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Happy Hour: Metta and Engagement/Energy

Introduction

Welcome, everyone. A warm welcome to Happy Hour. For this edition of Happy Hour, I'd like to invite us to continue to explore another one of the paramitas^[1] we've been exploring. This teaching of ten perfections, the ten beautiful qualities. We've been exploring the different paramitas with respect to metta^[2]. Metta—kindness, goodwill, friendliness—is also one of the paramitas, and we've been exploring the different nuances of metta with respect to these other ones.

For this moment in time, the invitation is to explore viriya^[3]. In Pali, the word is viriya, and it's often translated as energy or effort. I don't like the word "effort" so much; I prefer the translation as "energy," or the level of engagement. The word effort brings up a sense of tightness, because sometimes what's actually wise effort is more relaxing, more letting go. So, engagement—how engaged you are with the subject, in this case with metta. The level of energy, the kind of energy that we're bringing to it.

In the exploration today, the invitations that I will have for us while we explore together are to explore the type of energy or engagement that we often bring to the practice of cultivating goodwill and friendliness. What kind of energy are we bringing to it? What kind of engagement is that? Is it a "bear down, must do this, may you be well, may you be happy, may I be well" energy? Or is it more gentle? What is the quality of the energy we're bringing to this cultivation?

And what is the quality of the engagement? Are we really engaged throughout? We'll be noticing our minds wandering. Are we engaging with the object of our metta from kind of far away? Are we getting close? Are we getting really engaged when we wish metta for ourselves, goodness for ourselves? Are we really engaged in it, or are we wishing ourselves well from afar with a two-foot pole, like, "Oh yeah, yeah, may I be well"?

At some point, I will invite you—you don't have to participate in this part if you don't want to—to just dip in for a moment and engage in the opposite of metta with some ill will or resentment, maybe for just thirty seconds. Either for yourself or someone you had some entanglement with. Then, check the energy in your body, the physical energy of your body, and see what the quality is. After a cleansing, we'll switch back to metta for yourself and for the other being, and then see the energetic quality and engagement in your mind and your heart. It can be quite illustrative and opening to really see it in real time—the things that we might engage in during daily life and not quite notice.

This is in order to increase our awareness. These are the invitations, the territory we'll be working in today. And of course, as always, we'll start with settling, grounding, breathing, arriving in our body, and then cultivating some goodwill.

Guided Meditation

With all of that now, I would like to invite you to shift and get into your meditation posture. Whatever is supportive to you. If it's supportive to you to lie down in this moment in time, that's fine too. See what your body needs. If your body needs to sit up straighter, if that is the kind of energy that's required to bring up more wakefulness. Or is the energy too tight right now in your body, and what's asked for is a relaxation, softening, letting go, and maybe lying down to smooth out the energy? Check into your viriya right now, the engagement and energy, and see what is needed.

As you've determined and decided what is needed right now, know that later there might be adjustments that you wish to do through this meditation. Let's arrive. Let's arrive again and again, each moment a new arrival. Arriving in this body. Arriving in this moment.

With every out-breath, arriving more, connecting more. Feeling your bottom on the chair or on the cushion. Feeling your abdomen fill with the breath, and be emptied from the inside. Feeling your hands from the inside, as if your hands themselves could feel themselves. You're not noticing them from the control tower of the mind, but your hands themselves are aware. An organ of sense, an organ of awareness, sensing. Sensing, feeling the sensations. A different kind of engagement. Sensations felt, explored, and received by the hands.

Softening and relaxing the face muscles. Sensing also from the inside of your face itself. The face itself relaxes. It is not relaxed by the control tower, but internally inviting the body to breathe itself. Receiving the breath wholeheartedly in the chest and the abdomen. A sense of engagement with the breath, more intimacy, more connection. Sensing engagement from within the body, engaging with the breath.

The whole body engaging. Your sit bones, your legs, your feet. Your arms, your hands. Your face. Your neck, your shoulders. Your chest, your abdomen.

Become aware, attuned into how the body is engaging with the breath. Is it trying to catch or squeeze the breath? Is it receiving the breath, feeling nourished and nurtured by it? Is there an engagement with each and every breath? This in-breath, just this in-breath. This out-breath—new, different, fresh. Or is it like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, in-breath, out-breath"? Don't judge, just notice. Get to know it so you know the gradations of engagement and energy.

With this awareness, also notice if it's too tight. If the mind is too tight, if the energy is too wanting, too grabby. If it is relaxed a little bit, soften more, make it spacious. If there is not enough engagement and the mind is wandering, wafting through here and there, maybe more energy is needed. As if you were tuning a violin—not too tight, the string not too loose. If it's too tight, relax it. If it's too loose, bring more engagement. Err on the side of being more relaxed. Folks often tighten up too much when they hear "engagement" and "energy." So go twenty percent towards relaxation and see how that feels. That might be a better spot.

