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Happy Hour: Widening Circles of Aspiration

Introduction

Hello and welcome, everyone. It's good to see you again; I missed you. It makes my heart happy to sit with you and be back in the space of Happy Hour.

For today's practice, I'd like to share a poem as inspiration. Those of you who sat the retreat two weeks ago might remember I shared this poem in the evening as a tucking-into-bed poem. I've been reflecting on it, and it's such a beautiful, short piece. The poem is by Rainer Maria Rilke, and the name of it is "In My Life." For resources, it's from Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God.

The poem goes:

I live my life in widening circles that reach out across the world. I may not ever complete the last one, but I give myself to it.

I want to say a few words, and then we'll do our meditation.

In this practice, when we practice the Brahmavihāras^[1], we practice them in widening circles. As you've noticed, we start with ourselves, we go to our benefactors, our good friend, the neutral person, the person we're having difficulty with, and then all beings. In all these widening circles, we practice expanding our heart. We live this practice in widening circles that reach across the world, as Rilke says.

The last category, "all beings," reaches across the world. Our goodwill and our kindness reach across the world. We may not ever complete the last one—the last circle completely, with every being in every condition and situation—but we give our hearts to it. We give ourselves to it. It's an act of dedication, an act of honoring. It's an aspiration, not an expectation that we will make sure every being everywhere is definitely okay. It's an aspiration where we give our lives to cultivating this goodwill, this friendliness to all beings everywhere.

Given that mettā^[2], compassion, and the practices of the heart are intertwined with awakening, we can also think of this poem as a dedication to awakening. We may not ever complete the last stage of awakening in this life. We might, or we may not. As the master of meditation Sayadaw U Pandita^[3] titled his book, In This Very Life—who knows, maybe in this very life! And yet, if we do not get to complete the last one, this last circle, the last stage, we give ourselves to it. We dedicate this moment to it, our life to it. It's a part of our path. When we are sitting, when we're walking, when we're interacting with others, can we bring kindness to mind? When we're interacting with ourselves, can we bring kindness to mind? Can we be kind? Can we be aware? Can we not be caught?

Now, with those words, I would like to read the poem one more time and let it land for you in any way that inspires you and provides aspiration.

I live my life in widening circles that reach out across the world. I may not ever complete the last one, but I give myself to it.

Guided Meditation

So with that inspiration of giving ourselves to it, giving our hearts to it, let us practice. Getting into our meditation posture, whatever it might be—lying down, sitting up straighter. See what is most supportive to you. Landing in this body in this moment.

Turning our gaze inward at first. The breath with this body to arrive, to settle, to relax. To greet this moment. To greet this body however it is, inviting it to soften, to relax, to settle.

If thoughts are arising—concerns, stories—ask yourself, "Do I need to be thinking this right now?" Ah, smilingly, with humor, letting the balloons of thought go. Opening your hand, let them float away. Let yourself sink into this body. Feeling comfortably supported by the earth, giving your weight to the earth, landing in your chair or your cushions. No need to contract or hold up any muscles yourself.

Just taking a few minutes to arrive with the breath in the body, for the mind to settle, to collect.

How is the heart right now? How is the body in this moment? How is the mind? Just lightly curious, aware of whatever is arising. Arising and passing, it's okay.

Now, I like to invite you to this reflection for practice. Considering your life. The arc of your life. Living your life. Living my life. As Rilke says, in widening circles. What does it mean to live my life? To cultivate my heart, my mind. The aspiration to live our life in widening circles. Not an expectation with pressure, but an aspiration. A dedication to dedicate our life, our burgeoning, our growth, to these expanding, widening ways of being. Relaxing, widening circles.

Living, loving, caring. Being friendly. Being open. Being curious. Being generous. Being happy for others' happiness. Being compassionate with pain. And ever-widening, expanding circles.

As if with each breath being breathed into our abdomen, into our heart center in the middle of our chest, each in-breath and out-breath touching into our aspirations. Any of the aspirations I mentioned—growing in generosity, in kindness, in gladness, in widening circles. Imagining each breath touching into this aspiration and expanding to widening circles.

We may never complete the last one, but to give our lives, our hearts to it. It's an aspiration as a direction. This is important to me. This is how I want to show up in the world, where I want to be, who I want to become in the widening circles expanding into a more expansive, complete, realized version of myself. Setting intention, aspiration, reconnecting with the aspiration with every breath.

Reconnecting, reaffirming our aspiration and intention with each breath.

What is your aspiration, the way you'd like to grow in widening circles? In wisdom, love, equanimity, generosity? Connecting with each breath with these widening circles.

I'll read the poem one more time and let it wash over you.

I live my life in widening circles that reach out across the world. I may not ever complete the last one, but I give myself to it.

And for the last minute of this practice period, reconnecting with our aspiration, our intention for our life, these widening circles. Seeing ourselves—an image just for a moment, as if a visitation from the future, from a future version of ourselves who has traveled, grown, and lived in these widening circles of heart and mind. Looking at us, this image of us aspiring, inviting us: "Come, come, yes you can. Yes, trust. Trust that you can."

You have all that you need in this very life to wake up in perfection of love and wisdom. Trust, trust. You can do this.

Reflections and Q&A

Thank you for your practice. We rarely, if ever, do a meditation or a practice on connecting with our intention and our aspiration, and yet it's such an important practice to engage in. To reconnect: who do I want to be? How do I want to show up? Giving our lives to these widening circles of development. And to have an image of the possibility of an invitation from the future—yes, it is possible for us.

