, and the mother was deeply moved. And she said that having this researcher come to her house and watch her be with her child was the highlight of her week. And even though they didn't speak, simply to be watched and be attended to, and be treated as someone who's important enough and valuable enough to pay attention to, is like a great gift, like food for people.

And so it can be for ourselves. I had a similar experience with my child when he was young, when I don't think he really spoke yet. But I was on the floor with him and he was playing with blocks, and he was absorbed in playing with his blocks. He was kind of humming along to himself, clearly happy and delighted, and I was just there watching. And after a while, I got a little bored, and I thought, "Well, he doesn't need me anymore, he's absorbed in his blocks, he doesn't even know I'm here really." So I started to get up, and as soon as I started to get up, he stopped singing or humming, and I realized—I saw what happened—that he clearly knew I was there. That my accompanying and watching and seeing was a huge part of his happiness, his safety, his everything was okay in the world. And I had an important role, even though I wasn't doing anything or involved in anything, just being present and watching.

So this idea of doing the same thing for ourselves, and doing it through the medium of our breathing. Breathing is not a mechanical thing only. It's the meeting place, the crossroads of so many different parts of our emotional, psychological, intentional, social, personal, physiological life that we have. That to be able to settle in and feel the breathing, see it, respect it, get out of its way, and allow the breathing slowly to find its way, is a profound thing to do for our whole being. What I do sometimes is, if my breathing is constricted, sometimes if I live an active life doing a lot of things, there's a little bit of tension that builds up in the upper part of my chest, and then when I sit down to meditate, I feel that constriction. When I inhale, I can't inhale all the way. And what I've learned to do is not be bothered by it. In fact, what's more important is, instead of being bothered, what's important is to offer a gentle, caring attention to it. Just observe it. And every time I inhale, I make sure that I'm right there to feel and sense and observe the place of constriction, as if there's no problem, it's allowed to be there. I'm not trying to fix it or be upset by it, I just kind of patiently, as if it's forever, offer my attention to that place. And at some point or other, something begins to release, let go. And the kind of remarkable thing is, oftentimes I don't see it letting go and relaxing. It's either too slow, or maybe it happens on the exhale and I didn't notice, but this for me is allowing the breathing to breathe itself. And I'm calling this respect. To watch it, to be present for it, to observe it without interfering, without judgment, without condemnation for sure. But to do it with respect means that we do it as if it's important, it's valuable.

When we practice just allowing things to be, or accepting things as they are, they can come without any kind of inner feeling that this is important, this is valuable. And I like to consider that when we learn to meditate, we're learning to value everything. Nothing is not valuable. Even the smallest little detail is valuable.^[1] It's one of the things I learned from my Zen practice. The school of Zen that I practiced in, one of their slogans was, or one of the characteristics of that school of Zen was called "attention to detail." And that you respect every detail, no matter how small. And I'll end with a little story... I was very inspired by this.

A long time ago, in the 1970s, there was a gathering of the Zen masters in the United States, and it was kind of informal back then. I think that maybe there were six of them about, that were there at this little gathering. There weren't that many back then. And they were just mostly meeting among themselves. But one evening they had a panel where Zen students could kind of see them in the panel and ask questions of them or something, it was kind of a unique event. And they were sitting behind a table, and someone brought them drinks, tea or something, bringing things to them. And what stood out to me was that all but one kind of didn't react, didn't respond to the fact that someone brought them some tea and put it in front of them. They just kind of like accepted it as normal. There was no hostility, it was just kind of a neutral thing. But I remember one of them took the time to turn to the person who brought tea and kind of bowed to them and expressed their thanks. And I was struck by that. One Zen master took the time for the person who was, you know, incidental in a sense for the meeting and all that, deserved their respect, and met them and bowed to them. And that inspired me. So attention to detail, everything is important.

And to respect the breath, to express respect, the in-breath, the out-breath, the pause. To respect the beginning of the in-breath, the middle of it, the end of it. To be present to observe the beginning of the exhale, the middle of it, and the end of it. All these details are important. And as we kind of enter into this world of observing just the breathing, it becomes less kind of like looking up into the sky and watching the clouds go by, and more like almost like the most relaxing microscope you can imagine, where you're just kind of zeroing in on just the details and just the subtlety of it. And doing so with respect, with care, with allowing things to be as they are. The gift: everything can be as it is, and with our respect, is one of the profound things to learn through meditation practice.

So thank you very much.