Now go twenty percent more towards relaxation and observe what happens. Now see if there can still be intimacy, and go another twenty percent towards relaxing the body, receiving the breath, as if you couldn't go any more towards more relaxation of the body. One more time, staying with receiving the breath with engagement, but relaxing the body, softening another twenty percent.

Just note what you've noticed. Note in your mind what you witnessed, what you've observed, if anything, through this exploration.

Now I'd like to invite you to bring to mind someone for whom your sense of goodwill, kindness, and care flows with ease. A dear being in your life. A good friend, a benefactor, a parent, a teacher, a child, a pet. Bringing them to your mind's eye and noticing how much engagement there is with this being.

What if you increased the engagement by twenty or thirty percent? You really brought them close. You imagined them as clearly as you could, being in their element. The way they talk or move, their mannerisms, the way they smile. As vividly as you can. Bringing up a few snippets of your interaction from the storehouse of memory. Maybe the way they smell. Using as many senses as you can—visual, auditory, sense of smell, tactile. Let's see what arises in your heart, your mind, your body, when you really conjure them up in this way, with more engagement than you tend to.

Can you really engage and notice, really grok, what arises in you? Recognize it. Is it friendliness? Is it love, warmth, care? Is it delight? Is it a smile? Really become more engaged and clear with what arises in you. Is it tenderness? Does your heart feel squeezed? Does it feel uplifted? Both? Engaging and noticing what's arising.

Notice if their image or felt sense has waned, and how the feeling in your heart might be waning too. How the two are connected. If there's engagement with their felt sense and how they feel to you, this feeling in your heart can also become brighter. When their image becomes brighter, their smell or sound becomes brighter and more energetically connected to the feeling in your heart, the metta becomes brighter. Notice that. Explore for yourself.

And now from this sense of goodwill, metta, friendliness, love—whatever the nuance is in your heart—let's say the phrases of metta: May you be safe, dear one. May you be happy, dear one. May you be healthy, dear one. May your life flow with ease, dear one.

Now notice the engagement. Really connecting the sentiment with the phrases. Saying it like you really mean it, and connecting it to their image, to their felt sense. May you be safe. I wish you safety, dear one. Notice how it feels with a sense of increased engagement in your body and your heart. May you be happy. I wish you joy in your heart, dear one. Connecting with the wish for happiness. Wanting this dear being to be happy. Engaging, not attached to the outcome, but engaged with the wish, engaged with the goodwill in this way. May you be healthy, dear one. I wish you health. May you have ease. May you be peaceful, dear one. May you take care of yourself happily.

Noticing how there can be more engagement and connection with their image, with the felt sense of metta, with the phrases, but without yearning or attachment to outcome. How the two can be different. As if these wishes are offered up freely, without attachment. With engagement, but without clinging. Notice how clinging and engagement are different. Take a moment to explore that for yourself.

Now I'd like to invite you—after you've taken note of the energetic engagement with this cultivation of goodwill—to bring to mind someone you've had some level of entanglement with. Not the biggest entanglement, but some entanglement. Let's continue the metta, replacing your dear being with this person.

At first, realize that this being too just wants to be happy. Not to condone the harm that has been done, but seeing their humanity, and seeing if there can be a sense of goodwill for their humanity. In your mind's eye they may need to sit a little further, not right in front of you, for you to feel safer. That's okay. See if there can be a sense of goodwill. Just like you, this person wants to be happy. They may not always have wisdom and compassion, but there are aspects of this being that are also beautiful. There are beings that this person cares about. This being has love for some other beings, and this being is the object of affection and care of other beings.

Just like you, they suffer. They have body aches and pains, highs and lows. They've had disappointments, sorrow, grief, sadness. Just like you, they have hopes and dreams. They're a human being with a complex, rich inner life. Simply seeing their humanity, letting there be a sense of goodwill. Just as I wish to be happy, I wish you happiness. Just as I wish to be safe, may you have safety. Just as I wish health for myself, I wish you physical well-being. And just as I wish myself ease and peace, I wish you peace.

Let's see as much as this goodwill is available, or as little as it's available, and feel it energetically. It may not be as easy or as engaged as your dear being, but offer as much goodwill as there can be, with modifications perhaps.

And now, here's an invitation you don't have to accept. You don't have to do this part; it's an exploration. Energetically, what if for a moment you brought more awareness, not to their humanity, but to the harm? Feeling energetically the knot in your chest that shows up. Feeling maybe hot, or seeing how exhausting that might feel for you if the mind focuses on the harm, on the hurt. Not to condone it, but if the mind really grasps that, it becomes the only reality. Not seeing the full picture, putting that under the microscope for a moment. Just observe how tight and draining it feels for you.

And now let's do the cleansing. Let go with the out-breath. Let go of this experiment and acknowledge that we're all mixed bags. We all cause intentional or unintentional harm. Again, seeing the harm that has been caused—that's just a part of the picture. This being is much richer and bigger, with much more complexity. They have goodwill for other beings. Perhaps for you, they've had it at some point. Allowing there to be a richer image, realizing that in many ways you are not so different. Again, just like you, this being suffers, has goodwill, and wants to be happy.