I'd love to invite you, if you wish, to share any reflections that came up for you, what you discovered, or if you noticed any questions or complaints. It's all welcome. Please raise your Zoom hand, or you can type it in the chat.

Dawn: I just want to say thank you so much, that hit me really well. I loved the exhortation at the end to trust and that you can do this. Thank you.

Nikki Mirghafori: Yes, you can do this. You can do this. The floor is open.

Neil: First of all, that was quite lovely. At some point, I found myself worrying that I wasn't going to be able to achieve my desires. Perhaps another way to say it was I felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of what I was wishing for, and I seemed to be able to kind of back away from it, but I wonder if you have any tricks or tips for that?

Nikki Mirghafori: Thank you for that. I really appreciate you bringing that question in about that aspect of overwhelm and how to work with that, and not to problematize it. Yes, with many of the other practices that we've talked about, in order for the practice to find its stride, sometimes it goes too far in one direction and too far in another direction. What you're describing is it going in the direction of, "Oh my goodness, I want, I want, this is extraordinary," and not the other direction, which could be not connecting with one's aspiration at all. There are many different places we can land, so no problem. Just notice that that's where you are. As you have noticed—I'm saying this more generally, not just for you, Neil—but notice, "This is what's happening."

So what can be the healthy relationship? The healthy relationship can be, "Ah, this is beautiful. All these beautiful aspirations." Let the heart be buoyed. Notice the contraction in your heart, in your body. Notice it physically when there's a sense of "I want, I want," which can lead to overwhelm. What if you hold it lightly? "Oh, that is beautiful," with a sense of brightness of heart. "What gorgeous aspirations. What sacred aspirations." Allow yourself to be lifted up by them instead of being weighed down by them, which is kind of what you were describing—weighed down with the overwhelm of it. Thank you, Neil. Thanks so much for bringing that in.

Jerry [in chat]: Why are we filled with self-doubt regarding aspirations?

Nikki Mirghafori: Yeah, good question. I think there are a couple of ways I would invite working with that. One is actually doing it as an inquiry. If there are doubts, you can say, "Ah, doubt, interesting. Let me get to know you." Instead of pushing it away, really getting to know what the doubt is, what's underneath it. Getting to know the doubt is dhamma vicaya^[4], investigation, which is the second factor of awakening. Having curiosity about the doubt. "Let me get to know you," without believing it, but having curiosity about it.

Another way is to just call it out: "It's doubt, it's just doubt." Not believing it, just calling it out. As you ask why we feel it so, an investigation might actually reveal that doubt is just a voice in our heads, right? So what I was inviting you to at the end was just a different way of seeing, just shifting. As human beings, we really underestimate the power we have to see things differently. The voice of doubt comes up habitually, for whatever reasons in our past history or conditioning: "Oh, can I really do this? I can't do this." Then we believe it. Okay, we can say, "Well, thank you, doubt. I really appreciate your opinion." But then actually, what if I bring up, "I can do this. Yes, yes, in this very life. Yes, trust." I am a human being just like all the other human beings who woke up, just like the Buddha. We share 99.99% of our DNA. I'm not so different; he was a human being, I'm a human being. I can expand and grow in love and compassion. Of course, yes I can! Just bring that thought up. You have a choice. See what that feels like. Experiment with wholesome thoughts.

I'd like to invite us to share in small groups. It's so beautiful to witness other people and to be witnessed with our aspirations and our doubts, and to be held with compassion and with the trust that others can have in us—"Yes, you can!" See what that can feel like in a small community of trusting each other, supporting each other in committing to your aspiration. It's just a commitment, it's a giving ourselves, it's a dedication. Let's start with thirty seconds of silent mettā for each other, holding each other with care silently in small groups, and then you can share as much or as little as you wish.

[Breakout sessions occur]

So we have a few minutes left for reflections. What came up? What did you discover? The floor is yours. I see lots of smiles. What was it like this particular day or evening, this conversation?

Sarah: It was just nice connecting with other people. Even though I was really tired—I almost left before we broke out into groups—I'm glad I didn't.

Nikki Mirghafori: Yay, so nice! It's energizing, just lovely to come. Thanks for sharing that, Sarah. Yeah, Dawn, thanks for your reflection. [unintelligible] Any other reflections? What was it like to share, to witness, or be witnessed in your aspirations and this theme for tonight? Anything that was interesting or noteworthy? I'd love to hear your wisdom, even if you may doubt that it's wisdom. Yes, the person on the phone, please.

Michael: It's Michael, and I really enjoy hearing the wisdom of my sangha^[5] Zoom-mates. And also, I must say—not to future-think—but I'm pretty excited because I think we're doing a mettā retreat next week. [Deep bows.]

Nikki Mirghafori: Great, thank you, Michael, always good to hear from you. Yes, we are doing a retreat—well, it's actually a wisdom retreat. Diana and I are teaching a wisdom retreat, which of course will have mettā infused in it. I won't be here on Friday because this week my head is spinning, I'm teaching a lot. Starting tomorrow, I teach a retreat at Spirit Rock on practical emptiness. "The Womb of Love and Compassion," I believe, is the title. So I will not see you on Friday, but I will be back on Monday. For any of you who are sitting the retreat, I'll see you tomorrow.

Thank you all for your practice, for showing up, supporting yourself and others in the sangha, and practicing for all beings everywhere. May all beings be happy, may all beings be free, as we practice in widening circles of aspiration. Thank you all.