See if your body can feel safer and more relaxed, not as tight, not as drained, by seeing the bigger picture of the life arc of this being. Having more metta, more compassion for this being. See what happens in your body when your heart opens up to more compassion, not honing in just on the harm.

In your mind's eye now, bow to this being. Thank you for showing up and letting me explore. Letting go of them, and inviting your dear being from the beginning of the practice back into your mind's eye. Feeling their presence. How your body feels their presence—a sense of safety, gladness, uplift. Spending a few minutes bringing them close, really engaging with them. The care they have for you, the love they have for you. The love you have for them. Let yourself feel the connection, the goodwill, the metta.

After the last moment of this practice, bowing to them, letting them go. Thank you for showing up. Coming back to the body, feeling the body breathing and being breathed. Letting there be a sense of arriving again at this moment. There is a sense of calm and peace of having completed the journey, and holding yourself with appreciation and care for having hung in here, for having tried and explored whatever arose.

Reflections and Q&A

Thank you all. Welcome back from our exploration, which I think at times might have been quite intense today. I'd like to invite you to share any reflections you'd like to share, either unmuting yourself or typing in chat. Observations that came up for you that were new, different, and insightful.

Maybe I'll start by saying I realized how energetically tight bringing up the person we had some entanglement with could feel in the body and the chest. And how going back to a sense of goodwill can be relaxing and opening, and how I'm the one who suffers when I ruminate about the entanglements. Again, not to condone, but ruminating about them can be quite energetically challenging and painful.

Mary Christine: My mind became very scattered and I found it hard to focus, so because I felt that I couldn't focus, I went back to the loving person who did not create that anxiety within me.

Nikki: Thank you for sharing that. It's really a sense of anxiety arising.

Joan (via chat): Thanks, this made me feel wonderful.

Nikki: Great, glad to hear that, Joan. Any other reflections you'd like to share?

Speaker 3: I had a kind of dissonance or confusion when moving to the person that caused suffering. It's the interpretation of knowing that this person might have done something unknowingly wrong, so it's a mixture of anger and forgiveness at the same time. Confusion was what came up for me. It was a felt sense of two rivers meeting at a central point and flowing around each other.

Nikki: Thank you for sharing that. There was a sense of confusion because there was an acknowledgment of unintentional harm, yet it was harm. So there's a sense of anger, and a desire for forgiveness which might be nascent, creating a sense of confusion. What was it like to sit with the two rivers, with the confusion?

Speaker 3: Just watching it.

Nikki: I think sitting with the meeting of two rivers—there's a lot happening there. Thank you.

Barry: I was going to talk a little bit about the transition to a person with more entanglement. I too became less subtle because I went through this whole thing in my mind about not knowing who I should pick, or if this is too entangled. I was talking to a couple of people about metta earlier today because part of me still doesn't really quite get it. They were talking about the heart opening up, and I was thinking, I don't really feel it there. I'm still trying to get my head around metta and how it works as a practice.

Nikki: You keep practicing, and there are so many different dimensions and aspects of metta. I think all of us continue to explore and get our heads around what metta is all about. The point I want to raise is the sense of really noticing energetically when you engage more with the image of the being. If you really engage with the phrases, you really notice that the response that comes up in your heart can actually flow more. Did anyone notice that?

Speaker 5: Yeah, I found that sometimes metta works better than others, and I can't say I always understand why. This was part of it. By better engaging, it made the feeling in my chest and my stomach more expansive, more encompassing.

Nikki: Thanks for explaining. The feeling in your chest and your stomach became more encompassing. That is one thing I'm hoping everyone got to some extent, because it has to do with the engagement. How much engagement you have with this practice is how it supports its growth. So, back to trying to get your head around this practice, Barry, engagement is one aspect to really bring to mind. How much are you engaging with the beings in your mind?

[The group transitions to breakout rooms to practice bringing the energy of metta into their interactions with one another.]

Welcome back everyone. We have just one minute, so I'd like to invite anyone who hasn't spoken yet to share a reflection before we close.

Speaker 6: Engaging all the different senses where you described made it a lot more vivid for me. I think it increased the intensity of the experience.

Nikki: Thank you for sharing that.

Barry (via chat): I am not alone.

Nikki: Oh lovely, I appreciate that Barry.

Thank you all for showing up and practicing together in this moment in time. Doing this practice both for yourself and for all beings everywhere. The take-home message and the hope of the exploration today was exploring engagement and energy. When there is more engagement and energy, the sense of goodwill can change. And also, when there is not a sense of goodwill, we can see how energetically there is this sense of instability and pain. As challenging as that was for us to experiment with for a little bit, it is a helpful practice. Practice doesn't always have to feel good for it to be enlightening and for us to see something important.

May all beings be well, may all beings be happy, including us. Thank you.